Why don’t U.S. hospitals let women sleep quietly for the night in the hospital after giving birth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it wasn’t just the nurses, but the sheer volume of people and none of them coordinate.

-the nurses who do vitals
-the residents
-the actual docs
-the janitor/people emptying trash
-the person who would take my blood (not the same as the nurses)
-the pharmacy people
-the pediatrician
-the people in charge of the paperwork/birth certificate
-the lactation consultant
-I’m probably forgetting a few

It was so horrible. I still cannot fathom why things are set up this way.

Haven’t read all the replies but here are some that you forgot:

- the hearing screening for newborn (and sometimes they need to do it twice)
- the photographer who has rights to work at the hospital … yeah I can’t understand how the hell they get away with that, coming in to disturb you to try to make some money from you in that state, you should need to opt in for that rather than opt out.
- the genetic blood test for the baby.. sometimes done by your nurse but not part of the normal nurse checkups

I agree that it is completely insane. A few of these are necessary the rest are just so the hospital can make more money from you.

Yes - I remember them coming into my room at 11pm to do the newborn hearing screening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

PP here. I had been moved to a non-birth-recovery room (I don't know what to call it). I was in a post-birth room with a bassinet for the first day? Then I was considered a normal medical patient and moved to a room without a bassinet.

"Tied to me" = the nursing staff came in and did some sort of intense wrapping like those wraps you use to carry your baby around in. They even brought in other people to demonstrate the wrapping on me.

they wanted you to sleep with the baby in a wrap tied to you? that is absolutely insane. and I’m still worried about you getting no nutrition for 4 days. at the point you were moved out of the maternity ward why didn’t someone take the baby home?

Because I was supposed to breastfeed, ofc. Can't have the baby away from the mother. Also, I imagine that my lack of nutrition made BF-ing harder. Baby was also a bit early so milk wasn't exactly flowing. I remember having multiple nurses just painfully kneading at my breasts to get the tiniest bits of colostrum out.

Also, I was not supposed to stand, particularly not while holding the baby, due to the magnesium. So even if there was a bassinet in the room, I wouldn't have been allowed to walk to it to put the baby down or pick it up.

All-in-all, it was a truly horrendous experience. I felt completely erased as a human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

OK well I don’t think PP’s point is that everyone needs to do the cuarentena. Just that it is possibly useful to understand that other cultures have radically different practices that may lead us to reconsider our own. I felt incredibly abandoned during my post partum weeks. I feel like if I had known that other cultures prioritize caring for the mom for weeks, I might have been better able to understand that it wasn’t just me, it was an impossibly difficult situation. DH was able to help but I just didn’t realize what I actually needed. In retrospect I wish I had paid for a night nurse or post-partum doula.
Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

DP. What point are you trying to make? PP is just describing one type of practice to ensure better treatment of a new mom and newborn. Do you truly think it’s more feminist for the woman to be totally abandoned as in the standard US practice?

I’d hope we could find a middle groups between abandonment and your female relatives bathing and massaging you while you don’t leave the house for 40 days!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

DP. What point are you trying to make? PP is just describing one type of practice to ensure better treatment of a new mom and newborn. Do you truly think it’s more feminist for the woman to be totally abandoned as in the standard US practice?

I’d hope we could find a middle groups between abandonment and your female relatives bathing and massaging you while you don’t leave the house for 40 days!

Well, I prefer being the recipient of the care and being the giver of this care to my loved ones. And I am happy that we were able to swing this kind of care even in the US, which does not have any kind of women and family friendly policies via govt or corporate policies (let alone socital culture), unlike my country of origin.

If you think that the males were off enjoying life then I truly feel sorry for your toxic family and your pathetic life. So much distrust and dislike for the males of the family? Where is your safe space?

A woman will always be a feminist because women's rights are human rights. But, it is important to have the men in your family to be feminists.
You seem to have come from a family where the males are not feminists. You are bitter and angry and rightly so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

DP. What point are you trying to make? PP is just describing one type of practice to ensure better treatment of a new mom and newborn. Do you truly think it’s more feminist for the woman to be totally abandoned as in the standard US practice?

I’d hope we could find a middle groups between abandonment and your female relatives bathing and massaging you while you don’t leave the house for 40 days!

OK well I don’t think PP’s point is that everyone needs to do the cuarentena. Just that it is possibly useful to understand that other cultures have radically different practices that may lead us to reconsider our own. I felt incredibly abandoned during my post partum weeks. I feel like if I had known that other cultures prioritize caring for the mom for weeks, I might have been better able to understand that it wasn’t just me, it was an impossibly difficult situation. DH was able to help but I just didn’t realize what I actually needed. In retrospect I wish I had paid for a night nurse or post-partum doula.
Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

DP. What point are you trying to make? PP is just describing one type of practice to ensure better treatment of a new mom and newborn. Do you truly think it’s more feminist for the woman to be totally abandoned as in the standard US practice?

I’d hope we could find a middle groups between abandonment and your female relatives bathing and massaging you while you don’t leave the house for 40 days!

PP was describing her personal experience and tradition and why she found it meaningful and helpful. It's not something she has power or means to implement universally, and we're obviously not going to be able to in the US for logistical reasons already noted, so criticizing it just comes off like an attack. "Finding a middle ground" would look more like saying "hmm, maybe we could make an effort to do more of this part of that tradition in the US, with men picking up tasks X and y," or something.

NP here, I haven't been part of this back and forth, but I feel like it's taken an inappropriate direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

PP here. I had been moved to a non-birth-recovery room (I don't know what to call it). I was in a post-birth room with a bassinet for the first day? Then I was considered a normal medical patient and moved to a room without a bassinet.

"Tied to me" = the nursing staff came in and did some sort of intense wrapping like those wraps you use to carry your baby around in. They even brought in other people to demonstrate the wrapping on me.

they wanted you to sleep with the baby in a wrap tied to you? that is absolutely insane. and I’m still worried about you getting no nutrition for 4 days. at the point you were moved out of the maternity ward why didn’t someone take the baby home?

Because I was supposed to breastfeed, ofc. Can't have the baby away from the mother. Also, I imagine that my lack of nutrition made BF-ing harder. Baby was also a bit early so milk wasn't exactly flowing. I remember having multiple nurses just painfully kneading at my breasts to get the tiniest bits of colostrum out.

Also, I was not supposed to stand, particularly not while holding the baby, due to the magnesium. So even if there was a bassinet in the room, I wouldn't have been allowed to walk to it to put the baby down or pick it up.

All-in-all, it was a truly horrendous experience. I felt completely erased as a human.

That was so dangerous for your baby too. Truly. Did you ever write to the hospital to complain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

PP here. I had been moved to a non-birth-recovery room (I don't know what to call it). I was in a post-birth room with a bassinet for the first day? Then I was considered a normal medical patient and moved to a room without a bassinet.

"Tied to me" = the nursing staff came in and did some sort of intense wrapping like those wraps you use to carry your baby around in. They even brought in other people to demonstrate the wrapping on me.

they wanted you to sleep with the baby in a wrap tied to you? that is absolutely insane. and I’m still worried about you getting no nutrition for 4 days. at the point you were moved out of the maternity ward why didn’t someone take the baby home?

Because I was supposed to breastfeed, ofc. Can't have the baby away from the mother. Also, I imagine that my lack of nutrition made BF-ing harder. Baby was also a bit early so milk wasn't exactly flowing. I remember having multiple nurses just painfully kneading at my breasts to get the tiniest bits of colostrum out.

Also, I was not supposed to stand, particularly not while holding the baby, due to the magnesium. So even if there was a bassinet in the room, I wouldn't have been allowed to walk to it to put the baby down or pick it up.

All-in-all, it was a truly horrendous experience. I felt completely erased as a human.

That sounds really awful. And honestly also like a suffocation risk for the baby. I'm so sorry you were treated that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it wasn’t just the nurses, but the sheer volume of people and none of them coordinate.

-the nurses who do vitals
-the residents
-the actual docs
-the janitor/people emptying trash
-the person who would take my blood (not the same as the nurses)
-the pharmacy people
-the pediatrician
-the people in charge of the paperwork/birth certificate
-the lactation consultant
-I’m probably forgetting a few

It was so horrible. I still cannot fathom why things are set up this way.

I think the new mom’s DH or mom or MIL should stand duty and disallow these needless night visits.

And, in doing so, if anything goes wrong. You just die. How stupid. When you check into a hospital, you check your modesty and freedom at the door. Have a home birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a baby is hard work. Whoever told you it was a vacation? Years ago women stayed in hospital two weeks after giving birth but that was before greedy insurance companies took over the medical profession. Sadly, the populace lemmings followed these avaricious companies over the cliff.

We have so many reasons to have a 2nd revolution in the U.S.

It is ONLY during the 20th century that hospitals started taking over the delivery of babies. The medical profession told women it was the safest place to be, by god! The US is at the bottom of the barrel in developed countries for safe childbirth. I think we should look at why many of us (you) think babies should be born in hospitals and not in your home or with a midwife.

Read about the medicalization of childbirth. And then ask yourself why you are in a hospital to give birth.

Nowhere did I say women should have babies in a hospital! You are free to have a home birth BUT if you have problems and you can't get to a hospital in time and you or your baby dies, it's on you. Live with your decision!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

DP. What point are you trying to make? PP is just describing one type of practice to ensure better treatment of a new mom and newborn. Do you truly think it’s more feminist for the woman to be totally abandoned as in the standard US practice?

I’d hope we could find a middle groups between abandonment and your female relatives bathing and massaging you while you don’t leave the house for 40 days!

NP part of the reason for the lying in period is so the mother can replenish herself nutritionally and get rest. Depletion can lead to health problems down the road for mom. We don’t talk about this enough in the United States. We just pretend everything is OK and we can go go go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because there is a hungry baby and mom is the best one to feed it? (If she wants to try nursing)

This isn’t a corporate trick. It’s biology.

Yeah, I don’t understand the question either. Most new moms don’t want their baby in a far away nursery all night.

And I don't understand why people who have never taken care of babies are in here saying stupid things.

Mom feeds baby. Nurse takes baby. Mom falls asleep. Nurse soothes baby and put in a bassinet. Baby fusses off and on for an hour while nurse checks on him. Mom is still sleeping. Baby cries. It's only been two hours, so nurse soothes him. Baby sleeps. Baby fusses, but falls back asleep. Baby finally awakens, crying, about four hours after he was last fed. Nurse brings him to mom. Mom wakes and feeds and hold him for 20 minutes. Nurse takes baby. Mom falls asleep again. Nurse and baby repeat the previous song and dance while mom peacefully sleeps.

[Anonymous]

Where do these nurses for holding babies magic come from?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

DP. What point are you trying to make? PP is just describing one type of practice to ensure better treatment of a new mom and newborn. Do you truly think it’s more feminist for the woman to be totally abandoned as in the standard US practice?

I’d hope we could find a middle groups between abandonment and your female relatives bathing and massaging you while you don’t leave the house for 40 days!

PP was describing her personal experience and tradition and why she found it meaningful and helpful. It's not something she has power or means to implement universally, and we're obviously not going to be able to in the US for logistical reasons already noted, so criticizing it just comes off like an attack. "Finding a middle ground" would look more like saying "hmm, maybe we could make an effort to do more of this part of that tradition in the US, with men picking up tasks X and y," or something.

NP here, I haven't been part of this back and forth, but I feel like it's taken an inappropriate direction.

Seemed to me that PP was praising the 40 day isolation period. I personally would not be interested in being trapped at home with my relatives for 40 days and glad that is not an expectation here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do these nurses for holding babies magic come from?

They are NOT at GW. GW is a poster child for abusing FTMs and forcing them to take care of an infant while receiving from major surgery. If you complain they ask where your staff is. By staff I mean your support partner. What a joke of postpartum care. Those nurses at GW should be ashamed.