Rant about non-parents who criticize parents

[Anonymous]

I just need to vent. And maybe get a reality check. Flame away!

I have an acquaintance who does not have children. Yet, she tries to give me advice and is often disapproving of how I handle my 3 year old. She has even on occasion intervened when I am disciplining him!

Yes, I know that her opinion is not worth much - since she does not have children of her own. Yes, I know that I shouldn't care about what other people say about how I parent my child. But it's still annoying!!

Tonight, we were out at a restaurant and my 3 year old boy was standing near the entrance. A couple pushed the door open and walked out. The door began to close. My son had his hand on the door frame where the door was hinged. The door started to close on his fingers and he started to cry out. We were sitting right by the entrance so I jumped up, realized what was happening and pushed the door open to unjam his fingers. He was still howling for a few minutes understandably. My friend then asked "What happened? Did you hurt him?" I was shocked that she would ask something like that - and said "No! Why would you think that I'd hurt him?" She replied that she saw that I pushed the door open and then he started crying so she assumed I had hurt him. It felt like an accusation to me and it just underscored all of the other times she has criticized the way I discipline my son. I told her I didn't appreciate her thinking that I would hurt my son and could she stop making those kinds of assumptions. It was all the more annoying since I saw that she clearly didn't have a clue what was happening and wouldn't have been able to react appropriately to help my son.

Later on, I thought I might have over reacted. But there is nothing more annoying than a childless person constantly giving her opinion on how to raise your child!!

How do you parents out there handle comments about your parenting skills from non-parents?

[Anonymous]

I have the same issues, oddly enough with my partner of a few years that has never even been around small children. People watch a couple of nanny shows and think they know as much about YOUR children as you do. Talk about frustrating!

I have tried to explain that being a parent means you consider the whole child when making discipline or day to day decisions. When that fails to get the point across, I usually say something along the lines of "When you have your own 5 y/o, you can do it however you please." Change the subject, ignore her or flat out tell her she is wrong to butt in.

[Anonymous]

I have a childless friend who annoys me so much that I just hang out with her when I don't have my kids with me. She came to the swimming pool with us and was intent on "dunking" my barely 2-year-old to teach her to swim. That's how she did learned, after all! She didn't understand why I wouldn't do that. Then she kept pouring water on my kid's head despite my daughter's protests. Finally, I had to use my mommy voice and tell her to quit it. Her attitude was like, fine, if you want your kid to grow up to be a wimp.

I have a million other ones. But really, I find it so much easier to hang out with my mommy friends when my kids around. My childless friend seems to appreciate this too.

[Anonymous]

I have a "friend" who after dragging me and my two-year-old around town on errands all day slapped my daughter, hard, in the face, for splashing water at her with her straw (not spitting, but flicking). She was enraged, and told her that she was NOT to splash her with dirty water.

We haven't spoken since.

[Anonymous]

It's not just non-parents who critize that drive me crazy. It also makes me nuts when parents say things like "I would never use bug spray on my kids - it's not good for them" as my kids are being sprayed. Or, "I would never give my kids anything but organic milk" as I'm pouring from the gallon jug of non-organic. I know this stuff is subtle and indirect, but it's all I can do to not respond by saying something like "of course you wouldn't and maybe someday I'll be a perfect mom like you." Fortunately, these comments don't come from my friends and I can often opt out of events and outings where the condescending parents will be present.

And the whole Super Nanny phenomenon makes everyone think they are child rearing specialists. Ugh!

[Anonymous]

Why is your child standing at the door when you are sitting at a table? As the mother of 3 who likes to eat out I wonder if you considered the other restaurant patrons? Hope you can take some constructive criticism. Please don't expect the rest of the world to watch out for your child. When dining out, please keep your child at the table with you and not left to wander.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just non-parents who critize that drive me crazy. It also makes me nuts when parents say things like "I would never use bug spray on my kids - it's not good for them" as my kids are being sprayed. Or, "I would never give my kids anything but organic milk" as I'm pouring from the gallon jug of non-organic. I know this stuff is subtle and indirect, but it's all I can do to not respond by saying something like "of course you wouldn't and maybe someday I'll be a perfect mom like you." Fortunately, these comments don't come from my friends and I can often opt out of events and outings where the condescending parents will be present.

And the whole Super Nanny phenomenon makes everyone think they are child rearing specialists. Ugh!

Wait until her kid gets West Nile, and then see who is the better parent. Sheesh. Reading some of these posts makes me appreciate my supportive, non-judgemental friends that much more! Although my mom (whom I adore and know she means well) could take a few pointers. It's amazing my kids have survived with her being so far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your child standing at the door when you are sitting at a table? As the mother of 3 who likes to eat out I wonder if you considered the other restaurant patrons? Hope you can take some constructive criticism. Please don't expect the rest of the world to watch out for your child. When dining out, please keep your child at the table with you and not left to wander.

I assume this is a joke, right? A bit of DCUM farce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your child standing at the door when you are sitting at a table? As the mother of 3 who likes to eat out I wonder if you considered the other restaurant patrons? Hope you can take some constructive criticism. Please don't expect the rest of the world to watch out for your child. When dining out, please keep your child at the table with you and not left to wander.

OP here -
My rant was about childless friends who give their opinions about childrearing - not that she should have been watching out for him. Please read my rant again - nowhere do I state that I expect the rest of the world to watch out for my child.

My 3 year old son was standing at the door because for a few seconds he left the table, and I didn't notice right away because my friend was asking me a question at the time. There were no other adults around. We eat out regularly - just my son and I or with other moms and kids - and almost never with non-mothers. It's actually more challenging to be out with a childless friend because they don't realize that I need to be watching my son while trying to have a conversation with them. Also sometimes 3 year old boys get away for a few seconds - especially when they have been sitting for an hour at the table.

Yeesh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your child standing at the door when you are sitting at a table? As the mother of 3 who likes to eat out I wonder if you considered the other restaurant patrons? Hope you can take some constructive criticism. Please don't expect the rest of the world to watch out for your child. When dining out, please keep your child at the table with you and not left to wander.

OP here -
My rant was about childless friends who give their opinions about childrearing - not that she should have been watching out for him. Please read my rant again - nowhere do I state that I expect the rest of the world to watch out for my child.

My 3 year old son was standing at the door because for a few seconds he left the table, and I didn't notice right away because my friend was asking me a question at the time. There were no other adults around. We eat out regularly - just my son and I or with other moms and kids - and almost never with non-mothers. It's actually more challenging to be out with a childless friend because they don't realize that I need to be watching my son while trying to have a conversation with them. Also sometimes 3 year old boys get away for a few seconds - especially when they have been sitting for an hour at the table.

Yeesh!

I have to agree with the first poster. I am so tired of other parents who feel like it their child's right to wander around the while eating out. My 3 year old knows to stay in her sit till I say it time to get up and I would certainly never let her stand next to the front door. She could slip out, be taken away or get her fingers caught in the door. Maybe your friend questions your parenting because she's seen you not pay attention before and she's developed an opinion of you are an unobservant parent. It doesn't take someone who has children to have enough common sense to know that you don't let you child go into a street, wander around unattended, or anything else dangerous. It just common sense, which many people (with or without kids) seem to lack these days.

[Anonymous]

I also agree with 9:13. If you son can't stay seated, or if you can't keep a good enough eye on him, either he or both of you should probably have stayed home.

[Anonymous]

I guess this thread is going two ways now. Both intersected for me at the doctor's office earlier this month. I took my 4 YO daughter for a strep test. Since it is one of the only times that we get to sit together without a schedule I usually bring cards or a barrel full of monkeys and play with her while we're waiting.

Two things happened - one older woman made a comment to me that our monkey game was disturbing her and that children should learn to amuse themselves!

Then, about 10 minutes later another mother with 2 children (and this will sound familiar) let both children run around and throw magazines at each other while she talked on, oblivious, to her cell phone.

I don't understand why the older woman thought she could comment to me at all. And I never understand when people take their children out and treat them like luggage instead of like another person at the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess this thread is going two ways now. Both intersected for me at the doctor's office earlier this month. I took my 4 YO daughter for a strep test. Since it is one of the only times that we get to sit together without a schedule I usually bring cards or a barrel full of monkeys and play with her while we're waiting.

Two things happened - one older woman made a comment to me that our monkey game was disturbing her and that children should learn to amuse themselves!

Then, about 10 minutes later another mother with 2 children (and this will sound familiar) let both children run around and throw magazines at each other while she talked on, oblivious, to her cell phone.

I don't understand why the older woman thought she could comment to me at all. And I never understand when people take their children out and treat them like luggage instead of like another person at the table.

I totally agree on both points. You sound like a very normal, reasonable person. Are you sure you're on the right message board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Two things happened - one older woman made a comment to me that our monkey game was disturbing her and that children should learn to amuse themselves!

Your daughter WAS amusing herself! With monkeys!

[Anonymous]

Good grief!!!

OP... I competely empathize with your situation. To those who felt the need to be critical, this was one isolated event. What in OP's post gave you the idea that she frequently goes out to eat and lets her son roam wild around the restaurant? We all have difficult moments with our kids despite our best intentions and planning. I have read too many critical posts beginning with "MY child knows not to do XYZ"... perhaps it makes those people feel better to be critical of others but I take it all with a grain of salt and OP should do the same.