The toddler who just won't sit still, runs away & is generally hyper

[Anonymous]

Anyone else?

My DS is 18 months and I'm getting really fed up of going to classes as he is just not interested in anything that is going on. I spend the whole time following after him trying to make sure he doesn't spoil the class for others. At the park he's awful. Runs away, tries to climb on big kid stuff, pushes other kids around. I feel like I can't relax at all as he's just on the go. I always feel like everyone else's kids are so well behaved and calm. In the house he's a little better tho does climb on everything but I can't take him on playdates to other kids houses as he just can't sit still and wants to run off. It's embarrassing. We have a nanny 3 days a week and she comments that he is one of the most 'active' kids she has looked after.

Anything I can do to stop this or calm him down? I worry this is just the start of some kind of ADD type behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP...my 2 year old is exactly like that. It is his personality! I can do nothing but I am very firm when we are at the playground and he is trying to push other kids or if he wants to get things away from other children's hand.

I left a place, playground, store SEVERAL times because of his behavior. I think he is getting better now that he is understanding that anytime he doesn't control himself, I'll cut his fun moments.

[Anonymous]

1) Welcome to having a boy.

2) This is normal for an 18 mo. He's too young for classes and he's just an active kid.

Signed,

You think one is bad? Try two!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Welcome to having a boy.

2) This is normal for an 18 mo. He's too young for classes and he's just an active kid.

Signed,

You think one is bad? Try two!

I agree with this. Don't force them to sit still and/or focus before they are developmentally ready to do so. At 18 months, with that type of personality, I wouldn't try to do any structured class or activity.

FWIW, my son is 4.5 now and much better at sitting and paying attention for short periods of time -- like the 10-15 minutes for circle time at preschool or our coloring for 1/2 hour after dinner. But I still make sure he gets tons of unstructured physical activity. It does get better.

[Anonymous]

My DS is the same way!

I have to constantly watch him like a hawk.

That being said, I have found that using a stern face/voice and 'No' will prevent certain behaviors (hitting, for example). Otherwise, run him out! Seriously my son and I run around our neighborhood as soon as we get home. Usually the rest of the night he'll play sitting down, nothing too rowdy.

[Anonymous]

Ditto everyone else. I have a 2 year old boy, and he's been like this since birth. We can't do story times, gym classes, etc. I will say that he recently started in preschool, and he seems to be more attentive there. He participates in circle time, sits quietly at the table for his snacks, and walks in a straight line to the playground each day. I think not having me around helps to control his enthusiasm. I'm not concerned that he is ADHD, autistic, etc etc because he can sit still and pay attention when he wants to--but he's a boy and most of the time, he just doesn't want to sit down listen when he could be exploring and running around. OP, it's totally exhausting, but it's part of having a boy. Personally, when I'm at the end of my rope, I tell myself that it's better to have a kid who's really engaged and excited about trying new things and experimenting than a kid who just sits around and waits for someone to tell him/her what to do. (Though I'm hoping #2 is a sitter and listener....).

[Anonymous]

My oldest was like this as well. By sometime between 16 and 18 months, he would not sit in the stroller anymore to go to the grocery store or whatever. Trying to take him to a restaurant was a joke. He never sat still for "circle time" at day care and went to a birthday party just after he turned 2 where he didn't participate in anything the other kids were doing, including watching the little girl open her presents. It was definitely embarrassing but it was just his personality. We basically didn't take him places hardly at all until he was 2.5, when we started trying again little by little, like going to Target early in the morning when no one else was there. He is now 4, and things have gotten much better. He is good at restaurants now, though in stores he still has to be reminded many times not to get too far from us, and occasionally still has to be put in the cart. He is in preschool and seems to be doing great and participating appropriately in group activities, though he is doubtless still more active and energetic than many of the other children.

I wish I had a magic bullet for you, but you're probably just going to have to wait this out. We could have spent a lot of time fighting with him and punishing him for being who he is, but we decided the better part of valor was to work around it and not set him up for failure by taking him to places he was not ready to go to. One of us would stay home with him while the other ran errands during what I call the "blackout period." Of course, safety was still paramount, and if he, for example, ran off at the playground, we would go home. For anything safety related we would go over the rules with him as we were going to whatever it was, and if he couldn't follow them then we would leave or he would have to be restrained in some way (stroller, cart, car seat). But beyond keeping him safe, we tried to let him express his natural activity level within reasonable boundaries.

My best piece of advice is: do not let people make you feel like your child's inborn temperament is your fault or caused by your parenting. It is not. But people will give you looks and/or make comments. They are full of shit and have no idea what they're talking about. Until you have a child like this you have no idea what it is like. We have a second DS and he is totally different, just has a more laid back personality. Soooooooo much easier to parent. After my older DS, #2 is like a vacation! Good luck and hang in there, it will get better, but not as quickly as you would like.

[Anonymous]

I posted at 14:36, but the 14:42 PP really hit it on the nose with her advice. Really great advice I always have to remind myself to ignore the stares of the other parents at the store, playground, or library and just focus on DS and have fun with him. I've had a really hard time making mom friends when DS because my kid is always the one running away and being "crazy" while their little angels are sitting peacefully in their strollers. I get a lot of dirty looks--like it's my fault and I'm letting him run wild (which I never do). Please, if I could go with you on a long, stroller walk in the park or sit on the bench and watch our darlings play quietly in the sandbox together, I absolutely would.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier to and I agree with the other two PP. 90% of kids at daycare / the real world are much LESS hyper than my son. Example: tv show playing for the kids, my son is the sole kid still standing & walking around. Example from just last weekend - birthday party with kids his age - all of them were independent & caused no problems so the parents were chatting, while I had to follow my son around the house the entire time.

Sometimes I wish there were a support group for parents of high-needs children. It's exhausting AND discouraging when everyone else around you seems to have a really easy-going kid in comparison.

[Anonymous]

What sorts of classes are you doing? I felt this way about Music Together and playgroup for my active 19 month old boy, but we've recently stumbled upon Silver Stars (gymnastics) and it's a dream. He gets to be super active, climb, etc., and after 4 or so classes is getting better at waiting his turn for the equipment and sitting down at the beginning and end of classes when the teacher requests. The "going along" type stuff that he never did before, and even request usually resulted in shrieking.

Maybe you need a class that plays to his strengths and facilitates/structures what he wants to be doing anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ditto everyone else. I have a 2 year old boy, and he's been like this since birth. We can't do story times, gym classes, etc. I will say that he recently started in preschool, and he seems to be more attentive there. He participates in circle time, sits quietly at the table for his snacks, and walks in a straight line to the playground each day. I think not having me around helps to control his enthusiasm. I'm not concerned that he is ADHD, autistic, etc etc because he can sit still and pay attention when he wants to--but he's a boy and most of the time, he just doesn't want to sit down listen when he could be exploring and running around. OP, it's totally exhausting, but it's part of having a boy. Personally, when I'm at the end of my rope, I tell myself that it's better to have a kid who's really engaged and excited about trying new things and experimenting than a kid who just sits around and waits for someone to tell him/her what to do. (Though I'm hoping #2 is a sitter and listener....).

Same here - but i wouldn't dismiss ADHD too quickly. For the longest time, we didn't think our DS had ADHD because at 18 months he would sit still and watch a whole tv show or sit with me while I read an entire book but could never do any classes or circle time or any of the sedentary activities. I thought like the pp poster did that because he could pay attention when he wanted, he wasn't ADHD. We ended up getting him tested at around 3 years old and they did say he had ADHD and being able to watch tv or listen to a story he liked didn't mean he wasn't ADHD. Lots of ADHD kids can sit still and pay attention to what they liked. ADHD were kids that couldn't sit still when it wasn't particularly interesting but they had to anyway. Their minds just can't focus long enough to sit through something that doesn't hold their attention. Also, ADHD includes hyper-focus as well as inability to focus. (for example, we know an ADHD kid that will constantly miss his bus in the morning because he's hyper-focused on the book he's reading at the bus stop. Same kid can't sit still or pay attention to his math homework - that's typical ADHD).

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of boys are like this. I think our tendency as parents is to zero in on the super well-behaved kids and then compare our kids to them. Next time you go to the park or wherever, look for other kids who are acting nutty like yours. I bet you'll find some. They may not be at story time or classes because their parents have probably already accepted defeat.

[Anonymous]

I'm tempted to say it's a boy thing. My son was exactly like that and at 3.5 is much better at focusing now.

You know he's 18 mos, right? Totally typical. And if he's not a snuggle monster then he could care less about sitting on your lap. Instead of a nanny a few days a week, maybe AM daycare? They normally have "circle time" when they sit and read books and do similar activities. If he sees other children modeling this behavior, maybe he will be inclined to go along?

Also - my pediatrician called my son "kinetic" if that gives you any clue of the level of activity my son is engaged in. I know it's a cause of concern for you, embarrassed at playdates because I was the same way, but I just let folks know ahead of time that my son is very active, etc.

As far as the climbing, it's not the safest thing and you can start time outs if you want - he won't sit there, you will have to hold him there, and be consistent! Consistency is key. If you're out and about and he misbehaves, immediate time out! I don't know that he will understand what you're telling him but immediately removing him from whatever he is doing will send a message.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for this post. My 11 month old is very high energy, and I feel as many of you describe.
We should start an "active" child playgroup.

[Anonymous]

My 11 month old boy is always active as well. Much different than his sister was at his age. She would sit for extended periods of time looking at picture books. He can't be bothered sitting still--he is moving all the time.