Inappropriate language on the soccer field- venting

[Anonymous]

My DH is one of the coaches of my DD's 1st grade soccer team. Yesterday, two different players on the opposing team used some pretty vile language. One child told one of my daughter's teammates to "suck it." Another child said "up your butt" to a different teammate of my daughter's.

These are FIRST graders. I was shocked. The opposing team's coach heard it and did nothing about it. My husband said that if it had been one of our players, he would have had the player sit out for the rest of the game. Maybe I am overreacting or being prudish, but I was pretty horrified at the behavior of the other team, especially the coach.

[Anonymous]

Teachable moment. As in, this my dear players is not how to behave on the field.
Also, have none of the girls heard this language on TV or in the movies?
Wait until the opponents start tripping and fouling when the refs aren't looking!
You can't control how another coach coaches.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't your husband address the issue?

I have friends who coach high school sports. Plenty of times they've had to step in to address issues that the opposing teams's coach ignored.

Didn't your husband feel the need to defend his players?

[Anonymous]

OP here- I left that part out. Sorry. He DID say something to the other coach and the coach said he would talk to his players after the game. From what my husband could tell, he did nothing after the game which is why I said he did nothing about it. My husband emailed the league commissioner (or whatever it's called), too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I left that part out. Sorry. He DID say something to the other coach and the coach said he would talk to his players after the game. From what my husband could tell, he did nothing after the game which is why I said he did nothing about it. My husband emailed the league commissioner (or whatever it's called), too.

Then all he can do is to discuss the situation with his players, reinforcing why those actions are inappropriate. Sadly, he'll also have to remind them that some adults take NO responsibility for their players' behavior.

pathetic

It gets worse as they become older. Last year's swim team was a mess - parents fighting with each other over swim times.

You can only continue to model appropriate behavior and hope that it sticks - despite the inappropriate actions they may see from time to time.

[Anonymous]

That is just the tip of the iceberg, OP. My kids have repeated things other teams have said to them for years and it is appalling. It is really shocking what some young kids will say when they are losing or another team is significantly better at a game. I do not know where they get this stuff but your only responsibility is your own. I always tell DD, DS and their team mates to "rise" above" as replying in a similar manner "takes you down to their level and only loser talk like that." That kind of language is only employed by sad and pathetic kids who can not show their skill and so have to resort to bad language and name calling. My kids absolutely know that and therefore it slides right off their backs and just makes them play better. I truly believe that is the only way to combat such languiage from other children. Don't give it any power and do not respond with words, just play even better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I left that part out. Sorry. He DID say something to the other coach and the coach said he would talk to his players after the game. From what my husband could tell, he did nothing after the game which is why I said he did nothing about it. My husband emailed the league commissioner (or whatever it's called), too.

Then all he can do is to discuss the situation with his players, reinforcing why those actions are inappropriate. Sadly, he'll also have to remind them that some adults take NO responsibility for their players' behavior.

pathetic

It gets worse as they become older. Last year's swim team was a mess - parents fighting with each other over swim times.

You can only continue to model appropriate behavior and hope that it sticks - despite the inappropriate actions they may see from time to time.

OP here- I completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is just the tip of the iceberg, OP. My kids have repeated things other teams have said to them for years and it is appalling. It is really shocking what some young kids will say when they are losing or another team is significantly better at a game. I do not know where they get this stuff but your only responsibility is your own. I always tell DD, DS and their team mates to "rise" above" as replying in a similar manner "takes you down to their level and only loser talk like that." That kind of language is only employed by sad and pathetic kids who can not show their skill and so have to resort to bad language and name calling. My kids absolutely know that and therefore it slides right off their backs and just makes them play better. I truly believe that is the only way to combat such languiage from other children. Don't give it any power and do not respond with words, just play even better.

And other teams have been going home with stories of what your kids and teammates have said. Truly - it is never only the other teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is just the tip of the iceberg, OP. My kids have repeated things other teams have said to them for years and it is appalling. It is really shocking what some young kids will say when they are losing or another team is significantly better at a game. I do not know where they get this stuff but your only responsibility is your own. I always tell DD, DS and their team mates to "rise" above" as replying in a similar manner "takes you down to their level and only loser talk like that." That kind of language is only employed by sad and pathetic kids who can not show their skill and so have to resort to bad language and name calling. My kids absolutely know that and therefore it slides right off their backs and just makes them play better. I truly believe that is the only way to combat such languiage from other children. Don't give it any power and do not respond with words, just play even better.

And other teams have been going home with stories of what your kids and teammates have said. Truly - it is never only the other teams.

You are exactly the type of "adult" the OP was describing. Are you the coach on "the other team?"

[Anonymous]

I know -- during a tournament game last year, a parent actually called my kid "fat boy" while he was in the middle of a play. (And he is a chunky kid, so already pretty sensitive about it.)

He still thinks about that.

[Anonymous]

Some of them might grow up to be the adults fan who beat the fan of an opposing team into a coma (he have permanent brain damage and maybe paralysis if he wakes up) or throw a banana peel onto the ice rink near one of the few black professional ice hockey players.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know -- during a tournament game last year, a parent actually called my kid "fat boy" while he was in the middle of a play. (And he is a chunky kid, so already pretty sensitive about it.)

He still thinks about that.

That's awful. Just plain awful.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, and 13:58 also, that's horrible.

And, it was girls? Not that girls aren't cruel, but you can't blame it on testosterone or whatever.

[Anonymous]

One child told one of my daughter's teammates to "suck it." Another child said "up your butt" to a different teammate of my daughter's.

THIS is all the kids said? And

My husband emailed the league commissioner (or whatever it's called), too.

Total over-reaction.

Guess what? Kids say mean things to each other sometimes. Especially during sports. It doesn't make it right. And I would remind the kids of the importance of sportsman like behavior. But really, making such a big deal of out relatively mild language is silly. I'll bet you don't keep score in your league either. The pussification of children in the D.C. area never ceases to amaze me.

[Anonymous]

13:04 here again. OP, first graders use the words "butt" and "suck" all the time. It's not like they were screaming over-the-top vulgarities like "boot it, cunt face" or some such. Of course this behavior is wrong, but what DH should do is coach the girls not to react to these taunts, this is a classic strategy seen at the professional level, trying to get opponents distracted and unnerved. I doubt the coach explicitly coaches it, but the players may face this again. Instead of acting indignant, coach to it. Tell them to take the high road, not to lose focus, not to respond, not to react.

What was the final score?