It's My Birthday today - What advice do you have for me?

[Anonymous]

Today I turn 34 - it is hard to believe really. I am single, never married, with no children. (Note: I am on this forum regularly as I work in the Educational realm). I work 2 jobs and my business is just starting to get succesful which I am grateful for. I really wish I was married but I accept the fact (almost) that it might not happen for me. Sometimes I do suffer with depression because I feel like I wasted most of my twenties in an abusive relationship and I am dealing with the effects still and probably will for many years.

So I was just wondering - what advice would you give a 34 year old me? I am really striving to be more positive and hopeful (which sometimes can be hard for me) and my faith has helped with that. I know other peoples' life experiences might be helpful to me today.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Get dating! Join a dating group, on-line thing, whatever. You have time to develop a relationship and have children and you might regret not giving it a good chance.

[Anonymous]

For your present to yourself, buy a copy of Burns' "Feeling Good," and work on alleviating your depression by changing to positive thought patterns. And then follow 10:48's advice.

[Anonymous]

All I can say OP is that I could have written your post when I turned 34. It was a hard time for me, although I was happy in my career and had just made a major change, the benefits of which I'm still enjoying today, 9 years later. (OK, now I feel old, and you need to cheer ME up!)
But here I am, as I said 9 years later, married to a wonderful man, have an adorable 2 year old girl, and it all just sort of happened. Don't even think for a second that at the age of 34 you have to throw in the towel. You are exactly where you are likely meant to be. You will get what you want at the right time for YOU.
And by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[Anonymous]

Dating isn't the only thing you can do. Just make friends, meet new people, explore interests - try this http://www.meetup.com/ Might be easier to find opportunities that fit your schedule here.

[Anonymous]

I had a birthday just a few days, and my advice would be enjoy your life. Focus on what you have rather than on what you don't. Decide what you want and go for it. I was once 34 and single and when I look back now, I feel like I didn't appreciate my life nearly as much as I should have. Now I'm 43, with two amazing kids but much more difficult issues than the things that kept me up at night 9 years ago, mostly in terms of career balance and marital discord.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there. A close family member met a guy at about 34, married at 35, and had a child at 37. Another remained happily single and is a fabulous aunt.

I think it's all about knowing who you are and what will make you happy given your current circumstances. Make sure you're happy in your work, taking care of your future financially, keeping fit, being social. If your past relationship is haunting you, get counseling so that it doesn't hold you back from being available to new relationships.

And enjoy your birthday!

[Anonymous]

Happy birthday OP! I recently had a birthday after a major tragedy in my life and so although I'm not in the same situation I have some of your similar feelings. My advice is to welcome each day with one thing you are thankful for. Are you healthy? Give thanks. Many people are not. Do you have a job? These are things we take for granted. Just be thankful for one thing and you'll soon see more of the good things you have in your life instead of focusing on the things you may feel are missing. I know this is not easy. Also, stay hopeful. The truth is you don't know what tomorrow holds and it could hold really amazing things. Gratitude and hope. Those are the two things I am holding on to and I wish them for you too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Keep gathering life experiences! What do you want to do? Travel, learn a new skill, help out for a worthy cause? Figure that out and don't stop doing things just because you're "single". You have to keep putting yourself out in the world, take new adventures, and make all of your "married with small kids stuck in the house with crying children" insanely jealous .

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say happy birthday, and it's my birthday too! (Only I'm 38--I feel like I'm 12 still mentally though).

Don't let birthdays or new years resolutions get you down--it sounds like you are doing what you can about where you are in life, and changes happen day by day. All I can say is, have fun today and talk to love ones--remind yourself that you are loved if you are not hearing it from anyone today!

[Anonymous]

Happy Birthday OP!!

34 is NOT too old to meet someone and start dating. I've had 2 friends meet people - one through SpeedDating (in NYC) and one online.

Get out there. Let EVERYONE know that you're trying to meet someone. Really. You never know who might know someone... your dentist, your friends, your dry cleaning person.

[Anonymous]

One thing that I would add would be to stop looking for what you think you may want and appreciate what you have. I am sure you have tons to be grateful for and there is happiness in front of you. Plus marriage and child rearing isnt all its cracked up to be...just look at some of the posts!

Happy Birthday.

[Anonymous]

Happy Birthday, OP! I was absolutely "you" at 34, except that I was dating a loser to boot. And here I am now 15 years later, married to a wonderful man (whom I married at age 40) with 2 great kids. So I know of what I speak, I think.

All of the other posters have given you great advice, and to that I would add this: If you want to get married, and especially if you want to have (biological) kids, you have to make this a priority in your life, starting now. You are still young, but time is ticking. You are not 25 any more, and you are not likely to meet a great guy in the run-of-the-mill, casual way that you might have met one then -- through friends, at a party, at a bar, etc. You have to be purposeful and deliberate. Treat this issue like a major job search... assess the situation, go out and see what's available right now (forget "the one that got away" or any other accidents of timing) and don't waste time on people who don't want what you want.

Wanting to get married and have kids is a noble goal. Give it the time and attention in your life that it deserves.

[Anonymous]

Happy birthday. Don't forget to enjoy life along the way.

[Anonymous]

You don't need a man and children to be complete. Make friends and be comfortable with who you are and see where it brings you.
Happy Birthday.