Mom has made 2 snarky cracks in the last week...

[Anonymous]

My mom has made 2 snarky comments at me in the last two weeks. First, she was going to put my kids to bed while I was at our K's open house last week. I was making some suggestions about getting our infant to bed when she said, "Well, I'll just let her cry." She knows that this isn't how I operate. And - FWIW - I actually have tried CIO. It has been a long torturous 10 months without sleep in my house. But I digress.

Then yesterday, my older child was talking about going to ballet class this week, and my mom says, "Wow, I never thought *you* would become such a suburban housewife." Oh yeah - I actually work part time.

What is surprising is that I've never felt my mom be snarky or judgmental in such an overt way since my first was born 5 years ago. I was at such a loss. I didn't have any extracurricular activities as a child because we were poor and lived in a rural area.

I have become pretty successful in my own right, and I married a very successful man. And I am really starting to feel as if my mother is envious, or punishing me for that. At least in terms of treating me crappily. I am so disappointed about this and can't let it go. I can't decide if I should say something or just ignore it. Or just stop having her come and visit. She comes to help out 1-2x a week with my kids because my husband works late evenings. She offers - I don't ask unless I really need it (like with the open house).

I guess I just always assumed that a parent would be happy for their kids' success? I try to be sensitive about spending money or flaunting things. I don't know what to do... or even what I'm asking.

Thanks for reading.

[Anonymous]

Before anyone points this out - while the quotes above may not look snarky, they were absolutely delivered in that fashion. I was actuallly horrified for a second when my mom said she'd just leave my infant in her room to cry... like there was this glimpse of my mom really not caring about her crying.

[Anonymous]

OMG let it go. These remarks don't really sound bad at all. And cut it with the jealousy thing... that's you. That's just setting up a "you against her" thing that you don't need in the mother daughter dynamic.

[Anonymous]

A 10 month old isn't an infant, and CIO works.

You're being over sensitive, let it go lady.

[Anonymous]

You are seriously overreacting. And reading too much into things and being generally oversensitive. Could be the sleep deprivation. I can see myself as your Mom having someone give me a blow by blow of how to put a baby to bed to make sure I do it exactly the way you want it. Yes your Mom was being a little snarky but she was sending you a message to let go a little. And news flash... other people do not have the same response to your baby crying as you do. In fact, I bet your husband doesn't respond the way you do.

You sound like a wonderful devoted Mom who was raised by a wonderful Mom. Don't let these little things get in the way of enjoying your relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know what you mean...well I don't exactly because my mom does not do these things.

However, it was your mother's INTENT that made you feel bad and that is enough to make one feel terrible. I could not imagine my mother not respecting my wishes or even joking that she would simply let my baby cry.

Also, the nasty suburban mom comment? Your mother sounds very immature. Poor woman, to be so insecure at such an older age. Must suck to be her.

Rise above it. Personally, I'd give her the cold shoulder for a few weeks. Hire a sitter and let her know that until the baby sleeps, then you will have a sitter that will be followign your direction.

I have 3 children, the first two sleepers, and the last one., not so much. Posters who have sleepers have NO IDEA what it is like dealign with a child who is a poor sleeper. We are going on 2 years and my littlest one often does not sleep through the night.

[Anonymous]

If CIO isn't what you're doing and you aren't comfortable with your mom (or anyone else) trying it with your child, then don't let her put the kids to bed. My mom also loves to make pointed comments, and though it drives me insane I do the best I can not to react, because I know she's doing it to get a reaction out of me.

[Anonymous]

PP here, sorry for the typos, can't see screen very well.

[Anonymous]

Well, you're right, they don't come across as snarky comments, but if you feel they were, then maybe they were. My impression from reading your postings is that perhaps these two comments didn't suddenly lead to a realization that she might not be happy for your success, but that maybe you've had that suspicion.

Anyway, I wouldn't recommend just ignoring these comments. Why don't you invite her to join you in an activity, like taking a walk or going shopping, and then, when you find a good moment, tell her you were bothered by these comments and how they made you feel. If a sort of resentment has begun to enter into her view of you (subconsciously, etc.), this conversation will make it clear to her that it can't continue because you'll call her on it.

I have a friend who cut off some inappropriate behavior of his father's that suddenly started a few years ago by addressing it right away - kindly and firmly. Very successful outcome, everybody gets along fine now.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that you know your mother best and if you think the tone & attitude were delivered in a snarky manner then they probably were indeed snarky. My mother makes very innocent passive aggressive comments that would seem perfectly okay to someone that didn't understand the dynamic of our relationship, but are actually quite rude & hurtful and meant to be very nasty comments.

If you are well off and can afford a babysit then just do so. Pay someone that will do as you ask and wont roll their eyes at you and make snarky comments at your wishes or parenting techniques. Your only other option is to tolerate what your mother has to say.

[Anonymous]

Both my MIL (local) and my Mom (in person, not on the phone, and she lives far away) make comments like this every time I see them. Honestly. And worse. It doesn't work in my case to confront them. I think for my Mom it comes from exhaustion - she has a health condition. For my MIL - I remember what a great grandmother she is and how much she helps us out with the kids - its remarkable - and how she goes through life cutting other people down constantly. I feel bad for her.

[Anonymous]

I think the suburban housewife comment is pretty snarky.

My mom has made similar comments.

[Anonymous]

Address it in a nice way with your mom. Tell her it hurt your feelings when she said xyz. It's better to address this and try to improve your relationship than start cutting her off which will make you unhappier in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know what you mean...well I don't exactly because my mom does not do these things.

However, it was your mother's INTENT that made you feel bad and that is enough to make one feel terrible. I could not imagine my mother not respecting my wishes or even joking that she would simply let my baby cry.

Also, the nasty suburban mom comment? Your mother sounds very immature. Poor woman, to be so insecure at such an older age. Must suck to be her.

Rise above it. Personally, I'd give her the cold shoulder for a few weeks. Hire a sitter and let her know that until the baby sleeps, then you will have a sitter that will be followign your direction.

I have 3 children, the first two sleepers, and the last one., not so much. Posters who have sleepers have NO IDEA what it is like dealign with a child who is a poor sleeper. We are going on 2 years and my littlest one often does not sleep through the night.

Actually, you sound horrible. You'd "give her the cold shoulder for a few weeks"? And you then smugly proceed to call someone else immature? Irony alert!

You have NO IDEA what her mother's intent was. Stop projecting your own questionable intents.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused as to how the "cry it out" comment is snarky. Was she just saying that's what she wanted to do or was she making fun of you for not doing CIO when she thinks you should?