Mom has made 2 snarky cracks in the last week...

[Anonymous]

OP, were these comments isolated or do you not have a good relationship with your mom in general? Perspective is important here.

[Anonymous]

As this is unusual behavior perhaps there is something going on in your mom's life that is causing her to stress? Maybe she is suddenly feeling older and not able to keep up with your kids, or she is not sleeping well, or having money worries - the stock market has been terrible recently.

[Anonymous]

2 thoughts came to my mind.

1. After my DD's birth, I had zero sense of humor for almost a year. I would take something said innocently and thought it worse than intended.

2. I've had a couple of people say to me "I never thought you would or I never thought you would be one of those who ......" and they were right and it wasn't a bad thing. For example, when I got pregnant with DD I decided I wanted a midwife and a doula. My DH made that kind of comment. I just smiled and said "I know, right?" because he was right. Based on my fear of pain, who would have thought I'd want to try something natural. Also, as a mom I have done things (fun things) with DD I didn't think I'd do in my pre-child days. My suggestion is just own it with a smile and say something like "yeah, it's crazy, but I really enjoy doing xxxxxx."

[Anonymous]

Call her on it. Next time you need her to babysit, offer to take the baby with you "since last time you seemed bothered by the bedtime situation with her" See what she says.

As for the nasty suburban mom comment, if she says something again just reply babck right away "Yikes, Where did THAT come from?" She might be just expressing her own jealousy/confusion/belittling statements/etc but she needs to know it bugs you.

[Anonymous]

Chanelling Carolyn Hax here . . . Why don't you say "Mom, is there something you'd like to say to me?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before anyone points this out - while the quotes above may not look snarky, they were absolutely delivered in that fashion. I was actuallly horrified for a second when my mom said she'd just leave my infant in her room to cry... like there was this glimpse of my mom really not caring about her crying.

Oh, Please, OP, is your only reason for posting so that you can brag? I think so because your mother did not say anything snarky. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have become pretty successful in my own right, and I married a very successful man. And I am really starting to feel as if my mother is envious, or punishing me for that. At least in terms of treating me crappily. I am so disappointed about this and can't let it go. I can't decide if I should say something or just ignore it. Or just stop having her come and visit. She comes to help out 1-2x a week with my kids because my husband works late evenings. She offers - I don't ask unless I really need it (like with the open house).

I guess I just always assumed that a parent would be happy for their kids' success? I try to be sensitive about spending money or flaunting things. I don't know what to do... or even what I'm asking.

Thanks for reading.

I don't know if this is part of a bigger picture but with my mom, I sometimes get the "oh you know you can afford it" or whatever problem that comes up is minimized as "at least you have x" or how it wasn't like when she was raising us and had to deal with xyz. I don't think it is jealously. I think she wants to feel credited,that her sacrifice made a difference and a little bit of the perspective of back in the day they had to walk up hill with no shoes in the snow. My mom at least has never given any indication of being anything but proud of me so I think any awkward type things are more of parents still wanting to feel valued and needing to feel that you have not moved on.

with the cio, we tread a fine line when parents watch the kids. Clearly children were raised differently in our era then what we do now. Everyone I know had parents insisting on doing some of the same things they did with us with the grandkids and being shocked how those things are frowned upon now. No mom, you can't give my one month old baby water in the bottle, yes I know you gave it to me and I turned out okay, yes, I know grandma thinks those pediatricians are full of you know what, but please humour me. Yes, both sides make fun of how rigid we seem and we allow some flexibility - we know the kids will have more juice and get more treats, and go more places with grandparents. But the big things, like bedtime, they respect. You and mom may need to find the middlle ground and if she pooh poohs something, you can firmly state that the children need consistency on this because you are trying to do x. On the other hand, don't discount that sometimes your mom can do things you may not be able to do. My mom got my youngest to take a bottle, still don't know how. She also got one of them eating fruit or such when they were younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 10 month old isn't an infant, and CIO works.

You're being over sensitive, let it go lady.

What is a 10 month old, a toddler? Um, no, an infant. Not a newborn, but an infant for sure. Is English your first language? (sorry I didn't read past this one so I'm sorry if this is duplicative).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know what you mean...well I don't exactly because my mom does not do these things.

However, it was your mother's INTENT that made you feel bad and that is enough to make one feel terrible. I could not imagine my mother not respecting my wishes or even joking that she would simply let my baby cry.

Also, the nasty suburban mom comment? Your mother sounds very immature. Poor woman, to be so insecure at such an older age. Must suck to be her.

Rise above it. Personally, I'd give her the cold shoulder for a few weeks. Hire a sitter and let her know that until the baby sleeps, then you will have a sitter that will be followign your direction.

I have 3 children, the first two sleepers, and the last one., not so much. Posters who have sleepers have NO IDEA what it is like dealign with a child who is a poor sleeper. We are going on 2 years and my littlest one often does not sleep through the night.

OP here. Thanks to all who replied. I know it doesn't read bad, but they were very snide comments and she was very trite when she said she'd just let the baby cry it out. There is a bit of history here. I feel like she has never really been happy for me. I remember practicing walking in my prom shoes and her criticizing me for being a bit pigeon-toed. This was about an hour before my date picked me up. Made me feel likes complete idiot and totallyself conscious.

And there are probablydozens of other similar examples I could come up with. I think I just need to minimize conversation and exposure. The scary thing is I see my older DD starting to interact with her in the same way I did with my great grandmother who was a stodgy old woman stuck in her ways.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the typos. Typing on the iPad.