Is this typical: parent taking notes for child to study for test...

[Anonymous]

I was at a dance studio this afternoon with a young child and sat next to a man who was intently reading handouts about a topic in American history then writing notes down on a legal pad. The room starts chatting, and one of the moms asks if he isna teacher. He says no, he is helping his daughter to study for a test tomorrow because she doesn't have a lot of time tonight. He spends the entire hour that I'm there, going through handouts and making notes. The girl was about 14, receiving a 90 min private lesson (he said this later).

Given that my kids are pre-HW, I'm wondering if this is typical. I know times have changed in the past 20-25 years since I did HW. At that time, I was on my own for studying and HW. If an activity interfered with my study time, I wasn't allowed to do it.
FWIW, I think it helped me become responsible and self-sufficient. When I saw this, I wondered if we are raising a generation of kids who can't even study on their own. But maybe this is unusual...hence the question...

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a star. And I bet his DD is a superstar!

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is anything wrong with him helping her.

[Anonymous]

I think that it's nice that he wants to be involved and helpful, but I think that he's in dangerous territory b/c he has unintentionally become a crutch. To help her study from her own notes, to help teach her how to create her own study guides, or to help her organize her study materials so that she can study her own materials is okay, but to do the work FOR her isn't teaching her anything, and it's probably why she isn't doing it herself at 14. If she were better able to manage her time, he wouldn't need to be doing it for her. It's only going to get worse as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

I had a college roommate who had her dad help her write an ETHICS paper. Disgusting.

I will NOT be doing this type of thing for my children. I want them to think for themselves, learn how to study for themselves so when they get to college and I'm not there, they will know how to study and write their own papers. I want them to get into the workforce and feel empowered and smart, be responsible contributors to society, not wondering when their mommy and daddy can bail them out of situations they should be perfectly capable of handling.

AH! Why are parents like this these days???

[Anonymous]

It is not normal. It is not good for her.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I am mom of two teens and in my experience this is not the norm. Kids of that age study and prepare for tests on their own. Period.

[Anonymous]

As a parent who is learning US History now to help DD, I think that is abnormal.

While I am studying US history a fair amount these days, I am doing so to become a better quizzer, to be able to discuss topics with her. SHE has to do the work, including note taking.

DH and I have always told DD that we value a C she earned more than an A came by dishonestly.

[Anonymous]

23:02 - I should say "relearning"

[Anonymous]

Wow! i never ever even thought about having my parents write anything for me. In hindsight maybe I should have.

[Anonymous]

OP,


Hmm .... I'm the mom of a travel soccer player, in HS, so I understand how much these activities put pressure on academics. What if he wasn't taking notes? I assume the notes were for him? I help my son prep, but do not take notes.

[Anonymous]

If sports and after school activities are causing so much of a buEden with school work either the school work is excessive or you need to cut back on the after school activities. Maybe both. Kids need to be able to do their own work.

[Anonymous]

11:34 You cannot do anything, from dance to soccer to piano, at a high level without it interfering with homework at some point or another. Helping students study is not doing their work. My child (I'm 9:04) ends up staying past bedtime now and then. DC is not dropping soccer!

How old is your oldest?

[Anonymous]

My DS is a freshman at his first choice college. He was very busy throughout his school years. Except for quizzing him on country capitals for a Geography quiz or asking him spelling or vocab words, I can say that I did not help him with homework or studying since the was in the 3rd grade. Of course his clothes were clean, food was made, he had a ride wherever he needed to go, etc., etc. I other words, I was the mom and he was the student. The kids have to learn to balance their workload or reduce it when necessary (and sometimes they don't get all A's, gasp). Remember, you can't stay with them in college and your job is to prepare them for real life.

[Anonymous]

13:05 here. Not once since the third grade? You didn't lift a finger for one science project or review a single thing during exams or teach him any study skills or edit a single paper? I've been more involved than you, and DC is now a high school sophomore who is now 100% independent. Without my involvement, which was more like tutoring, I never did my child's work, my child would not be a top student. Everyone handles this differently.