Does this sound like a typical day for a middle schooler?

[Anonymous]

DD just started 8th grade this week. She has to get up early and has such a hard time getting to sleep at night, so I started giving her melatonin last year so she can get to sleep by 10:00.

She gets up at 5:30 am to catch her bus at 6:30. By the time she gets home after 3:00, she is hungry (lunch is at 11 and snacking is not allowed) and exhausted. So it takes a while before she can even begin to think about homework. All she wants to do is eat and lounge on the couch.

Around 5:00, homework begins, with a short break for dinner. Yesterday, after only the second day of school, she had five pages of math homework. It took her two hours to complete. Then she also had to spend over an hour finishing homework for her other classes. She plays an instrument, which she enjoys, but is always too tired to practice on the nights she has homework (which is practically every night).

And then it is off to bed...and the whole routine repeats itself.

It was pretty much like this for 7th grade, and I fear this year in 8th grade will be worse. I can't even imagine what high school will be like.

She doesn't have the time or energy after school for any physical activity, which concerns me. She feels stressed during the school year because she says she feels she can never keep up with her homework and all of the long-term projects. Sometimes she has crying bouts because she says she feels overwhelmed.

The amount of homework that is assigned does not seem healthy to me. Especially when a child has to get up at 5:30 and has spent over eight hours at school.

Is this really normal? How do your children handle this? Anyone else concerned about the effects of stress and sleep deprivation on their children.

[Anonymous]

One thing that stands out from your post is how long the math hw takes. Even having 5 pages (which does sound like a lot) shouldn't take 2 entire hours, especially this early in the year, when it is likely review. Is she in an advanced class? If so, perhaps it is a little more challenging than she was expecting? If it is a regular class, perhaps she needs some help from the teacher or a tutor. I speak as someone who has a DS who is NOT good at math...it takes him a long time to do his math hw as well, and we have gotten some help from a tutor for it...she has also helped him with time management, which is something that is invaluable to kids this age.

Also, the lack of energy for anything physical is concerning. Have you had her checked out by her doc recently? What is her diet like? I get being tired the first week of school, but if this is something that has been going on since 7th grade, that to me is a red flag.

Lastly, is there any time built in to the day where your DD can get a head start on her hw? I know at my son's school, there is a 30 min period at the end of the day that the kids use for hw, teacher help, etc.

Overall, I don't think your DD should be this tired, over-worked, and depressed the first week of school. I hope it gets better soon!

[Anonymous]

OP This sounds exactely as it is. It is a vicious cycle. My daughter is exaustedand all her friends feel the same way. Stressed and over whelmed.

[Anonymous]

She is going to bed really late. My dd goes to bed around 7 lights out and eventually passes out w'in an hour. Maybe she can have more turkey dinners.

I know she wants to lounge but maybe she at least do part of her hw in the beginning 3-4 include snack. Take a walk play instrument 30-45min then have an earlier dinner then finish hw. If she gets it all done including chores then she get to lounge.

My kid gets home by 3 too but was given 30min at school to get headstart on hw or read. My DD then reads in bus as her leisure activity. When she gets home she gets to work for an hour w/ crackers or fruit . Then she is typically done at leastt this week. We have dinner by 530 at latest , she showers etc and is in bed by 7. Life is amazing when the tv is disconnected. My children play and get long better and everything is done with no excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is going to bed really late. My dd goes to bed around 7 lights out and eventually passes out w'in an hour. Maybe she can have more turkey dinners.

I know she wants to lounge but maybe she at least do part of her hw in the beginning 3-4 include snack. Take a walk play instrument 30-45min then have an earlier dinner then finish hw. If she gets it all done including chores then she get to lounge.

My kid gets home by 3 too but was given 30min at school to get headstart on hw or read. My DD then reads in bus as her leisure activity. When she gets home she gets to work for an hour w/ crackers or fruit . Then she is typically done at leastt this week. We have dinner by 530 at latest , she showers etc and is in bed by 7. Life is amazing when the tv is disconnected. My children play and get long better and everything is done with no excuses.

This sounds great but what about parents that work and don't get home until 6:30 - 7pm? What do you do? Where do your middle schoolers go or are they home alone? We're a couple years away from MS yet but just thinking about it keeps me up at night.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thanks for the responses. I'd love to get my daughter in bed earlier, but honestly, any time she does, she says her mind just races and sleep just doesn't come. The dr. recommended melatonin, but she still can't wind down before 9:30.

Another thing, she doesn't even watch TV. The only time she does is a video on the weekend. So that is not the issue.

I recognize that she's slower than most kids with math, but for her ability, she's in the right level class. So while the problems were all review and things she knew how to do, she's just really slow. I even told her not to do all the problems - just show she knows the concept - but she won't do that because she's seen teachers embarrass kids when they don't finish their homework. And one teacher announced there is no partial credit for homework, if every problem is not complete they get a zero.

I'm sensing that a lot of teachers at this age like to use negative reinforcement as a tool to teach and mold behavior. And maybe that works for some kids. But it's stressing my daughter out. I don't want to be one of "those parents" and try to micromanage how the teachers do their jobs. I just wish there was a way to reduce the homework load and stress.

With school canceled today, my first thought was, "YEA! No homework this weekend!" How sad is that? And it's only the first week of school!

[Anonymous]

OP,

I went to public school (FCPS) in the 80s. I had hours and hours and hours of homework nightly even back then. So did all my friends. Only got worse as the years wore on. Like when I got to college I was like what am I going to do with all my spare time since I only had about 3 or 4 hours of class per day and could do my reading and other assignments in a couple of hours. It is just the nature of the beast here. One thing to find out is how much of the homework is a part of the overall grade. If homework completion is 10% of the total grade and tests and quizzes are 90% then politely decline the homework if she overall does well in the class. Or do half so she gets the reinforcement.

Caveat on my advice -- For this reason, and many others, we have ours in a private school that limits homework in the early grades. The workload increases, but it is nothing like what I endured and what you describe.

Also, there have been a couple of movements aimed at starting MS and HS later and having ES start early to give tweens and teens some more time for sleep. There were some articles in the paper last year about them. I am sorry I can't remember the names of the groups otherwise you could just google them.

[Anonymous]

21:01

Well first of all there is no more SACC at MS. So your kid will be homing for the first month since there are no after school activities. Your kid will be alone unless you hire someone. Your child will be hungry maybe planning ahead preparing dinner for your kid during the weekend and freezing it so she/he can easily pull out to defrost or hark maybe you let them make their own dinner. My kid knows how to make a meal since she was school age.

In addition you need to realize that these years are a big change for your kid. I changed jobs and took paycut to accomodate the schedule. Otherwise I'd get home at 6:45 and everyone would be rushed and stressed.

I also do not understand this excessive homework because I too was a FCPS student in the 90's and I always had time to relax. I was an honor roll kid. The same went for highschool w/ the exception I did not do anything extra (not interested)

[Anonymous]

OP

Did you contact her teacher? You need to tell her what is going on ASAP. What does her syllabus say? I remeber this happening when my kid struggled in ES. She said do the allotted time but try to cover all the diff sections of it. You need to bring this early. My kid came home stressed regarding her math teachers convo about some kids were not being taught properly in 6th grade and that is why there are failing SOL scores

[Anonymous]

what the hell are these SOL scores??? We never had that when I went to Woodson HS

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that you can drive her to school in the morning? My daughter is in second grade and it takes 15-20 mins from wake up to out the door. She eats her breakfast in the car. Waking at 5:30am is brutal. I am a night owl and I totally understand why she can't fall asleep early.

[Anonymous]

The HW is out of control. Some kids can't whip out every assignment. Ask to meet with the math teacher and try to have her/him agree to your cover-the-concepts strategy, in a limited amount of time. If the math teacher is unaccommodating, ask to meet with the guidance counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is going to bed really late. My dd goes to bed around 7 lights out and eventually passes out w'in an hour. Maybe she can have more turkey dinners.

I know she wants to lounge but maybe she at least do part of her hw in the beginning 3-4 include snack. Take a walk play instrument 30-45min then have an earlier dinner then finish hw. If she gets it all done including chores then she get to lounge.

My kid gets home by 3 too but was given 30min at school to get headstart on hw or read. My DD then reads in bus as her leisure activity. When she gets home she gets to work for an hour w/ crackers or fruit . Then she is typically done at leastt this week. We have dinner by 530 at latest , she showers etc and is in bed by 7. Life is amazing when the tv is disconnected. My children play and get long better and everything is done with no excuses.

This sounds great but what about parents that work and don't get home until 6:30 - 7pm? What do you do? Where do your middle schoolers go or are they home alone? We're a couple years away from MS yet but just thinking about it keeps me up at night.

I think you'll find this unworkable. Your child will be home for 4 hours and navigating meals, homework, after school activities, rest, middle school drama/stress, puberty, etc., etc. You really don't want to miss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

Did you contact her teacher? You need to tell her what is going on ASAP. What does her syllabus say? I remeber this happening when my kid struggled in ES. She said do the allotted time but try to cover all the diff sections of it. You need to bring this early. My kid came home stressed regarding her math teachers convo about some kids were not being taught properly in 6th grade and that is why there are failing SOL scores

Email the teacher, OP. Ask if homework should be taking 2 hrs each night. The teacher may have no idea that it's taking up this much time. Don't phrase it like, "What do you think you're doing assigning this much homework?" but rather, "Does DD seem up-to-speed? It takes her 2 hours a night to complete her math homework and I'm worried that she may not be grasping the concepts."

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the advice. Yes, I need to email the teachers, but it's only the second week of school and they each have over 100 kids, so at this point, they don't even know who my child is. In the meantime, I just wanted to get some perspective from other middle school parents to see what everyone else is seeing at home. When I talk to my friends, they all act as if middle school is all fun and boast how their kids do sports after school, stay up until 10 finishing homework, etc....meanwhile, all my daughter wants to do when she gets home is sleep.

The problem she has with math isn't that she's in a hard class or she doesn't get the concepts...she is just really, really slow. In fact, she is slow at everything she does, whether it's walking, eating, talking...anything. So an hour of homework for one kid is two hours of homework for her.

I decided to talk to the counselor just to see what they suggest in the meantime....I don't think I can let this go on much longer. I wasn't with her when she came home from school today, and she slept for 2 1/2 solid hours. I got home just after she woke up. So then she immediately had to get started on homework, during which she cried half the time out of frustration. I ended up losing it myself with her....on the one hand I feel sorry for her, but on the other, the daily crying bouts are getting to be too much. Is anyone else experiencing anything similar, or does everyone have kids like my friends' -- full of energy and bouncing from one activity to the next?