Does this sound like a typical day for a middle schooler?

[Anonymous]

You sound like a great parent to give this so much careful thought.

There are, unfortunately, a lot of terrible middle school and high school teachers in Fairfax who enjoy negative enforcement and "no partial credit.". The idea that it makes some of their students give up, and stresses others our to no end, never seems to cross their minds. And the administrators don't care as long as the SOLs are high.

[Anonymous]

Did I miss someone suggest that you get your daughter a complete physical with a blood workup? My daughter has experienced this type of exhaustion in from 8 - 10 grades, we still don't know what causes it. (But docs have suggested lots of different things). Also, teachers described our daughter as bright but often mentioned that she'd be the last to turn in her work -- they characterized her as "careful." Fast forward and actually she's ADD inattentive. You daughter could also be depressed. Not saying she's any of these things. Just saying that her high school year aren't going to be any easier on her if she doesn't get help with the funk she's in. I wish I used DDs 8th grade year to figure out what was going on (before the all-important HS GPA starts being calculated). Instead my DD missed lots of school in 9th grade. I know you have your hands full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice. Yes, I need to email the teachers, but it's only the second week of school and they each have over 100 kids, so at this point, they don't even know who my child is. In the meantime, I just wanted to get some perspective from other middle school parents to see what everyone else is seeing at home. When I talk to my friends, they all act as if middle school is all fun and boast how their kids do sports after school, stay up until 10 finishing homework, etc....meanwhile, all my daughter wants to do when she gets home is sleep.

The problem she has with math isn't that she's in a hard class or she doesn't get the concepts...she is just really, really slow. In fact, she is slow at everything she does, whether it's walking, eating, talking...anything. So an hour of homework for one kid is two hours of homework for her.

I decided to talk to the counselor just to see what they suggest in the meantime....I don't think I can let this go on much longer. I wasn't with her when she came home from school today, and she slept for 2 1/2 solid hours. I got home just after she woke up. So then she immediately had to get started on homework, during which she cried half the time out of frustration. I ended up losing it myself with her....on the one hand I feel sorry for her, but on the other, the daily crying bouts are getting to be too much. Is anyone else experiencing anything similar, or does everyone have kids like my friends' -- full of energy and bouncing from one activity to the next?

This really doesn't sound normal.

First off, your child needs to learn to work faster. This problem is going to get worse and worse - are you going to be calling her college professors to explain that she takes double the time to write a paper so she needs an extension?

Second of all, it sounds like you are coddling her. She doesn't need to be napping for 2.5 hours after school - no wonder she can't sleep at night!

This behavior is odd - nightly crying bouts?

[Anonymous]

There are, unfortunately, a lot of terrible middle school and high school teachers in Fairfax who enjoy negative enforcement and "no partial credit.".

How on Earth would you know this? Wait, you couldn't possibly know this. So how about offering some actual thoughtful feedback here?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster who suggested considering ADHD-inattentive type. Again, we don't have enough information, but this is a "hidden" type of ADD that often goes undiagnosed particularly in girls, and often really hits in middle school. Also, kids with this often have anxiety and depression, for obvious reasons. These kids often have sleep issues as well, either related to the anxiety or the ADHD itself.

My kids are younger but as the mom of a child with ADHD-PI, this struck a few chords of recognition so I would check it out. Here is a good link:
http://chesapeakeadd.com/articles/parenting-and-children/girls/

[Anonymous]

To those suggesting ADHD-inattentive -- I agree she is showing a lot of the signs. In fact, last year the school told me to go to my pediatrician, who had all the teachers fill out forms about school-behavior. But the ped said that her numbers were not high enough for a diagnosis. I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around what exactly ADHD-inattentive is - it seems there is a lot of conflicting information out there. And I'd like to take her to a specialist, but don't know where to turn. Anyway, thank you for your helpful input.

22:48 - maybe you mean well, but your post isn't helpful, especially when you label DD's behavior as "odd." Please don't hide behind the anonymity of your post to sling hurtful words. And just to clarify, I cannot monitor my daughter every day after school. So on the days that I am not home, I have no control over whether she naps or not. Believe me, I do not promote two hour naps. And as far as my need to teach her to learn to work faster, how do you propose I do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This really doesn't sound normal.

First off, your child needs to learn to work faster. This problem is going to get worse and worse - are you going to be calling her college professors to explain that she takes double the time to write a paper so she needs an extension?

Second of all, it sounds like you are coddling her. She doesn't need to be napping for 2.5 hours after school - no wonder she can't sleep at night!

This behavior is odd - nightly crying bouts?

You sound like a real asshole. The OP is trying to deal with the current situation involving an 8th grader, not figure out how her daughter will tackle Math 101 as a college freshman.

[Anonymous]

23:10 here: I agree that ADHD inattentive is hard to pin down. You should also read up on executive functions. Check out the CHADD website and this website for some good articles.

http://www.drthomasebrown.com/ There is a woman named Tessa something who has an ADHD blog. There is a lot of random stuff in there but also some helpful info. Also read the Special Need board, which is full of helpful information.

I would also have your daughter do some self-assessments Teachers don't always notice these behaviors because they are so subtle. My son's results on those surveys was borderline the first time, and then several years later he was well over the threshold.

I would start back at the pediatrician and also check with your school to see if they have any kind of process you can get rolling to have her evaluated. You might also check at NIH to see if they have any ongoing studies for older kids. Finally, you may want to have her a private neuropsych evaluation. That was the most helpful thing we did but it cost several thousand dollars. I don't know your financial situation but if you can swing it and you are really concerned, it would be helpful.

Most importantly talk to your daughter, let her know you are on her side, you see she is struggling, but that you will not let her fail, no matter what. Something is not right here, and you need to play detective and figure it out. Just knowing you are on the job will make her feel so so much better.

[Anonymous]

If you have $2700, Stixrud group in Silver Spring is very good and well respected for neuropsych evaluate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There are, unfortunately, a lot of terrible middle school and high school teachers in Fairfax who enjoy negative enforcement and "no partial credit.".

How on Earth would you know this? Wait, you couldn't possibly know this. So how about offering some actual thoughtful feedback here?

Sorry if the truth - or at least one poster's opinion - hurts.

If the economy weren't so bad, private schools in this area would be bursting at the seams. FCPS has seen its best days.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't necessarily jump to ADHD or ADD. She may have those issues but she may be dealing with hormones (my 7th grader was suddenly exhausted all the time and had trouble sleeping. It turned out to be hormonal.) Or the HW at her school might actually be out of line. 5 pages of math is excessive. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that there is something diagnosable that needs to be dealt with. Definitely talk to the teacher about how long she or he expects the HW should be taking. That should help start a balanced discussion.

[Anonymous]

I would first start with a physical exam and blood work, to rule out adrenal/thyroid problems, food allergies, and important nutritional deficits. I did that when I was chronically exhausted a couple of years ago and found out my thyroid was a little low, was way too low on Vitamin D, B12, etc. I did feel better after taking some supplements.

DH has ADD and I agree with PPs that your daughter has some red flags. If, after looking online a bit (CHADD, as PP mentioned, is a really good place to start), and it looks like ADD is a strong possibility, I'd suggest that you do a bit of detective work on your and your husband's family history, and do the ADD "checklists" yourselves. I didn't really discover/investigate DH's ADD until after nearly 10 years of marriage, and it has helped me tremendously understanding it, shifting ways that I organize things, manage expectations, communicate, etc. My kids are small so I don't yet know if we'll be facing it for them (odds are high). I've read that medication can help, as well as learning specific strategies on organization. The Special Needs board has a big group of parents with ADD kids - lots of advice on specialists, IEPs, medications, etc.

HTH.