The annoying "friend" is

[Anonymous]

a woman in her mid to late 30's, drives an absurdly huge white SUV, constantly talks about where she is going on vacation, what private school boards her husband, father, blah, blah,blah is on, never returns emails, complains constantly about getting any email contact, never says thank you to anybody, is really dismissive of any one who she thinks is "poorer" than she is, mocks other people's jewelry, homes ("small impractical, houses..."), husbands, children, complains bitterly about other "Moms who just show up after all the hard work is done and ask, "can I help?" can not abide anyone who has done something or been to any place chic or posh--she has to do her been there done that speech. Wants to make all activities private and exclusive. Her whole life is just devoted to one devious game of "hide the ball" after another. Just on a daily basis is mean, unpredictable, apparently off her meds.... and our sons are best friends in 3rd grade, so there's just no escaping her. Shoot me now, I just can't seem to "grow a pair" and tell her to STFU. some of you are so good at this --you who you are I seen both men and women totally disarm a wack job like her with out a hint of uncertainty. How do you do this?

[Anonymous]

bryn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:bryn?

nope. But I feel your pain.

[Anonymous]

What is "bryn?"

[Anonymous]

Jealous much? Seems like lady has a nice life and I am so sick of people getting angry at people who drive a nice car and go on nice trips. I don't feel any animosity for people doing well and in fact usually have some follow up questions on vacations since I love to hear about places before I go somewhere. Sometimes it's not in the cards for us to go away but I always love to hear about adventures other people are on.

[Anonymous]

i would guess that the friend comes from a very poor background and is overcompensating with her current status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jealous much? Seems like lady has a nice life and I am so sick of people getting angry at people who drive a nice car and go on nice trips. I don't feel any animosity for people doing well and in fact usually have some follow up questions on vacations since I love to hear about places before I go somewhere. Sometimes it's not in the cards for us to go away but I always love to hear about adventures other people are on.

Is she talking about you? I don't think talking about her vacations is really the problem. Did you miss the part about her mocking everyone?

To the OP, have you tried just not engaging? Sometimes silence is easier than telling someone to STFU. It's difficult to have a conversation with someone who is truly unengaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a woman in her mid to late 30's, drives an absurdly huge white SUV, constantly talks about where she is going on vacation, what private school boards her husband, father, blah, blah,blah is on, never returns emails, complains constantly about getting any email contact, never says thank you to anybody, is really dismissive of any one who she thinks is "poorer" than she is, mocks other people's jewelry, homes ("small impractical, houses..."), husbands, children, complains bitterly about other "Moms who just show up after all the hard work is done and ask, "can I help?" can not abide anyone who has done something or been to any place chic or posh--she has to do her been there done that speech. Wants to make all activities private and exclusive. Her whole life is just devoted to one devious game of "hide the ball" after another. Just on a daily basis is mean, unpredictable, apparently off her meds.... and our sons are best friends in 3rd grade, so there's just no escaping her. Shoot me now, I just can't seem to "grow a pair" and tell her to STFU. some of you are so good at this --you who you are I seen both men and women totally disarm a wack job like her with out a hint of uncertainty. How do you do this?

I'm not so sure you can disarm a wack job like her. The only way to deal with her is to go nuclear, but there will likely be long-term and collateral damage.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I can think of is to become completely, proudly, unabashadly the counter her. . When she complains about others give an off-hand "to each his own". Channel your inner eco-snob. When she comments about small houses, "perhaps, but some people are willing to sacrafice comfort for a more sustainable lifestyle and smaller carbon footprint." If she argues with you -- respond again with "to each his own." Hopefully, she'll soon realize you are not a receptive audience to her tirades and not of "like mind" and stop spewing her negativity.

One other direct approach is just to say with a sincere smile "I'm sorry, XXXX, my negativity meter is full for the day, can we change the subject?"

[Anonymous]

Laura?

[Anonymous]

If this woman parks her huge, white SUV on the grass at Bradley Hills Presb. School because she is more important than the rest of us and she shouldn't be expected to walk that extra 5 feet to get her pre-schooler, I feel your pain.

[Anonymous]

Ooh, yikes. You gals should really refrain from sharing details like that. And subsequent posters should not be calling people out by name. This is the internet, people. I'm all for talking about someone behind their back, but let's not make it so obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One other direct approach is just to say with a sincere smile "I'm sorry, XXXX, my negativity meter is full for the day, can we change the subject?"

I love this approach.

[Anonymous]

If this woman parks her huge, white SUV on the grass at Bradley Hills Presb. School because she is more important than the rest of us and she shouldn't be expected to walk that extra 5 feet to get her pre-schooler, I feel your pain.

No no no. She parks her blue SUV in the handicapped spot in front of a Jewish preschool in NW DC. And, I hope she does see this, and I hope she realizes she's an ass and stops, because this preschool being part of a Temple means that not infrequently, elderly people are on the property during the school day and potentially in need of that spot she's camped in.

OP, can you just starting humming when your frenemy gets like that?

[Anonymous]

I agree that she very likely grew up poor. Just pity her for her insecurities. It's sad that even with all the stuff she has now she still sees herself as the poor kid. My mom is like that-- It doesn't bring out the best in her, either.