giving feedback on sexist statement from colleague

[Anonymous]

i'm out at a very small career development workshop and have heard a sexist comment made three times regarding what a woman would do in situation X.
i would like to mention it on the feedback form.
i have no doubt they can figure out who wrote it - there are only 4 women here period.
thoughts?

i work with non of these people, but they know my boss very well.

[Anonymous]

go ahead. they can't retaliate you for that.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I'm optomistic to think that one of the men could be offended by a sexist remark as well?

[Anonymous]

"go ahead. they can't retaliate you for that. "

Former employment lawyer here. Really bad advice. If your colleague(s) feels confident/cocky enough to make not one but several sexist remarks at a career-related workshop where female colleagues are in attendance (and perhaps is employer-sponsored or required as well?), the environment may not be safe for you to depend upon the laws to protect you. Unless you are incredibly sure that your supervisors and HR will protect you, or you can quickly and easily find a job elsewhere, I'd keep my mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

really? i can't say i'm offended on a paper review of the workshop?

[Anonymous]

What? 10:45 is nuts. These aren't your colleagues. You should say something. If you don't want to say something directly on the review, at least mention it privately to the person who said it. They might just get defensive at the time but then they might think about it later.

[Anonymous]

I would write something, but not necessarily directly accuse them of sexism, if possible. Saying something privately seems much worse to me-- makes it crystal clear who you are and puts the person on the defensive more.

[Anonymous]

What a crappy employment lawyer. Thanks heaven it's "former".

[Anonymous]

the comment was "your mentor is very busy, remember they're getting around to reading your XXX at midnight or later - make it compelling - and if your mentor is a woman, watch out" (eye roll) "they've got the kids and they're busy with the kids and you have even less of their time" eye roll eye roll.
this was said 3 times by 2 different people
it just send a really bad message, in my opinion - women can't do the same work as men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the comment was "your mentor is very busy, remember they're getting around to reading your XXX at midnight or later - make it compelling - and if your mentor is a woman, watch out" (eye roll) "they've got the kids and they're busy with the kids and you have even less of their time" eye roll eye roll.
this was said 3 times by 2 different people
it just send a really bad message, in my opinion - women can't do the same work as men.

I'm a woman and I don't consider this sexist. It is a true statement. I'm not an attorney but isn't there a legal axiom, "the truth is its own defense." OP, if I were you, I would not make mountains out of ant hills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the comment was "your mentor is very busy, remember they're getting around to reading your XXX at midnight or later - make it compelling - and if your mentor is a woman, watch out" (eye roll) "they've got the kids and they're busy with the kids and you have even less of their time" eye roll eye roll.
this was said 3 times by 2 different people
it just send a really bad message, in my opinion - women can't do the same work as men.

I'm a woman and I don't consider this sexist. It is a true statement. I'm not an attorney but isn't there a legal axiom, "the truth is its own defense." OP, if I were you, I would not make mountains out of ant hills.

Really? I do find it sexist. If it bothers the OP enough that she's still thinking abut it, I think she should definitely mention it on her evaluation. Also, the truth is a defense to libel, not to stereotyping entire classes of people.

[Anonymous]

I would comment on the form that any statements around parents' time constraints need to be made more thoughtfully and carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would comment on the form that any statements around parents' time constraints need to be made more thoughtfully and carefully.

I like this.

I do think it was a sexist statement.

[Anonymous]

Since you don't work with any of these people, I would feel free to comment as you feel is appropriate. Any negative comments they receive will only reflect poorly on them, so I doubt that they will freely share them with your boss and I especially wouldn't worry because they are unlikely to be able to determine which of the four women in the session wrote the comments (and heck, maybe more than one of you will comment). I would just write that you were distracted by all of the eye-rolling and thought it made them appear unprofessional. Frame it as a helpful hint - "I don't know if you realize you roll your eyes during your presentation, especially when you are talking about women - it makes you seem unprofessional and a little sexist, which I'm sure is not what you meant to portray"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you don't work with any of these people, I would feel free to comment as you feel is appropriate. Any negative comments they receive will only reflect poorly on them, so I doubt that they will freely share them with your boss and I especially wouldn't worry because they are unlikely to be able to determine which of the four women in the session wrote the comments (and heck, maybe more than one of you will comment). I would just write that you were distracted by all of the eye-rolling and thought it made them appear unprofessional. Frame it as a helpful hint - "I don't know if you realize you roll your eyes during your presentation, especially when you are talking about women - it makes you seem unprofessional and a little sexist, which I'm sure is not what you meant to portray"

This. I would avoid using charged words like "offended." I have pointed out to men when they're being sexist, but I do it in a light way, and it's always been fine. I have a dear friend who gets angry and it always backfires on her. Besides, there are people who enjoy getting other people riled up, and if you let them know they've gotten to you, it'll only get worse. I worked with a guy like that, and he left me alone because I gave him the finger (sometimes literally).

I think the employment lawyer above is just being realistic. The law may be on you side, but the fight is often career-ending.