SSSAS - what is the culture like currently?

[Anonymous]

I almost never post on DCUM and I almost feel bad typing this, but…

I’m a saints parent and specifically know of a girl who left SSSAS a few years ago because she was counseled out. She and her mother have repeatedly told others that she left because SHE was the victim of bullying and the school did nothing about it.

The truth is she repeatedly was calling Black kids the N-word. And when other girls stood up to her, or didn’t want to be friends with her, she claimed to be bullied. Note that this was not a single incident or a child who needed to learn the power and history of the word. It happened repeatedly.

I know the mom of a girl who was called the N word. It was tragic but she largely felt supported by the school community. And my daughter and her friends told me this girl (who used the word) was telling everyone she left because she was bullied.

So yeah I have no idea who this poster is who is constantly saying there are bullying issues at St Stephens, but it is not at all our experience and I wouldn’t even necessarily trust someone who says their child was bullied without knowing the full story.

[Anonymous]

Another longtime SSSAS parent just chiming in to say that bullying has not been an issue for my kids - and it was a big problem in the public school that my oldest attended before moving to SSSAS. We chose SSSAS because of its values and have not been disappointed.

[Anonymous]

How is it for kids with mild dyslexia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it for kids with mild dyslexia?

The HS is great (my dyslexic DC started in 9th so we don’t have experience with LS/MS). We love the staff in the academic center. In HS your kid is responsible for arranging their extra time or other accommodations with their teacher before an assessment, but the teachers are all well aware of who gets what accommodations and DC has had no issues. Students with accommodations are never singled out and all the students know and have friends who are part of the academic center for one reason or another so there’s no stigma or embarrassment.

In 9th, most students with accommodations will have an academic center slot for one of their class periods. After 9th, they will reassess to determine if the student still needs that more scheduled support or not, but they always have their assigned advisor in the academic center even if it’s not a scheduled class slot, and some students will move in and out if needed (like, kid might be fine in 10th but then find the demands of 11th would be better met with a formal center time). It’s really individualized to each student and there is a wide range of accommodations available.

If your child still needs remediation in HS (for a late diagnosis for example), that would need to be done outside of school, however. I don’t know about interventions (like O-G) in the lower grades.

[Anonymous]

How important is it that a kid is into sports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How important is it that a kid is into sports?

It isn’t necessarily important. Doing a fall sport is a great way for a new 9th grader to meet other kids and maybe find a social group more quickly, but it’s certainly not required. Kids don’t even have to do sports to fill the required 9 activity credits. Involvement in the fall play, spring musical, or choir gives activity credits—my child will never have to set foot on a court or field and has really “found their tribe” in theatre and choir. There are also non-team athletic classes that students can take for those credits instead of joining a sport. Plenty of kids are not involved in the team athletics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How important is it that a kid is into sports?

Not at all. My senior is artsy and has a great community of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How important is it that a kid is into sports?

Not at all. My senior is artsy and has a great community of friends.

.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No dog in the fight here — my kids go to Big 3 schools.

However, it is totally disingenuous to say that a grade is “lovely,” then say just because there’s a few bad eggs doesn’t mean it ain’t.

Middle school dynamics are challenging everywhere. However, if even a few kids are being bullied, that reflects badly on the entire school.

If an administration can’t respond effectively to social aggression among a few kids, those kids will set the tone for the school. So sad that people are delegitimizing the experience of girls who were bullied, saying it’s just a few parents with “sour grapes.”

If my daughters had been bullied and the school did not respond effectively, I certainly would sour on the school.

The fact that supposedly mature adults would say this about the way little girls were treated and minimize their pain says some ugly things about the SSSAS parent community,

2025: That “sour “ experience is true for at least several girls in the MS. It started at the LS and just spreads to new and seasoned students. The bullies seem to take a page from online inspiration, the behavior of their parents’, some of the teachers, faculty-parents, and even some of the administrators themselves. They don’t all/always wear a billboard - it also can be a polite cold-shoulder or a disingenuous smile fueled by contempt. Maybe it’s the same at other area private schools, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior. It might be a tradition at SSSAS: some of those parents are alumni.

The administrators do take some action in cases of younger children behaving violently in front of their class, but starting in the LS even known physical aggression isn’t proportionately addressed much less is social-emotional bullying. Starting in the 5th grade for some class years but even younger in other class years, the bullying is often covert, and some teachers victim-blame and, when administrators don’t ignore it, either their measures are tepid despite degree of offense (severity, recurrence) or are directed at the bullies’ targets not the bullies. The group chats with the counselors seem to be fairly generic. The sum total is that the insidious toxicity isn’t a secret, formal programs are ineffective and policies are mostly just on-paper, even if some are oblivious to it, are spared, or use blinders, ineffective.

That doesn’t mean every student, parent, teacher, administrator, board member, etc. is toxic or neglectful, but that’s moot. Some do try to help in their own way with some things. But a select few hold the reins and set the tone and practice, but the tone and practice cultivate lack of empathy and respect and enables abuse. That might be mediocrity, but it’s certainly a level of toxic that’s avoidable.

[Anonymous]

In 2025, avoid this school

[Anonymous]

Agree on cold shoulder. It’s a cliquish place and that starts with lower school and continues. Lots of faculty parents. The LS admissions office should have been our red flag to avoid.

[Anonymous]

It seems like a lot of the negative feedback is from LS or MS. I’d encourage anyone looking at HS to consider it. DC started in 9th and it has been a wonderful experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like a lot of the negative feedback is from LS or MS. I’d encourage anyone looking at HS to consider it. DC started in 9th and it has been a wonderful experience.

We're considering it for 9th but we don't live in Alexandria. Will my kid be able to fit in?

[Anonymous]

We had a terrible experience in the lower school and pulled our kids and have never looked back. It seems it is a better place in the Upper school so that's good. But the administrators specifically and parents set the snobby exclusionary tone at the lower school and it filters down to the kids sadly. They learn to intentionally exclude and be unkind at an astonishingly young age. I would avoid at all costs.

[Anonymous]

The child of a friend was told by a boy “your body, my choice”. Another child had several anecdotes of sexism from boys against girls. Another parent said there’s frequent mockery against disability, homosexuality, and other races on the bus their kid and friends ride. That’s in the middle school.