New STA parent seeking advice, suggestions, or just plain "I wish I had known X" info

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an earlier poster said: "Beauvoir Mom here with rising C former. So far, it seems that STA takes a lot of measures to include new non-Beauvoir families. The lower school head talks about how reaching out to non-Beauvoir families is important, and even admonishes parents to do so. Informally, there are play dates and dinner invitations that may seem casual, but are really part of an effort to welcome, encouraged by the school. Best of luck to your DC !"

as the parent of a non-Beauvoir boy who entered in C Form, I can attest to the fact that STA definitely does take a lot of measure to include non-Beauvoir families. The lower school head has a hand in choosing C Form "Form Chairs," because he wants to make sure that the one who's from Beauvoir (there are 2 Form Chairs) will make some kind of effort to be inclusive. The reason the school has to make all these efforts is this: many (but not all) Beauvoir parents would not be welcoming on their own. note that the Beauvoir mom who posted said that the lower school head "admonishes parents" to welcome non-Beauvoir families. if the Beauvoir parents were trying on their own to be inclusive, there would be no need for the STA lower head to "admonish" anyone.

the best year to enter is Form I, because there's a crowd of boys coming in, and the kids who've been there a while (especially the "lifers") welcome the new crop. of course, in the end none of this is that big a deal, because the boys, as they get older, ultimately choose their own friends, despite the best efforts of some of their mothers to direct their social group when they're young. my son loved STA -- it's a wonderful school.

I'm sorry PP but, as an STA mom, our experience couldn't be more different from yours for the current C Form. I'm sorry you felt that way when your son joined STA.

NP. Every C Form class is different. Yes, there is a cliche of primarily Beauvoir mothers who direct their son's social group from lunch room assignments to classroom requests and, also,controlling friendships. The upper school is a total difference experience, in hindsight wish my DS had started in 9th grade.

What ???? How could a mother have any control ovr table assignments at lunch. I thought that the school goes out of its way to see to it that 2 kids from each grade sit at each table. I assumed that the school was coordinating who sits where. How can both be possible?

What adult in her right mind feels she needs to be involved in this?

Table assignments are supposed to be random. In my DS's grade, the same group of friends will be assigned to the same table frequently. The clique of SAHM's who have the most time to volunteer at the school "helpfully" run the show.

[Anonymous]

07:47, this is not accurate--the school does not let mothers/parents assign the lunch table seating rotation. ( If you've met Paul Herman, the Lower School Head, I'm surprised you would think this could be true.) I do believe that kids in the same advisory will rotate to the same table more than once, so perhaps this explains the phenomenon you are thinking about. I will also say that as compared to other independents, it's my impression that STA is the one that, respectfully and politely, most keeps parents out of the day to day workings (but it's just an impression).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:07:47, this is not accurate--the school does not let mothers/parents assign the lunch table seating rotation. ( If you've met Paul Herman, the Lower School Head, I'm surprised you would think this could be true.) I do believe that kids in the same advisory will rotate to the same table more than once, so perhaps this explains the phenomenon you are thinking about. I will also say that as compared to other independents, it's my impression that STA is the one that, respectfully and politely, most keeps parents out of the day to day workings (but it's just an impression).

Didn't mean to offend. My observations are incorrect as clearly you have inside information.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the pp that said parents are kept at arms length when it comes to the day to day running of the school (unlike Beauvoir). I don't believe mothers can influence lunch table assignments. Parents are not encouraged to request classroom assignments either and boys only get to know which class they are in on the first day of the school year (although the parents do have a way of finding out -STA parents know what I mean ). Again these are all observations from my experience in the first year. I may be proved wrong in due course.

[Anonymous]

STA is aware of helicopter parents, and knows full well the intensity/speed/persistence of the Beauvoir variety. I dropped off my C Former on the first day of school, made the mistake of trying to walk him into the school, and was practically tackled by the head of school at the entrance, who met me, had a barely perceptible frown, was exceedingly polite but quite firm, explaining that "we'll take it from here." Indeed he did. What a great place. Since then, my helicopter has been grounded. And my DS is much better because of it.

[Anonymous]

We're a new family, DS will start ninth grade in the fall. Is there a Momfia in the upper school and are new mom's able to volunteer in leadership roles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STA is aware of helicopter parents, and knows full well the intensity/speed/persistence of the Beauvoir variety. I dropped off my C Former on the first day of school, made the mistake of trying to walk him into the school, and was practically tackled by the head of school at the entrance, who met me, had a barely perceptible frown, was exceedingly polite but quite firm, explaining that "we'll take it from here." Indeed he did. What a great place. Since then, my helicopter has been grounded. And my DS is much better because of it.

Too funny but so true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're a new family, DS will start ninth grade in the fall. Is there a Momfia in the upper school and are new mom's able to volunteer in leadership roles?

I guess I would say the two choices aren't either "Momfia" OR getting a "leadership role" right away. As people have said, the day-to-day parent involvement is less, but the Parents' Association runs some big events (the Christmas House Tour is a big fundraiser to benefit faculty, that's the biggest one) and it seems like there are lots of opportunities to volunteer and if you're willing and capable people will rely on you more and more. You could also get involved as parent volunteer for smaller organizations within the school, like teams, or the chorus (I think parents help chaperone the foreign Chorale trips that happen every 2-3 years), and I'm sure you if you have the time and inclination your help will be eagerly accepted. Welcome to the school, hope your DS has a blast and that you enjoy meeting the other families. (This is a bigger entry year than normal, I believe, with higher than expected yield, and I think almost a third of the class will be coming in new as 9th graders.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STA is aware of helicopter parents, and knows full well the intensity/speed/persistence of the Beauvoir variety. I dropped off my C Former on the first day of school, made the mistake of trying to walk him into the school, and was practically tackled by the head of school at the entrance, who met me, had a barely perceptible frown, was exceedingly polite but quite firm, explaining that "we'll take it from here." Indeed he did. What a great place. Since then, my helicopter has been grounded. And my DS is much better because of it.

Welll-written . . . evokes a great visual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're a new family, DS will start ninth grade in the fall. Is there a Momfia in the upper school and are new mom's able to volunteer in leadership roles?

I guess I would say the two choices aren't either "Momfia" OR getting a "leadership role" right away. As people have said, the day-to-day parent involvement is less, but the Parents' Association runs some big events (the Christmas House Tour is a big fundraiser to benefit faculty, that's the biggest one) and it seems like there are lots of opportunities to volunteer and if you're willing and capable people will rely on you more and more. You could also get involved as parent volunteer for smaller organizations within the school, like teams, or the chorus (I think parents help chaperone the foreign Chorale trips that happen every 2-3 years), and I'm sure you if you have the time and inclination your help will be eagerly accepted. Welcome to the school, hope your DS has a blast and that you enjoy meeting the other families. (This is a bigger entry year than normal, I believe, with higher than expected yield, and I think almost a third of the class will be coming in new as 9th graders.)

Thank you very helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an earlier poster said: "Beauvoir Mom here with rising C former. So far, it seems that STA takes a lot of measures to include new non-Beauvoir families. The lower school head talks about how reaching out to non-Beauvoir families is important, and even admonishes parents to do so. Informally, there are play dates and dinner invitations that may seem casual, but are really part of an effort to welcome, encouraged by the school. Best of luck to your DC !"

as the parent of a non-Beauvoir boy who entered in C Form, I can attest to the fact that STA definitely does take a lot of measure to include non-Beauvoir families. The lower school head has a hand in choosing C Form "Form Chairs," because he wants to make sure that the one who's from Beauvoir (there are 2 Form Chairs) will make some kind of effort to be inclusive. The reason the school has to make all these efforts is this: many (but not all) Beauvoir parents would not be welcoming on their own. note that the Beauvoir mom who posted said that the lower school head "admonishes parents" to welcome non-Beauvoir families. if the Beauvoir parents were trying on their own to be inclusive, there would be no need for the STA lower head to "admonish" anyone.

the best year to enter is Form I, because there's a crowd of boys coming in, and the kids who've been there a while (especially the "lifers") welcome the new crop. of course, in the end none of this is that big a deal, because the boys, as they get older, ultimately choose their own friends, despite the best efforts of some of their mothers to direct their social group when they're young. my son loved STA -- it's a wonderful school.

I'm sorry PP but, as an STA mom, our experience couldn't be more different from yours for the current C Form. I'm sorry you felt that way when your son joined STA.

NP. Every C Form class is different. Yes, there is a cliche of primarily Beauvoir mothers who direct their son's social group from lunch room assignments to classroom requests and, also,controlling friendships. The upper school is a total difference experience, in hindsight wish my DS had started in 9th grade.

What ???? How could a mother have any control ovr table assignments at lunch. I thought that the school goes out of its way to see to it that 2 kids from each grade sit at each table. I assumed that the school was coordinating who sits where. How can both be possible?

What adult in her right mind feels she needs to be involved in this?

Table assignments are supposed to be random. In my DS's grade, the same group of friends will be assigned to the same table frequently. The clique of SAHM's who have the most time to volunteer at the school "helpfully" run the show.

I call bs on this post. STA pretty much keeps the moms out ( drop off and pick up only is order of day from what I have been told. You make it sound like they are hostessing in the refrectory. LOL

[Anonymous]

Please tell me about 7th grade. Our son will be starting there in the fall. Is the workload grueling (we come from a less well known local private school)? Is it hard for a new boy to fit in? What are the inter-scholastic sports like? Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me about 7th grade. Our son will be starting there in the fall. Is the workload grueling (we come from a less well known local private school)? Is it hard for a new boy to fit in? What are the inter-scholastic sports like? Thank you.

A school rep will respond to your post shortly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me about 7th grade. Our son will be starting there in the fall. Is the workload grueling (we come from a less well known local private school)? Is it hard for a new boy to fit in? What are the inter-scholastic sports like? Thank you.

A school rep will respond to your post shortly.

Funny, I guess. Not a "rep" but here's my perspective: The workload is not all that grueling. Yes there is homework, but the sports ends by 3:30 pm so there's plenty of time for kids to study. The inter-scholastic sports are not all that serious (see 3:30 pm conclusion) -- most of the kids who are REALLY into sports are focusing on their outside teams; it doesn't ratchet up in intensity until the Upper School. Seventh grade (Ye Olde Form I) is an entry year so it seems pretty easy for new kids to fit in socially (the kids seem happy to meet new friends after three years at the school).

[Anonymous]

When DS was in middle school a few years ago, I read that he needed to have an indoor pair of athletic shoes that were clean and would not mark up the basketball court floor. I bought DS an indoor pair and an outdoor pair. Then I learned that all the other boys just wear the same pair on the gym floor as outdoors. Boy, did I feel stupid for following the rules.