8 yo DS loves to smell me

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure whether this belongs on Older Kids or SN but since this is a kinder group and may be linked to my DS's sensory seeking (he also has ADHD), I thought I'd start here. He does have sensory isuses, smells everything before he eats it, has texture issues and also has regulation issues.

I know this sounds totally weird and I swear I'm not a high school kid posting this - my 8 you DS loves to smell me, mostly in the area of my arm pits and around my breasts. It mostly happens in the morning and before he goes to bed. When he gets that way, it's like he's overwhelmed by this need to smell me. I can tell he's about ready to do it because he focuses on my breasts, reaches out to them like an addict reaching for a hit. He also likes to bury his face in my breasts. It's really making me uncomfortable and I tell him so. He hears the words but he's not listening and he doesn't care if it makes me uncomfortable. It's all about him. Now, I recognize that particular behavior as related to his ADHD - I'm not excusing it but I recognize it. We talk about it when he's calm and in control and he acknowledges that when someone tells him to stop doing something, he is to stop and that what he's doing is NOT appropriate. But then later he just can't control himself - he 'needs' the 'mommy smell'. He doesn't do this when non-family are around. Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice? This is really starting to creep me and DH out.

[Anonymous]

I"m not sure I understand why it's "creeping" you and DH out, since it sounds like he only does it around family. It might be an issue if it were constant or in a public place, but at home? It really sounds like he just needs the comfort and familiarity--it must just make him feel good. It's certainly nothing sexual (from your description), even if it does involve yourbreasts. Both of my kids (neither of whom are SN) have a tendency towards similar behaviour, particularly my oldest. And he's 11. When he's upset, he definitely wants to put his head close to my breasts (more like breastbone area if that makes sense), and stay there--but quietly, and not in public.

Did you by any chance nurse him, and for longer? That may certainly account for a lot of it. At any rate, I wouldn't really worry about it, especially if it's not occurring in front of others. It gets less and less as they get older, in my experience anyway.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP here, but it's very comforting reading 17:49's comment. Ds, who is almost 7 and has dev delays, ADHD, and also likes to smell things, will sometimes tell me he needs to "snuggle me" and will put his head directly into my stomach and breast area. It also makes me uncomfortable, but I do recognize that when he does this, he really needs me to drop everything and envelope him in a hug and often doing that for even a second or two is all that he needs to pull himself together and move past whatever he is dealing with.

I am glad to hear that this isn't as unusual or weird as I thought it was and that children do grow out of it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about it, as long as he doesn't do it in public. I didn't grow up with sensory issues but I still remember distinctly both of my parents "smell" and there is something comforting about that--the thought of snuggling up to mom or dad.
So if your DS has sensory issues that may be considerably magnified.

[Anonymous]

17:49 here. Come to think of it, I used to take my father's t-shirts after he wore them, and sleep with them when he was away on trips--because they smelled like him. Even as I got older, I always put my face in the side of his neck when I hugged him...funny, I just really remebered that talking about this. Anyway, my point is really just that smell is a powerful emotional trigger, and it makes perfect sense to me that kids want what makes them feel comfortable, loved, secure.


I think that as long as kids aren't doing it inappropriately (like at age 15 in the middle of a grocery store, etc), it is normal and becomes less obvious.

[Anonymous]

A couple of points. It's very natural to be reassured by smell. Smell is our primal and first sense. It's our oldest sense developmentally as humans. If you find this behavior troubling, you might read Bonnie Blodgett's Remembering Smell, in which she discussing smell, the sense of smell, and our need to be reassured by smell. Interesting read.

You might give your son a t-shirt of yours to sleep with or as a lovey. I think he'll outgrow this behavior. I think it's normal on a continuum of behaviors, probably exacerbated by his special needs and sensory seeking behavior. I don't find his behavior sexual, if that's what you are implying. Your scent glands are in your armpits and near your breasts. This is you -- your momness -- at your most primal level. I don't think he's getting off on this in any way.

[Anonymous]

My DD used to do that. She has ADHD and other issues. I think it's pretty normal to want to smell your mom actually. It's just that ADHD kids don't develop the normal boundaries which cause them to hide the behavior better. I can remember finding my mom's smell comforting. What can be more normal than that? But I didn't make it obvious like my kid did.

I think you can compare it to the way mom's always smell their babies' heads but we try not to make it obvious right? It's a similar impulse though.

The good news is that DD is a teen now and she has developed more normal boundaries. She no longer lets me know if she is smelling me. yay!

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old ADHD son has never overtly sniffed at me. It's not his thing apparently.
But I, on the other hand, have a very sensitive sense of smell and I love to smell my children!
I take deep breaths of my son and daughter and it comforts me and makes me so happy. Also fondly remember my parents' smell.

It's all fine, OP

[Anonymous]

My 6 yr old son loves smelling my pjs and me when I am reading him a book in bed. It is kind of sweet really and as long as he doesn't do it to other people, I don't think there is a problem. He has some sensory issues and has a terrific sense of smell and hearing BTW.

[Anonymous]

I have to gently disagree with everyone here. I don't think it is OK. This is an 8 year old boy smelling his mother's arm pits and breasts. I understand it is a compulsion but you need to stop allowing this. Let him smell something else but you do not want your child to go into the tween years behaving in ways that are somewhat sexual and very inappropriate. He will develop all sorts of conflicting feelings if you allow this. And if he ever does anything remotely like this in front of other children, he will suffer socially.

I'm surprised, actually, that you say it makes you uncomfortable but you allow it anyway. What are you teaching your son with that? That you can behave in ways that make people uncomfortable -- that make women uncomfortable? You really, really need to establish some boundaries here. Punish him if he does it. All this talk talk talking is doing nothing and you and your DH are creeped out, but you are allowing it? And he KNOWS it creeps you out?

This does not sound like ADHD to me. I have two children with ADHD and one with Aspergers and it sounds much more like a spectrumy thing. In any event, for your son's sake you need to stop it.

[Anonymous]

I don't have ADHD children but I do have children who are the same age, as well as older and younger than the OP's child. I think the OP should trust her instincts. I can imagine some 8 yos who are immature for their age doing something like this and coming across as very toddler-like and more sweet and loving than strange. But the OP makes it sounds like it's too much and I respect that. Can you come up with some sort of alternative? Could you give him one of your old t-shirts or nightgowns to smell while you hold and hug him, and he can sleep with it if he wants to? (my kids have blankets that they love to sleep with and even smell.) I know my children can be all over me phsyically at times and I have to give them an alternative because it's just too much, despite my being a very affectionate mother. This seems like one of those situations. Sounds like everyone would be better off if he was holding and smelling your shirt rather than being all over you.

[Anonymous]

Saw a story about Stephanie Seymour's 17 yo son being unusually and overly affectionate with his mom at the beach. Tongues wagged, ala Angelina Jolie and her brother mouth on mouth public kisses, but he, apparently an openly gay teen, explained that he has a very close relationship with his very affectionate mom and there was nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to gently disagree with everyone here. I don't think it is OK. This is an 8 year old boy smelling his mother's arm pits and breasts. I understand it is a compulsion but you need to stop allowing this. Let him smell something else but you do not want your child to go into the tween years behaving in ways that are somewhat sexual and very inappropriate. He will develop all sorts of conflicting feelings if you allow this. And if he ever does anything remotely like this in front of other children, he will suffer socially.

I'm surprised, actually, that you say it makes you uncomfortable but you allow it anyway. What are you teaching your son with that? That you can behave in ways that make people uncomfortable -- that make women uncomfortable? You really, really need to establish some boundaries here. Punish him if he does it. All this talk talk talking is doing nothing and you and your DH are creeped out, but you are allowing it? And he KNOWS it creeps you out?

This does not sound like ADHD to me. I have two children with ADHD and one with Aspergers and it sounds much more like a spectrumy thing. In any event, for your son's sake you need to stop it.

Compulsion? Who said that?
He doesn't do it front of other children.
It's his mother, not other women.

[Anonymous]

OP said it was a compulsion, that he couldn't control. She also said it made her and her husband uncomfortable. I think it is very different for those of you with younger children. And even if it is his mother, she is a woman and hence the conflicted feeling, especially if they have had all these conversations about how it makes her uncomfortable.

Here's the test: would OP feel comfortable talking about this with her child's doctor? If yes, I encourage her to do so. If no, there's the answer right there. I think you've all rushed in to comfort OP, which is commendable. I have several special needs children and I love the support on these boards. But sometimes we all have to change course, all of us. I think its time for OP to do so.

[Anonymous]

My 5 yo DD does this. She literally lifts my arm up and sticks her head under my arm pit and sucks her thumb. This happens when we're reading books or just hanging out on the couch. It is endearing and sweet, just as it was precious when she used to nurse. She doesn't do it in public, and if I don't want her to do it at any given time, I tell her to stop. If it becomes a problem, I'll tell her I don't like that, but she can give me a hug instead. he sleeps with a shirt of mine, her "smelly shirt".
This child is NT. Her older sister is ADHD and sensory seeking but not a smeller.