8 yo DS loves to smell me

[Anonymous]

21:44 here. I think that you are doing the right thing by calmly teaching him to respect personal boundaries. I would not listen to the PP who recommended punishing him. Shaming him will just give him bigger problems that he will probably take with him into adulthood.

My DD has Tourette Syndrome in addition to ADHD and OCD so I am used to her doing things that she truly can't control. Parenting a child with TS is a very different ball game from parenting the average child because you know that any time you try to force a child to stop having a tic, you will only make things much, much worse. Some kids with TS smell people a lot. It is a tic for them. So with my kid, I never knew whether she was having impulse control problems or actual tics. Still, I told her that this behavior makes people very uncomfortable and she did eventually learn to control some of the more inappropriate behaviors.

I think your son will be fine and he will stop doing this when he develops the maturity and ability to control himself a little better. He already knows that he should stop but he obviously isn't able to do that yet. Giving him a shirt might be a really good idea.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that you are reading something sexual into it that isn't there. He finds the smell of you deeply comforting, esp when combined with feeling close to you physically. Try substituting a shirt and a new routine, say cuddling and reading a story. It sounds like it is at transition times when he is tired. If you can move the new routine back in time a bit the need won't be as strong since he won't be as tired. He may be far more reliant on the smell and physical contact to regulate at the transition times from sleep to wake or vice versa. I think if you can understand that and that it isn't some male/female thing that you can figure out ways to meet the need more comfortably. In the case of my kids meeting the need actually lessens it over time. If he feels your discomfort and desire to push away that will make him more anxious and will make the need stronger. Find ways to help him self regulate without triggering your discomfort. Smell and touch are very important keys for him. If you find a t shirt with your smell works we found that I needed to rotate them and sleep with them again or the smell lessened. If a shirt is a trigger for for you maybe try a pillowcase would work. If you can explore your feelings that are coming up around this it may also be helpful. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who mentioned punishing and I have to agree that was too strong. But some serious behavior modification is in order. Creating an alternative, as several have suggested, is the way to go. Some neutral item of OP's to smell. I would add some positive reenforcement as well, such as after a whole week of not engaging in the behavior, there is a reward. But OP has to maintain the boundaries here. If her DS starts to engage in the behavior, she should leave the room, give him an opportunity to collect himself, and then come back.

DS doesn't have to be punished to feel a sense of shame. He already knows he is engaging in a behavior he can't control on his own, that makes his parents uncomfortable. If he continues to do it, there will be shame. And I don't mean that there is anything remotely sexual going on, but 8 year old boys are approaching the age where the hormones kick in (well before any outside signs) and you want to make sure they kick in the right direction.

If this is truly a compulsion along the lines of TS or OCD, then professional help is needed.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the helpful suggestions. It makes me feel better knowing my DS isn't the only one that does this. The shirt is a great idea, don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. My youngest (developmental delays/ADHD) used to carry my nightshirt around with him, especially when I wasn't home and he wanted me. I'll give that a try. Thanks, again!

[Anonymous]

My son has Mild Autism- he is high functioning and because of that he has sensory issues. He does the same thing he loves to smell me. It's called self-stimulation and it makes him feel better. to all it'll either be weird or normal...for me it's annoying.... perhaps give him a little blanket that has your smell he can use to rub his nose in. when I was little I use to like rubbing my nose and smelling my clean blanket. it was rather soothing. I don't know what else to say we are in the same boat we just learn to deal. Good lUck.

[Anonymous]

OMG ! People are ANIMALS! Of course we like the smell of our loved ones. Just like a puppy loves the smell of it's mother. Why do you think they give puppies a blanket that smells like their mother when they leave home?

And if you are in love with someone, don't you like their smell? Like my husband, I think he smells good and when we kiss when he gets home, I breath in to smell him -- b/c i love him.

People forget that we are animals and have animal instincts. We are not as sophisticated and removed from the natural world as we think we are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG ! People are ANIMALS! Of course we like the smell of our loved ones. Just like a puppy loves the smell of it's mother. Why do you think they give puppies a blanket that smells like their mother when they leave home?

And if you are in love with someone, don't you like their smell? Like my husband, I think he smells good and when we kiss when he gets home, I breath in to smell him -- b/c i love him.

People forget that we are animals and have animal instincts. We are not as sophisticated and removed from the natural world as we think we are!

I totally agree. I used to cuddle up with my parents' clothes to help me sleep. I also sniff my husband. I smell his hair, i'll lift his armpit and sniff, or pull him near to get a whiff of his chest. He says i'm a real life Axe or Gain commercial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 5 yo DD does this. She literally lifts my arm up and sticks her head under my arm pit and sucks her thumb. This happens when we're reading books or just hanging out on the couch. It is endearing and sweet, just as it was precious when she used to nurse. She doesn't do it in public, and if I don't want her to do it at any given time, I tell her to stop. If it becomes a problem, I'll tell her I don't like that, but she can give me a hug instead. he sleeps with a shirt of mine, her "smelly shirt".
This child is NT. Her older sister is ADHD and sensory seeking but not a smeller.

It would bug me if my kid wanted to smell my breasts or armpits. I would be really comfortable giving the kid a "smelly shirt." I used to babysit for a family who had an NT 5 year old who slept with an old shirt of her mom's that breast milk had been spilled on.

[Anonymous]

I would do the shirt and then also a social story about it.

[Anonymous]

My 9 yr old son does this and it USE to bother me until I finally understood it was his harmless way of being affectionate and feeling close to me. Yes he sniffs my armpits which I think is gross, but he loves it. Yes he lifts my arms and throws his head under my arm and he loves it. And yes he loves snuggling up to my boobs. We have discussed personal space and boundaries and if I'm not in the mood for that behavior, he kindly stops. You must realize this is comforting to your child, and to them natural. See how many folks have the same experience? And our kids have most likely never met but yet their doing the same thing...it's innate. BTW, he is extremely respectful to girls and behaves like a young man in public, but at home he's allowed to be a child!

[Anonymous]

The poster who mentioned that this behavior sounds "spectrum" to her is way over-stepping her bounds here. OP wasn't asking for a diagnosis, she has one and its ADHD.

My DS (ADHD) who is 10 is a kisser. He kisses dad and me about 100 times a day - our faces, arms or whatever he can reach, and loves to rub my stomach. He knows not to do the stomach-rubbing in public but sometimes forgets about cutting back on kissing. Its annoying to me but I chalk it up to his immaturity and impulsivity...and natural instinct to bond although socially inappropriate.

OP - I would start to slowly taper your DS' smelling just as you would wean a smoker as this is an addictive behavior in IMHO. Set the boundaries now while he is still young because the older he gets the more inappropriate this behavior will be considered.

[Anonymous]

OP here - since this thread was revived from two (count 'em, two) years ago, I thought I'd give an update. I gave him a nightshirt I wear and told him he could smell that anytime he wanted to or when I asked him to leave me be. It was a poor substutite but we repeatedly stressed respecting boundaries and personal space. Since we gave him an acceptable (altho less desireable) substitute, I felt any insistence on his part for on smelling me was more a behavioral issue rather than a need. DS is now 10 and has mostly outgrown the behavior. He still smells everything but not like before and he no longer uses my shirt. BTW - when he started on a low dose stimulant, he seemed to have much better control over his impulses. Our medication story is a long one - tried stimulants, developed a significant tic/lost too much weight, switched to non-stimulant, not as effective but better than nothing. Then, non-stimulants became less effective and we added a low dose/short acting stimulant with more positive results and fewer side effects). In hindsight, I think he enjoyed my smell but was challenged when trying to regulate his behavior/desire to smell me. When his ADHD is better managed, the behavior is lessened. Thanks, everyone!

[Anonymous]

Actually I have a 10 year old who likes to sniff my underarm/fat part of my arm and needs to feel it or sniff it at least a couple of times a day...it's just a sensory/mommy thing that she knows is not for everyone...she doesn't do it with anyone else ...just like as soon as she cuddles me ..she falls asleep within 4 seconds...(I actually counted)... it's just a bond and maybe because she used to be a thumb sucker...I used to suck my thumb and love to feel cold things...there is nothing sexual about it...just like breastfeeding ... that is not sexual as one of the previous comments gently stated.
It's a bound between mother and child...and those who have that are damn lucky!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update! I have a sensory seeking/adhd 5 yr old boy who sometimes sniffs/licks. I try to establish very clear boundaries about my body and tell him that he may not touch people in ways that they don't like (including mommy). He gets PLENTY of snuggles and physical touch from me, so he is not being deprived in any way.

[Anonymous]

My now 2 yr old NT son loves to smell my armpits. ( He has an older 7 year old brother with DS/autism) . My friend says"it's a Scorpio thing". Lol My 2 year old was breast fed till 11 months when he self weaned. In thought he was just odd till I googled" why does my child like to sniff armpits" . Apparently we're not alone.