I am a horrible mother

[Anonymous]

He is only five weeks old. He probably hates me and I don't blame him if he does. Today is particularly bad. He will not nap. He is constantly hungry today and doesn't even allow my boobs to refill so he isn't satisfied at any feeding and is thus constantly fussing and pulling on my nipple. Which is emotionally and physically uncomfortable (makes me feel inadequate). I yelled at him today. I'm a horrible mother. He is crying as I type this and part of me wants to just leave the room and let him cry. Poor thing. He got the short end of the stick when they drew mothers.

[Anonymous]

Do not yell at him. He is an infant. I say this kindly...get professional help and a support system. Now!

[Anonymous]

This really sounds like PPD to me. OP you should talk to someone! Start with your OB and see what they say

[Anonymous]

OK. You've vented. I hope you feel better (I don't mean that sarcastically, I mean it). Now, get him a 2 oz bottle of formula while you let yourself "refill" -- I say 2 oz's because that will take his edge off (hopefully, he'll start crying), but it won't completely fill him up. So, he'll be ready to eat again when you feel fuller and more relaxed. Give yourself a break Mama -- you both will be just fine!!!

[Anonymous]

The first weeks are hard hard hard, especially if this is your first time. Take a deep breath and know that it will get better. Why don't you give your pediatrician a call. It's likely that your little guy is in a growth spurt but maybe the pulling off the nipple and fussing is reflux or gas? Don't worry about him not getting enough and if you are totally worried give him some formula or pump a little so you can see how much he is getting.

You'll be fine and you are a good mom. Just hang in there. I'm on maternity leave with number 2 and it's amazing how much less stressed I am. I was totally wigged out the first time around.

Also, try to go out of the house at some point every day. I promise it will make you feel better.

[Anonymous]

it gets better then it gets worse, trust me there are many moms and dads at ome right now going through the same thing

[Anonymous]

You are a normal mother. Sounds like he might be having a growth spurt, which would explain wanting to nurse nurse nurse even when there isn't much milk - that's how babies tell your body to ramp up production. Does he like being walked, whether in a body carrier or a stroller? What about in the car? I would just pack up and go - for a walk, for a drive, whatever. And if you really are so overwhelmed that you need to just leave the room, go ahead and do that (after putting baby in a safe spot). Crying for a few minutes alone is obviously better than a parent overcome by anger/frustration.
And he doesn't hate you.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, I meant hopefully he'll STOP crying.

And PP is right. when you feel like yelling at an infant, whisper at the top of your lungs!!!

[Anonymous]

Everyone has bad days. You are not a horrible mother. Put him in the crib or bouncy seat and walk away for a few minutes. It's ok if he cries. Take a minute to breathe and regroup. We've all been there. And it does get easier.

If you don't think he is getting enough breast milk, then supplement with formula. It won't hurt him and it will give you a much needed break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it gets better then it gets worse, trust me there are many moms and dads at ome right now going through the same thing

My DD is nine months and so far, weeks 5-7 were the hardest. OP, hang in there. Get as much help as you can and don't be afraid to give a bottle of formula or pumped milk.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there - the beginning weeks are SO hard. To top it off, they go through a growth spurt around 6 weeks which might be accounting for his hunger and crankiness today. Don't feel inadequate if he doesn't seem satisfied - I know you feel like he's tied to your boobs all day long (because he is) but if he needs more, your body will make more, and he will be fine. You also need to take care of YOU - you've got hormones surging through your body that are making you all out of whack on top of not having enough sleep and the frustration of not having a calm baby today. Is there someone who can come over and sit with him while you take a walk around the block and clear your head, or get in your car, crank up the AC and blast some good music? Do you have a swing you can try to put him in? Are you using a pacifier - maybe some of the sucking need is for comfort and not food and you can use it to give yourself a chance to refill in between feedings? Make sure you are drinking enough water and don't be afraid to ask for a break. You are NOT a horrible mother! You are a new mother and that is a very different thing. You will get through this!

[Anonymous]

Five weeks was SO ROUGH for me, too. And I would say you've got about 2 more weeks of what I consider the nadir of parenthood.

First, have you offered your kiddo a pacifier? Mine wouldn't take it at that age, but it's worth a try. He may just be one of those kids who wants to suck for comfort around the clock. He's probably also overtired if he's not napping-- I remember standing in the dark bathroom at that age with the shower running and the baby in a moby just swaying back and forth and occasionally trying to shove a pacifier in her mouth. Good times. I also remember cursing.

Best thing I did was get a postpartum doula to come over and help me out. If I were your friend, I'd hope you would call me over and ask me to hold the baby or pick up pizza or whatever so you could nap/read a book/whatever. So consider calling somebody up and asking for help. Believe it or not, many people who don't have newborns love the opportunity to hold one.

You're not a horrible mother. You're just a mother. It will get much better. But not for awhile. Give yourself a break and take the baby out-- I know it's hot, but if you can go to the mall or something, nobody else cares if your baby is crying while you walk him around, or if they do, they don't matter. And if you really think your baby's still hungry, I'd echo a PP and say give some formula-- but it's easy to blame yourself and your body (not producing enough milk, etc) when baby is unhappy and sometimes it's just a matter of being a baby. Newborns can be horrible!

[Anonymous]

Try a pacifier. Some babies really need to suck, and if you can get him to take one, he might give you a little break. Get a copy of "the Happiest Baby on the Block." It's really helpful.

The first few months are the hardest. You are a good mom - your baby doesn't hate you!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry she is a horrible mother for yelling at a 5 week old. Who does that especially when it is not his fault for being hungry. FEED HIM FORMULA and stop being a dumbass.

[Anonymous]

We all feel like horrible mothers sometimes! You're a normal mother. Five weeks is a really hard age--it will get easier in a couple of months. In the meantime, GET HELP! Connect with a support group of other moms (check out the Breastfeeding Center's free classes at 11:30 every Tuesday or the Wednesday support group at Virginia Hsop Center). Everyone has bad days, but if it seems like you have more bad days then good days, please please see a counselor as you may have PPD -- DON'T WAIT and suffer alone, there is help out there for you! Finding yourself yelling at him is a possible sign of PPD. Also, it is okay to take a few minutes to go to another room if you feel like you have to. Is you DH/partner at work during the day? As soon as he comes home, giove him the baby so that you can take a walk alone and clear your head. If you can afford it, consider hiring a postpartum doula or mother's helper for a couple hours a day to take some of the pressure off.

My DS was like yours. He turned out to be sensitive to dairy, and my life turned around when I quit eating dairy completely. The Breastfeeding Center classes and a consultation with Pat were what gave me the idea to cut out dairy. My point is not that dairy has anything to do with your struggles, it's that REACHING OUT AND GETTING HELP was the key to my survival as a new mom. I wish I had gotten treatment for PPD as well.