I am a horrible mother

Anonymous
OP, please ignore 14:05, who is clearly the dumbass in the room here.

14:05, go jump in a lake.
Anonymous
Give him formula if your supply isn't enough. Try a pacifier. And then stop punishing yourself. You're not a horrible mother, but you're probably stressed and tired. People here throw around PPD a lot, which isn't always the case. If the feeling continues, talk to your doctor.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry she is a horrible mother for yelling at a 5 week old. Who does that especially when it is not his fault for being hungry. FEED HIM FORMULA and stop being a dumbass.


You really need to check yourself. Now.
Anonymous
Just piling on the formula recommendations. I was so determined to be the supermom, personally creating nutrition for my baby out of the powers of my own body, that I let us both be miserable longer than necessary. She wasn't starving, but definitely still hungry when I ran dry. When my husband finally wheedled me into giving her one of the little sample bottles of formula from the hospital, and she fell into a deep sleep with a little smile on her face, I cried and cried. Guilt that I hadn't fed her enough before that, and total relief that she was finally happy and quiet.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Just piling on the formula recommendations. I was so determined to be the supermom, personally creating nutrition for my baby out of the powers of my own body, that I let us both be miserable longer than necessary. She wasn't starving, but definitely still hungry when I ran dry. When my husband finally wheedled me into giving her one of the little sample bottles of formula from the hospital, and she fell into a deep sleep with a little smile on her face, I cried and cried. Guilt that I hadn't fed her enough before that, and total relief that she was finally happy and quiet.


Oh my gosh, yes! Exactly.
Anonymous
You are not a horrible mother.

Did you name your child Adolph Hitler? You did not.
Did you park the baby in the pack & play in the living room and drive to the liquor store? You did not.

Did you lose your shit for a minute because you have a five week old and it takes six weeks for nursing to get into a rythym and you probably haven't slept since he was born and babies are really, really hard? Sure. Did you do anything worse than yell? No. Do you feel bad about yelling? Sure.

You are NOT a horrible mother.
Anonymous
Dear OP:

I was in your shoes not long ago. DS also had a bad latch, and nursing hurt me a lot. There were days that he just wanted to be attached to me, and I would cringe at the thought of feeding him. He would not nap. He would not go to sleep at night because he had reflux and would spit up huge amounts of breast milk. I would cry to my husband that I couldn't do it anymore. There were days when I passed him to my husband and went outside saying "I just need to be away from him." I am sure that there were moments or days when I shouted. At my son. Not at the volume I would shout at an adult, or even an older child. But the frustration leaks out. I felt horrible. But mothers are human, and newborns are frustrating. 5-8 weeks is hard. Strap him on, or strap him in the car, or strap him in a stroller and get yourself out of the house. I've heard many times that sometimes a change of scenery really helps, and I found that to be true on my worst days. If it's too hot outside, take a walk around the mall. Also, drink. A lot. Drink protein shakes or Odwalla drinks or whatever you like. But every time you nurse him, you gotta drink up yourself too. It's really, really important.

You are not a horrible mother. You are a good mother having a bad day. And as PPs said, if you continue to feel like you are at your wits end, talk to your doctor. PPD and PPA are serious business and it's so important for you to be healthy.

(oh, also, i found that when my son is super fussy and pulls off the breast a lot but still seems hungry, it's because he's gassy and needs a burp. you can also try Mylicon. we started that around 5 weeks and it helped immensely.)
Anonymous
I've yelled at my infant before. Sometimes we just lose it because those first few weeks are so, so difficult. The important thing is you felt bad about it, and even more importantly, now you must figure out where you want to go from here. If your baby is crying because he's hungry, it's OK to give him some formula. People act like that's the end of the world and it's not. You can still breastfeed him, too! I did that with mine and it was totally fine going back and forth. None of that 'nipple confusion' they scare you with. If your baby is crying because he's uncomfortable, look into if he has reflux or gas. Try gripe water and/or mylecon. Talk to your pediatrician if you suspect something is wrong.

Also, your baby will be ok crying in his crib for a few minutes if you need to re-charge. Or if you have an ipod, put those headphones on with some good music and try to drown out the crying while you tend to him. Maybe even step outside just for a minute or two to compose yourself.

I felt like a horrible mom, too, sometimes. But hang in there. It gets better. Just do your best.
Anonymous
you're not a horrible mom. i, along with million/billions others, have been there. i ditto the recommendations for formula and happiest baby on the block. i'm ashamed to admit that i yelled once too. he's 5 months now and he's a perfectly awesome baby. (and he still cries, but not as much and i know how to handle it.)
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry she is a horrible mother for yelling at a 5 week old. Who does that especially when it is not his fault for being hungry. FEED HIM FORMULA and stop being a dumbass.


A lot of us do that. A lot of us do. Smart women. Kind women. Good mothers. People whose kids are empathetic and compassionate because they saw us treating other people nicely when it mattered.

Seriously, does anyone believe that someone who would say this to a mother five weeks out from giving birth in an anonymous forum is a prize as a mom? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Postpartum hormones, and breastfeeding hormones, can be very rough. That's why help and support are important, not bullying. Shame on you.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry she is a horrible mother for yelling at a 5 week old. Who does that especially when it is not his fault for being hungry. FEED HIM FORMULA and stop being a dumbass.


This is not only unhelpful, it's hurtful and not at all what a new mom needs to see when she's clearly going through a rough time. He might not even be hungry - there are a million things that could be going on, from just a basic need to suck for comfort, to gas, to reflux, to overstimulation. The response to a crying baby should not always be to cram food in its mouth. Thank goodness you were so perfect that you never had a moment with your newborn where you felt like you were totally going to lose your shit.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry she is a horrible mother for yelling at a 5 week old. Who does that especially when it is not his fault for being hungry. FEED HIM FORMULA and stop being a dumbass.


How dare you write such a response to OP! OP is looking for support not criticism!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Do not yell at him. He is an infant. I say this kindly...get professional help and a support system. Now!


Oh for heaven's sake. She is having a bad day. Get over yourself. You are not helpful.
Anonymous
Formula may not be the answer, b/c the baby may not be hungry. He could be comfort nursing due to reflux or dairy/whatever sensitivities. Or just a strong sucking reflex!
My son nursed constantly, I know if is incredibly draining.
I fully admit to yelling at my infant, while bawling my eyes out. He would only sleep while being held, and if awake, wanted to nurse. Merely trying to shower so I could go to the grocery caused a meltdown in both of us. An infant's cry is designed to be painful to its parents, remember!
OP, remember, breast milk is a just in time product-you don't actually need to "refill," it is constantly happening. If the baby is demanding, you are supplying, in almost every case.
A LC visit might help, as would talking to your dr about PPD possibly being a factor.
Anonymous
What everybody else said, except the hater. I yelled at my baby, too, out of sheer sleep deprivation/frustration. You're only a horrible mother if you do it again. I actually felt better when my Mom (who is a GREAT mom and raised 2 healthy, happy, successful kids) told me that she actually fantasized about throwing me against the wall when I was a colicky infant and she hadn't slept in days. She didn't DO it, of course. But the newborn phase is like a survival test if you have a tough baby. You can go nuts. Ask for help from those around you and forgive yourself. Beating yourself up will only make it harder for you to do your job.
Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Go to: