Wow, that hurts. Dumped by friends.

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[Post New]07/02/2011 19:29
Anonymous
I'm divorced, couple of young kids. There was a group activity with kids planned for this weekend, as I can see by the pics on FB. But nobody even told me about it. This is not the first time I've been not-invited since the breakup. But this group activity was one of my favorite, I often led the charge/did the planning. No email. No phone call. Just pictures of my formerly closest friends, their kids, my ex and his new GF and HER kids at what used to be my gig. Wow.

I thought that when it came to divorce the modern thing to do was invite everyone and let THEM work out who would go, who would not.

I knew when I chose divorce that I'd be losing a lot in the process. But these little deaths continue.
[Post New]07/02/2011 19:32
Anonymous
I had a couple friends disappear after the split too. It seriously sucks, and makes me think less of them. Taints all the old memories when they reveal themselves for the jerks they really are.

Nothing but sympathy for you.
[Post New]07/02/2011 19:35
Anonymous
wow, that really stinks. honestly, I would probably ask about why I wasn't invited, just because I would like to see what people would say. But, either way, I'm sorry for you and your kids - it sucks to be left out.
[Post New]07/02/2011 20:56
Anonymous
It sucks especially for your kids--one has to wonder why your ex didn't take them.

Friends are one of things that get divided up in a divorce. That's just the reality, unfortunately. All pre-marriage friends I "kept", ditto my ex. The newer ones just picked on their own who they liked more, basically. Sometimes it hurts.

But you can also ask the friends--maybe they're not choosing your ex, maybe they just thought it'd be awkward, or he specifically asked you not be invited.
[Post New]07/02/2011 21:00
Anonymous
Friends always choose sides in a divorce.
[Post New]07/02/2011 21:10
Anonymous
Speaking as a friend in this situation, it is difficult. I have had more drama trying to stay friends with both sides though. It never seems to last long unless the exes are extremely gracious about things.
[Post New]07/02/2011 21:22
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a friend in this situation, it is difficult. I have had more drama trying to stay friends with both sides though. It never seems to last long unless the exes are extremely gracious about things.


Right, I get that. But would you intentionally NOT tell one of the two about an event they both used to attend, and that they both probably would love to go to now? Seems to me that if I were put in that position, I would say, "Hey, this is going on - and by the way of course your ex is also invited so, you two can work out how you want to handle it from here...."

?
[Post New]07/02/2011 21:30
Anonymous
Well, you USED to attend the event, and you USED to be married to your ex. Not trying to hurt you by being blunt, but things aren't the same at all.

Who knows why they didn't invite you. But the point is that they didn't. So why do you want to hang out with someone who doesn't think of/invite you immediately off the top of their head?

In response to what PP said, there is no need to start un-necessary drama. In my experience, it is the asking people why they didnt invite you to "see what they say" that results in their continuing to not invite you places.

Let them have your ex and his gf and her kids. You can find your own friends and have just as much fun, w/no akwardness.
[Post New]07/02/2011 21:34
Anonymous
You said that you used to lead the charge/do the planning. Why didn't you do so this time?
[Post New]07/02/2011 21:43
Anonymous
Sorry OP. Hang in there.
[Post New]07/02/2011 22:22
Anonymous
You really can't force your way in. Your friends are not real friends. I was in a similar situation. It was very painful when friends stopped talking to me.

After a while you will make new friends just like I did.
[Post New]07/02/2011 22:38
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a friend in this situation, it is difficult. I have had more drama trying to stay friends with both sides though. It never seems to last long unless the exes are extremely gracious about things.


Right, I get that. But would you intentionally NOT tell one of the two about an event they both used to attend, and that they both probably would love to go to now? Seems to me that if I were put in that position, I would say, "Hey, this is going on - and by the way of course your ex is also invited so, you two can work out how you want to handle it from here...."

?


If I thought one of you would be unhappy around the other (ESP if a new gf is in the picture) I would invite you to separate events.
[Post New]07/03/2011 00:20
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You said that you used to lead the charge/do the planning. Why didn't you do so this time?


It's not a regularly scheduled event. It's camping. Which happens at some point during the summer, when someone sends out an email, "hey, who wants to go camping?". Very often I was the one who sent that first email. But not always. This time I was not informed about the trip at all.

And PP is right, I don't want to be friends with people who don't want me. I was trying to figure out if I am right to be upset or if there is a "logical" explanation. I guess the truth is a choice has been made, and the choice is him. So I guess I have to move forward from that now.
[Post New]07/03/2011 00:26
Anonymous
1st thing, get off facebook! Defriend everyone and delete your account. You will be much happier. And start cultivating your own friends. I am sorry, I know how bad this hurts.
[Post New]07/03/2011 00:50
Anonymous
I can't imagine inviting two divorced people to go camping and bringing new SO's with them.
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