Are you a non-Catholic family at a Catholic school?

[Anonymous]

I know the Catholic schools in the area have a great curriculum, and I think that private school is a better option for my DS, just given how he’s shaping up. $15-20K annually is not in our budget for schooling, and many of the Catholic schools are generally less expensive so I’ve started investigating them for Kindergarten.

DH’s family is Jewish but not practicing. Half of my family is Catholic and quite devout. We aren’t Catholic and have some trouble with certain (hot button) Catholic beliefs. While my son is baptized, we do not attend church and I do not want religion forced on my him (by me or anyone else). When he’s interested, we will do our best to let him explore whatever is out there and support his decisions. That was a baptism promise I made and intend to uphold.

My understanding is that most Catholic schools require students to attend mass and take religion classes. I’m concerned since what he’s taught at school about the hot button issues will differ drastically from what we teach at home. If he was 12, I wouldn’t worry b/c he could sort it out a little more intellectually, but if this starts at a really young age, I fear it will be much more difficult.

SIDEBAR: I have NO intention of turning this thread into a religious discussion and firing people up. Honest. And I mean no disrespect to anyone who reads this and takes offense. I’m just curious how others handle this.

[Anonymous]

OP - hang on while I get a drink.

[Anonymous]

Maybe a Catholic independent school like the Woods academy may fit the bill? I get where you are coming from here.

[Anonymous]

Not in your shoes, but I can tell you that at our school, an independent (ie non-diocesan) Catholic school, non-Catholics are excused from religion classes or take "ethics" classes, instead. I am not sure if they attend school-wide masses. I think at independent schools you are likely to find more non-Catholics, but you will also find a heftier price tag. All have different policies, and you should just ask. Even so, the atmosphere can be pervasively Catholic, or at least Christian, and if that makes you uncomfortable, a Catholic school may not be for you. I would ask the admissions director if you could talk to some non-Catholic parents at any school in which you are interested. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

In our experience, the curriculum at catholic school has included religion classes that focus on bible studies and not at all on hot button issues. The kids are required to also attend chapel (ours was every Friday morning) and the sermon is pretty tame given the wide range of ages in attendance and focused on generally on having good morals and values.

We also are not catholic and have not had a complaint about what was presented or how it was presented.

[Anonymous]

My kids were in private Catholic schools and we were not Catholic. I didn't feel like Catholicism was pushed on them. They did attend chapel once a week on Wednesdays. But something like 30% of the student population was non-Catholic. It was definitely a Christian type of service, but not all that Catholicy.

However, our family converted to Catholicism because of my kids' experience in the Catholic schools. I was just so impressed with the loving supportive environment of the schools and with the way in which religious education was presented. It was the total opposite of what I experienced growing up in the southern Baptist Church. In the Catholic school that my kids attended, science was just science. There was no attempt to mix science and religion. They weren't in controversy like they are in so many protestant churches.

Our story is kind of funny. After several months in the school, I wanted to make sure my kids weren't being taught to pray to Mary or any of that nonsense. So I asked to talk with the priest. He met with my DH and me and suggested that if we wanted to learn more about what our kids were learning, that we come to "classes" on Wednesday evenings. We loved the classes! We met some great people. And we loved the intelligent discussions about the Catholic Church, world religion, current events..... It was seveal weeks before we realized that we were in RCIA! And a few months later, we were Catholic. That was almost 10 years ago.

Please don't think I'm suggesting that anything like that would happen in your case. It was just kind of a funny surprise for us. Both DH and I grew up Southern Baptist believing that Catholics worshiped Mary and were a little nuts. We were the last people in the world anyone would have expected to convert.

[Anonymous]

I am a non-Catholic who attended a Catholic HS and taught in 6-12 Catholic schools. I think that if you don't want "religion forced on him" I would not send him to a Catholic or other religious school for the younger grades. I did fine and enjoyed my Catholic HS but I was old enough to work through and discuss things with my parents. I don't think I'd feel too comfortable sending a young child to a Catholic school though if I was in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

"Both DH and I grew up Southern Baptist believing that Catholics worshiped Mary and were a little nuts."

Lol! DH grew up Lutheran, you wouldn't believe the shit he was taught about the Catholic church!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids were in private Catholic schools and we were not Catholic. I didn't feel like Catholicism was pushed on them. They did attend chapel once a week on Wednesdays. But something like 30% of the student population was non-Catholic. It was definitely a Christian type of service, but not all that Catholicy.

However, our family converted to Catholicism because of my kids' experience in the Catholic schools. I was just so impressed with the loving supportive environment of the schools and with the way in which religious education was presented. It was the total opposite of what I experienced growing up in the southern Baptist Church. In the Catholic school that my kids attended, science was just science. There was no attempt to mix science and religion. They weren't in controversy like they are in so many protestant churches.

Our story is kind of funny. After several months in the school, I wanted to make sure my kids weren't being taught to pray to Mary or any of that nonsense. So I asked to talk with the priest. He met with my DH and me and suggested that if we wanted to learn more about what our kids were learning, that we come to "classes" on Wednesday evenings. We loved the classes! We met some great people. And we loved the intelligent discussions about the Catholic Church, world religion, current events..... It was seveal weeks before we realized that we were in RCIA! And a few months later, we were Catholic. That was almost 10 years ago.

Please don't think I'm suggesting that anything like that would happen in your case. It was just kind of a funny surprise for us. Both DH and I grew up Southern Baptist believing that Catholics worshiped Mary and were a little nuts. We were the last people in the world anyone would have expected to convert.

This is very interesting to me. My son is attending Catholic school in the fall, so I started taking him to Mass even though nobody in my family is Catholic. I was very pleasantly suprized and am considering converting (though I understand it is an involved process).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were in private Catholic schools and we were not Catholic. I didn't feel like Catholicism was pushed on them. They did attend chapel once a week on Wednesdays. But something like 30% of the student population was non-Catholic. It was definitely a Christian type of service, but not all that Catholicy.

However, our family converted to Catholicism because of my kids' experience in the Catholic schools. I was just so impressed with the loving supportive environment of the schools and with the way in which religious education was presented. It was the total opposite of what I experienced growing up in the southern Baptist Church. In the Catholic school that my kids attended, science was just science. There was no attempt to mix science and religion. They weren't in controversy like they are in so many protestant churches.

Our story is kind of funny. After several months in the school, I wanted to make sure my kids weren't being taught to pray to Mary or any of that nonsense. So I asked to talk with the priest. He met with my DH and me and suggested that if we wanted to learn more about what our kids were learning, that we come to "classes" on Wednesday evenings. We loved the classes! We met some great people. And we loved the intelligent discussions about the Catholic Church, world religion, current events..... It was seveal weeks before we realized that we were in RCIA! And a few months later, we were Catholic. That was almost 10 years ago.

Please don't think I'm suggesting that anything like that would happen in your case. It was just kind of a funny surprise for us. Both DH and I grew up Southern Baptist believing that Catholics worshiped Mary and were a little nuts. We were the last people in the world anyone would have expected to convert.

This is very interesting to me. My son is attending Catholic school in the fall, so I started taking him to Mass even though nobody in my family is Catholic. I was very pleasantly suprized and am considering converting (though I understand it is an involved process).

No one in my family was Catholic either. Just very, very, very Southern Baptist. It's really not that involved a process. You attend "RCIA" Right of Christian Initiation for Adults starting around September, then on Easter....Voila! You become Catholic. We actually really, really enjoyed the classes. But I'm sure it depends on who teaches, how they are set up, etc..... We had some amazing guest speakers come in and talk about everything from current events to biblical history. Both my DH and I found the classes very engaging. We ended up staying and working in the RICA program as group leaders.

And like you, I was very surprised by the Catholic Mass.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are non-practicing Catholics with kids in Catholic school.

For K-2 we went to the local Catholic school - Religion was mild - noah, adam and eve, etc. Mass was once a month. We discussed whether these things really happened or just a story to teach us something.

We are now in a independent (ie non-diocesan) Catholic school. There are more non-Catholics. It is a little more conservative and that worried my H and I a little but we were willing to deal with it because the school overall was a better fit for our kids.

They are super happy.

My oldest comes home with questions about "hot-button" issues. We say...

1. We respect everybody's right to believe what they believe. It's a constitutional right - we talk about that.
2. Yes, the Catholic religion teaches that. Mom believes X - Dad believes Y - what do you think?
3. When he asks about sin.... Like - is it a sin to X. Mommy's rule is Y for you but for everybody else in the world it's God's job to judge.

I actually think it allows me the forum to discuss things with my kids I probably would avoid like the plague.

[Anonymous]

1. We respect everybody's right to believe what they believe. It's a constitutional right - we talk about that.
2. Yes, the Catholic religion teaches that. Mom believes X - Dad believes Y - what do you think?
3. When he asks about sin.... Like - is it a sin to X. Mommy's rule is Y for you but for everybody else in the world it's God's job to judge.

I actually think it allows me the forum to discuss things with my kids I probably would avoid like the plague.

I am the PP who converted to Catholicism after putting my kids in Catholic Schools. The interesting thing about our experience is that the Catholic School did exactly what you described above. Seriously! That's kind of what sold me on Catholicism in general. Like I said, we grew up in the Southern Baptist Church where things were very black and white. If you are not a Bible believing, born-again, "saved by the blood of Jesus" Christian, you're going to hell. I knew I didn't want my kids growing up believing that nonsense.

In their very Catholic schools, they learned world religions and the values of each. Of course they were taught about the Catholic faith. But not in the context of "we are right and everyone else is wrong". I freakin' LOVED that about the school and it was completely unexpected.

Example: When my daughter was in 8th grade, she developed an interest in Buddhism. Her English teacher, a NUN!.... helped her research the Buddhism and even stayed after school with her encouraging her to explore her spirituality from a Buddhist perspective. That was simply amazing to me! That would never have happened in any Christian School. That's just one example. I could add many more....we had a Jewish speaker at baccalaureate. The Parish was associated with an interfaith ministry that reached out to at-risk kids in the community. I just loved that the church felt so inclusive.

Again, I'm sure all Parishes are different. But we've moved four times since becoming Catholic, and every one of our churches has been very diverse and inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Non-Catholic with two kids in Catholic schools.

The younger grades were a bit tough. Kids are so impressionable and so DC's were taking everything as fact. Teacher X or Father Y said this, so it must be true. Not so different than any other school environment where the teacher is always right in the younger kids' eyes. But we were able to talk through a lot of issues with them.

At the high school level, it is not an issue. They have weekly mass but a lot of the kids are non-Catholic. Further, the religion classes are comparative religion classes or survey classes where they learn about the different religions.

[Anonymous]

the cheaper catholic schools are parish schools and they will teach your child catholicism and to be direct that is why many people send their kids to catholic schools when there is a great public school down the street. i think the catholic independent schools are more expensive but more flexible.

if you don't want them to taught catholic doctrine i would not send them to a parish school. we are a mixed family and not very observant at a catholic school and it is tough on my non catholic husband. they have religion every day. i would say that our school does not come down hard on any of the hot topics. A few teachers are divorced, abortion is really not discussed but money / items are collected for needy mothers. Lots of community support activities.

one thing i find funny is that people have asked me if my kids learn about evolution at school! (yes) Really its like public school plus an 30 minutes for reiligion everyday and a prayer in the morning. We choose our school for its traditional environment and community orientation.

[Anonymous]

My concern is that as more and more people who are looking to the Catholic schools for education-better disicpline, smaller class sizes in many cases etc etc..they try and push Catholic Schools to be "less" Catholic. If I were going to a Catholic school I would be looking for a Catholic experience. If you don't want that experience..you need to look elsewhere. If I seem annoyed..my neighbor (who is Catholic) recently told me that her school was having non Catholic parents ask for all sorts of accommodations..to the extent that it was an attempt to water down the school. The school so far is standing firm (thank god) but who needs this sort of disruption when there are a ton of options elsewhere.