Barbie Moms?

[Anonymous]

My dh and I are very busy professionals. We moved to DC a year ago plus. We have twins. I had intended to apply for pre-K for them in the fall. But reading all the posts about Cotillions, etc., gives me the creeps. Some of the posters seem like people I want my family to avoid. I've never seen such people, as far as I know, at the playground, at church or elsewhere in DC. How prevelent are Barbie moms at the various independents? Do they run things? Do they try to force others to conform? Are you and your children ostracized if you do not have that narrow set of values? I had no idea DC was so backward. Is it really? Any thoguhts on this would be helpful. I really want to apply, but I have no time for such silly games and do not want to commit to someplace that allows parents to push those types of values.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what you're talking about. What is a Barbie mom? Someone who is tall and blonde and too thin? What narrow set of values are you referring to?

Are you saying DC is backward because of the post on cotillions?

What silly games?

There are a lot of different types of private schools in DC and lots of different types of parents. Not sure how "busy" you and your professional husband are, but I would recommend visiting all the schools that you're interested in - and getting a feel for each school community.

Otherwise, your post just sounds like a silly rant.

[Anonymous]

DC is a big place. Lots of schools. Lots of "kinds" of people. If you want people to respect your lifestyle and value choices, I suggest you do the same for others. You don't have to agree or seek to replicate others in order to be pleasant. This web site has many thousands of posts, a very few of them on cotillion. I suspect you may have a very large chip on your shoulder or are somewhat insecure. Not trying to be mean here. I also think cotillion is outdated and somewhat pompous. But if others wish to participate, it is really nothing to me at all and I sincerely hope that they enjoy themselves. I assume they wish me well too when I take my son hiking at Great Falls, etc. So please be very careful about deciding that an entire metropolitan area is snotty on the basis of a few anonymous posts on a web site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is a big place. Lots of schools. Lots of "kinds" of people. If you want people to respect your lifestyle and value choices, I suggest you do the same for others. You don't have to agree or seek to replicate others in order to be pleasant. This web site has many thousands of posts, a very few of them on cotillion. I suspect you may have a very large chip on your shoulder or are somewhat insecure. Not trying to be mean here. I also think cotillion is outdated and somewhat pompous. But if others wish to participate, it is really nothing to me at all and I sincerely hope that they enjoy themselves. I assume they wish me well too when I take my son hiking at Great Falls, etc. So please be very careful about deciding that an entire metropolitan area is snotty on the basis of a few anonymous posts on a web site.

Well said! OP, there are always going to be people everywhere that you don't agree with - my kids are not in school yet, but I have seen many moms I find annoying at the playground. I think you just have to try to find people who are like you and that share your values and beliefs - and seeing that DC is a major metropolitan area with people of all types of backgrounds, you should be able to do just that. As for schools, there are many different types of schools and it is up to you to do the research to find one that fits for your kids. As much as I love DC Urban Moms, I don't think this site should make the decision for you, no matter how busy you are.

[Anonymous]

I recommend you invest in a good diet and some blonde hair coloring right away. Otherwise, how will your children possibly fit in at any school. (just kidding, of course.)

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a different reaction to your post. The "barbies" who may be running things at independent schools are a real blessing. They volunteer untold hours of their time, not to mention large quantities of money, that benefit all the school's children in many, many ways. Many "busy professional parents" are far too important, hip, eclectic, etc. to get themselves to the schools and help out. They expect the "barbies" to bring in snacks, go on field trips, organize class parties, help with the science fair, come in and read books to the kids, arrange for teacher appreciation gifts, organize all fundraising events, drive sports teams to away games, paint the banners to congratulate the graduating class, volunteer on the board of trustees, plant flowers on earth day, .... I could go on. So have a little respect, please.

[Anonymous]

I know the type you are talking about. I'm not one, but some of my friends are. Don't judge them by the appearance. Many are very kind, intelligent, and open-minded people and wonderful parents, some are vacuous, harmless status-seekers, and a few are evil. Elitism is a form of low self-confidence, and it cuts across all classes and all "types".

[Anonymous]

Once again, attack the op. She asked an open ended question that was important to her. No one is willing to answer it. Did it cut to the quick?

[Anonymous]

8:37 here. I am a short, dumpy, dark haired, italian mom who hails from a fairly low income family. Not cut to the quick at all, thank you. I actually thought that I did answer her question. Guess I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

"The "barbies" who may be running things at independent schools are a real blessing. They volunteer untold hours of their time, not to mention large quantities of money, that benefit all the school's children in many, many ways. Many "busy professional parents" are far too important, hip, eclectic, etc. to get themselves to the schools and help out. They expect the "barbies" to bring in snacks, go on field trips, organize class parties, help with the science fair, come in and read books to the kids, arrange for teacher appreciation gifts, organize all fundraising events, drive sports teams to away games, paint the banners to congratulate the graduating class, volunteer on the board of trustees, plant flowers on earth day, .... I could go on. So have a little respect, please."

You know what, I am a very busy working professional with advanced degrees and a six figure income and blonde hair (egads! - but I'm not skinny)) and yet I still manage to be a room parent, attend field trips, bring in snacks, read books to the class(es), organize teachers gifts, and volunteer in many many ways at my children's schools. It’s called "time management" and sometimes I am so frazzled I can barely speak but I try really, really hard to be there for my kids and their classmates and teachers and be friendly with the other moms (I have lots of mom friends that are SAH, too :wink. Some things slip (in my case exercise) but please stop labeling professional moms as non-involved moms. I get so tired of reading that on this web site. I do not feel that attitude is prevalent at my kid's schools (yes - independent) but it sure is on this board!

Also, OP, as far as the term "Barbie Moms" that is the most sophomoric and puerile label I have heard in a long time. Being interested in (ok perhaps slightly old-fashioned) things like "cotillion" do not make a mom worse or better than anyone else. In fact, several of those posts suggest letting people choose their own course and choosing your own. So, choose your own OP...

[Anonymous]

Thanks 9:16. I think the op wants our collective sense of various schools' cultures so she can opt out or pick one that fits hers. It sounds like she doesn't know much. If she has the wrong impression you could explain why in a polite way in some detail. If there are schools with a lot of parents who are superficial who run the place, and who make others uncomfortable, share that. After all, that is her specific question. Perahps she should elaborate, although I think her question about dominant culture at schools is pretty clear and a very fair question from her perspective. She should not have used the term "Barbie." But I think it's a question worth answering for her and the pp should move beyond the unfortunate use of that loaded word.

[Anonymous]

I am a single "professional" mother who attends all my dcs' functions. That leaves about five hours for sleep many nights. And no time for me. But that is what I need to do. Thankfully, school fees are not an issue in my life. OP, there are judgmental moms at our two independent schools. Most are really very nice, just unable to understand why people would want to live differently from the families they grew up around 20 years ago. They are my friends and have been very kind to me. I would never use a horrible term like Barbies to describe them. They don't deserve that. They may seem to be a bigger group than they are becasue not many of them work. But that is why they are so important to my dcs' schools. They have the time to make valuable contributions I cannot. Although not as many, there are a few, who have real chips on their shoulders, judging others based on trivial things like hair, dress, dh's business, autos, home(s), summer plans, accents and the like. They spend a lot of time talking about where to eat, what to buy and whether their kitchen has the necessary appliances. I feel a lot of that comes from boredom. Like a puppy left alone, they make mischief to have something to do. A few times someone has said something I just had to take a deep breath about and move beyond. I try to live and let live. Be nice even to the few who lack grace and understanding. You'll fit in just fine if you are able to make that compromise. It sounds like you are too busy to have many dealings with them anyway. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't worry. I'm a DC native, and the postings on DC Urban Moms are NOT indicative of the DC area as a whole. This is a very diverse community, and I'm sure if you give it time (and don't prejudge!) you will find it to be a very liveable and open-minded place to live.

[Anonymous]

While I agree that the term "Barbie mom" is juvenile and an unnecessary label, I know what the OP means and I don't think her question is out of line. I am an expectant mother who lives in D.C. and absolutely LOVES this city, but this forum sometimes gives an insight into aspects of D.C. society that I too want to avoid. It's not necessarily the cotillion per se -- I am southern so culturally things like cotillion and debutante balls are not entirely unfamiliar or even unappealing to me -- but some of the attitudes on this site surrounding it. Those have shocked and repelled me. My husband and I are more inclined to try to send our child to public schools if at all possible, but we love living in the city enough that we are already considering the private school route in the future (if we can afford it, and by then we should be able to). Reading about the formal playgroups and admissions process for pre-K and all that goes with it on here has really turned me off, though. Again, like with the cotillion, it's not necessarily the institution itself but the attitudes from lots of parents that I've seen on DCUM when these discussions arise.

That said, I want to assure the OP that I really think a lot of the dark side that's apparent here is exaggerated because this is an anonymous forum, meaning that the nasty folks have license to be very vocal and open, and probably are vocal enough to scare off many nice and normal people, thus preventing a more balanced and realistic view. So, while I don't have children in a private/independent school yet -- and maybe they ARE as bad as they seem on here -- I have lived in D.C. long enough to know that it's a lot easier to avoid these types of people than this corner of the internet might lead you to believe, particularly if you don't live in one of the fancier NW neighborhoods (which I don't, thank goodness -- not for us).

(And this whole post is also not to bash DCUM. Obviously I'm here posting and feel lots of the info is extremely valuable and lots of people are extremely nice. Basically I just want to tell OP that I know what she means, but keep the faith!)

[Anonymous]

I agree with much of what is said in all of these PPs.

OP, the bottom line is that you and your very busy professional husband are going to have to do what all of us, with our own very busy lives, have had to do: visit schools, talk to students/ parents/ teachers, read background information and make your own choice. You have to put in the time and do the research. To form an opinion on private versus public schools for your kids based only on a few posts from a few parents on one web site, is crazy. We're all busy -- SAH and working parents alike. Raising kids takes a lot of time, in case you hadn't noticed yet.