If we live in Arlington, but our kids go to NW DC schools, will we ever feel included?

[Anonymous]

We live in Arlington (which we love), but our kids go to schools in NW DC (and my DH works in DC, I'm currently not working). If we can handle the commute, should we still move because of problems fitting into a particular community? Most Arlington kids go to Arlington public schools, so our kids are left out of the neighborhood social scene. Our DC friends are lovely, but I have to make the drive back and forth so others aren't detered by their fear of crossing into VA. Is this doable through high school (my oldest is 9)? Or is it inevitable that we'll move to DC for social and logistical considerations? Are there any of you out there who tried to make it work but ended up moving into DC? Anyone out there who has stuck it out and found it not so bad?

[Anonymous]

You can stay in Arlington but you'll forever be the one doing all the driving. And personally I wouldn't let my teenager drive from DC to Arlington at night back on Chain bridge.

[Anonymous]

Nope, you won't feel included. VA is considered the hinterlands (no matter how close-in you are). I've heard chatter in one of the well-known NW schools about the few VA families -- most of it mean-spirited and nasty. Basically, "why would they think we want to go to VA to see them" "my kids don't need friends in VA" and on and on. If you really want to be part of the scene (we're probably talking about the same school), then move to DC. Honestly ask yourself, do you really want to be part of that? Hearing this chatter has colored my impression of these individuals.

[Anonymous]

I live in DC, spent Fri evening at a friend's house in MD, with a mom from VA. VA mom (from Arlington) has had kids in our DC school for at least 8 years and at this point the family has experienced everything from K through 11th. She complains about the commute, but not about the kids feeling left out. And her youngest, who is in my DC's grade, has always seemed to have been considered a core member of DC's group.

Bottom line -- if you have an outgoing kid and can get your head around doing a lot of driving (most social stuff will not be in Arlington, or even VA generally, so even if the traffic goes both ways, you'll be driving more), it'll work. Conversely, if you have a kid who will rely ono you to initiate playdates (and if your schedule precludes that and/or leaves you burnt out enough that you're unlikely to do it, then your kid may end up feeling socially isolated. It really depends on personalities. (Truthfully, I'd probably fall in the latter camp, but the Virginians I know fall in the former (which, no doubt, is why *I* know them!!)

[Anonymous]

We live in NW DC and DC is going to a school in Maryland. We love where we live and would never consider moving. That said, it's always going to be a bit of work to make great connections no matter where you live. The DC area isn't the most friendly and welcoming and I've lived here for 10 years.
Living in VA, you may end up with the best of both worlds.
If you feel your kids are left out of the neighborhood scene-- there are ways to get involved there. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

For the private school - your kid will be fine. There are many families that commute from VA and MD to NW DC schools.

For the neighborhood - given that all of the neighborhood kids go to the same school and your child is the exception, that will be a lot more work - especially if on the weekends you are doing things with classmates. For us, when deciding not to go to our neighborhood school this was a serious consideration. In our neighborhood, about 60% of the kids go to the local public school and 40% to private or charters. Given that there was enough variation, we were comfortable with our decision. If we were the only child in the neighborhood not going to the neighborhood school, we would have seriously reconsidered our plan.

[Anonymous]

OP, is there a reason why you choose to live in Va? Just asking.

Also while your kids will be ok in the sense that they'll have friends at school, socially they'll be the awkward kids and you'll be the parents seen as climbers.

This doesn't include the Catholic schools which have relatively few DC kids compared to VA/MD kids.

[Anonymous]

In our north arlingtgon community, kids go to tons of different schools, and even those who are public are at a couple of different public schools (incl local, arlington traditional, claremont). It's no big deal - all the kids play together after school and the neighborhood rule is everyone plays or no one plays.

[Anonymous]

Try to find other ways for your child to stay connected to the neighborhood kids. We make a point to sign our DS up for the neighborhood soccer class, etc. and host lots of informal get-togethers. We also make sure to invite all the neighborhood kids to birthdays so that hopefully they'll reciprocate.

So far it seems to be working well.....

FWIW I think almost all the neighbors are going to public except one other family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there a reason why you choose to live in Va? Just asking.

Also while your kids will be ok in the sense that they'll have friends at school, socially they'll be the awkward kids and you'll be the parents seen as climbers.

This doesn't include the Catholic schools which have relatively few DC kids compared to VA/MD kids.

Please ignore this poster. No one cares where you live. If your kid is well liked, kids really don't care where they live. They will included the other kid, it just may be harder. As far as the neighborhood, it will be much harder for your kids to feel included. By the time they get to MS, they will have their friends that they want to do things with and so will the neighborhood kids. Yes,they can play sports together but it is the day to day interactions that will be missing and where the connections really are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there a reason why you choose to live in Va? Just asking.

Also while your kids will be ok in the sense that they'll have friends at school, socially they'll be the awkward kids and you'll be the parents seen as climbers.

This doesn't include the Catholic schools which have relatively few DC kids compared to VA/MD kids.

Too bad . Climbing to what? More climbers live in DC/Bethesda/chevy Chase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there a reason why you choose to live in Va? Just asking.

Also while your kids will be ok in the sense that they'll have friends at school, socially they'll be the awkward kids and you'll be the parents seen as climbers.

This doesn't include the Catholic schools which have relatively few DC kids compared to VA/MD kids.

"Climbers" because we live in VA? That's just nuts. We have the jobs and friends we want. Where are we climbing to, the Cleveland Park of our 20s, or the Georgetown of our 30s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there a reason why you choose to live in Va? Just asking.

Also while your kids will be ok in the sense that they'll have friends at school, socially they'll be the awkward kids and you'll be the parents seen as climbers.

This doesn't include the Catholic schools which have relatively few DC kids compared to VA/MD kids.

"Climbers" because we live in VA? That's just nuts. We have the jobs and friends we want. Where are we climbing to, the Cleveland Park of our 20s, or the Georgetown of our 30s?

Great response!

[Anonymous]

Climbers? Do we envy you your higher taxes?

[Anonymous]

I have come to the conclusion that the DC/MD posters on this board don't want the competition that Virginia kids mean, so they discourage parents from looking at "their" schools - never mind if our commute to those schools is 10-15 minutes. So they act as if Virginia is the hinterlands, as if the commute alone will kill our children. Then they insult us personally ("climbers"?) to further push us away.

Transparent, really.