Um, this is so awkward.

[Anonymous]

I think the crying laughing face emoji is an appropriate response. Seriously. It's what I would do.

[Anonymous]

🧺 🧳

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm the weird one, because I don't actually find anything wrong with her response! To me, it's the friendship equivalent of "it's not you, it's me" - nothing wrong with you, I just don't have time for more friends right now. I would vastly prefer this response to "I'm busy" where I would keep asking.

Reminds me of this article about "askers vs. guessers" - I'm a major asker, and prefer others to be as well. I also have no problem getting shot down about stuff.

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/

I'm actually interested in what other options there are besides just saying "I'm busy" - I'm not a fan of the "polite lie" and while I am not the person who texted the OP, and I would be a bit more tactful than this, I wonder what other people think a good response is, generally, to overtures of friendship/increasing friendship "level" for lack of a better word when you just do not have the social bandwidth for more friends.

In fact, I'm gonna create a s/o thread.

Decline by saying "Sorry, we can't this weekend, " would suffice. Then buck up because I might invite you again. But if I receive 2 or 3 declines without an explanation or another offer or some indication that they do want to hang out (such as "sorry we can't this weekend, maybe next?" Or "that sounds fun, I love fire pits, but we can't this weekend, ") I will stop asking.

If I've really offended someone, sure, tell me. But if you just don't have the time for more friends, or you really don't like me, I'd absolutely prefer being ghosted. I can take a hint and would prefer to save face. I think the person declining the invite would prefer a non-awkward approach too.

Because really, the op's example is another way of saying "I don't like you enough to be your friend."

This. Let people save face.

BTW: "I'm busy" isn't a lie. In fact, that's what the woman told OP -- she was busy. You can just leave off the part about being too busy to be friends. Most people will stop asking after 2-3 declined invitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she was just being honest, which should be acceptable. She wasn't being rude or mean because she didn't make up a fake excuse.

You said you used to hang out once per month in a large group- did you ever hand out at each other's house- just your family and theirs? Not part of a "large group?" If she had never invited just you/your family over their house then I would say you have always just been friendly acquaintances.

If your children are friends don't burn bridges. I would replying with I understand and I hope to see them again once soccer starts and things normalize (or whatever it is your kids have in common)

DP, but I have two follow-up questions which I'm highly interested in:

OP, has she turned you down for any invitations before, ever? How many times (even if there was a good excuse), if any?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be mortified. She’s the one who responded incredibly rudely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like borderline personality disorder. Extreme fear of closeness causes a person to fear rejection so badly that they reject others preemptively. She is afraid you will see through her somehow. Just do not reply or attempt to engage and do not be intimidated into letting your feelings get involved.

Mental health professional here. You can’t assume BPD based on this info.

She does sound like a b!tch though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she was just being honest, which should be acceptable. She wasn't being rude or mean because she didn't make up a fake excuse.

You said you used to hang out once per month in a large group- did you ever hand out at each other's house- just your family and theirs? Not part of a "large group?" If she had never invited just you/your family over their house then I would say you have always just been friendly acquaintances.

If your children are friends don't burn bridges. I would replying with I understand and I hope to see them again once soccer starts and things normalize (or whatever it is your kids have in common)

DP, but I have two follow-up questions which I'm highly interested in:

OP, has she turned you down for any invitations before, ever? How many times (even if there was a good excuse), if any?

[Anonymous]

Is this person a first-generation immigrant? I find it odd that someone speaking native English will really text someone 'we're not in the market for new friends'.

[Anonymous]

"Wow. Ok. Hope that doesn't extend to the friendship between the kids, as they clearly enjoy each other's company."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3rd-grade DS is friends with another kid - has been since 1st grade. We hang out with the parents in a large group fairly often, maybe once a month or so, and we've had them to our house for dinner and vice-versa (pre-COVID). We really like them.

I texted the Mom to hang out outdoors by our fire pit this weekend. She texted me back, "Hi! Thanks. We really appreciate the invite, but at this stage, we're just not in the market for more new friends right now and don't have the time to juggle it all." I am MORTIFIED. Mortified. Mortified, as if I want the floor to swallow me whole. I feel like someone who asked a kid to dance at the prom and got rejected. I don't even know how to respond. Help????

I think it's weird because she made the leap to friendship when you just asked about a one time social get together not if you could stay at her house for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she was just being honest, which should be acceptable. She wasn't being rude or mean because she didn't make up a fake excuse.

You said you used to hang out once per month in a large group- did you ever hand out at each other's house- just your family and theirs? Not part of a "large group?" If she had never invited just you/your family over their house then I would say you have always just been friendly acquaintances.

If your children are friends don't burn bridges. I would replying with I understand and I hope to see them again once soccer starts and things normalize (or whatever it is your kids have in common)

DP, but I have two follow-up questions which I'm highly interested in:

OP, has she turned you down for any invitations before, ever? How many times (even if there was a good excuse), if any?

This was my only thought as to how this wasn’t appallingly rude—if OP is constantly extending invites and not taking the hint. I have a lot of social anxiety so on the rare occasion I extend an invite, if I am turned down without some type of counteroffer or encouraging “how about another time” response, I am giving up. Nobody needs to reject me twice! So please, for those of you who think this is okay, at least for the first time, try to be gentle without saying directly, “I don’t want to be your friend.”

[Anonymous]

“how about another time” response, when the person isn't sincere, makes them the nastiest person of all.

[Anonymous]

“I think it's weird because she made the leap to friendship when you just asked about a one time social get together not if you could stay at her house for a week.”

Right? You didn’t say check your mailbox, I bedazzled matching sweatshirts for us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I think it's weird because she made the leap to friendship when you just asked about a one time social get together not if you could stay at her house for a week.”

Right? You didn’t say check your mailbox, I bedazzled matching sweatshirts for us!

unless you did...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I think it's weird because she made the leap to friendship when you just asked about a one time social get together not if you could stay at her house for a week.”

Right? You didn’t say check your mailbox, I bedazzled matching sweatshirts for us!

People are doing one time social get togethers during a pandemic with casual friends?