I never understood the difference between public and private until today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did private for a while in DMV area, what you don't see in a tour of the facilities is that the schools, necessarily really, listen to and seek out, big donor parents. How you get on the board of trustees is a function of the money you give or bring in to the school. This is so different from public that those who only know public can't begin to understand how it perverts relationships throughout the school community. It takes some years at a school to see how true this is.

+1. I went to a private school in a smaller town. If your parents were rich, you got away with whatever. If your parents were regular tuition paying parents, you had to follow the rules. When you are a kid, you aren't really savvy enough to recognize this, particularly if you are not "in the know." It was gross.

Just FYI -- in my experience, the same is true at public schools in smaller towns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If money were no object, I would move to a place with great public schools I didn’t have to Lotto to get into.

The social effects of exposure to the “great facilities” at such a young age are not what I want for my kid.

Would you mind elaborating on the social effects of great facilities.

Entitlement. Distance from the lived experience of most age peers. Inability to navigate, or discomfort when navigating, circumstances that do not meet physical plant expectations and attendant social norms. Lack of comprehension of the vast and growing gap between the ultra-rich and everyone else in the US.

I teach college students, so I’ve seen all of these coming through. I was in college myself when I first met a kid whose parents bought a major work of modern art (and by “major” I mean Matisse) for each kid’s birth. I would rather my kid not encounter that until a similar age.

You seem to paint private school families with a really broad stroke. I imagine the kids who suffer from the things you list also exist in public schools in these very rich areas of VA and MD. I grew up with people who did the equivalent of buying a Matisse for each kid's birth. I don't see why it would have been better for me to not know those people until I was in college. My friends I made who grew up in poor areas who had never met people like that actually seemed to be the ones who had a harder time dealing with that than I did. They also tended to be less knowledgeable about the "gap" you speak of because they had lived in a homogeneous town their whole life.

I grew up very middle-class in a small town and went to college with lots of seriously rich kids. I've never met a rich kid that had "discomfort when navigating other circumstances." In fact, one of the general characteristics of these types of people, in my experience, is that they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in. They always feel like they belong. Are they truly aware of how other people live? Maybe not, but poor kids probably don't have much understanding of the daily lives of the rich, either.

[Anonymous]

they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in

Translation: They think they are top dog and own any situation they find themselves in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in

Translation: They think they are top dog and own any situation they find themselves in.

True, but also very, very effective in getting trough life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in

Translation: They think they are top dog and own any situation they find themselves in.

True, but also very, very effective in getting trough life.

Yes, money is effective and powerful. This type of behavior though has also caused some of the world's biggest problems and has destabilized nations. So what is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in

Translation: They think they are top dog and own any situation they find themselves in.

True, but also very, very effective in getting trough life.

Yes, money is effective and powerful. This type of behavior though has also caused some of the world's biggest problems and has destabilized nations. So what is your point?

I guess my point is that a number of people on this thread have talked about private school as a way of getting to know these people. It is also a way of learning to be comfortable in their world, so that possibilities for fortune are opened to you, too. Many people, particularly in DC, choose private, at least in part, with a view toward an Ivy League (or equivalent) education and the networking opportunities that come from them.

It is disingenuous at best to argue that private school offers a much better education than public in this area. Plenty of public school students here do very, very well in the college race. What private does offer is softer, higher-level introduction to elite education, one that promotes that version of self-esteem. There are a lot of parents choosing private with the hope that it is an entree to big law, or finance, or a life of great fortune in some way or another.

The way you get there is with that confidence that says you belong in any room you're in, even when all you have is a brand new diploma and no relevant life experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Exeter. My children go to a Title I DCPS. So I know what you mean. I'd switch them in middle or high school if I could afford it. It really is a different world.

Ok...
This is what we want to hear about.
I’m the OP of this thread, and I had sort of given up here. Posters are having a really hard time with time with the money aspect of this discussion. I don’t need a cost benefit analysis. The cost is not the issue.
If money wasn’t an issue, would you have them in private starting in pre K and continuing all the way through?
Do you see a benefit to their DCPS title 1 school?

OP, I went to private K-12. My husband went to public K-12. Comparing schools is like comparing apples and oranges, but he was in a very good school district in MD, for what that's worth. I loved my school. I loved going to school. I loved learning. I loved my teachers. I loved that we took amazing class trips from 6-12 grade (like week-long trips in other states). I loved the fact that everyone knew everyone else. I loved how intensely my English teachers paid attention to my writing so that I had to work really hard at it. I loved how my school made us take art classes and play sports and do volunteer hours every year to expose us to things we might have otherwise not chosen to do. I love the fact that 20 years later our class is still super close. I could go on and on. My husband liked nothing about his school. He has no connection to it (I still wear t-shirts from my school, use pens with the logo, drink coffee out of a mug from there). He hasn't gone to a single reunion (I haven't missed one and the school is thousands of miles away from our house). He doesn't remember any of his teachers names (I am friends with several on Facebook and stay in touch). His parents know none of his friends' names (my parents can name every single kid in my class and their parents). Again, I could go on and on. Private school and public school offer different things. And not all privates or publics are created equal. But if you find a private school that you love and you can afford, then why wouldn't you send your child there? I wouldn't pay for just any private, but I will pay for the one my children go to because it is worth it on all accounts. They are having a similar experience to the one I had, and that's all I wanted. And by the way, lest people assume that I beat my public school attending husband into submission, he was on the fence about private school but once we toured this one he fell in love and has been happy every single day since that that's where our children go. We just had a round of parent teacher conferences and he again commented on how amazed he was with the school. So OP, if you love it, go for it.

That sense of "family" was the best part of my private school. As I get older, though, I am starting to question why I'm maintaining any connection (especially giving to their annual fund). It feels a little like giving money to keep watering the lawns in Cape Town. My kids will move every 2-3 years and won't get that family sense anywhere, and I like to think I can spot a good public school, too, before it gets to the point your husband described.

I went to private, and DH went to public; I also loved school and excelled, and DH did ok and didn't like school. But then I went to a huge state university and loved it, too, while he went to a prestigious private university that he also didn't like. So maybe it wasn't the schools ...

NP. I think you're just a friendly person who likes to keep connected to old relationships. Family and community mean a lot to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in

Translation: They think they are top dog and own any situation they find themselves in.

True, but also very, very effective in getting trough life.

Yes, money is effective and powerful. This type of behavior though has also caused some of the world's biggest problems and has destabilized nations. So what is your point?

I guess my point is that a number of people on this thread have talked about private school as a way of getting to know these people. It is also a way of learning to be comfortable in their world, so that possibilities for fortune are opened to you, too. Many people, particularly in DC, choose private, at least in part, with a view toward an Ivy League (or equivalent) education and the networking opportunities that come from them.

It is disingenuous at best to argue that private school offers a much better education than public in this area. Plenty of public school students here do very, very well in the college race. What private does offer is softer, higher-level introduction to elite education, one that promotes that version of self-esteem. There are a lot of parents choosing private with the hope that it is an entree to big law, or finance, or a life of great fortune in some way or another.

The way you get there is with that confidence that says you belong in any room you're in, even when all you have is a brand new diploma and no relevant life experience.

You really think people who surround themselves with high society only somehow have a foothold on getting along with all of society? Did Trump's election teach you nothing? I suggest re-reading a book like The House of Mirth. The protagonist in the story did not fair well once all the money was gone.

[Anonymous]

In life, you can’t solve problems. All you do is trade one set of benefits and problems for another set of benefits and problems.

I was raised public and private and my kids go to private even though we drive past excellent neighborhood public schools to get to our private schools.

I’m not under the illusion that our private schools are perfect or objectively better. Given the circumswtances, I subjectively prefer the benefits and problems that come with private vs the benefits and problems that come with public. Reasonable people could make the opposite choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In life, you can’t solve problems. All you do is trade one set of benefits and problems for another set of benefits and problems.

I was raised public and private and my kids go to private even though we drive past excellent neighborhood public schools to get to our private schools.

I’m not under the illusion that our private schools are perfect or objectively better. Given the circumswtances, I subjectively prefer the benefits and problems that come with private vs the benefits and problems that come with public. Reasonable people could make the opposite choice.

I'm in the same boat as you. But some people seem to need to tear down someone else's choice in order to feel validated about their own (even if it wasn't a choice, i.e. their kids didn't get in or they can't afford private school).

My private school afforded me the opportunity to do things (think amazing week-long class trips) that public school wouldn't have. I want the same for my kids. I don't expect their private school to guaranty acceptance to Harvard (nor do I want that for my children unless they want it), and I don't think their school is without issues. But it gives them the things I had that made me love school, so to me it's worth it. Just because someone thinks a private school is great and wants to send their kids there doesn't mean they're condemning everyone who sends their kids to public. Their calculation just ended up different than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In life, you can’t solve problems. All you do is trade one set of benefits and problems for another set of benefits and problems.

I was raised public and private and my kids go to private even though we drive past excellent neighborhood public schools to get to our private schools.

I’m not under the illusion that our private schools are perfect or objectively better. Given the circumswtances, I subjectively prefer the benefits and problems that come with private vs the benefits and problems that come with public. Reasonable people could make the opposite choice.

Same here, we are a very busy family and having a dependable school experience, curriculum, teacher feedback and transparency from a school system is very important to us. I don't want to be teaching my kids handwriting, singapore math, or spanish after work, I'd rather do something fun with them, talk about the day or go downtown to something and know that they still learn that stuff in lower school. We are letting each child choose where they want to go for 7th or 9th grade, including our public HS down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Exeter. My children go to a Title I DCPS. So I know what you mean. I'd switch them in middle or high school if I could afford it. It really is a different world.

Ok...
This is what we want to hear about.
I’m the OP of this thread, and I had sort of given up here. Posters are having a really hard time with time with the money aspect of this discussion. I don’t need a cost benefit analysis. The cost is not the issue.
If money wasn’t an issue, would you have them in private starting in pre K and continuing all the way through?
Do you see a benefit to their DCPS title 1 school?

you sound dumb; no wonder you are impressed by bells and whistles.
many people with money still wouldn't sent their kids to a private school and they are giving you their reasons.

Have they? I’ve read people say, “ ifwe had the money we wouldn’t” “ if my child was accepted”
It makes me think people don’t entertain the idea simply because it isn’t an option.

For us our Common Core public school wasn't an option for us, given the amount of supplementing I felt we'd need to do and that we (spouse and I) do not have time to do for two kids. My husband works very long hours, I get home by 6pm and then to eat and many nights do lessons with each young child is just too much. I'd rather pay for a private school where I can better understand their curriculum, lessons and progression. If one of our jobs downshift, mainly my husband gets off the treadmill, we will look into our MCPS again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in

Translation: They think they are top dog and own any situation they find themselves in.

True, but also very, very effective in getting trough life.

Yes, money is effective and powerful. This type of behavior though has also caused some of the world's biggest problems and has destabilized nations. So what is your point?

I guess my point is that a number of people on this thread have talked about private school as a way of getting to know these people. It is also a way of learning to be comfortable in their world, so that possibilities for fortune are opened to you, too. Many people, particularly in DC, choose private, at least in part, with a view toward an Ivy League (or equivalent) education and the networking opportunities that come from them.

It is disingenuous at best to argue that private school offers a much better education than public in this area. Plenty of public school students here do very, very well in the college race. What private does offer is softer, higher-level introduction to elite education, one that promotes that version of self-esteem. There are a lot of parents choosing private with the hope that it is an entree to big law, or finance, or a life of great fortune in some way or another.

The way you get there is with that confidence that says you belong in any room you're in, even when all you have is a brand new diploma and no relevant life experience.

you are disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in

Translation: They think they are top dog and own any situation they find themselves in.

True, but also very, very effective in getting trough life.

Yes, money is effective and powerful. This type of behavior though has also caused some of the world's biggest problems and has destabilized nations. So what is your point?

I guess my point is that a number of people on this thread have talked about private school as a way of getting to know these people. It is also a way of learning to be comfortable in their world, so that possibilities for fortune are opened to you, too. Many people, particularly in DC, choose private, at least in part, with a view toward an Ivy League (or equivalent) education and the networking opportunities that come from them.

It is disingenuous at best to argue that private school offers a much better education than public in this area. Plenty of public school students here do very, very well in the college race. What private does offer is softer, higher-level introduction to elite education, one that promotes that version of self-esteem. There are a lot of parents choosing private with the hope that it is an entree to big law, or finance, or a life of great fortune in some way or another.

The way you get there is with that confidence that says you belong in any room you're in, even when all you have is a brand new diploma and no relevant life experience.

you are disgusting

I think they are naive, and feel sorry for her offspring due to her attitude. . Anyone who has actually been to a private school, or a top college or a top grad school or a big company knows what bell curve of people are there and what whole-child teaching is all about. the PPP does not, as illustrated by her naive comment about life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they are confident in pretty much any arena they find themselves in

Translation: They think they are top dog and own any situation they find themselves in.

True, but also very, very effective in getting trough life.

Yes, money is effective and powerful. This type of behavior though has also caused some of the world's biggest problems and has destabilized nations. So what is your point?

I guess my point is that a number of people on this thread have talked about private school as a way of getting to know these people. It is also a way of learning to be comfortable in their world, so that possibilities for fortune are opened to you, too. Many people, particularly in DC, choose private, at least in part, with a view toward an Ivy League (or equivalent) education and the networking opportunities that come from them.

It is disingenuous at best to argue that private school offers a much better education than public in this area. Plenty of public school students here do very, very well in the college race. What private does offer is softer, higher-level introduction to elite education, one that promotes that version of self-esteem. There are a lot of parents choosing private with the hope that it is an entree to big law, or finance, or a life of great fortune in some way or another.

The way you get there is with that confidence that says you belong in any room you're in, even when all you have is a brand new diploma and no relevant life experience.

you are disgusting

I think they are naive, and feel sorry for her offspring due to her attitude. . Anyone who has actually been to a private school, or a top college or a top grad school or a big company knows what bell curve of people are there and what whole-child teaching is all about. the PPP does not, as illustrated by her naive comment about life.

Why do you assume it’s a “she”?