Someone called me out in front of my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please. First of all, Christmas is a secular holiday in the United States.

Second, why on earth would you cater to someone else's child, who believe in a made up story. 8-10 years old and still believing in Santa is one of the saddest things I've ever heard in my life.

ONE THE SADDEST THINGS YOU'VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE!!!!

VERY credible, PP.

Yes. Any fifth grader who believes in Santa has some serious issues and I feel sorry for them. It's very sad that their life is like that.

So many straw men in this thread. Nobody expects a 5th grader to still believe or anyone to coddle a 5th grader. But my sweet little 5 year old is ALL ABOUT Santa this year and yeah, I would be peeved if some a-hole just had to say IN the mall that Santa isn't real.

Really? Someone is an a-hole for not upholding your family's specific cultural traditions in a PUBLIC SPACE?

Any public space in general- no. Don't care. Specifically the mall, where Santa is set up- yeah, that's annoying.

But not annoying for anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas to go to a mall with their child and have to tell them, "Sshhh...we will talk about it later" or explain to them why they are only being surrounded by cultural symbols that have nothing to do with their own traditions but we can't discuss that because we might offend those who already have all of the power in the situation. Yeah that's not annoying at all.

Then don't live in a country where the majority celebrates Christmas if you don't like it. The majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better. I grew up in Queens, NY - one of the most diverse places in the country - and had friends of all faiths that did Santa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please. First of all, Christmas is a secular holiday in the United States.

Second, why on earth would you cater to someone else's child, who believe in a made up story. 8-10 years old and still believing in Santa is one of the saddest things I've ever heard in my life.

ONE THE SADDEST THINGS YOU'VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE!!!!

VERY credible, PP.

Yes. Any fifth grader who believes in Santa has some serious issues and I feel sorry for them. It's very sad that their life is like that.

So many straw men in this thread. Nobody expects a 5th grader to still believe or anyone to coddle a 5th grader. But my sweet little 5 year old is ALL ABOUT Santa this year and yeah, I would be peeved if some a-hole just had to say IN the mall that Santa isn't real.

Really? Someone is an a-hole for not upholding your family's specific cultural traditions in a PUBLIC SPACE?

Any public space in general- no. Don't care. Specifically the mall, where Santa is set up- yeah, that's annoying.

But not annoying for anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas to go to a mall with their child and have to tell them, "Sshhh...we will talk about it later" or explain to them why they are only being surrounded by cultural symbols that have nothing to do with their own traditions but we can't discuss that because we might offend those who already have all of the power in the situation. Yeah that's not annoying at all.

Silly again. Of course say loud and proud that your family doesn't celebrate Christmas. You don't have to say Santa isn't real in front of other kids in order to do that. But you know that. You're just being obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then don't live in a country where the majority celebrates Christmas if you don't like it. The majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better. I grew up in Queens, NY - one of the most diverse places in the country - and had friends of all faiths that did Santa.

The flip side of "the majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better" is "I am not going to censor my conversation with my child to make you feel better."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then don't live in a country where the majority celebrates Christmas if you don't like it. The majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better. I grew up in Queens, NY - one of the most diverse places in the country - and had friends of all faiths that did Santa.

The flip side of "the majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better" is "I am not going to censor my conversation with my child to make you feel better."

Hypothetically, your non Christmas celebrating child asks you when they see Santa in a mall, "Is Santa real?" You COULD say "NO, Santa is not real, that's why we don't celebrate this holiday" OR you could say "Well, our family doesn't believe in Santa." They're basically saying the same thing but one doesn't affect other kids nearly as much as the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But not annoying for anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas to go to a mall with their child and have to tell them, "Sshhh...we will talk about it later" or explain to them why they are only being surrounded by cultural symbols that have nothing to do with their own traditions but we can't discuss that because we might offend those who already have all of the power in the situation. Yeah that's not annoying at all.

Silly again. Of course say loud and proud that your family doesn't celebrate Christmas. You don't have to say Santa isn't real in front of other kids in order to do that. But you know that. You're just being obtuse.

In my experience, when an adult asks a child "Are you looking forward to Santa?" or "What's Santa going to bring you?", and the child doesn't celebrate Christmas, there is really no way for the child to respond without the response sounding like a rebuke. And a rebuke is inappropriate, because it's from a child to an adult, and because the adult meant well. So, how do you think that the child should respond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then don't live in a country where the majority celebrates Christmas if you don't like it. The majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better. I grew up in Queens, NY - one of the most diverse places in the country - and had friends of all faiths that did Santa.

The flip side of "the majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better" is "I am not going to censor my conversation with my child to make you feel better."

Hypothetically, your non Christmas celebrating child asks you when they see Santa in a mall, "Is Santa real?" You COULD say "NO, Santa is not real, that's why we don't celebrate this holiday" OR you could say "Well, our family doesn't believe in Santa." They're basically saying the same thing but one doesn't affect other kids nearly as much as the other.

I don't think they're basically saying the same thing at all.

Not to mention that there are lots of reasons why families don't celebrate Christmas, but I don't think that there are very many families who don't celebrate Christmas because Santa isn't real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But not annoying for anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas to go to a mall with their child and have to tell them, "Sshhh...we will talk about it later" or explain to them why they are only being surrounded by cultural symbols that have nothing to do with their own traditions but we can't discuss that because we might offend those who already have all of the power in the situation. Yeah that's not annoying at all.

Silly again. Of course say loud and proud that your family doesn't celebrate Christmas. You don't have to say Santa isn't real in front of other kids in order to do that. But you know that. You're just being obtuse.

In my experience, when an adult asks a child "Are you looking forward to Santa?" or "What's Santa going to bring you?", and the child doesn't celebrate Christmas, there is really no way for the child to respond without the response sounding like a rebuke. And a rebuke is inappropriate, because it's from a child to an adult, and because the adult meant well. So, how do you think that the child should respond?

I think that's a rude question to ask a kid one doesn't know celebrates Christmas. I would never do that unless I knew the kid. And if I did, I would accept any answer the kid gave. I have no problem with that. And adult going around saying Santa isn't real in public is rude though, and kind of strange also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then don't live in a country where the majority celebrates Christmas if you don't like it. The majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better. I grew up in Queens, NY - one of the most diverse places in the country - and had friends of all faiths that did Santa.

The flip side of "the majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better" is "I am not going to censor my conversation with my child to make you feel better."

Hypothetically, your non Christmas celebrating child asks you when they see Santa in a mall, "Is Santa real?" You COULD say "NO, Santa is not real, that's why we don't celebrate this holiday" OR you could say "Well, our family doesn't believe in Santa." They're basically saying the same thing but one doesn't affect other kids nearly as much as the other.

I don't think they're basically saying the same thing at all.

Not to mention that there are lots of reasons why families don't celebrate Christmas, but I don't think that there are very many families who don't celebrate Christmas because Santa isn't real.

How is it not the same thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then don't live in a country where the majority celebrates Christmas if you don't like it. The majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better. I grew up in Queens, NY - one of the most diverse places in the country - and had friends of all faiths that did Santa.

The flip side of "the majority of a nation is not going to give up a fun tradition for their families to make you feel better" is "I am not going to censor my conversation with my child to make you feel better."

Hypothetically, your non Christmas celebrating child asks you when they see Santa in a mall, "Is Santa real?" You COULD say "NO, Santa is not real, that's why we don't celebrate this holiday" OR you could say "Well, our family doesn't believe in Santa." They're basically saying the same thing but one doesn't affect other kids nearly as much as the other.

I don't think they're basically saying the same thing at all.

Not to mention that there are lots of reasons why families don't celebrate Christmas, but I don't think that there are very many families who don't celebrate Christmas because Santa isn't real.

How is it not the same thing?

"Santa isn't real." answers the question "Is Santa real?"
"Our family doesn't believe in Santa." does not answer the question "Is Santa real?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But not annoying for anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas to go to a mall with their child and have to tell them, "Sshhh...we will talk about it later" or explain to them why they are only being surrounded by cultural symbols that have nothing to do with their own traditions but we can't discuss that because we might offend those who already have all of the power in the situation. Yeah that's not annoying at all.

Silly again. Of course say loud and proud that your family doesn't celebrate Christmas. You don't have to say Santa isn't real in front of other kids in order to do that. But you know that. You're just being obtuse.

In my experience, when an adult asks a child "Are you looking forward to Santa?" or "What's Santa going to bring you?", and the child doesn't celebrate Christmas, there is really no way for the child to respond without the response sounding like a rebuke. And a rebuke is inappropriate, because it's from a child to an adult, and because the adult meant well. So, how do you think that the child should respond?

I agree that the question should be avoided unless the adult knows the family does Santa/celebrates Christmas, but I think there are appropriate responses from a child that can save the situation if the awkward question is inappropriately asked by an adult who isn't thinking. We do celebrate Christmas and do Santa, so I've never been in this precise situation but if we did not, based on how we've handled similar sorts of situations here is how I think I would coach my children to respond:

If the child's family celebrates any holiday in the winter, I would simply tell them ahead of time that many people ask about Christmas or Santa as a proxy for asking about the holidays in general, so I think I would direct them to simply respond "Yes ma'am/sir, I'm really looking forward to the holidays thank you. Is your family (naming specific names/relationships instead if any are known) excited too? If child was uncomfortable with the asking adult possibly getting the impression that the child's family does Christmas/Santa, I think an older child, coached correctly, could safely respond "Yes ma'am/sir, I'm really looking forward to the holidays. Our family celebrates __(winter holiday)__ and my favorite part is ___(appropriate cultural tradition associated with winter holiday)___. What is your family most looking forward to about the holidays?"

Similar answers for the second question. If the child's family celebrates any winter holiday where gifts are given, ignore the focus on Santa and simply respond with something like "I'm hoping I might receive ____(thing)___ or maybe ___(smaller thing)___. I can't wait to see my ___(family relationship)'s face when I give him/her the ___(thing)____ he/she has been asking for. What does __(young relative of asker if any known)____ most want for Christmas?"

If the child's family doesn't do gifts at their winter holiday, or doesn't celebrate a winter holiday, a correctly coached older child may be able to safely answer something like, "Our family usually saves gifts for birthdays (or whenever is accurate), and I'm... ____(rest of answer from above)___."

The way I'm teaching my kids to deal with potentially awkward questions from well-meaning authority figures is to just redirect the focus to find an honest answer they can give that relates to the question as much as possible while changing the emphasis to something they're comfortable with. Diplomacy at its finest, kid style. They're improving at it, slowly.

[Anonymous]

I skipped the 12 pages of outrage. Just wanted to provide a little support. As long as you were otherwise minding your own business and not intentionally outing Santa to other kids, don't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please. First of all, Christmas is a secular holiday in the United States.

Second, why on earth would you cater to someone else's child, who believe in a made up story. 8-10 years old and still believing in Santa is one of the saddest things I've ever heard in my life.

ONE THE SADDEST THINGS YOU'VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE!!!!

VERY credible, PP.

Yes. Any fifth grader who believes in Santa has some serious issues and I feel sorry for them. It's very sad that their life is like that.

So many straw men in this thread. Nobody expects a 5th grader to still believe or anyone to coddle a 5th grader. But my sweet little 5 year old is ALL ABOUT Santa this year and yeah, I would be peeved if some a-hole just had to say IN the mall that Santa isn't real.

But he's not real. I don't see the issue here.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. This thread. Entitled parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I skipped the 12 pages of outrage. Just wanted to provide a little support. As long as you were otherwise minding your own business and not intentionally outing Santa to other kids, don't worry about it.

I did read a lot of it, and I think your post sums up the appropriate response to OP pretty well. A lot of people on this thread are nuts.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be my 4 year old that would be called out. "Santa is not real mom. The beard is not even real."