What is the defining trauma of your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS sexually abused for months by au pair at age 4-5. We only learned about it when he was 17 and had something of a breakdown. I worry about him ALL THE TIME.

I know someone this happened to but it was a daughter and it was the baby sitter’s boyfriend. Same story where they didn’t know about it until depression flared up in teen years.

[Anonymous]

My mother was in and out of mental institutions throughout my formative years. She was a good mom though, when she wasn’t having a schizophrenic break with reality. I came out the other end and am thankful.

[Anonymous]

My 40 year old sister has mental issues and asks for help. But, she doesn't know what help she needs and says no one can help me. She ex-communicated with all the siblings and tells people we are evil. My siblings don't want to deal with and says she needs to figure it out herself. She is stuck in the same hamster wheel for 8 months, going nowhere. It will be a long journey for her. And more for me than my siblings because my siblings are hands off type of help.

[Anonymous]

I was struck by a car when I was 8. Broke my pelvis, both legs, both ankles, fractured my skull, all facial bones, had a subdural hematoma and subsequent brain surgeries (twice) as well as multiple surgeries on my legs. I missed 3rd grade and was in the hospital from October until March learning how to do everything again.

I'm 51 and I think about it a dozen times a day because the physical problems still persist.

I've never really addressed the emotional part of being shattered.

[Anonymous]

Emotional neglect / abandonment as a child leading to low self esteem. As an adult have been in a series of exploitive/abusive relationships.

[Anonymous]

Getting Fired big jobs. It is really a kick in the nuts being “perp walked” out the door of a $360k job.

Did it twice and hurt Both times

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family moved across the country (pre internet/pre tech) when I was a pre teen and I lost contact with all of my friends.

are you serious? that's it?

NP here.
You know what? My kid is really struggling with a move we made last summer. Her friends have moved on without her, she hasn’t found her feet where we live now, her confidence has plummeted. It is hard to see her so down, and to see what a shift it has been from her former self.
She in fact has gone through a bigger trauma—losing her dad as a toddler—but this isn’t a contest and I do see our move as a defining and traumatic event for her.
Who are you to judge?

Losing your dad prior to forming lasting memories is totally different from a parent losing a child.

Hey PP, the last sentence of the quote you responded to is ‘who are you to judge?’ And then in your response, you judged (ranked trauma on your own scale). Let that sink in.

[Anonymous]

My brother had a psychotic break when I was going through infertility treatments about seven years ago. He kept getting into run ins with the police and ended up in jail for six months. I deeply regret not flying out to where he lived and doing more. He ended up getting pregnant in the middle of that and my DD was a light in a very dark time. He’s doing great now on psych meds, and we are close again, for which I am I eternally grateful. But I will sleep with my hand on my phone forever probably.

[Anonymous]

I watched my husband die by a self inflicted gunshot wound when I was 29.

[Anonymous]

i've got a horrible trauma that i lived through and had to grow up through adolescence in, and its really ****ed up now because I can't talk to people about it because whenever I do, they minimize what I went through, like it was my fault (well were you provoking them? you were you probably lying I know how you can exaggerate your stores. They had a school to run, they couldn't stop it for the sake of one kid)

So I have just learned to not talk to anybody about this stuff. Maybe I'm not ready, maybe the world is not ready, maybe I've got to work on my delivery, but I can't take the victim blaming and yes I was the victim - the teenage kid who was teased by the faculty, teachers and principal - that **** aint fun, and if I even say a word back I get expelled.

But . . . this is why I go to therapy ... that I pay for ... for stuff they did to me.

[Anonymous]

Being a fat kid. It forever ruined my self-esteem and self worth. I was promiscuous as a tween and teen. I have never been secure in my friendships since so many people never really wanted to be friends with the fat girl.

Since age 18 I have been thin and fat and you would think that at age 50, I’d be comfortable with my body but I am not.

I married the first guy who really liked me back. We are still married 23 years later and have a good life but he was the wrong guy and I wish I had had the self worth to date more.
Things may be a little better for fat kids now since it’s more prevalent but it was really hard in the 70s and 80s in an affluent Westchester town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a fat kid. It forever ruined my self-esteem and self worth. I was promiscuous as a tween and teen. I have never been secure in my friendships since so many people never really wanted to be friends with the fat girl.

Since age 18 I have been thin and fat and you would think that at age 50, I’d be comfortable with my body but I am not.

I married the first guy who really liked me back. We are still married 23 years later and have a good life but he was the wrong guy and I wish I had had the self worth to date more.
Things may be a little better for fat kids now since it’s more prevalent but it was really hard in the 70s and 80s in an affluent Westchester town.

+1. My self esteem has improved a little through the years, but those formative years still have taken a toll on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting fired from my dream job. I spent my whole adult life working toward that job. One bully of a boss ended it all. That was three years ago and I am still trying to pick up the pieces.

+2
I'm five years out from being tossed out from a 25-year career by a bully. I'm suing so it's dragging out.
But karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting fired from my dream job. I spent my whole adult life working toward that job. One bully of a boss ended it all. That was three years ago and I am still trying to pick up the pieces.

+2
I'm five years out from being tossed out from a 25-year career by a bully. I'm suing so it's dragging out.
But karma.

I’m currently going through this right now. Not fired yet but got the review with false allegations, exaggerations, and weird personal bullshit. Any advice you’d give to your past selves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting fired from my dream job. I spent my whole adult life working toward that job. One bully of a boss ended it all. That was three years ago and I am still trying to pick up the pieces.

+2
I'm five years out from being tossed out from a 25-year career by a bully. I'm suing so it's dragging out.
But karma.

I’m currently going through this right now. Not fired yet but got the review with false allegations, exaggerations, and weird personal bullshit. Any advice you’d give to your past selves?

Take as many documents as you can with you even if they might not seem important now. Also anything about coworkers screwing up and having no consequences. Whereas you got fake consequences. I came in on weekends to print and save stuff. My job was federal government so I guess they felt shielded from consequences of firing me and figured I wouldn't have money to sue.

Most states and DC you are allowed to record meetings (one party rule). I had my phone in a jacket pocket and got great evidence. Plus it pissed them off when they figured it out months later. Just try to create as much evidence as you can. It might intimidate them to back off. In my case the agency is corrupt so they don't care. Abuse of employees is the symptom not the problem.