What's the Most Obnoxious Thing You've Heard a Parent Say at Your DC's Private School?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A tax break is a gift? What planet are you from? If I take nearly half the money you earn and then give you a little bit back, that's a gift?? No wonder our country is so screwed up. Sorry to get off track, but it's just unbelievable that some Americans are so braindead about these basic economic realites.

Tax breaks are not entitled by law. They are written in by politicians to appease special interests groups. Are corn farmers ENTITLED to subsidies? Only because a lobbyist for the corn farmers made it happen. No where in the constitution does it ENTITLE corn farmers to this.

Schools opt to offer FA to anyone they so choose, as is there right. For you to act as if this somehow removes the right to criticize from the recipients is beyond rebuke. You clearly have no understanding of privilege. Enjoy living with your head in the sand on the real issues that real people face. Ignorance such as yours should not be celebrated, but clearly is. Well done.

PLease do not write about law if you do not know law. A law such codified in the US tax code creates an entitlement whether or not the law is in the US consitution.

Financial aid from a private school in the form of a grant is a gift. A recipient has not entitlement to financial aid, as is evidnet in that financial aid can be withdrawn or decreased the following year at the will of the school.

You defenders of FA recipients' right to criticize the food are missing the distinction between being entitled to say something and knowing that to say so would be bad manners (and hence possibly "obnoxious" to listeners). Of course the FA recipient has the right to criticize anything about the school, including the food. If her child is very displeased with the food, she has every right ot tell the school. However, to make a gratuitous, negative comment to other parents at a school dinner was in very poor taste.

Freedom of speech in the US constitution means that it's manners, not entitlement, that is at issue when discussing "obnoxious" things we've heard other parents say.

Your standard shifts as you get pounded here. Why is it "obnoxious" to listeners? Simply because the speaker's DC receives financial aid? And the parent is effectively barred from exercising his or her right to speech because the DC receives financial aid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a person is sitting at a table among people known to hold her in contempt, she is far more likely to blunder socially. It is at the most awkward moments that we sometimes say the most awkward things. When we are at ease, we are far less likely to blunder socially. The truly polite person, puts all around her at ease. The judgmental person puts no one at ease, and then, sadly is left to hear the poor manners of the uncomfortable person being judged.

Not sure any of the above would apply to aggressive collar grabbing & label peering, though.

How true!

[Anonymous]

My neighbor sends her children to St. Agnes/St. Stevens in Alexandria. She said to me "There is no way I would ever consider sending my kids to public school in Arlington." She was dead serious and knows I have a child in public school in Arlington. B-e-o-t-c-h.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A tax break is a gift? What planet are you from? If I take nearly half the money you earn and then give you a little bit back, that's a gift?? No wonder our country is so screwed up. Sorry to get off track, but it's just unbelievable that some Americans are so braindead about these basic economic realites.

Tax breaks are not entitled by law. They are written in by politicians to appease special interests groups. Are corn farmers ENTITLED to subsidies? Only because a lobbyist for the corn farmers made it happen. No where in the constitution does it ENTITLE corn farmers to this.

Schools opt to offer FA to anyone they so choose, as is there right. For you to act as if this somehow removes the right to criticize from the recipients is beyond rebuke. You clearly have no understanding of privilege. Enjoy living with your head in the sand on the real issues that real people face. Ignorance such as yours should not be celebrated, but clearly is. Well done.

PLease do not write about law if you do not know law. A law such codified in the US tax code creates an entitlement whether or not the law is in the US consitution.

Financial aid from a private school in the form of a grant is a gift. A recipient has not entitlement to financial aid, as is evidnet in that financial aid can be withdrawn or decreased the following year at the will of the school.

You defenders of FA recipients' right to criticize the food are missing the distinction between being entitled to say something and knowing that to say so would be bad manners (and hence possibly "obnoxious" to listeners). Of course the FA recipient has the right to criticize anything about the school, including the food. If her child is very displeased with the food, she has every right ot tell the school. However, to make a gratuitous, negative comment to other parents at a school dinner was in very poor taste.

Freedom of speech in the US constitution means that it's manners, not entitlement, that is at issue when discussing "obnoxious" things we've heard other parents say.

Your standard shifts as you get pounded here. Why is it "obnoxious" to listeners? Simply because the speaker's DC receives financial aid? And the parent is effectively barred from exercising his or her right to speech because the DC receives financial aid?

You are still talking about rights, when it is about manners.

[Anonymous]

The question posed by the OP.

[Anonymous]

10:51, your insightful post hit the nail right on the head. The fact that adults would treat children and their families as "less than", simply because they have fewer financial resources, is creepy and outright tacky.

Anonymous wrote:
I think there is a basic philosophic values difference going on here. Some of us think that once you are in the school, you are a full-fledged member of the community. There are others who think that FA means you are some kind of second class citizen. Some of us think that suggesting that someone on FA is a lesser member of the community is a very, very ugly notion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:51, your insightful post hit the nail right on the head. The fact that adults would treat children and their families as "less than", simply because they have fewer financial resources, is creepy and outright tacky.

Anonymous wrote:
I think there is a basic philosophic values difference going on here. Some of us think that once you are in the school, you are a full-fledged member of the community. There are others who think that FA means you are some kind of second class citizen. Some of us think that suggesting that someone on FA is a lesser member of the community is a very, very ugly notion.

Yes, this exactly. The fact that the OP on this particular aspect of this thread identified the party complaining about the food as a "FA Family" speaks volumes about OP's perception of that family as second-class.

Complaining about food is a manners issue, regardless of the FA status of the complainer.

Identifying the complainer as a "FA Family" in the same breath as suggesting that the complainer has no right (or fewer rights) to complain about the food is just ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A tax break is a gift? What planet are you from? If I take nearly half the money you earn and then give you a little bit back, that's a gift?? No wonder our country is so screwed up. Sorry to get off track, but it's just unbelievable that some Americans are so braindead about these basic economic realites.

Tax breaks are not entitled by law. They are written in by politicians to appease special interests groups. Are corn farmers ENTITLED to subsidies? Only because a lobbyist for the corn farmers made it happen. No where in the constitution does it ENTITLE corn farmers to this.

Schools opt to offer FA to anyone they so choose, as is there right. For you to act as if this somehow removes the right to criticize from the recipients is beyond rebuke. You clearly have no understanding of privilege. Enjoy living with your head in the sand on the real issues that real people face. Ignorance such as yours should not be celebrated, but clearly is. Well done.

PLease do not write about law if you do not know law. A law such codified in the US tax code creates an entitlement whether or not the law is in the US consitution.

Financial aid from a private school in the form of a grant is a gift. A recipient has not entitlement to financial aid, as is evidnet in that financial aid can be withdrawn or decreased the following year at the will of the school.

You defenders of FA recipients' right to criticize the food are missing the distinction between being entitled to say something and knowing that to say so would be bad manners (and hence possibly "obnoxious" to listeners). Of course the FA recipient has the right to criticize anything about the school, including the food. If her child is very displeased with the food, she has every right ot tell the school. However, to make a gratuitous, negative comment to other parents at a school dinner was in very poor taste.

Freedom of speech in the US constitution means that it's manners, not entitlement, that is at issue when discussing "obnoxious" things we've heard other parents say.

Your standard shifts as you get pounded here. Why is it "obnoxious" to listeners? Simply because the speaker's DC receives financial aid? And the parent is effectively barred from exercising his or her right to speech because the DC receives financial aid?

You are still talking about rights, when it is about manners.

Manners limit speech? Can't imagine the Roberts court condoning that.

[Anonymous]

Going back to the original question - I've got a contender:

I once saw a mother at the school book fair pick up a paperback book, look at it disgustedly, and say to the woman next to her: "I can't believe anyone actually buys these paperback books, they're so cheap. I would never allow my children to have anything other than hardback." She wasn't joking.

I still can't quite believe such a person exists outside a bad novel parodying private school life.

[Anonymous]

Complaining about school food is not even a manners issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Complaining about school food is not even a manners issue.

If complaining to the school, it's not a manners issue. If complaining to fellow diners, it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lucky I wasn't there, I prefer Kauai and St. Barts to Bethany or OBX, I probably would have put my foot in it!

I was thinking along those same lines....

[Anonymous]

Miss Manners poster, please clarify: is it inappropriate for all parents to relay their children's criticism of a school's food, grounds, course offerings to another parent, or only parents with children receiving FA?

[Anonymous]

Hold on a second... to whomever argued that codified US law entitles a right... I hope you hold the same thing true when people seek welfare, unemployment, food stamps, etc? Those are rights, right? Since they are codified US law? Or will your tone change then? You clearly don't know what "rights" are.

If you really think it's a faux pas for someone to claim when they are receiving benefits to be in the situation they are in... well, you better shut your mouth. Your position in life is impacted largely by unearned privilege. A lot of which you think you are "entitled" to are the result of a system biased in your favor. This is not a bad thing... it is true of everyone. Everyone has privilege, some more than others. You hypocrisy is boiling to the service. Check it at the door.

[Anonymous]

Dear 18:13,

Thank you for seeking my insight. In my opinion, the person with the poor manners was actually the person who saw fit to mention that an "FA family" was involved. The poster implied that the complaint/criticism about the food was somehow less credible or important because it was lodged by someone of lesser financial means. I must say that I was absolutely horrified by such an implication, because it was so gauche, so crude and so very rude! Might I suggest that the poster improve her manners by reading one of my books?

Sincerely,
Miss Manners

Anonymous wrote:Miss Manners poster, please clarify: is it inappropriate for all parents to relay their children's criticism of a school's food, grounds, course offerings to another parent, or only parents with children receiving FA?