If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Oh I proclaimed the same and I make a lot of $$ and I’m have a ton of self esteem. The pp is correct. Reality is a very different thing entirely.

No you don't. Nobody with self respect wants to be with someone who thinks they are not enough and lacking. And if you are still in love with someone who is mentally abusive to you and is not honest and doesn't care about your feelings, you need therapy. You are better than a discarded old rag.

What you fail to understand is that cheating is about the cheater. They are broken, not the person they cheated on. It has nothing to do with you.

+ a million, and no I haven't been cheated on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Oh I proclaimed the same and I make a lot of $$ and I’m have a ton of self esteem. The pp is correct. Reality is a very different thing entirely.

No you don't. Nobody with self respect wants to be with someone who thinks they are not enough and lacking. And if you are still in love with someone who is mentally abusive to you and is not honest and doesn't care about your feelings, you need therapy. You are better than a discarded old rag.

What you fail to understand is that cheating is about the cheater. They are broken, not the person they cheated on. It has nothing to do with you.

NP. Sure, but just because they’re broken doesn’t mean they care about you or believes you’re enough. They can be damaged and not care about your feelings, or not care about your feelings enough to take care of their own issues. It’s valid to say you don’t want to be with somebody who treats you badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Oh I proclaimed the same and I make a lot of $$ and I’m have a ton of self esteem. The pp is correct. Reality is a very different thing entirely.

No you don't. Nobody with self respect wants to be with someone who thinks they are not enough and lacking. And if you are still in love with someone who is mentally abusive to you and is not honest and doesn't care about your feelings, you need therapy. You are better than a discarded old rag.

What you fail to understand is that cheating is about the cheater. They are broken, not the person they cheated on. It has nothing to do with you.

So what? You're telling me that you deserve to be treated like s*it because your H is a loser. You are finding excuses for him and justifying his behavior. You're also setting up an example for your sons about how they should treat women and also for your daughters that it is acceptable to be lied, cheated and abused. All this for some some money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Oh I proclaimed the same and I make a lot of $$ and I’m have a ton of self esteem. The pp is correct. Reality is a very different thing entirely.

No you don't. Nobody with self respect wants to be with someone who thinks they are not enough and lacking. And if you are still in love with someone who is mentally abusive to you and is not honest and doesn't care about your feelings, you need therapy. You are better than a discarded old rag.

What you fail to understand is that cheating is about the cheater. They are broken, not the person they cheated on. It has nothing to do with you.

So what? You're telling me that you deserve to be treated like s*it because your H is a loser. You are finding excuses for him and justifying his behavior. You're also setting up an example for your sons about how they should treat women and also for your daughters that it is acceptable to be lied, cheated and abused. All this for some some money?

I'm not doing anything. I'm giving you reasons why people might stay, many of which have nothing to do with money. You seem to be a really black and white person. You should try to open your mind up to the idea that people have different motivations, goals, histories than you and might approach life differently.

-A therapist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Oh I proclaimed the same and I make a lot of $$ and I’m have a ton of self esteem. The pp is correct. Reality is a very different thing entirely.

No you don't. Nobody with self respect wants to be with someone who thinks they are not enough and lacking. And if you are still in love with someone who is mentally abusive to you and is not honest and doesn't care about your feelings, you need therapy. You are better than a discarded old rag.

What you fail to understand is that cheating is about the cheater. They are broken, not the person they cheated on. It has nothing to do with you.

So what? You're telling me that you deserve to be treated like s*it because your H is a loser. You are finding excuses for him and justifying his behavior. You're also setting up an example for your sons about how they should treat women and also for your daughters that it is acceptable to be lied, cheated and abused. All this for some some money?

Kids don’t know the majority of time and if they don’t know, no decent parent will ever volunteer that information about the other parent.

Not all situations involve any abuse or even a bad marriage. They are often a one time thing in midlife with a person in crisis and dealing with it the way they were raised. If you had 20 great years in a loving marriage and have a loving family, it’s stupid if the person expresses sincere remorse, regret and works hard on themselves to say “oh well”, I’d rather be unhappy and walk away from a family, marriage and great person (not all cheaters are inherently bad or rotten people). You have a narrative and an idea that all cheaters are the same evil person that has never been faithful. Some of these people were monogamous for 20 years prior, hardly something to blink at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Oh I proclaimed the same and I make a lot of $$ and I’m have a ton of self esteem. The pp is correct. Reality is a very different thing entirely.

No you don't. Nobody with self respect wants to be with someone who thinks they are not enough and lacking. And if you are still in love with someone who is mentally abusive to you and is not honest and doesn't care about your feelings, you need therapy. You are better than a discarded old rag.

What you fail to understand is that cheating is about the cheater. They are broken, not the person they cheated on. It has nothing to do with you.

So what? You're telling me that you deserve to be treated like s*it because your H is a loser. You are finding excuses for him and justifying his behavior. You're also setting up an example for your sons about how they should treat women and also for your daughters that it is acceptable to be lied, cheated and abused. All this for some some money?

I'm not doing anything. I'm giving you reasons why people might stay, many of which have nothing to do with money. You seem to be a really black and white person. You should try to open your mind up to the idea that people have different motivations, goals, histories than you and might approach life differently.

-A therapist

+1

Surprise. Many of these betrayed make equivalent or more than their spouses. And often the one doing it “all for some $$” are the AP with no job and no means to support themselves without latching on to a new man.

[Anonymous]

The angry OW is on a rampage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Me too. That’s why I don’t need to cheat or stay in a bad marriage looking for an exit affair. I have too much self respect to be somebody’s side Ho.

=1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Me too. That’s why I don’t need to cheat or stay in a bad marriage looking for an exit affair. I have too much self respect to be somebody’s side Ho.

=1

Cheaters universally suffer from low self esteem. They need that external validation hit or the idea that someone chooses them over someone else.

Mentally healthy people don’t cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Oh I proclaimed the same and I make a lot of $$ and I’m have a ton of self esteem. The pp is correct. Reality is a very different thing entirely.

No you don't. Nobody with self respect wants to be with someone who thinks they are not enough and lacking. And if you are still in love with someone who is mentally abusive to you and is not honest and doesn't care about your feelings, you need therapy. You are better than a discarded old rag.

What you fail to understand is that cheating is about the cheater. They are broken, not the person they cheated on. It has nothing to do with you.

this is so true. I wish I'd known this years ago, instead I thought I was the broken one and somehow deserved the betrayal. If anyone can learn this message early on, all the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe forgiveness is something you practice, something you choose. It's not something you feel or is "one and done."

I focus on gratitude for everything we have and have overcome. I focus on humility and having compassion for DH's humanity. I remember that infidelity is sadly a very common response to life's stresses by people who haven't developed the right coping skills yet.

I choose not to live in bitterness, for my sake as much as anyone else's. I say thanks for the chance to remain together and experience so much joy in our marriage and family. I acknowledge my spouse's continuing efforts to better himself and be a healthy and whole person.

Maybe it's a mindset more than anything. It's certainly not just saying, "I forgive you" and feeling some kind of weight lifted magically. It doesn't work that way. It takes tilting your heart towards joy and love and peace on a daily basis.

Humanity? Humanity is shown by helping another in need, by sacrificing. Sticking his D in someone one, wow, so profoundly human. Better himself? Fidelity in marriage is not like a training course. You picked a loser. Why don't you admit that you are staying because you don't want to downsize your life, change your kids' school, have to deal with the neighbors' gossip. This would be sincere and a sign of humanity. Not that verbal garbage above.

If you have never been in this position you can zip it, because you can talk all the game you want but have zero idea what you would actually do.

I know myself, I have self esteem, my own money and career and I respect myself, so I'd know what to do.

Oh I proclaimed the same and I make a lot of $$ and I’m have a ton of self esteem. The pp is correct. Reality is a very different thing entirely.

No you don't. Nobody with self respect wants to be with someone who thinks they are not enough and lacking. And if you are still in love with someone who is mentally abusive to you and is not honest and doesn't care about your feelings, you need therapy. You are better than a discarded old rag.

What you fail to understand is that cheating is about the cheater. They are broken, not the person they cheated on. It has nothing to do with you.

this is so true. I wish I'd known this years ago, instead I thought I was the broken one and somehow deserved the betrayal. If anyone can learn this message early on, all the better.

It’s true. I even had a spouse say “this was me we about you. You are perfect. It’s what is wrong with me and I was unhappy with myself”. I couldn’t wrap my head around that. But, he went through a dark time when a lot happened in his life and personally during that period. He was not the same person I married during that brief time period. He got a lot of help, did a lot of self examination and therapy for the first time (which he continues monthly several years later). He is so much happier and “settled”, less hard on himself, etc. He was always a great dad, great husband and fantastic to all of my relatives (helped some physically and financially and legally). I know cheaters hate to hear this, but the marriage did come out even stronger ultimately.

I was black and white prior. I was black and white when he confessed and did kick him out of the house immediately. It’s not like anyone is a doormat. I also have a big career with a big paycheck and my own retirement/health insurance. I would not be in a marriage with somebody that was not worth it or didn’t change.

Marriages (any 20+ year marriage) will face some hard issues (not necessarily infidelity), sometimes it’s $ or addictions or mental health or chronic illness, or just some rough/stressful years. It’s the princess Hollywood bridges of Madison county BS and a lack of understanding about the cycles of a lifelong marriage and how people change that sell people unrealistic fantasies. Some marriages are not salvageable and some people change for the worse and it’s better to leave and cut your losses. It’s not black and white.

Every marriage, every affair or infidelity is different. We do better not to judge other people whom we know nothing about or what goes on behind closed doors. Life has a way of making you learn to “never say never”. The worst is revictimizing victims. It’s what this stuff is not talked about and people suffer horrible trauma in silence for the unfair judgement they receive.

[Anonymous]

You're all doormats who married weak men. We've been married for 20+ years and we don't cheat. My H knows that 1) I'll kick him out and divorce him or 2) I'll get twice as many lovers. And he also knows that I mean it. So much mental gymnastics. And the therapist talking about the grey area. Really? Of course they encourage working on the relationship, it's not fair that only the divorce lawyers get all the gravy. Look at stats about therapists' own relationship success and you'll see how great they are. In life, there are things that must be black and white. It's your choice that you don't think your H's integrity to you is important and worth that black and white determination. He obviously knows that, hence why he has no respect for you. You'll find excuses for the nth mistress. Grow some bone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're all doormats who married weak men. We've been married for 20+ years and we don't cheat. My H knows that 1) I'll kick him out and divorce him or 2) I'll get twice as many lovers. And he also knows that I mean it. So much mental gymnastics. And the therapist talking about the grey area. Really? Of course they encourage working on the relationship, it's not fair that only the divorce lawyers get all the gravy. Look at stats about therapists' own relationship success and you'll see how great they are. In life, there are things that must be black and white. It's your choice that you don't think your H's integrity to you is important and worth that black and white determination. He obviously knows that, hence why he has no respect for you. You'll find excuses for the nth mistress. Grow some bone.

Ha. This is a woman who does not know her husband bangs someone else occasionally. My neighbor was just as vocal this way…and guess what ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're all doormats who married weak men. We've been married for 20+ years and we don't cheat. My H knows that 1) I'll kick him out and divorce him or 2) I'll get twice as many lovers. And he also knows that I mean it. So much mental gymnastics. And the therapist talking about the grey area. Really? Of course they encourage working on the relationship, it's not fair that only the divorce lawyers get all the gravy. Look at stats about therapists' own relationship success and you'll see how great they are. In life, there are things that must be black and white. It's your choice that you don't think your H's integrity to you is important and worth that black and white determination. He obviously knows that, hence why he has no respect for you. You'll find excuses for the nth mistress. Grow some bone.

Ha. This is a woman who does not know her husband bangs someone else occasionally. My neighbor was just as vocal this way…and guess what ?

My boss was like that too. Her husband left her for the admin. She never saw it coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're all doormats who married weak men. We've been married for 20+ years and we don't cheat. My H knows that 1) I'll kick him out and divorce him or 2) I'll get twice as many lovers. And he also knows that I mean it. So much mental gymnastics. And the therapist talking about the grey area. Really? Of course they encourage working on the relationship, it's not fair that only the divorce lawyers get all the gravy. Look at stats about therapists' own relationship success and you'll see how great they are. In life, there are things that must be black and white. It's your choice that you don't think your H's integrity to you is important and worth that black and white determination. He obviously knows that, hence why he has no respect for you. You'll find excuses for the nth mistress. Grow some bone.

Ha. This is a woman who does not know her husband bangs someone else occasionally. My neighbor was just as vocal this way…and guess what ?

My boss was like that too. Her husband left her for the admin. She never saw it coming.

You're both bitter witches. There are plenty of healthy marriages out there., no everyone is f*ed up like you. Instead of being jealous on people with good marriages, just concentrate your efforts on getting out of your toxic one. Sorry your man is trash, mine isn't. Do better raising your sons so they won't be like their dads.