My friend's husband up and left with no warning

[Anonymous]

They have been married for 17 years, together for 25, and have three kids. He moved out with no notice at all.

What can I do to help her? Our kids are not the same ages, and don't socialize, so it doesn't make sense for me to offer to take the kids. But I must help in some way.

Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

Exact same thing happened to my friend recently. I hope it is not becoming an epidemic! I just make a point to "be there" for her by calling/emailing to see if she wants to get together, to see how she is.....That is all I can come up with for now. Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have been married for 17 years, together for 25, and have three kids. He moved out with no notice at all.

What can I do to help her? Our kids are not the same ages, and don't socialize, so it doesn't make sense for me to offer to take the kids. But I must help in some way.

Any ideas?

Sympathize/empathize but do not tell her that she is better off without him. Maybe she is but she is still in shock and doesn't know what she is going to do without him. Also, no one leaves without some subtle signs of unhappiness along the way. Maybe she ignored them but they were displayed. I wish her well and maybe the best thing you can be is a sounding board. Otherwise, buy her a baseball bat and about dozen watermelons, cantelopes, or honey dews, tape his picture on each one, take them to back yard, and let her bash them to pieces and screaming to the top of her lungs every obsencenity she can think of at him. This helps immeasurably because it gets it out of your system and allows you to look to the future and stop living in the past. Good luck to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have been married for 17 years, together for 25, and have three kids. He moved out with no notice at all.

What can I do to help her? Our kids are not the same ages, and don't socialize, so it doesn't make sense for me to offer to take the kids. But I must help in some way.

Any ideas?

Sympathize/empathize but do not tell her that she is better off without him. Maybe she is but she is still in shock and doesn't know what she is going to do without him. Also, no one leaves without some subtle signs of unhappiness along the way. Maybe she ignored them but they were displayed. I wish her well and maybe the best thing you can be is a sounding board. Otherwise, buy her a baseball bat and about dozen watermelons, cantelopes, or honey dews, tape his picture on each one, take them to back yard, and let her bash them to pieces and screaming to the top of her lungs every obsencenity she can think of at him. This helps immeasurably because it gets it out of your system and allows you to look to the future and stop living in the past. Good luck to her.

(Best done when the kids are at school...)

[Anonymous]

Do not suggest doing anything like that OP (bashing his picture with a baseball bat) unless she suggests it! That's assuming she's angry and chances are she's not there yet. She's probably devastated, feels like she got hit by a truck. Email her and ask if she wants to speak.

Part of me hates no fault divorce!

[Anonymous]

Even if your kids aren't the same ages, you should still offer to take her kids for a few hours here and there to give her a break from that responsibility sometimes and also allow her time to evaluate what next.

[Anonymous]

There is always warning signs. Always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is always warning signs. Always.

How the hell do you know? How many divorces have you had?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is always warning signs. Always.

There are always imperfections in marriages, conflicts and times of difficulty but we don't see every little thing as a warning sign someone will walk out. Of course in hindsight they look like warning signs but they exist in every marriage and at the time people see them as the ebb and flow of a marriage and most of the time people work through them or if not decide to part ways....they don't just walk out.

[Anonymous]

This also happened to a good friend of ours. Just be there to listen, it's going to take a lot of time. Soon she will probably discover he's been having an affair, so there will be addiitonal fallout. It's really sad, but just don't abandon her.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. I think I'll just stay in touch with her (she likely won't have the energy to reach out herself).

To those who say there are always warning signs - maybe that is true. It doesn't really matter whether it's true in this case however. All that matters to me is helping my friend, which is why I posted.

[Anonymous]

Cherchez la femme.

Seriously. She should hire a PI if it can make a difference in her divorce settlement. Men hardly ever leave suddenly like that without a Plan B.

[Anonymous]

Definitely make efforts to reach out, ask her what she feels like talking about, which lawyer she has hired, if you can take the children for a half day on the WE, bring her meals, etc...
So sorry for your friend.

[Anonymous]

How old are her kids? Will they be keeping her busy on the weekends? If not, and you can get away from your own family- invite her to do something fun on the weekends when she would have been spending time with her not so "DH".

Does she work? Has she hired an attorney? She may be too shell shocked so you could compile a few options for her/do the leg work.

[Anonymous]

Will people stop with the PI? This is not 1950!

As for 14:14, I think she's right. I bet OP's friend will look back and see signs. I bet they were not making love five or even two times a week, etc.