How long can I let my 10 week old cry?

[Anonymous]

It seems that DH and I pick her up every time she makes a noise and its getting that she wants to be held ALL THE TIME. I cant function like this. She falls asleep in our arms but as soon as we put her in her bed or bouncy seat or stroller, she starts crying. I know she is way too young for CIO and I wouldnt even try, but I feel like if I let her cry for a few minutes, maybe she'll stop on her own. I just dont know how long to give it.

Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I believe in CIO at the right age- 6 months. 10 weeks is way to early. Do not let her cry at all. It gets better. Just give it some time.

[Anonymous]

I would think you could let her cry for about 3 to 5 minutes but I wouldn't hold out much hope for it. At that age I doubt she has any ability to self sooth. My first child was the same way and I carried him for basically 3.5 months. Even held him in bed at night. It is rough, very rough. I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine to put a 10-week old down for five minutes to see if they settle down.
Key is not to rock them to sleep but pick them up, calm them, and then put them down and leave. you may have to do this a few times, but they will learn to settle themselves.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't pick her up as soon as she makes any noise. If she is crying, I would pick her up and figure out why. Babies that age do not realize they are not part of you, and need to be held. If you are getting tired, or need to get things done, then perhaps a sling, or other carrier, is the answer.

[Anonymous]

I would not let a 10 week old cry at all. Or let me re-phrase that - I'd let her cry only as long as it took me to get to them from wherever I was. Is is not possible to "spoil" a newborn so don't worry about establishing "bad habits" by picking her up whenever she cries. You are simply letting her know that you are there and love her. As the PP said, they need to be held a lot/often! I pretty much wore my daughter in a sling for the first 3 months. Some sort of carrier might be a good idea for you. I know it can be hard and frustrating, but it does get better.

[Anonymous]

Although I agree with the basic premise of many of these responses, there is a happy medium.

CIO at bedtime for a newborn is too young. You know that. However, no baby was harmed for crying for 5 minutes. If you need to take a shower or go to the bathroom, by all means, do it! Your baby will be just fine if you put her down. I remember trying to hold my newborn and go to the bathroom at the same time so she wouldn't cry. By my 2nd baby, I figured out that it's OK to put a baby on the floor for a second. Or leave her in the crib for an extra minute.

For moms with colicky babies, sometimes you need a few minutes of time for your sanity. If your baby is safely in her crib and you need 3 minutes of "me" time - close the door and get yourself some peace and quiet.

Before I get flamed, I don't recommend this as a sleep-training tool, nor do I recommend it for an all-day solution. Yes, you must be there for her and build trust and love. But you can let your baby make a sound. She will be fine, and you will be better.

Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

At 10 weeks, my ped suggested I let my DD cry 7-10 minutes to see if she falls asleep on her own because we have the same issue as you - I can't put DD down to sleep

I'm not a fan of CIO, but I did let her cry a few minutes (like 5) a few times to see if by chance she would settle, but, no luck -- chances are you'll have the same result since as PP noted, they really can't self soothe, but sure, I don't think crying a few minutes a few times will hurt and I have known people who "did CIO" with their baby and the baby cried 3 minutes and slept 3 hours. I put CIO in quotes because I really don't think that's CIO so you can give it a shot, just chances are a baby that easy would not be so difficult to put down.

I was wearing DD for a while which worked great but by 10 weeks she didn't like it anymore, but you may have better luck and at least you can get some things done while the baby sleeps

Also, the swing is the one place that does work wonders - if you don't have once, worth the investment with a baby like yours (or mine).

Also, try to get her to settle on her own by getting her drowsy and putting her in her crib to watch a mobile or other crib soother -- I'm having some luck with this if I stand and hold her hand, pat her, she's falling asleep like this sometimes with no crying (although not staying down long yet) and the paci makes a big difference for us, too.

I sleep holding DD most of the night, so please know you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

I held my first all the time like you. Now I have #2 who is 11 weeks old. Our ped suggested letting the baby nap on his stomach as long as he is within sight. As a result, he has already found his thumb and loves to suck it. He sleeps on his belly for naps anywhere between 2-4 hours at a time. He still sleeps on his back in his bouncer/car seat/crib at night depending on where I can get him down (he really prefers his tummy). Anyway because he is #2, he does get the short end of the stick. I have a two-year old who still needs a little soothing herself (singing routine) when it comes to her nap time. As a result, #2 (yes, he does have a name) has unfortunately been in a position where he has had to cry for up to 15 minutes. I hate to put him through that, but I know that I'm a better mom if my 2-year old takes her nap and is not cranky for the rest of the day. So to answer your question, I think a little crying is fine. I probably would not have put my first through 15 minutes, but if you have a second child, you'll probably learn that a little crying is inevitable.

[Anonymous]

What kind of cry is it - are you able to distinguish yet? Have you started learning the cues?

Is it a hold-me cry? A I-want-to-be-snuggled cry? A hungry-feed me cry? Or I-feel-chilly-hold-me-against-your-warm-body cry?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but I would hold all the time rather than let a baby that young cry at all. If she is waking up when you put her down, have you tried holding her for a bit longer to make sure she is in a deep sleep?

[Anonymous]

My dr told me that they shouldn't cry longer than 10 minutes (the length of a shower) When trying to put him to bed=I normally waited about 2 minutes-then went in and got him and then would try again-usually the second or third time I left he went to sleep

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all the advice. I am not trying to let her cry as a sleep technique/CIO - I knw she is way too young. I was just wondering if her initial cry when we put her down is just a "hey whats going on?" cry and if we gave her a few minutes to settle herself in bed, she would just fall asleep, instead of us picking her up nd starting the cycle all over again.

I'll try to give her a couple minutes (I cant take very much of her crying anyways) just to see if she settles down on her own. If not, guess my arms will be getting very strong

BTW - this has only really been an issue when she is tired. When she is awake, she happily sits in her bouncy seat and lays on her activity mat without crying.

[Anonymous]

I'm just like 14:31 -- held #1 all the time and am doing my best with a 3 mo #2 who also needs to be held a lot. Unlike #1, he'll nap in the swing, so that's a help. But he will not sleep on his own at night, at all; #1 would sleep for a few hours before waking and needing to be held the rest of the night. We never let #1 cry and barely even let him fuss. We're letting #2 fuss for a few minutes and picking him up the minute it escalates to crying. This works for naps, not for nighttime, we've found. We put him in his swing awake for naps, and he'll fuss for 30 seconds to one minute, then go to sleep. At night, if we put him down, no matter how deep his sleep, he awakens himself within a few minutes. So, we're holding him all night but continuing trying to put him down, figuring that it will take at some point. And if it doesn't take by 6 mo, we'll move to sleep training.

Good luck to you -- this does end!

[Anonymous]

You cannot spoil a newborn. They all do this. You'll just have to hold her. I went through this recently, too.