What's a playdate anyway?

[Anonymous]

I'm new to the parenting scene but I've been a nanny for a while.

Will someone please explain me what's a "playdate"?

I just realized how many topics there are on playdate flow, playdate interaction, playdate meals, playdate, playdate tyme, playdate "forgetfullness" (OMG!)... playdate ETIQUETTE??!!! (LOL)

What happened to the "Mom, can I go to Jeniffer's house?" or "Hi Suzie, do you want to come over for a coffee? Junior will be up from his nap soon and I bet he would love to play with your baby"...

Most of my experiences with "playdates" turned out to be free babysitting but that's another topic. What's up with the folks freaking out about the need to entertain, feed, and act in front of their "guests"? Is it really that difficult to have someone over for a few hours so the kids can play and you can relax?

Please enlighten me! Please!

[Anonymous]

Let me guess...you weren't raised here?

[Anonymous]

Yup, you got it and forgive my typos! OMG it looks ugly!

[Anonymous]

You sound pretty judgemental, OP, but I'll answer like you're actually interested. The difference is that with so many two-career families, the odds that I actually know the parents of the kids my child spends all day with are low. Most kids are at daycare/preschool, or with a nanny during the day, and parents aren't there to see them play. So while it might seem normal to call up a friend with similarly-aged kids and get the kids together in an informal way, for my family, I don't have friends with kids close to my kids age, and I don't know the parents of my kids' friends. So, yeah, I get their number from the daycare directory and call and say that my child seems to enjoying playing with little Susie and are they free on Saturday, blah blah blah.

[Anonymous]

It's poor playdate etiquette to drop your kid over with another kid and his nanny for free childcare.

Proper etiquettte is to stay with your child for a playdate; or if the children are old enough for drop off playdates, to offer to reciprocate at your house next tim and of course to prearrange this with nanny and parents.

[cuzimawesome]

Playdates are just what you call kids getting together to play. It's just more planned nowadays... hence the name "playdate". It's understandable that parents do playdates because of busy schedules etc. But it is a bit annoying, as a so-called "relaxed" parent, that my kids can't run down the street to play with Jimmy on a whim. It has to be scheduled. Because Jimmy is at french class, or modern dance class, or drama class or one of the three sports he's signed up for. Meanwhile I just throw my kids in the backyard to play in the dirt.

And yes, my kids are signed up for classes. Just usually one class at a time... maybe two at most. I believe in a lot of downtime and creative play. Things just tend to be VERY scheduled around this area.

And the only time I stay for an entire playdate, is if it's the first one. After that I leave my kids, and return the favor to the mom at another time.

[Anonymous]

A playdate is just a name for scheduling a time to get your kid(s) together with their friend(s). It's not terribly complicated. I'm surprised that OP is so confused by it all.

FWIW, I see a playdate as the parenting version of what I do to see my adult friends. Trying to get together spontaneously rarely works. At this stage of our lives, we've got a lot going on -- kids, work, travel to see family out of town etc. -- so scheduling in advance helps ensure that we see each other as often as we like to. It's the same with DCs' friends. I love seeing them play together and it's fun to meet other parents.

Yes, we also make spontaneous calls on the weekends ("We're heading over to [x] playground or [y] restaurant. Want to meet us there?"), but if we want to be sure to see people, it's easiest just to get a date on the calendar ahead of time.

Again I'm not sure why this is so confusing to OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't sound judgmental at all. Most kids are ridiculously over scheduled here. Some parents are raely interested in their own kids. It's pretty obvious.

OP, are you having issues with some moms trying to "use" you more often than others, or not reciprocating at all? I know moms who try to do this: "oh, she has a nanny...." Yes jerk we have a nanny because we have absolutely zero other options, family 500 miles away....unlike the moms who are trying to use someone else's nanny! You get the picture. If this is the case, just say no.

Once the kids are a certain age they will require less supervision. But expecting a one year old to entertain themselves without harassing the next door neighbors/parent at the park/whatever who are trying to enjoy their own children is just plain ridiculous. Why are some parents so lazy? They resort to name calling like "helicopter", when really, before a certain age, it s simply minimal parenting. It's nice when the other person's kid isn't chewing on poisonous ant traps and the parent is mindful of this for example.

I tell my nanny if the other parent is ignoring their own kid, you have permission to ignore their kid, too. Their own parent sets the scene, not anyone else. This is especially true at playgrounds, where so many parents would clearly rather be on their phone (of course, they would not admit this, but their own kid sees it). Free daycare my ass.

What some parents don't realize is that some parents don't get a break (or many breaks), and them looking for a free ride on my my break is just going to piss me off. Plainly and understandably. I see it all the time, and my tolerance is zero. Some parents try to get cozy with the nanny so they can use them, them the mom finds out - and look out! You notice it is never the easy children? News flash: you have to pay your own nanny like the rest of us!

I've seen moms try to get their hair done while another's nanny takes on the extra kids. Not for long.

That said, spontaneous is much easier than trying to plan, IMHO. Mutual and reciprocal is ALWAYS best, because the nanny never has the last say, the mom does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't sound judgmental at all. Most kids are ridiculously over scheduled here. Some parents are raely interested in their own kids. It's pretty obvious.

OP, are you having issues with some moms trying to "use" you more often than others, or not reciprocating at all? I know moms who try to do this: "oh, she has a nanny...." Yes jerk we have a nanny because we have absolutely zero other options, family 500 miles away....unlike the moms who are trying to use someone else's nanny! You get the picture. If this is the case, just say no.

Once the kids are a certain age they will require less supervision. But expecting a one year old to entertain themselves without harassing the next door neighbors/parent at the park/whatever who are trying to enjoy their own children is just plain ridiculous. Why are some parents so lazy? They resort to name calling like "helicopter", when really, before a certain age, it s simply minimal parenting. It's nice when the other person's kid isn't chewing on poisonous ant traps and the parent is mindful of this for example.

I tell my nanny if the other parent is ignoring their own kid, you have permission to ignore their kid, too. Their own parent sets the scene, not anyone else. This is especially true at playgrounds, where so many parents would clearly rather be on their phone (of course, they would not admit this, but their own kid sees it). Free daycare my ass.

What some parents don't realize is that some parents don't get a break (or many breaks), and them looking for a free ride on my my break is just going to piss me off. Plainly and understandably. I see it all the time, and my tolerance is zero. Some parents try to get cozy with the nanny so they can use them, them the mom finds out - and look out! You notice it is never the easy children? News flash: you have to pay your own nanny like the rest of us!

I've seen moms try to get their hair done while another's nanny takes on the extra kids. Not for long.

That said, spontaneous is much easier than trying to plan, IMHO. Mutual and reciprocal is ALWAYS best, because the nanny never has the last say, the mom does.

What a sad and cynical view of other parents. You sound so hostile and bitter.

I feel sorry for you if this is truly an honest description of your experience. What a terrible life! FWIW, I have never seen parents behave the way you describe. Thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Now that I know what a playdate is, being a single dad of elementary school boys its pretty challenging to convince moms to not be judgemental when dropping their kid for a playdate. I have not bluntly asked why the hesitation, but not that easy.

I know this is a mom's discussion board, but wanted to post it out here so next time when a single dad approaches you for a playdate with your child, you are aware of the challenges he may be going through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that I know what a playdate is, being a single dad of elementary school boys its pretty challenging to convince moms to not be judgemental when dropping their kid for a playdate. I have not bluntly asked why the hesitation, but not that easy.

I know this is a mom's discussion board, but wanted to post it out here so next time when a single dad approaches you for a playdate with your child, you are aware of the challenges he may be going through.

Would you be offended if I agreed to let my kid have a playdate with yours but suggested it was at a playground or other activity in public, rather than in your home? (I have issues.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't sound judgmental at all. Most kids are ridiculously over scheduled here. Some parents are raely interested in their own kids. It's pretty obvious.

OP, are you having issues with some moms trying to "use" you more often than others, or not reciprocating at all? I know moms who try to do this: "oh, she has a nanny...." Yes jerk we have a nanny because we have absolutely zero other options, family 500 miles away....unlike the moms who are trying to use someone else's nanny! You get the picture. If this is the case, just say no.

Once the kids are a certain age they will require less supervision. But expecting a one year old to entertain themselves without harassing the next door neighbors/parent at the park/whatever who are trying to enjoy their own children is just plain ridiculous. Why are some parents so lazy? They resort to name calling like "helicopter", when really, before a certain age, it s simply minimal parenting. It's nice when the other person's kid isn't chewing on poisonous ant traps and the parent is mindful of this for example.

I tell my nanny if the other parent is ignoring their own kid, you have permission to ignore their kid, too. Their own parent sets the scene, not anyone else. This is especially true at playgrounds, where so many parents would clearly rather be on their phone (of course, they would not admit this, but their own kid sees it). Free daycare my ass.

What some parents don't realize is that some parents don't get a break (or many breaks), and them looking for a free ride on my my break is just going to piss me off. Plainly and understandably. I see it all the time, and my tolerance is zero. Some parents try to get cozy with the nanny so they can use them, them the mom finds out - and look out! You notice it is never the easy children? News flash: you have to pay your own nanny like the rest of us!

I've seen moms try to get their hair done while another's nanny takes on the extra kids. Not for long.

That said, spontaneous is much easier than trying to plan, IMHO. Mutual and reciprocal is ALWAYS best, because the nanny never has the last say, the mom does.

Dude, next time try the decaf. And maybe a Xanax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that I know what a playdate is, being a single dad of elementary school boys its pretty challenging to convince moms to not be judgemental when dropping their kid for a playdate. I have not bluntly asked why the hesitation, but not that easy.

I know this is a mom's discussion board, but wanted to post it out here so next time when a single dad approaches you for a playdate with your child, you are aware of the challenges he may be going through.

I'd have no problem with it.

Well, I'd have the same problem with any parent (single mom, single dad, two moms, two dads, one mom/one dad, etc.) - I would want to be sure my daughter liked your kid, that you weren't a serial killer, and that at the end of 2 hours she had fun and had a snack.

Otherwise, no issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that I know what a playdate is, being a single dad of elementary school boys its pretty challenging to convince moms to not be judgemental when dropping their kid for a playdate. I have not bluntly asked why the hesitation, but not that easy.

I know this is a mom's discussion board, but wanted to post it out here so next time when a single dad approaches you for a playdate with your child, you are aware of the challenges he may be going through.

Would you be offended if I agreed to let my kid have a playdate with yours but suggested it was at a playground or other activity in public, rather than in your home? (I have issues.)

Another Dad here: Yeah, I'd be a bit offended. And you should be ashamed.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't sound judgmental at all. Most kids are ridiculously over scheduled here. Some parents are raely interested in their own kids. It's pretty obvious.

OP, are you having issues with some moms trying to "use" you more often than others, or not reciprocating at all? I know moms who try to do this: "oh, she has a nanny...." Yes jerk we have a nanny because we have absolutely zero other options, family 500 miles away....unlike the moms who are trying to use someone else's nanny! You get the picture. If this is the case, just say no.

Once the kids are a certain age they will require less supervision. But expecting a one year old to entertain themselves without harassing the next door neighbors/parent at the park/whatever who are trying to enjoy their own children is just plain ridiculous. Why are some parents so lazy? They resort to name calling like "helicopter", when really, before a certain age, it s simply minimal parenting. It's nice when the other person's kid isn't chewing on poisonous ant traps and the parent is mindful of this for example.

I tell my nanny if the other parent is ignoring their own kid, you have permission to ignore their kid, too. Their own parent sets the scene, not anyone else. This is especially true at playgrounds, where so many parents would clearly rather be on their phone (of course, they would not admit this, but their own kid sees it). Free daycare my ass.

What some parents don't realize is that some parents don't get a break (or many breaks), and them looking for a free ride on my my break is just going to piss me off. Plainly and understandably. I see it all the time, and my tolerance is zero. Some parents try to get cozy with the nanny so they can use them, them the mom finds out - and look out! You notice it is never the easy children? News flash: you have to pay your own nanny like the rest of us!

I've seen moms try to get their hair done while another's nanny takes on the extra kids. Not for long.

That said, spontaneous is much easier than trying to plan, IMHO. Mutual and reciprocal is ALWAYS best, because the nanny never has the last say, the mom does.

Stop posing as an MB, nanny.