Best private schools in NYC?

[Anonymous]

This whole thing seems like another data point in support of the idea that if you're not a rich connected snobby person, you should steer far clear of TTs (and even 2Ts, in NYC at least) - however brilliant your child - because you're never going to be able to thrive in that system.

It's a members-only club and you don't belong; they might barely tolerate your child's presence for a few years because they think their kids should get to know a few 'normal' kids so that their conversations with their future golf caddies will be less awkward, but you're never really going to fit in, and it's a terrible thing to make your child grow up in a place that doesn't really want them.

[Anonymous]

People do what TT schools say because they will play dirty, and if you are there long enough, you learn the rules you had no idea applying. Rich, high value donors children go to a different school than yours at a lot of these places and do not have to obey the rules. You wonder why a kid is never in trouble, and then your kid tells you that they can’t get into trouble because of how much money their Dad gave to the annual fund or because their parent is on the board. HYP know these schools produce great students and rich ones and games accordingly.
Outside NYC, boards don’t typically have parents on them because the risk of corruption is so high. Whatever you think of the Brearley mom, I get her heart being broken over finding out Brearley was corrupt. It is very upsetting to realize your child isn’t being treated the same as the others and willing to fudge things for the bottom line. Some places are better than others. Get on a whisper network, most of the time people will just shrug, of course these places are like that. Only thing people do on these anonymous forums is say the quiet part out loud to the greater public. That’s why the other parents go after them. They are playing the game, too and don’t want the spell of the place’s reputation to be broken. They are very vicious to parents willing to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing seems like another data point in support of the idea that if you're not a rich connected snobby person, you should steer far clear of TTs (and even 2Ts, in NYC at least) - however brilliant your child - because you're never going to be able to thrive in that system.

It's a members-only club and you don't belong; they might barely tolerate your child's presence for a few years because they think their kids should get to know a few 'normal' kids so that their conversations with their future golf caddies will be less awkward, but you're never really going to fit in, and it's a terrible thing to make your child grow up in a place that doesn't really want them.

I won’t comment on the social or cultural aspect. If a child is truly brilliant or gifted and hard working, they will be a top quarter student at a TT. By being that high up, they will get into a top college barring some major disciplinary issue. Whether that is worth it to you is another matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People do what TT schools say because they will play dirty, and if you are there long enough, you learn the rules you had no idea applying. Rich, high value donors children go to a different school than yours at a lot of these places and do not have to obey the rules. You wonder why a kid is never in trouble, and then your kid tells you that they can’t get into trouble because of how much money their Dad gave to the annual fund or because their parent is on the board. HYP know these schools produce great students and rich ones and games accordingly.
Outside NYC, boards don’t typically have parents on them because the risk of corruption is so high. Whatever you think of the Brearley mom, I get her heart being broken over finding out Brearley was corrupt. It is very upsetting to realize your child isn’t being treated the same as the others and willing to fudge things for the bottom line. Some places are better than others. Get on a whisper network, most of the time people will just shrug, of course these places are like that. Only thing people do on these anonymous forums is say the quiet part out loud to the greater public. That’s why the other parents go after them. They are playing the game, too and don’t want the spell of the place’s reputation to be broken. They are very vicious to parents willing to talk about it.

The boarding schools have plenty of parents on boards, ditto suburban day schools. Even publics have outsize parental involvement. Dirty play and favoritism can be found at any school. What people often dislike about TTs is that they are reminded they aren’t the richest or best looking or aren’t at the top of some other metric. In Manhattan you are dealing with the most ambitious, competitive, and accomplished people in the world and it is unrealistic to think normal successful people can compete at that level.

[Anonymous]

I'm a HYP alum and was a normal kid in a friend group of mostly normal kids and honestly even in college we didn't *exactly* belong; none of us went on to be rich celebrities except the one kid in our group who already was.

Maybe it's not as glaring as at TT private schools, but I do think that people assume that if they just get hustle their way into their kid attending HYP they're going to magically become 'elite,' and the truth is that they're probably just going to be a normal person with a slightly more impressive degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing seems like another data point in support of the idea that if you're not a rich connected snobby person, you should steer far clear of TTs (and even 2Ts, in NYC at least) - however brilliant your child - because you're never going to be able to thrive in that system.

It's a members-only club and you don't belong; they might barely tolerate your child's presence for a few years because they think their kids should get to know a few 'normal' kids so that their conversations with their future golf caddies will be less awkward, but you're never really going to fit in, and it's a terrible thing to make your child grow up in a place that doesn't really want them.

I won’t comment on the social or cultural aspect. If a child is truly brilliant or gifted and hard working, they will be a top quarter student at a TT. By being that high up, they will get into a top college barring some major disciplinary issue. Whether that is worth it to you is another matter.

This would also be true at a suburban public school, though, and they'll fit in better there. Any kid who's 'top 25% of the class at a TT' level smart is going to get into a good college pretty much regardless of where they attend high school; it's the kids who are already posh who need the connections and resume padding to bolster their standing among fellow posh people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing seems like another data point in support of the idea that if you're not a rich connected snobby person, you should steer far clear of TTs (and even 2Ts, in NYC at least) - however brilliant your child - because you're never going to be able to thrive in that system.

It's a members-only club and you don't belong; they might barely tolerate your child's presence for a few years because they think their kids should get to know a few 'normal' kids so that their conversations with their future golf caddies will be less awkward, but you're never really going to fit in, and it's a terrible thing to make your child grow up in a place that doesn't really want them.

I won’t comment on the social or cultural aspect. If a child is truly brilliant or gifted and hard working, they will be a top quarter student at a TT. By being that high up, they will get into a top college barring some major disciplinary issue. Whether that is worth it to you is another matter.

This would also be true at a suburban public school, though, and they'll fit in better there. Any kid who's 'top 25% of the class at a TT' level smart is going to get into a good college pretty much regardless of where they attend high school; it's the kids who are already posh who need the connections and resume padding to bolster their standing among fellow posh people.

I don’t think this is true about suburban publics. They run from overly competitive boiler rooms (so you have fifty students with 5.0+ weighted GPAs and 1550 scores, 20+ ECs) to being unconnected and generally off T20 colleges’ radars (so maybe Penn takes a kid there this year, but probably won’t because they haven’t in 15 years). You may get into a top college, you may not, but being ranked third at most of the good ones will put you in a worse position than top quarter at a TT which almost guarantees a top college outcome. TT schools live and die by their matriculation lists. The counselors will spend inordinate amount of time and effort to get a student with good numbers into a top college, whereas no such incentive exists at the suburban publics.

[Anonymous]

There is a race for social status that people go to a TT for that isn’t just about academics. It surprise me. I think it’s the worst at the UES girls schools. As an outsider, I really didn’t expect just how much everything would be about moneys and brands starting in elementary. We actually ended up pulling our daughter. My husband I are legacies at one of the big school and don’t actually want anything for our kids they didn’t earn. Being a jerk who went to Harvard, doesn’t make up for being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing seems like another data point in support of the idea that if you're not a rich connected snobby person, you should steer far clear of TTs (and even 2Ts, in NYC at least) - however brilliant your child - because you're never going to be able to thrive in that system.

It's a members-only club and you don't belong; they might barely tolerate your child's presence for a few years because they think their kids should get to know a few 'normal' kids so that their conversations with their future golf caddies will be less awkward, but you're never really going to fit in, and it's a terrible thing to make your child grow up in a place that doesn't really want them.

I won’t comment on the social or cultural aspect. If a child is truly brilliant or gifted and hard working, they will be a top quarter student at a TT. By being that high up, they will get into a top college barring some major disciplinary issue. Whether that is worth it to you is another matter.

This would also be true at a suburban public school, though, and they'll fit in better there. Any kid who's 'top 25% of the class at a TT' level smart is going to get into a good college pretty much regardless of where they attend high school; it's the kids who are already posh who need the connections and resume padding to bolster their standing among fellow posh people.

I don’t think this is true about suburban publics. They run from overly competitive boiler rooms (so you have fifty students with 5.0+ weighted GPAs and 1550 scores, 20+ ECs) to being unconnected and generally off T20 colleges’ radars (so maybe Penn takes a kid there this year, but probably won’t because they haven’t in 15 years). You may get into a top college, you may not, but being ranked third at most of the good ones will put you in a worse position than top quarter at a TT which almost guarantees a top college outcome. TT schools live and die by their matriculation lists. The counselors will spend inordinate amount of time and effort to get a student with good numbers into a top college, whereas no such incentive exists at the suburban publics.

I think you're eliding the middle of that range, though - there are really only a handful of schools in the first category, like Scarsdale, and while there are certainly a ton of totally-off-radar districts too, there are also a LOT of public schools that consistently send, say, a dozen kids to Ivies every year and one or two to HYP, and so are regular enough about it that the admissions officer covering that area will remember them. Hell, there are even a number of publics in NYC that would belong in that group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a race for social status that people go to a TT for that isn’t just about academics. It surprise me. I think it’s the worst at the UES girls schools. As an outsider, I really didn’t expect just how much everything would be about moneys and brands starting in elementary. We actually ended up pulling our daughter. My husband I are legacies at one of the big school and don’t actually want anything for our kids they didn’t earn. Being a jerk who went to Harvard, doesn’t make up for being a jerk.

Sending your kid to Harvard is no different than buying a Gucci bag. They are brands you pay for, nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing seems like another data point in support of the idea that if you're not a rich connected snobby person, you should steer far clear of TTs (and even 2Ts, in NYC at least) - however brilliant your child - because you're never going to be able to thrive in that system.

It's a members-only club and you don't belong; they might barely tolerate your child's presence for a few years because they think their kids should get to know a few 'normal' kids so that their conversations with their future golf caddies will be less awkward, but you're never really going to fit in, and it's a terrible thing to make your child grow up in a place that doesn't really want them.

I won’t comment on the social or cultural aspect. If a child is truly brilliant or gifted and hard working, they will be a top quarter student at a TT. By being that high up, they will get into a top college barring some major disciplinary issue. Whether that is worth it to you is another matter.

This would also be true at a suburban public school, though, and they'll fit in better there. Any kid who's 'top 25% of the class at a TT' level smart is going to get into a good college pretty much regardless of where they attend high school; it's the kids who are already posh who need the connections and resume padding to bolster their standing among fellow posh people.

I don’t think this is true about suburban publics. They run from overly competitive boiler rooms (so you have fifty students with 5.0+ weighted GPAs and 1550 scores, 20+ ECs) to being unconnected and generally off T20 colleges’ radars (so maybe Penn takes a kid there this year, but probably won’t because they haven’t in 15 years). You may get into a top college, you may not, but being ranked third at most of the good ones will put you in a worse position than top quarter at a TT which almost guarantees a top college outcome. TT schools live and die by their matriculation lists. The counselors will spend inordinate amount of time and effort to get a student with good numbers into a top college, whereas no such incentive exists at the suburban publics.

I think you're eliding the middle of that range, though - there are really only a handful of schools in the first category, like Scarsdale, and while there are certainly a ton of totally-off-radar districts too, there are also a LOT of public schools that consistently send, say, a dozen kids to Ivies every year and one or two to HYP, and so are regular enough about it that the admissions officer covering that area will remember them. Hell, there are even a number of publics in NYC that would belong in that group.

The issue is a lot of top students at those middle go to pretty mediocre colleges despite good stats. It’s very difficult to differentiate yourself with grade inflation and the sheer number of students. My point is the best bet to go to an Ivy is to go to a TT and crush academics. Plus, the network of a TT beats any Ivy. The network effect and density of high achieving families is astounding. There are plenty of New Yorkers who make awesome careers off going to St Bs and Collegiate despite winding up at College of Charleston or SMU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very difficult to differentiate yourself with grade inflation and the sheer number of students.

Most of those students aren't getting 1500 SAT's and a stack of good AP scores, though. From what I've seen, each of these schools has a cohort of a couple dozen smart kids whose names show up on every list of winners of blah blah prize or academic honor or whatever, and most of those kids end up doing very well college-wise; as long as your kid is smart enough to be part of that group they're in pretty good shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing seems like another data point in support of the idea that if you're not a rich connected snobby person, you should steer far clear of TTs (and even 2Ts, in NYC at least) - however brilliant your child - because you're never going to be able to thrive in that system.

It's a members-only club and you don't belong; they might barely tolerate your child's presence for a few years because they think their kids should get to know a few 'normal' kids so that their conversations with their future golf caddies will be less awkward, but you're never really going to fit in, and it's a terrible thing to make your child grow up in a place that doesn't really want them.

I won’t comment on the social or cultural aspect. If a child is truly brilliant or gifted and hard working, they will be a top quarter student at a TT. By being that high up, they will get into a top college barring some major disciplinary issue. Whether that is worth it to you is another matter.

This would also be true at a suburban public school, though, and they'll fit in better there. Any kid who's 'top 25% of the class at a TT' level smart is going to get into a good college pretty much regardless of where they attend high school; it's the kids who are already posh who need the connections and resume padding to bolster their standing among fellow posh people.

I don’t think this is true about suburban publics. They run from overly competitive boiler rooms (so you have fifty students with 5.0+ weighted GPAs and 1550 scores, 20+ ECs) to being unconnected and generally off T20 colleges’ radars (so maybe Penn takes a kid there this year, but probably won’t because they haven’t in 15 years). You may get into a top college, you may not, but being ranked third at most of the good ones will put you in a worse position than top quarter at a TT which almost guarantees a top college outcome. TT schools live and die by their matriculation lists. The counselors will spend inordinate amount of time and effort to get a student with good numbers into a top college, whereas no such incentive exists at the suburban publics.

I think you're eliding the middle of that range, though - there are really only a handful of schools in the first category, like Scarsdale, and while there are certainly a ton of totally-off-radar districts too, there are also a LOT of public schools that consistently send, say, a dozen kids to Ivies every year and one or two to HYP, and so are regular enough about it that the admissions officer covering that area will remember them. Hell, there are even a number of publics in NYC that would belong in that group.

The issue is a lot of top students at those middle go to pretty mediocre colleges despite good stats. It’s very difficult to differentiate yourself with grade inflation and the sheer number of students. My point is the best bet to go to an Ivy is to go to a TT and crush academics. Plus, the network of a TT beats any Ivy. The network effect and density of high achieving families is astounding. There are plenty of New Yorkers who make awesome careers off going to St Bs and Collegiate despite winding up at College of Charleston or SMU.

Is that even true now a day? I have become more pessimistic at the possibility of networking given how transient and cliquish the NYC scene is. It is a very transactional experience and you are only as valued by what you can do for others. Attending TT might as well be signing up your child to participate in the hunger games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing seems like another data point in support of the idea that if you're not a rich connected snobby person, you should steer far clear of TTs (and even 2Ts, in NYC at least) - however brilliant your child - because you're never going to be able to thrive in that system.

It's a members-only club and you don't belong; they might barely tolerate your child's presence for a few years because they think their kids should get to know a few 'normal' kids so that their conversations with their future golf caddies will be less awkward, but you're never really going to fit in, and it's a terrible thing to make your child grow up in a place that doesn't really want them.

I won’t comment on the social or cultural aspect. If a child is truly brilliant or gifted and hard working, they will be a top quarter student at a TT. By being that high up, they will get into a top college barring some major disciplinary issue. Whether that is worth it to you is another matter.

This would also be true at a suburban public school, though, and they'll fit in better there. Any kid who's 'top 25% of the class at a TT' level smart is going to get into a good college pretty much regardless of where they attend high school; it's the kids who are already posh who need the connections and resume padding to bolster their standing among fellow posh people.

I don’t think this is true about suburban publics. They run from overly competitive boiler rooms (so you have fifty students with 5.0+ weighted GPAs and 1550 scores, 20+ ECs) to being unconnected and generally off T20 colleges’ radars (so maybe Penn takes a kid there this year, but probably won’t because they haven’t in 15 years). You may get into a top college, you may not, but being ranked third at most of the good ones will put you in a worse position than top quarter at a TT which almost guarantees a top college outcome. TT schools live and die by their matriculation lists. The counselors will spend inordinate amount of time and effort to get a student with good numbers into a top college, whereas no such incentive exists at the suburban publics.

I think you're eliding the middle of that range, though - there are really only a handful of schools in the first category, like Scarsdale, and while there are certainly a ton of totally-off-radar districts too, there are also a LOT of public schools that consistently send, say, a dozen kids to Ivies every year and one or two to HYP, and so are regular enough about it that the admissions officer covering that area will remember them. Hell, there are even a number of publics in NYC that would belong in that group.

The issue is a lot of top students at those middle go to pretty mediocre colleges despite good stats. It’s very difficult to differentiate yourself with grade inflation and the sheer number of students. My point is the best bet to go to an Ivy is to go to a TT and crush academics. Plus, the network of a TT beats any Ivy. The network effect and density of high achieving families is astounding. There are plenty of New Yorkers who make awesome careers off going to St Bs and Collegiate despite winding up at College of Charleston or SMU.

Is that even true now a day? I have become more pessimistic at the possibility of networking given how transient and cliquish the NYC scene is. It is a very transactional experience and you are only as valued by what you can do for others. Attending TT might as well be signing up your child to participate in the hunger games.

This matches our experience - the rich families only want to network with the other rich families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very difficult to differentiate yourself with grade inflation and the sheer number of students.

Most of those students aren't getting 1500 SAT's and a stack of good AP scores, though. From what I've seen, each of these schools has a cohort of a couple dozen smart kids whose names show up on every list of winners of blah blah prize or academic honor or whatever, and most of those kids end up doing very well college-wise; as long as your kid is smart enough to be part of that group they're in pretty good shape.

The point by is a lot of students at those schools do get those scores and a much higher proportion fail to get into a top college than their counterparts at TT high schools. It is more unpredictable an outcome from the publics.