Tentative decision in Abbie Dorn case

[Anonymous]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/california-judge-allows-mother-paralyzed-giving-birth-to-triplets-to-visit-her-children/2011/03/25/AFNx6XUB_story.html

(More background at http://articles.latimes.com/2010/apr/11/local/la-me-abbie11-2010apr11)

Glad to see that kids will finally force the dad to have their kids see the mom. If I'm ever in a vegetative state, I could somewhat understand DH wanting to have a new romance, but can't bunderstand why any father would deny kids the chance to see their mother.

[Anonymous]

Glad to see that someone*

[Anonymous]

You know? Since I heard about this case for the first time I am always thinking about it. It bothers me so much the total lack of empathy of this man. This woman was his wife one day and probably at some point he loved her well enough to ask her to marry him. She gave life - LITERALLY! to his 3 children and now he just want to sponge her out of their lives? Like if she never existed? He probably re-married or is in some kind of serious relationship and longs for a "perfect family" with a "perfect" mother to his children.

I am not saying he should had stayed with her, but to deprive his children of any kind of relationship with their mother and their mother's family is selfish and cruel. But those kids will grow up and someday Karma may catch up to him.

[Anonymous]

I have never followed this case. How sad. Were they happily married before the incident?

[Anonymous]

The thing that stuck with me from this case is wondering if the visitation was supposed to benefit the kids or if it is just for the grandparents. Did you guys read about why the father stopped the visitation? Wasn't the mother crying through most of the visit and it upset and confused the kids? They were small children at the time.

[Anonymous]

Reading the stories he definitely seems to have issues with the MIL.

[Anonymous]

I think it's less about the mother and more about the grandmother...it sounds like the grandmother believes that the mom will recover and wants to tell the children that, but the team of doctors thinks the woman is in a vegetative state....I can understand the father not wanting his children to hear things about their mother's condition that aren't or may not be true.

[Anonymous]

It also sounds like the MIL has false hope about how much her daughter will actually improve and is quickly spending her way through the malpractice trust. Shouldn't some of that money be used to help pay for the upbringing of the triplets? I don't know, there is a lot we don't about the situation. I'm not going to judge the father because I can't imagine how stressful it must be trying to raise triplets on your own.

[Anonymous]

"In sickness and in health, until death do us part..."

I agree there's alot we don't know about the situation, but my initial reaction is intense dislike of the father.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is making this about the mother. The mother does not have any cognitive function.

And it isn't about some guy's desire for romance.

This isn't about the mother. It is about the children, and you as mothers should be able to understand that. No one is discussing what is best for them, which is odd because that is exactly what the court is discussing.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would not want my children to see me like that. But then, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life trapped in my own body, slim chance of recovery or no.

[Anonymous]

I spent a lot of years working in healthcare with patients in a persistent vegetative state and I agree with PP. I'd never want my kids to see me like that. Also, I wouldn't want anyone around my kids who tried to convince them that I would get better if there was no reasonable expectation of that.

[Anonymous]

But the children will eventually know and to hide the situation isn't going to make it go away.

[Anonymous]

You're right, the children will eventually know. I'm not suggesting hiding it under the rug. But, seeing someone in a PVS can be very disturbing and scary. Also, it's not like you keep looking like yourself. Your looks become distorted as a result of atrophy of your body and loss of neurological function. So, I just don't think it's so bad that my kids would have the memories of me as I was when I was able to be their mom. I understand others might feel different about this - not suggesting there is a right or wrong here.

[Anonymous]

I think this is NUTS for the children. Just nuts. They are going to have nightmares and anticipatory anxiety about their visits. I am divorced and know firsthand how unreasonable people can be about visitation.