Why do people (with money) steal?

[Anonymous]

My best friend recently made a tearful and tipsy confession: she steals. She says she sometimes leaves an item in her cart at a store like Target or the grocery store, and knowingly doesn't pay for it. I asked her why, since she can afford it and she says it stems from her husband thinking she spends too much money. Then she goes on to tell me that to buy things she want but knows her husband wouldn't want her to spend money on, she has been scamming online stores with some sort of fraud. I didn't ask for details but she said it has been thousands of dollars of merchandise if all added up, from a couple hundred dollars worth of clothing to a $900 piece of furniture.

I love my friend, and immediately expressed concern that she would be caught and arrested before being able to get help. She said that would never happen, as what she does/did is impossible to prove or that it would look accidental. I recommended a therapist to her, but I'm at a loss as to why she would do this. We are like sisters. I've known her since the 7th grade. She is a sweet, kind person with a stable, charmed life. She has a beautiful family. She has some issues with her husband; she says he resents that she SAH (not for financial reasons but because he hates his own job) and doesn't value her role as a SAH parent, and uses finances as an excuse. I thought, well maybe there are financial issues and she blatantly said, no, they have more than enough to not work again for the rest of their lives, the pair of them.

So I know there are issues here, but what are they? I think this is bigger than her husband but I can't put my finger on it.

[Anonymous]

MYOB.

[Anonymous]

OP, I've always wondered this as well. We are observant souls, unfortunately. I say this because their stealing schemes ruin it for the honest ones. I don't trust anyone who knows the system better than the system itself.

[Anonymous]

Heck, there are celebrities that have been caught stealing (Winona Ryder and Lindsey Lohan come to mind) and obviously they don't NEED the item. Not to play armchair psychiatrist, but this often stems from a feeling of a lack of control in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Only their therapist knows -- and she needs to get one quickly.
This is an emotional/psychological issue not a financial one.

[Anonymous]

I have wondered this as well...

Meanwhile, the honest slobs like myself pay for your BF's escapades...

She probably feels that she doesn't have a voice (in her marriage? finances?), and steals to "act out". It is a cry for attention. Maybe she has alwasy been the "good" girl and to some degree, is sick of living that lie? However charmed her life may be, clearly she is not getting all out of it that she needs. You need to direct her towards therapy and someother mode of self-expression .

I hope she gets help soon. I honestly cannot imagine having the gall to steal.

As for other people, I think people steal (when they don't need it like in the case of extreme hunger or something) because they feel they are "owed" it.

[Anonymous]

I am a criminal defense attorney. I love people like your friend. The best part about them is their husbands can pay my legal fees.

The folks at Target don't believe the "accident" line, especially when they have you on camera changing tags, stuffing things into a another box, draping your coat over the item. Neither do the people at Wegmans, Giant, Best Buy, etc. As a matter of fact, I just saw a trial the other day of a woman going through the grocery store check out with literally hundreds of dollars worth of groceries. She had taken a stuffed animal and given it to one of the 4 kids she was checking out with and the kid had dropped it on the rack under the cart. She was convicted of petit larceny and 2 of her 4 kids are special needs. She paid for her groceries and did not pay for the stuffed animal. She had a legitimate accident claim and still was convicted.

I see many former career women who quit to stay at home and then don't have any separate income so they start stealing when they want something. And the "oops it was an accident," defense is a favorite of this kind of client. Since the recession began their numbers have only increased.

I don't know where your friend is, but in Virginia theft of $200 or more is a felony. So that $900 piece of furniture is a grand larceny. If she is commiting fraud online, that is another separate felony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a criminal defense attorney. I love people like your friend. The best part about them is their husbands can pay my legal fees.

The folks at Target don't believe the "accident" line, especially when they have you on camera changing tags, stuffing things into a another box, draping your coat over the item. Neither do the people at Wegmans, Giant, Best Buy, etc. As a matter of fact, I just saw a trial the other day of a woman going through the grocery store check out with literally hundreds of dollars worth of groceries. She had taken a stuffed animal and given it to one of the 4 kids she was checking out with and the kid had dropped it on the rack under the cart. She was convicted of petit larceny and 2 of her 4 kids are special needs. She paid for her groceries and did not pay for the stuffed animal. She had a legitimate accident claim and still was convicted.

I see many former career women who quit to stay at home and then don't have any separate income so they start stealing when they want something. And the "oops it was an accident," defense is a favorite of this kind of client. Since the recession began their numbers have only increased.

I don't know where your friend is, but in Virginia theft of $200 or more is a felony. So that $900 piece of furniture is a grand larceny. If she is commiting fraud online, that is another separate felony.

Happy for you and your career but you didn't answer my question at all. What is your point, that stealing is wrong? That you can get in trouble? Um, duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a criminal defense attorney. I love people like your friend. The best part about them is their husbands can pay my legal fees.

The folks at Target don't believe the "accident" line, especially when they have you on camera changing tags, stuffing things into a another box, draping your coat over the item. Neither do the people at Wegmans, Giant, Best Buy, etc. As a matter of fact, I just saw a trial the other day of a woman going through the grocery store check out with literally hundreds of dollars worth of groceries. She had taken a stuffed animal and given it to one of the 4 kids she was checking out with and the kid had dropped it on the rack under the cart. She was convicted of petit larceny and 2 of her 4 kids are special needs. She paid for her groceries and did not pay for the stuffed animal. She had a legitimate accident claim and still was convicted.

I see many former career women who quit to stay at home and then don't have any separate income so they start stealing when they want something. And the "oops it was an accident," defense is a favorite of this kind of client. Since the recession began their numbers have only increased.

I don't know where your friend is, but in Virginia theft of $200 or more is a felony. So that $900 piece of furniture is a grand larceny. If she is commiting fraud online, that is another separate felony.

I really have stolen things on more than on occasion by accident, back when baby was small and I would push him in the stroller so I couldn't carry a basket or use a cart and I would use the stroller to carry my stuff. I remember one time I had a pair of baby PJs hanging on the side of the stroller and another time I had a package of pacifiers in the stroller basket. I confess I didn't bring the things back...too much trouble with a baby and I figure Target and Babies R Us gets enough of my money that they can throw in a free pacifier or pair of PJs. (That said, I certainly wouldn't do it on purpose.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see many former career women who quit to stay at home and then don't have any separate income so they start stealing when they want something. And the "oops it was an accident," defense is a favorite of this kind of client. Since the recession began their numbers have only increased.

Happy for you and your career but you didn't answer my question at all. What is your point, that stealing is wrong? That you can get in trouble? Um, duh.

I think that's the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see many former career women who quit to stay at home and then don't have any separate income so they start stealing when they want something. And the "oops it was an accident," defense is a favorite of this kind of client. Since the recession began their numbers have only increased.

Happy for you and your career but you didn't answer my question at all. What is your point, that stealing is wrong? That you can get in trouble? Um, duh.

I think that's the answer.

Wow, you aren't too bright are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really have stolen things on more than on occasion by accident, back when baby was small and I would push him in the stroller so I couldn't carry a basket or use a cart and I would use the stroller to carry my stuff. I remember one time I had a pair of baby PJs hanging on the side of the stroller and another time I had a package of pacifiers in the stroller basket. I confess I didn't bring the things back...too much trouble with a baby and I figure Target and Babies R Us gets enough of my money that they can throw in a free pacifier or pair of PJs. (That said, I certainly wouldn't do it on purpose.)

I've done this at Target three times in the past six months. The first time I went back inside & paid for the item; the next two times I had my 4-year-old with me & decided it was just too much trouble. After the most recent incident (last Saturday) I told myself I was going to be more thorough & careful about what's in my cart--but having read the defense attorney's post, I'm definitely going to figure out how to stop this from happening again. (And now that I think of it, it would probably be really good for my young son to witness Mommy making a big mistake & then trying to make it right by going back...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a criminal defense attorney. I love people like your friend. The best part about them is their husbands can pay my legal fees.

The folks at Target don't believe the "accident" line, especially when they have you on camera changing tags, stuffing things into a another box, draping your coat over the item. Neither do the people at Wegmans, Giant, Best Buy, etc. As a matter of fact, I just saw a trial the other day of a woman going through the grocery store check out with literally hundreds of dollars worth of groceries. She had taken a stuffed animal and given it to one of the 4 kids she was checking out with and the kid had dropped it on the rack under the cart. She was convicted of petit larceny and 2 of her 4 kids are special needs. She paid for her groceries and did not pay for the stuffed animal. She had a legitimate accident claim and still was convicted.

I see many former career women who quit to stay at home and then don't have any separate income so they start stealing when they want something. And the "oops it was an accident," defense is a favorite of this kind of client. Since the recession began their numbers have only increased.

I don't know where your friend is, but in Virginia theft of $200 or more is a felony. So that $900 piece of furniture is a grand larceny. If she is commiting fraud online, that is another separate felony.

OP, hope you read the above. It's very true.

My sister is a prosecutor, and she sure doesn't take it easy on suburban SAHMs who "accidentally" steal. None of the prosecutors I know would take it easy on her. You should warn your friend. She better check herself before she wrecks herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a criminal defense attorney. I love people like your friend. The best part about them is their husbands can pay my legal fees.

The folks at Target don't believe the "accident" line, especially when they have you on camera changing tags, stuffing things into a another box, draping your coat over the item. Neither do the people at Wegmans, Giant, Best Buy, etc. As a matter of fact, I just saw a trial the other day of a woman going through the grocery store check out with literally hundreds of dollars worth of groceries. She had taken a stuffed animal and given it to one of the 4 kids she was checking out with and the kid had dropped it on the rack under the cart. She was convicted of petit larceny and 2 of her 4 kids are special needs. She paid for her groceries and did not pay for the stuffed animal. She had a legitimate accident claim and still was convicted.

I see many former career women who quit to stay at home and then don't have any separate income so they start stealing when they want something. And the "oops it was an accident," defense is a favorite of this kind of client. Since the recession began their numbers have only increased.

I don't know where your friend is, but in Virginia theft of $200 or more is a felony. So that $900 piece of furniture is a grand larceny. If she is commiting fraud online, that is another separate felony.

OP, hope you read the above. It's very true.

My sister is a prosecutor, and she sure doesn't take it easy on suburban SAHMs who "accidentally" steal. None of the prosecutors I know would take it easy on her. You should warn your friend. She better check herself before she wrecks herself.

Thanks!!! I'm calling her right now. This is so helpful. I had better get a pen and write this down...

[Anonymous]

I was in a store last week and security was following me around. It was a discount store. They didn't have what I was looking for, but I did buy one item. They made an announcement over the PA to check and record a numbered section soon after I entered the shoe dept. The rent-a-cop followed me from one side of the store to the other and then stared at me while I stood in the check out line. I don't know if the stroller was the issue or if the empty stroller with a baby on my hip made me look suspicious. I did put the item in the stroller umbrella thing, maybe that was the problem. But, I couldn't hold the item, the baby and push the stroller. I was annoyed and wanted to throw the $5 pack of socks at him and leave the store. I'm never going back to that location.