just engaged, 41, hoping to conceive, advice?

[Anonymous]

So I know the odds of conception are not great, but I don't know yet whether we will have fertility issues or not. We just decided to try for a baby and we are getting married this summer. I bought "Take Charge of your Fertility" and am trying to slog through it. In the meantime, I'm wondering--what are the natural (eg, not drugs or other treatment) things that you do to help your chances? I know at some level its biology but in addition to taking vitamins, cutting way down on caffeine/alcohol, and staying relatively active, are there things I should or should not be doing? eating? etc?

also, if you were my age, how long would you wait to see if you conceived before seeing an RE? I asked my OB/Gyn and he said he'd run an FSH test and some other baselines now if I wanted. Maybe I should go ahead and do that?

the only other info I have is that I got pregnant, accidentally, at 34. Had an early miscarriage at 6 weeks. So I've gotten pg before, but didn't stay pregnant. not sure whether this is a good, bad sign or both.

[Anonymous]

I would get those tests done, it would be good to know going in if you have any issues that would inhibit you conceiving (same with your future DH) before "wasting" a few months trying.

[Anonymous]

I would get to an RE quick because there are a lot of tests you need to even get started.

Also, check out this informative book:

Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program for Maximum Fertility by Sami S. David, Jill Blakeway.

[Anonymous]

run to the RE's office and get your FSH tested. This will be helpful in your decision to keep trying on your own for more months or pursue treatments.

I can relate - I got married when I was 41 and thought I would have no problem getting pregnant - all of my friends who got married late in life had no problem, so why would I? Well, a few months into my marriage, I had a chemical pregnancy andthen had my FSH tested - it was very high.

When the doctor asked when my mother went into menopause, I figured in her 50s like everyone else. When I finally asked my mom, she told me she was 45 when her period stopped. If I had thought to ask, I would have made so many differnet decisions regarding my fertility.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

My advice- get yourself to an RE quick and don't wait until after the wedding to start trying! Seriously, after you pass 40 every month counts, and if you get lucky quickly, I highly doubt people would look askance at a mature, successful woman in a stable relationship who had a planned pregnancy before her wedding date because she wanted to optimize her chances of conceiving.

Also, have your SO do a sperm analysis now. It's a very easy test, much less invasive than some of the testing you might have to do, but it's often done later in the process for some reason. Even if you're both in good health fertility-wise the SA can tell you what his numbers are- some doctor's advise having sex less frequently if the man's count is lower, in order to give him "optimum output" during your fertile period.

Lastly, (and I mean this in all kindness) if what you want is a biological child that you will carry and birth, don't let your pride, or fear of interventions get in your way. My RE was very clear that 3 months was his limit for women over 40 TTC without any intervention. He felt that after that, maybe you'll get lucky, but more likely you're going to need help and so you're just prolonging the process and decreasing your odds. It's a very hard thing to realize that you're going to need medical assistance to get pregnant, and some people (myself included) put off things like IVF because we really want it to happen "naturally"- or in the least invasive way possible. But at the end of the day all that matters is that you have that baby in your arms.

Good luck and congratulations!

[Anonymous]

I echo everyone's thoughts 100%.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Get to an RE's office now and see what you are working with. Congrats and good luck!

[Anonymous]

Congrats, OP! I agree with everyone's helpful advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice- get yourself to an RE quick and don't wait until after the wedding to start trying! Seriously, after you pass 40 every month counts, and if you get lucky quickly, I highly doubt people would look askance at a mature, successful woman in a stable relationship who had a planned pregnancy before her wedding date because she wanted to optimize her chances of conceiving.

Also, have your SO do a sperm analysis now. It's a very easy test, much less invasive than some of the testing you might have to do, but it's often done later in the process for some reason. Even if you're both in good health fertility-wise the SA can tell you what his numbers are- some doctor's advise having sex less frequently if the man's count is lower, in order to give him "optimum output" during your fertile period.

Lastly, (and I mean this in all kindness) if what you want is a biological child that you will carry and birth, don't let your pride, or fear of interventions get in your way. My RE was very clear that 3 months was his limit for women over 40 TTC without any intervention. He felt that after that, maybe you'll get lucky, but more likely you're going to need help and so you're just prolonging the process and decreasing your odds. It's a very hard thing to realize that you're going to need medical assistance to get pregnant, and some people (myself included) put off things like IVF because we really want it to happen "naturally"- or in the least invasive way possible. But at the end of the day all that matters is that you have that baby in your arms.

Good luck and congratulations!

i agree with this advice 100%, especially re sperm analysis. male issues account for 40% of fertility problems. not that you'll necessarily have any issues, but good to know the number sooner rather than later. good luck and congrats!

[Anonymous]

I would start taking prenatal vitamins, CoQ10, fish oil, calcium and also do acupuncture (an acupuncturist might recommend some herbs too).

[Anonymous]

Go to an RE now! There is no reason not to start now. Make sure your guy does too and gets tested. You may get lucky and not have any trouble (I have more than one friend who married in 40s and got preggo with no help). I wish you all the best and good luck.

When choosing and RE remember that you will be there a lot. Pick on that you feel comfortable with but is also fairly close to work or home.

[Anonymous]

I also want to recommend "Making Babies". I got pregnant on my own at 41.

[Anonymous]

Start taking prenatal vitamins. And I agree with everyone else...go to the RE now. I got married at 37 and had multiple miscarriages, finally had a healthy baby at just shy of 40 and then had some testing done. My FSH was fine but I had more miscarriages. I never had a problem getting pregnant it was just keeping the pregnancies. I ultimately had another baby at just shy of 42 but it was with alot of help.

[Anonymous]

Extra folic acid - and start drinking milk. My MIL had three kids after 40 and she drank a glass of milk every day. So....here's to milk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extra folic acid - and start drinking milk. My MIL had three kids after 40 and she drank a glass of milk every day. So....here's to milk!

Milk does not enhance fertility. Actually there's a school of thought that it actually decreases it.