just engaged, 41, hoping to conceive, advice?

[Anonymous]

3 kids over 40? WOW! Was this natural? How old was she for all 3? Did she have kids prior to these 3? Impressive...

[Anonymous]

I agree with getting to the RE asap. Also, I second the recommendation for CoQ10. The dosage is 600-800mg/day for egg quality purposes. CoQ10 is the only supplement that has shown any real benefits for egg quality in studies (a Canadian study in mice, I believe)

Regarding milk, there is research showing that reduced-fat dairy products can have a negative impact on fertility & full-fat dairy can have a beneficial effect. (you can google this easily). Maybe PP's MIL was drinking whole milk!

Also start BBT charting if you are not already.

[Anonymous]

There is a really good Newsweek article about diet and conception- if u google, it's easy to find. It (and taking charge)helped me conceive DC 2 at 39 ..... AND please also see an RE like all others suggested

[Anonymous]

DHEA (75 mg) daily is what was recommended to me by my RE.

[Anonymous]

I bought Take Charge of your Fertility, the moment we decided we wanted to conceive.
My periods were very regular, but with taking my temp - and having sex every other day around ovulation, (and holding my hips up high for 1 hour afterwards), I got pregnant after a few months.....I was 40.

It CAN happen.
Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Start trying RIGHT NOW. THIS MONTH!! And, yes, go to an RE for bloodwork, scans to make sure your tubes are open and that you don't have uterine polyps or fibroids, and to have your husband's sperm analysis. I wish I had. I got engaged right after my 40th birthday, and if I only knew then what I know now. We wanted to wait until we had the ring, the wedding, etc., and I am telling you, all that seems very unimportant now as we face infertility. I agree with the poster who said that even if you are pregnant on your wedding day... really, who cares? All the more to celebrate! One caveat: this urgency may be a somewhat tough sell to your fiance. For instance, my now-husband, like many men, really didn't understand the gamble we were taking by waiting. Your fiance may feel very pressured to begin the baby making so soon after the engagement. So perhaps he could come to the doctor with you to hear the statistics and chances of success, so he understands how time is of the essence.

[Anonymous]

I too got married past 40 and then TTC'd. I tell everyone who will listen my biggest regret in life is not pushing for a child but waiting until we were married. We're lucky to have one child, but I don't think we can have another one (too old). Most of us don't understand age and its impact on fertility (I didn't) until it is too late. Hearing from the RE how dismal our chances were was an eye opener. Women over 40 most certainly can conceive, but it's tough, expensive, time consuming, a hard road.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks everyone. The consensus is NOW. Does anyone who has GEHA or United Health care rec an RE? In the meantime my ob/gyn is going to do some of the baseline tests.

fiance is on board with trying now. Yes, I had to show him some statistics to get him there.

My mom went into menopause in her mid to late 50s (which I guess is good). SHe did get pregnant at 45, but had a miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to take the bait and comment on this from the other side of things.

I spent 2+ years trying to conceive as a single woman. Of 12 cycles, I had 2 pregnancies, both ending in miscarriage. It was difficult and heartbreaking. I knew that stress probably played a big role, and although I started out relaxed and happy, I was very stressed and tired by the end. I tried SO HARD not to be, but you just can't help it after a point.

I decided to take a break from treatment, ironically met my husband, and got engaged and married very quickly (for reasons totally unrelated to fertility--it was just the right thing for us). I was 40 at the time.

We had discussed starting TTC about 1-2 months before the wedding, but ultimately didn't, because we were concerned about the possibility of another miscarriage interfering with the joy of the day. Instead, we started right after we were married. We figured it would take a while, given my age and history.

Well, guess what? Our honeymoon baby is due next month! We were positively shocked at how fast things happened. Shocked! All we can guess is that the "human" side of getting pregnant--love, physical intimacy, etc--and lack of stress made for our success. Also, I had MISERABLE morning sickness 24-7 for nearly 17 weeks, and had I been pregnant at our wedding, it would have been horrible. I'm glad we waited to try.

So my point here is not necessarily to sugarcoat the fact that you are 41, but to say you might not want to get too far ahead of yourselves. I'd probably go ahead and have the bloodwork (which your OB can order) just to know what you are working with. However, I would be careful about getting too whooped up in testing! appointments! more testing! etc. right at first. The stress of doing so might actually override any natural success you might have on your own.

Certainly you have to do what is right for you, but this is just a different perspective to consider, having been in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

15:01 certainly has a valid perspective---and I have several friends who conceived just fine at 40 or 41, but here's from the other side of the coin. We were married when I was 39.5 and we started TTC right away. Went for full workup after 3 months (what's recommended). My FSH and all those numbers were good, so we took things slow and did first IUI six months in (I was then 40). BFN. We took a few months off from the medical show, and then switched REs. Did another IUI and then, when we started for IVF (I was then 41), they discovered a blocked fallopian tube, so I had to have surgery---causing further delay in treatment. Then we did a 2nd IVF and I m/c. Then a 3rd (neg.). By time we did 4th IVF and genetic testing at CCRM, I was 43 and even though all the FSH, etc. had always looked good---every single embie was genetically abnormal.

An issue with United Health Care is that most policies will not cover IVF unless you have been TTC for 2 years (documented by physician) and have first tried a less invasive treatment like IUI. There are no exceptions for age.

So in retrospect, I took things slower than we should have because I was trying to maximize insurance coverage in order to give us as many attempts at IVF as possible, and because I had a false sense that everything would be okay eventually because my FSH was so good. But the biggest issue for older women is egg quality. Your FSH (ovarian reserve measurement) may be great---but all that tells you is that you have eggs, not that they are any good. In hindsight, I should have gone to CCRM when I was still 40 or 41 and had all the genetic work done much earlier. CCRM takes United Healthcare.

[Anonymous]

PP, I so agree with everything you said. I myself have been trying to conceive since I was 36. Got pregnant naturally at 37, but miscarried. Now at 39, after two IVFs and two IUIs, not sure even if I want to continue this TTC nightmare anymore. I also know at least four women who got pregnant naturally at 40-41 and had healthy babies. I guess I have to come to terms that my eggs are bad and there's no chance for me. So, OP, you are right starting the process right away. You just never know whether you will be among the "lucky" or "not-so-lucky" ones.

[Anonymous]

An issue with United Health Care is that most policies will not cover IVF unless you have been TTC for 2 years (documented by physician) and have first tried a less invasive treatment like IUI. There are no exceptions for age.

I also have United Healthcare. The "TTC for 2 years documented by a physician" requirement is met when you tell your physician that you've been having unprotected sex for 2 years and s/he writes it in your chart. It's not like anyone can prove or disprove what's been going on in your bedroom for the 2 years prior to your first doctor visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

An issue with United Health Care is that most policies will not cover IVF unless you have been TTC for 2 years (documented by physician) and have first tried a less invasive treatment like IUI. There are no exceptions for age.

I also have United Healthcare. The "TTC for 2 years documented by a physician" requirement is met when you tell your physician that you've been having unprotected sex for 2 years and s/he writes it in your chart. It's not like anyone can prove or disprove what's been going on in your bedroom for the 2 years prior to your first doctor visit.

Exactly. Excellent advice.

I also agree with starting to try before the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

An issue with United Health Care is that most policies will not cover IVF unless you have been TTC for 2 years (documented by physician) and have first tried a less invasive treatment like IUI. There are no exceptions for age.

I also have United Healthcare. The "TTC for 2 years documented by a physician" requirement is met when you tell your physician that you've been having unprotected sex for 2 years and s/he writes it in your chart. It's not like anyone can prove or disprove what's been going on in your bedroom for the 2 years prior to your first doctor visit.

The only problem is that OP was not married for prior 2 years and insurance might not count those two years as TTC time. I know some insurance companies are very "picky" in covering fertility treatments while you are not married.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure most insurances that require marriage for treatment don't also require you to have been married for the 2 years you were trying. Worth looking into though.