Can't sleep -- social worker called me today!!

[Anonymous]

My DD was a preemie, and has bad lungs, so whenever she gets a cold, she gets really sick. She's missed many days of school this winter because of this. Today I got a call from a social worker at the school district saying that because my DD has been out so many days, I am required to sign up for a program that will bring a teacher into my home to teach her whenever she's out of school because of illness. When I told the social worker I didn't think that would work very well because when DD is out sick, she's really sick and wouldn't be able to learn much. So she said that if I didn't sign up for the program I would be taken to court by the school district.

I've sent doctors notes every time DD has been absent, but the social worker said that doesn't matter. Excused or unexcused, they'll open a file on me if my child misses any more school, and that could end up in court. So, of course, I agreed to sign up for the program.

I feel like I am a super-conscientious mom. My DD spent two months in the hospital when she was born and nearly died. I am extremely cautious about her health and keep her home when she's coughing and sick. Today I felt like I was kicked in the stomach for trying to protect my child's health. The district's policy has nothing to do with me, of course. It's because there are so many crackheads in the district who write notes saying their kid is sick when in fact the mom is too strung out to take their kid to school.

But I feel frightened and threatened. What if my child is sick again? And she will be. So, some teacher she's never met will come into my home (bringing germs that could make DD sicker) and try to teach her when she's feeling miserable. This is all about the district and its need to keep kids in school and make sure they learn enough to pass those all-important tests. No matter that DD is very smart and will catch up fine. She probably learns more when she's at home because I have her listen all day to books on tape or I read to her.

How do I stop worrying? DH says I need to realize it's not personal, but I still feel threatened. I think her teacher called the social worker because the teacher was complaining to me today that DD has to be in school more so she can pass some tests before she can be moved to a higher math group. The teacher needs my child to do well on those tests.

I feel as though I've done something wrong, when of course all I've done is try to keep my child healthy. And this on top of three weeks of waking up every night to comfort my DD when she has coughing fits so bad she throws up. What kind of world is this? Time to move to private school? Or maybe home school? I've felt physically ill ever since the social worker called me. Thanks for listening.

[Anonymous]

I work for FCPS and it's standard procedure that if a child is out sick for a certain amount of time, they receive "homebound" services. I think it is in the interest of upholding FAPE - Free and Appropriate Public Education. To allow your child that much time out of school without educating them might be depriving her of FAPE. I am sorry you have to deal with this stress on top of having a sick little kiddo, but I don't think the social worker or the school means to imply that you are a neglectful parent. Either way, they should becabke to address yourcquesyionsxand concerns directly if you ask. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the typos

[Anonymous]

It's not a FAPE issue technically, but it is a legal requirement that they provide home instruction when a child is out for medical reasons. DCPS is terrible at this, though. I'd be very surprised if the tutor ever showed. They can't even get it together when a child is out for a few months straight, so they won't know what to do with frequent but sporadic absences. If and when the tutor does show, I doubt it will be that difficult to discourage him or her from bugging your sick child.

I sympathize with your anxiety, though. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, sign up for the program. It sounds like it's simply a formal requirement. If your child is too sick to benefit from instruction, there will be a mechanism to cancel instruction for the day. On the days that you say DD is well enough to listen to books on tape or you tutor her, she can meet with the teacher.

If you have concerns about the teacher and germs, meet with the teacher ahead of time and explain your protocols -- handwashing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Crackheads? Really? When someone makes pointless personal attacks, it always makes me wonder if they're a troll.

Also, this is not about you, it's about getting your child an education.

[Anonymous]

? We have a friend that is continually pulling their child out of public school (now third grade) to go vacations...up to weeks at a time.

Do they do this for these types of absences too---or only sick ones?

We never missed school as kid (barring serious illness). All family vacations were on school breaks so I am so confused by this behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, you say your kid probably learns more at home when she's sick since you spend all day reading to her. If this is true, why is the teacher a bad idea? Sounds like there's more going on here. Also yes, it is a mandate that your kid recieve instruction if she is in the public school system. Finally, the germ issue is a red herring. You or your husband could just as easily bring home germs after a trip to the grocery store or your average day at the office. What is really going on?

[Anonymous]

To those on this thread who question "what is really going on," my guess is that on top of everything else, OP is (rightfully!!!!) freaked out by the fact that a "file" has been opened on her child requiring a social worker's intervention. Who on this board can say she/he would not be freaked out by that fact? I am very willing to admit that I would be. That having been said, I agree with much of the PPs' advice re: the good reasons behind the policy (making sure each child gets the education to which she/he is entitled) and the advice re: cancelling if her child is too sick that day, going over hand washing protocols, etc. with the tutor. But I'm surprised how littled some of the PPs are willing to acknowledge that this would be a scary thing for a parent. I'm sorry you are going through this, OP, but I do think it will all be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a FAPE issue technically, but it is a legal requirement that they provide home instruction when a child is out for medical reasons. DCPS is terrible at this, though. I'd be very surprised if the tutor ever showed. They can't even get it together when a child is out for a few months straight, so they won't know what to do with frequent but sporadic absences. If and when the tutor does show, I doubt it will be that difficult to discourage him or her from bugging your sick child.

I sympathize with your anxiety, though. Good luck.

This. I am a social worker, though not in the school system and I can't even get the school system to come to the home of kids who really need homebound teaching (out of school for months at a time.) I would be surprised if anyone showed up.

[Anonymous]

I can understand why you are anxious, but its not like they are questioning you about the absense of your child. It sounds like they are trying to make sure you child gets a good education.

Agree to sign up, but explain you are concerned about the germs coming in, and insist upon hand washing and even a medical mask if that would make you feel better. It sounds like the odds of the person showing up are slim. And any kind of requirement will stop them from coming.

Or - maybe you could talk to the teacher (if you haven't already) and ask about her providing materials from which you could teach at home. Maybe she can e-mail you the assignments, or tell you what topics will be covered and you can teach your child.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you might want to open up more dialogue with the teacher so that she is understanding of the reasons and provides you with the materials. Also, you could ask her to let you know directly if your child is not well at school so you can feel more confident sending her to school when she's in the recovery stage or on those days when you're not quite sure how sick she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand why you are anxious, but its not like they are questioning you about the absense of your child. It sounds like they are trying to make sure you child gets a good education.

Agree to sign up, but explain you are concerned about the germs coming in, and insist upon hand washing and even a medical mask if that would make you feel better. It sounds like the odds of the person showing up are slim. And any kind of requirement will stop them from coming.

Or - maybe you could talk to the teacher (if you haven't already) and ask about her providing materials from which you could teach at home. Maybe she can e-mail you the assignments, or tell you what topics will be covered and you can teach your child.

This person is right. You are viewing the actions of the school system and the social worker as an attack on you when it is not.

You need to get help and work with the school and her doctor to find a good solution. Your child is sick and needs good care, but she also needs a good education.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to look up educational neglect and be aware that if you interfere with the tutor coming, it may actually become an issue, regardless of where your kid goes to school. Private schools are also mandated to report anything that the public schools do. And maybe you would benefit from some counseling to address your anxiety?

[Anonymous]

DC1 was a preemie and also has respiratory complications after every cold. So this is what it is going to be like once he enters public school?! Lovely.

I agree with the others that this is not an attack on you, but an institutional attempt, however bungling, to educate as many children as possible. Let the tutor come, tell him to wash his hands. Period.