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Elementary School-Aged Kids
Third grader has crush on boy
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Anonymous
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I peeked into DD's diary to find that she has crush on a boy in her class. She recorded that the boy hugged her, and she drew a picture of both of them. It appears cute and innocent, but it seems too early! I grew up in Asia where this kind of thing was strickly forbidden until college (although I did have crush when I was in fifth grade) and it was a taboo definately not to be shared with your parents.
Is she too early by even US standard? Also, since I never discussed my feelings with my parents, I don't know how I should handle it as a parent. Shall I pretend everything is normal and let her go her way, or shall I find an opportunity to preach the value of focusing in her school work (which my teachers always did at school)? She is doing well in school, and I do not find other signs of distraction. Please help! |
Anonymous
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This was a phase in third grade that went away pretty quickly. I wouldn't worry about it. If you just ignore it, she will move on.
Next up: intense best friends and friend triangles. I find this harder to deal with than the crushes. |
Anonymous
I think it is probably normal, but that you can also talk about her feelings with her in general. (So, not saying that you read her diary, but talking with her about what is going on in her emotional world.) You might want to look into some parenting books-- "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman "How to Hug a Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years" by Julie Ross etc. |
Anonymous
| Mom of older kids who started crushes in kindergarten. I'd let it go. It doesn't get in the way of school work in elementary school and crushes last anywhere from a day to two weeks. |
Anonymous
| Various kids have had crushes - crush is sometimes just because you click with someone. Let it go - this is normal and healthy to like other kids. Is he a nice kid? Sound like it. Don't worry: the gender divide will be in place next year. |
Anonymous
| I meant kids have crushes at various ages, including in pre-k! |
Anonymous
| I don't see why you are reading her diary |
Anonymous
| First, I would stop reading her diary. This is an invasion of privacy. Also, I think it is very normal to have crushes all through childhood. My daughter did not have a crush this early but two of her friends did. Also, my son is in second grade and he had a lot of little girls ask him to be their boyfriends. It is a playful, innocent thing at this age and you don't need to worry. |
Anonymous
| There was a girl in my son's kindergarten class who proclaimed that he was her boyfriend. Her moms told me about in and called me and DH the in-laws whenever she saw us. |
Anonymous
| My daughter decided that she was going to marry a little boy in her pre-school class. They were tight until middle elementary school when kids tend to segregate by gender. Pretty harmless I would say. |
Anonymous
| I disagree with some of the posters. It depends on the child's environment and culture as to whether this is innocent. In some families children become sexualized very very early. It all depends on what they see and hear around them. It is not unheard of for young children (even age 8) to have mock sexual intercourse with clothes on and display other inappropriate behavior. What OP describes is nothing that extreme, but I do not think it is wrong for a parent to read a child's diary at this age and keep tabs on what is going on in her child's life. OP, it is not too early to talk to your child about focusing on her education and not having a boyfriend until she is much older. My 8 yr old DD knows how babies are made, and she knows the dangers of teenage pregnancy and how it can prevent a girl from pursuing her dreams and going to college. |
Anonymous
| that should be 8 yrs of age |
Anonymous
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I think we should talk to our kids about these things that 00:51 mentions. But it is a question of timing and the approach. My 8 year old would have been upset if I had introduced boy/girl issues at 3rd grade in other than a general way since he was friends with a lot of girls in his class. They did not think about each other that way.
But OP, your question was 'is this normal in US culture?' I have lived for long stretches in Asia, so I understand your concerns and how male/female relationships are different. The answer is yes: this is normal in US culture and it is normal for boys and girls to be friends and friendly until middle elementary grades. For your peace of mind, it helps to volunteer in the classroom because you learn a lot about individual kids which can be very reassuring. The hug is just probably an expression of happiness. There are no "red flags" from what you have written. You can also always speak to the teacher about what he/she sees. |
Anonymous
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I can't believe you're reading your daughters diary. I'm writing diaries/journals since I was 11 (27 now) and the worse thing to me would have been if my parents read my diaries. Your daughter has a right of privacy (are you opening her mail too??) and you broke her trust. Unless you have a very strong feeling that she is doing drugs or something illegal, you have no right to read her private thoughts.
Why don't you just talk to her? Just how her day was, not interrogating her... If she wants you to know about her crush, she'll tell you. If it's her first, it's probably special to her and she wants to keep it to herself for a bit. Stop reading your daughters diary. That's the quickest way to destroy your relationship to her for a very long time (don't wanna say forever) an you're breaking her trust which is hard to rebuild. |
Anonymous
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I agree with others who say you should not be reading her diary.
TALK to your child so you don't need to stoop to that. And as I recall, it was pretty normal when I was a kid to start having crushes around mid third grade. |