Middle Child Syndrome

[Anonymous]

There are five in our family, I am the oldest. I have a middle sibling who is very interested, maybe obsessed, with seeming like "the superstar", be it in front of relatives, old teachers (from 30 years ago!), whomever. If it means undermining what the other siblings are doing, all the better. The sibling really needs to claim credit. Honestly, I think it is because sibling has not measured up to anything/everything my parents have done for them, which happens to be a lot. It is constant and seriously affects the dynamics of the rest of the family. Without going into too much detail there is a lot of manipulation, leverage, triangulation, etc. that could easily be spent doing positive things. Is there anyone familiar with birth order that could share how they handle this? I am in the process of seeking resources, including (the obvious) books. Personal experiences would be appreciated. TIA.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, no answers. My mom has middle child syndrome and she is 76! You should hear her talk with her sibs about how bad she had it growing up. They tolerate it because they love her.

[Anonymous]

Isn't that the case with a lot of children born after the first child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't that the case with a lot of children born after the first child?

But the baby of the family doesn't have middle child syndrome.

[Anonymous]

I'm the middle child of three, and you just described my oldest sibling.

Middle children aren't like that due to birth order, they get to be like that from feeling neglected. Unfortunately, that can happen to any child -- which is how my sister ended up like this (she was never as good at academics, athletics, etc, as me and it really made her act out a lot). We're great friends now, but it was rough growing up. Once she became an adult and found her own niche, she settled down.

[Anonymous]

I thought that was how youngest children acted.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Youngest are the happiest and most carefree of all. Also more tolerant in general after years of deferring to older siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Youngest are the happiest and most carefree of all. Also more tolerant in general after years of deferring to older siblings.

Another reason why yougest are happiest and most carefree is that by the time they come along MB has learned to parent without hovering and knows they won't break, TV isn't going to turn them into serial killers, some fast food in moderation is not bad, and aren't obsessed with being a perfect parent like they were with first child.

[Anonymous]

So true! There is a lot of jealousy of the youngest, as you can see. I wonder why? Do they demand all the attention, or are seen as the "cutest" since they are the youngest? I think many older siblings resent having to take care of the youngest.

[Anonymous]

What is MB?

[Anonymous]

MB is Mom Boss -- a nanny must have written that post.

[Anonymous]

As a MC, I find this post a little offensive. Both of my siblings constantly battle depression and take meds. They have poor, superficial relations with others and need constant reassurance from me. I moved away from my family to avoid playing constant mediator. Happy and carefree is not how I'd describe either one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the middle child of three, and you just described my oldest sibling.

Middle children aren't like that due to birth order, they get to be like that from feeling neglected. Unfortunately, that can happen to any child -- which is how my sister ended up like this (she was never as good at academics, athletics, etc, as me and it really made her act out a lot). We're great friends now, but it was rough growing up. Once she became an adult and found her own niche, she settled down.

I agree. my husband and I are middle children. We tend to go outside of the family for what we need. We are indepenant and do not need internal family validation. What you describe sounds a lot like our older siblings . . . Drama the we like to ignore. There are other non-birth order issues here.

[Anonymous]

Usually people get into the birth order mumbo jumbo when it benefits them..I hear this sometimes from my older sibling..apparently he is "the leader" of the family. Okay.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a MC, I find this post a little offensive. Both of my siblings constantly battle depression and take meds. They have poor, superficial relations with others and need constant reassurance from me. I moved away from my family to avoid playing constant mediator. Happy and carefree is not how I'd describe either one of them.

Take note: another politically incorrect subject is MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME. And the list goes on!