Out of control vacation expectations - (new to) Bethesda teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of them probably have airline miles. Dh travels a ton for work and we never pay for airline tickets. Thus we can afford international vacations very cheaply.

Five times per year?

Don't even start, but, yes, FIVE times a year. My brother in law travels 24/7 and has so many airplane and hotel miles! So his teenage kids always sit in first class. Yup, they are in 8th and 11th grades and have NEVER ridden in coach. Not sure that's a great thing, as when they work and have to take coach, they are going to be shocked and like they've "come down" in the world. But, whatever. But when they express surprise that we don't take first class, I remind them that those tickets are free to him - to the rest of us, it's big money for 2 first class tickets when the damn airplane gets there at the same time for both coach and first class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of them probably have airline miles. Dh travels a ton for work and we never pay for airline tickets. Thus we can afford international vacations very cheaply.

Five times per year?

Don't even start, but, yes, FIVE times a year. My brother in law travels 24/7 and has so many airplane and hotel miles! So his teenage kids always sit in first class. Yup, they are in 8th and 11th grades and have NEVER ridden in coach. Not sure that's a great thing, as when they work and have to take coach, they are going to be shocked and like they've "come down" in the world. But, whatever. But when they express surprise that we don't take first class, I remind them that those tickets are free to him - to the rest of us, it's big money for 2 first class tickets when the damn airplane gets there at the same time for both coach and first class.

I was the pp that posted this originally. Yeah we could travel 5x a year internationally if we wanted to (I don't have any annual leave due to maternity leaves, but DH has tons). DH travels 3 weeks a month and hits up every continent every year (except obviously Antarctica). We have over a million United miles. Europe is like 50k-75k miles for a ticket. We aren't highly paid and make under 200k combined, but we take some awesome vacations for very little money. With this amount of travel we get a lot of free hotel stays as well. Weirdly enough we never get anything out of rental cars, those frequent flyer/user programs are useless.

[Anonymous]

We don't travel a lot. We're content to do things in the DC area. I expect most families are the same, but you hear about the ones that travel. Being on the go all the time is exhausting and a hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just moved from Chicago to Bethesda this year for jobs. It was a good professional step for both of us and we decided that this was the last time we'd consider a move until kids were out of high school -- kids started 7th and 8th when we moved; we want them to be part of the middle school community/make some friends for at least 1-2 yrs so they aren't completely the "new kids" in high school. So far so good.

So the one thing that is striking me and DH bc we hear it from our kids all the time -- it seems like nearly EVERY family of the kids they are friends with goes away on a vacation nearly EVERY time there is a break. I'm talking Hawaii over Christmas; and then just 2 weeks later skiing over MLK; then skiing again over Presidents Day; now kids are talking about spring break plans for next month; and after that I'm sure it'll be a beach long weekend over Memorial Day and then multiple week summer vacations.

Is this a DC thing? Bethesda thing? We lived in a very well to do suburb in Chicago as well and it was nothing like this. And now our kids are starting to "expect" it -- like they'll ask -- what are we doing for Presidents Day/Memorial Day -- and if the response is, oh it'll be nice to have 3 days off, maybe we can see if such-and-such museum is open, we get a "we never do anything" kind of response bc clearly they want to hear-- let's fly off to Fl. or NYC for 3 days, I'll book the hotels/flights tomorrow.

DH and I didn't grow up with money. So when we started making money, we were both adamant that we'd take a vacation every year. So to us, 1 week away domestically is a BIG deal (and I'm talking -- a week in LA doing touristy things staying in a nice but not uber luxury hotel; and the following year checking out Seattle and Portland). And now we're in a place where our own kids scoff at that because they have begun to think that the true vacations are Hawaii, Europe, 5 star hotels with lots of shopping in Manhattan. Is this just the friends they're hanging out with? Or is this kind of common all over Bethesda? And FWIW - I like their friends and friends' parents, and I don't think they act braggy about these things; if anything, it's very matter of fact like if my kid asks to hang out over Presidents day, they'll say "sorry -- I'll be in Vail that weekend, how about next weekend." From what I can tell, these kids have had this kind of schedule since they were babies, so now 13 years later, it's NBD to them.

Also something to consider is that there is SO MUCH TO DO HERE, especially since we are in such close proximity to the mountains and the beaches and other major cities.. The amount of things to do are endless. And it doesn't have to be expensive at all. We take several mini vacations per year in addition to weekend or day road trips. A family of four can take a DC express bus to NYC for the day or a weekend for $100; take the train to Philly; drive to Boston, etc. If you are new to the area, take advantage of all there is to do, but you don't have to go broke doing it, you don'thave to do everything "luxury."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just moved from Chicago to Bethesda this year for jobs. It was a good professional step for both of us and we decided that this was the last time we'd consider a move until kids were out of high school -- kids started 7th and 8th when we moved; we want them to be part of the middle school community/make some friends for at least 1-2 yrs so they aren't completely the "new kids" in high school. So far so good.

So the one thing that is striking me and DH bc we hear it from our kids all the time -- it seems like nearly EVERY family of the kids they are friends with goes away on a vacation nearly EVERY time there is a break. I'm talking Hawaii over Christmas; and then just 2 weeks later skiing over MLK; then skiing again over Presidents Day; now kids are talking about spring break plans for next month; and after that I'm sure it'll be a beach long weekend over Memorial Day and then multiple week summer vacations.

Is this a DC thing? Bethesda thing? We lived in a very well to do suburb in Chicago as well and it was nothing like this. And now our kids are starting to "expect" it -- like they'll ask -- what are we doing for Presidents Day/Memorial Day -- and if the response is, oh it'll be nice to have 3 days off, maybe we can see if such-and-such museum is open, we get a "we never do anything" kind of response bc clearly they want to hear-- let's fly off to Fl. or NYC for 3 days, I'll book the hotels/flights tomorrow.

DH and I didn't grow up with money. So when we started making money, we were both adamant that we'd take a vacation every year. So to us, 1 week away domestically is a BIG deal (and I'm talking -- a week in LA doing touristy things staying in a nice but not uber luxury hotel; and the following year checking out Seattle and Portland). And now we're in a place where our own kids scoff at that because they have begun to think that the true vacations are Hawaii, Europe, 5 star hotels with lots of shopping in Manhattan. Is this just the friends they're hanging out with? Or is this kind of common all over Bethesda? And FWIW - I like their friends and friends' parents, and I don't think they act braggy about these things; if anything, it's very matter of fact like if my kid asks to hang out over Presidents day, they'll say "sorry -- I'll be in Vail that weekend, how about next weekend." From what I can tell, these kids have had this kind of schedule since they were babies, so now 13 years later, it's NBD to them.

Also something to consider is that there is SO MUCH TO DO HERE, especially since we are in such close proximity to the mountains and the beaches and other major cities.. The amount of things to do are endless. And it doesn't have to be expensive at all. We take several mini vacations per year in addition to weekend or day road trips. A family of four can take a DC express bus to NYC for the day or a weekend for $100; take the train to Philly; drive to Boston, etc. If you are new to the area, take advantage of all there is to do, but you don't have to go broke doing it, you don'thave to do everything "luxury."

Exactly. I imagine that even if some of their friends really are going on 20K vacations 4 times a year plus assorted other jaunts, most aren't. But people travel a lot, and kids can talk about OBX and Turks and Caicos without necessarily meaning to compare them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't travel a lot. We're content to do things in the DC area. I expect most families are the same, but you hear about the ones that travel. Being on the go all the time is exhausting and a hassle.

That's your opinion. I get rested after I travel. And before trips I love researching, learning about the cultures and planning what we'll do/eat there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - it isn't entirely a $ thing for us, we did move to DC for promotions and we get paid more. Though we couldn't take 10 vacations per yr in business class, we could go beyond our 1 vacation and def take 2, maybe 3 in coach. I guess it's a priorities thing bc going out of town for every 3 or 4 day weekend seems like a chore to me -- packing, unpacking, laundry, flight delays, not to mention stressing at work beforehand to make sure things are buttoned up in such a way that your weekend getaway isn't interrupted; whereas when you stay in town, if you have to log onto work for 2 hrs on a long weekend, it isn't a big deal.

I also don't want the kids to have the impression that we'll start doing things just bc their peers are doing them -- we'll travel more if it works for us parents to travel more.

It's probably better for your family not to travel. With your level of anxiety you will make your kids hating vacationing with you.

Why is packing and unpacking is a chore? What is the difference putting clothes from the dryer to the dresser or to the suite case? We always travel light, like tiny suitcase per person, kids sometimes just have backpacks. I traveled without husband with 2 young kids 10 days through the south of Portugal, and then, with the car, two weeks in Spain. We had only one medium suite case for three of us , plus two small kids backpacks.

As to the work, nothing is going to crush in your absense. There are no indespansable people, and if something arise during the weekend, one of your colleagues will handle it, assuming you have a great relations with your colleagues. I never think about work when I am on vacation. Ever.

[Anonymous]

It's all choices. You choose what to do with your time and money, and I do the same. I grew up in a family that was perfectly comfortable, but not nearly as affluent as our neighbors ... but my mom loved to travel, and she made that a priority. Mostly car trips to visit grandparents, but also a trip to Alaska, a trip to the UK, a couple of ski trips to Colorado. But my parents drove old cars, my mom made a lot of our clothes through elementary school, etc.

Now I live across the country from my very elderly parents, so we go to CA at least 2x a year to visit. And we squeeze in skiing at Tahoe when we do that. Plus a summer vacation, a visit to see my sister who works in South America, a couple of weekend camping trips, and some local ski trips. I live in a small house I bought nearly 20 years ago, so my mortgage is negligible. I could have upgraded to a bigger and more expensive house, but there is less to clean and we get to travel. I probably won't be buying my kid a car when she reaches 16, but that's just an example of another choice.

If I had more money -- perhaps like your kids' friends -- the choices would involve fewer trade-offs.

[Anonymous]

NP- if it helps, keep in mind a lot of international work and a lot of miles...these vacations may be free except for meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you come across the families that charter private jets yet? Or fly first class five times per year? Try explaining that to a young teen. OP, many of these families live in the old houses, and bought for relatively nothing (compared to the last ten years or so), so their two paycheck household spends a great sum on travel. It is the same crowd that can or does afford private school, with more than a little help from the grandparents.

Yes, some families have private jets and yachts. This was the case at the private school my kids went to in middle school. If the families were not going to Europe or skying in Utah or Wyoming for spring break, the school sponsored a trip to Europe, either Italy or Greece, for students at a cost of $3500 on top of tuition. In the summer, the school scheduled a trip to Costa Rica. The spring breaks were long and I wondered why they were over two weeks long and a parent told me it was so families had enough time to visit their relatives in Europe. WTH?!? And, we were paying $40K tuition for these long breaks and intermittent days off. Another family wanted enough time to sail on their yacht. I’m dead serious. After middle school, we were out of there. OP, it is the DC metro area where there are families who have enormous wealth. For once we are not going away for spring break and I’m glad.