Husband wants to take a huge paycut to join a startup

[Anonymous]

I feel all the DCUM responders here don't really understand startups. Questions that are really important here are:

1) How much money has the startup raised? Is it seed? Series A? Series B? How long is the runway before the the next round of funding needs to happen? Or is the startup profitable and self-sustaining at this point?
2) 10% equity is a lot, so it sounds like the startup is very early stage. How many people currently work at the startup? Is he joining at the CXO level?
3) Who are the investors in the startup? If there are big name investors, usually the CXOs end up doing fine even if the startup fails before they'll get reabsorbed into some other portfolio company.

[Anonymous]

My DH (attorney in big law) wanted to do something like this a few years back. He was promised an incredible amount of money, there was lots of talk, lots of negotiations. A friend of mine who had a finance background told him to get a guarantee in writing. Suddenly the contact person stopped calling back.

They ended up hiring someone under DH (an associate, not a partner). The startup went kaput a year or so later. Not that big of a deal for the (single, young, green) associate but it would have been a huge loss for us--partnership in a big firm, house, kids in school, etc.

Your DH is making 600K and that's nothing to sneeze at.

This is risky and I wouldn't go off of DCUM advice---you need to invest some $$ into some financial people who can really give you the advice you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel all the DCUM responders here don't really understand startups. Questions that are really important here are:

1) How much money has the startup raised? Is it seed? Series A? Series B? How long is the runway before the the next round of funding needs to happen? Or is the startup profitable and self-sustaining at this point?
2) 10% equity is a lot, so it sounds like the startup is very early stage. How many people currently work at the startup? Is he joining at the CXO level?
3) Who are the investors in the startup? If there are big name investors, usually the CXOs end up doing fine even if the startup fails before they'll get reabsorbed into some other portfolio company.

The reason we haven't advised her to do this is b/c she has NO IDEA what any of that is. Even many folks in business and tech don't really have a clue.

She has to trust her DH to manage his career; she is not his mother or his manager. He has arranged things so that they should have no compromises in their lifestyle for at least 3 years, so really she has nothing to complain about. At least he isn't saying, hey I'm tired of traveling so I'm taking an easier job making $100k forever, you can work if you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ridiculous that so many people are jumping on OP. She has a good and more importantly, stable situation. Yes, her dh laid the financial groundwork to take a calculated risk but it still may not pay off. Startups fail all the time. On top of that, he will have to work more hours than the 50-60 hours he already works. With their current assets and a 600k a year salary, her dh can work for couple more years and retire if he really wanted to. They have a good situation. Why change it?

As for her being a sahp, OP sah makes it possible for dh to have a family and not parent track his career. So it's absurd to suggest that the dh hasn't benefitted from this arrangement.

If not pursuing this opportunity will lead to major FOMO and resentment, OP should support her dh within reason. Give it 2-3 years and if it's not panning out, reevaluate. In the meantime, make an annual budget and make sure the 529s are fully funded.

Exactly, OP said her DH said it was a 3 year stint for better or for worse.

[Anonymous]

What is his current job, how easy to return at that level? That would be a reasonable question b/c it speaks to the long term plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel all the DCUM responders here don't really understand startups. Questions that are really important here are:

1) How much money has the startup raised? Is it seed? Series A? Series B? How long is the runway before the the next round of funding needs to happen? Or is the startup profitable and self-sustaining at this point?
2) 10% equity is a lot, so it sounds like the startup is very early stage. How many people currently work at the startup? Is he joining at the CXO level?
3) Who are the investors in the startup? If there are big name investors, usually the CXOs end up doing fine even if the startup fails before they'll get reabsorbed into some other portfolio company.

The reason we haven't advised her to do this is b/c she has NO IDEA what any of that is. Even many folks in business and tech don't really have a clue.

She has to trust her DH to manage his career; she is not his mother or his manager. He has arranged things so that they should have no compromises in their lifestyle for at least 3 years, so really she has nothing to complain about. At least he isn't saying, hey I'm tired of traveling so I'm taking an easier job making $100k forever, you can work if you want.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel all the DCUM responders here don't really understand startups. Questions that are really important here are:

1) How much money has the startup raised? Is it seed? Series A? Series B? How long is the runway before the the next round of funding needs to happen? Or is the startup profitable and self-sustaining at this point?
2) 10% equity is a lot, so it sounds like the startup is very early stage. How many people currently work at the startup? Is he joining at the CXO level?
3) Who are the investors in the startup? If there are big name investors, usually the CXOs end up doing fine even if the startup fails before they'll get reabsorbed into some other portfolio company.

The reason we haven't advised her to do this is b/c she has NO IDEA what any of that is. Even many folks in business and tech don't really have a clue.

She has to trust her DH to manage his career; she is not his mother or his manager. He has arranged things so that they should have no compromises in their lifestyle for at least 3 years, so really she has nothing to complain about. At least he isn't saying, hey I'm tired of traveling so I'm taking an easier job making $100k forever, you can work if you want.

How about she does some research and ask her husband instead of freaking out due to her own ignorance? No wonder people think SAHMs are dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel all the DCUM responders here don't really understand startups. Questions that are really important here are:

1) How much money has the startup raised? Is it seed? Series A? Series B? How long is the runway before the the next round of funding needs to happen? Or is the startup profitable and self-sustaining at this point?
2) 10% equity is a lot, so it sounds like the startup is very early stage. How many people currently work at the startup? Is he joining at the CXO level?
3) Who are the investors in the startup? If there are big name investors, usually the CXOs end up doing fine even if the startup fails before they'll get reabsorbed into some other portfolio company.

None of this matter as we don't know the motivation of OP's husband.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

OP here. No I am not worried about my marriage. We have always seen ourselves as a partnership and that the money he makes is "our" money. He is asking me if he should do this, he's not telling me. I don't think it's fair to paint me as a leech. I've made sacrifices too. He went back to work two days after I had each of our babies and I didn't say anything. He frequently goes on last minute business trips and I don't say anything. It's not like I've been on easy street all these years. I've been home with three little kids.

Never meant to paint you as a leech. But your financial plan is solely your DH.

For most working parents DH has to go back to work a couple days after having kids too; it's actually much worse to leave you 6 week old crying infant with some sub daycare worker you just met, so please shut the F up about sacrifice in your paid off McMansion and MILLIONS in assets.

FFS, you are the living defintion of EASY STREET.

But your DH wanderlust for better pastures does seem to be jeopardizing that, hopefully just professionally.

I am curious how you consider yourself partners when he has been crafting this secret plan (paid off mortgage, huge growth stifling cash savings) and not discussing with you years ago.

Op here. It's not a "secret" plan. I knew he had this in the back of his mind. He's been approached by other startups but they could afford to offer to pay a salary so I said no and he agreed. And they were just never the right people. He feels different about this this one though. I suspect that if he doesn't do it he'll have major FOMO.

Not secret but in your OP: Unbeknownst to me, this is why we have so much cash.

I thought we were saving up for a "rainy day" so to speak. He has talked about this but I never thought it would seriously happen. I always assumed it was a pipe dream. He really likes his job, the hours are really good, the people are nice. We have a good thing going. Why rock the boat on the off chance that you might make 10M in a buyout, kwim? We don't need a 10M payout. We live fine as it is.

That's easy for you to say. You're a SAHM with a husband who makes $600k a year, and you don't have to go to the office and deal with a job that bores you to tears/whatever, no matter how "nice" the people are. You sound incredibly selfish. Would you have married your husband if you knew he was only going to make $100,000 a year? You have a paid off house, and plenty of money in the bank, and it sounds like your husband is young enough to recover financially/professionally if this doesn't work out.

Besides, you said it yourself, can you deal with the resentment if you say no, and the business takes off?

[Anonymous]

It’s baffling to me why men marry career stay at homes. Its like marrying a homeless person - helpless, passive and naive. I would go gay before I married a career stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s baffling to me why men marry career stay at homes. Its like marrying a homeless person - helpless, passive and naive. I would go gay before I married a career stay at home.

My goodness, with options like you out there it’s baffling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s baffling to me why men marry career stay at homes. Its like marrying a homeless person - helpless, passive and naive. I would go gay before I married a career stay at home.

She says it was his idea too and that whenever she offers to go back, he talks her out of it.

I wonder if it makes him feel like a big man to have little wifey at home. What do you want to bet, she’s thin as a rail, has expensive blonde highlights, spends her days at yoga, spin, and Barre, and drives around in a huge white SUV. Just think make the stereotype complete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel all the DCUM responders here don't really understand startups. Questions that are really important here are:

1) How much money has the startup raised? Is it seed? Series A? Series B? How long is the runway before the the next round of funding needs to happen? Or is the startup profitable and self-sustaining at this point?
2) 10% equity is a lot, so it sounds like the startup is very early stage. How many people currently work at the startup? Is he joining at the CXO level?
3) Who are the investors in the startup? If there are big name investors, usually the CXOs end up doing fine even if the startup fails before they'll get reabsorbed into some other portfolio company.

None of this matter as we don't know the motivation of OP's husband.

What? We know his motivation: to make $$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s baffling to me why men marry career stay at homes. Its like marrying a homeless person - helpless, passive and naive. I would go gay before I married a career stay at home.

She says it was his idea too and that whenever she offers to go back, he talks her out of it.

I wonder if it makes him feel like a big man to have little wifey at home. What do you want to bet, she’s thin as a rail, has expensive blonde highlights, spends her days at yoga, spin, and Barre, and drives around in a huge white SUV. Just think make the stereotype complete.

How much do you want to bet you are deeply unhappy with your own life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s baffling to me why men marry career stay at homes. Its like marrying a homeless person - helpless, passive and naive. I would go gay before I married a career stay at home.

She says it was his idea too and that whenever she offers to go back, he talks her out of it.

I wonder if it makes him feel like a big man to have little wifey at home. What do you want to bet, she’s thin as a rail, has expensive blonde highlights, spends her days at yoga, spin, and Barre, and drives around in a huge white SUV. Just think make the stereotype complete.

The husband is complicit in destroying her life. Ill grant you that.