Why do children get MORE expensive as they get older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This area is extremely expensive and competitive. We have HS seniors. $1600 total for sat prep. $1500 for college applications ( including test scores) College trips. We did it cheap about $200 each one x 8 colleges. Kids cars. They have fender benders ( find a kid who hasn't ) wisdom teeth. Clothes and shoes. Health care. Counseling. Tutors. I guess it paid off in merit grant. But what if it hadn't?

- I never had a car
- I never visited any colleges
- I prepped myself for the SAT with books
- Wisdom teeth removal is a racket for dentists

This is all discretionary spending.

Okay, sure. But if we have the discretionary income, isn't it natural that we do things like this? I mean, kids really only NEED maybe three outfits a season, right? And man, they can wrap up in plastic instead of having a warm winter coat. They don't NEED beds, the floor will do! This isn't a thread about how much one can deprive their children of, simply people answering what having older kids looks like for them, cost wise. Of course that is going to look different for everyone, and family size and income naturally influences that.

yes it is natural. the huge difference is that, once your kids are in school, your discretionary income is much larger. daycare expenses are a huge fixed cost, and for most people, especially with multiple children, reduce discretionary income substantially. even if you choose to spend 100% of your discretionary income on your kids, it is still a different situation. you feel differently merely knowing that you can cancel classes, vacations etc.

[Anonymous]

The food, good Lord, the food. We have a house full of teenagers and they eat so much food. Their friends love to hang out here and they are like locusts going through our fridge and pantry. It's worth it to us to have the kids here where we can keep an eye on what they are up to, but I remember the days of feeding a toddler a tiny sandwich and a handful of strawberries and LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is just one poster of a young kid who is generating all of the "I was poor, went to Harvard, will not buy Monclear" rhetoric. Shit changes as they get older and not all of it is within your control. The posters of young kids who "don't get why it's more expensive" need to stop lecturing me about something you know nothing about.

There's more than one. But go ahead and continue to believe that trips to Iceland and golf lessons are *esssentials*.

No more essential than a lactation consultant.

Hmm, $400 one-time health care cost, vs $5000+ annual cost for vacation and golf. Totally the same. Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is just one poster of a young kid who is generating all of the "I was poor, went to Harvard, will not buy Monclear" rhetoric. Shit changes as they get older and not all of it is within your control. The posters of young kids who "don't get why it's more expensive" need to stop lecturing me about something you know nothing about.

+1
It's like unsolicited parenting advice from the childless couple.

Why do you have to bring childfree people into it?

One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever got came from a "childfree" older woman, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YES, most people will likely see some savings once daycare has ended. NO, it will not be as much as you might hope. Kindergarten and early elementary are pretty cheap, but costs will creep up after that, culminating in the bloodletting that is college, for those who go that route.

+1

I naively thought I would get the $1500/kid/month back into my budget when my kids got out of daycare and went to public school. Ha! Between care for all the teacher workdays and vacations, after-school care, and summer camp (and not fancy summer camp, either, mostly parks and rec camp), it was maybe lower by half. My kids are in elementary school, and they do not do nearly as many activities as their friends - and no travel anything or expensive activities like horseback riding, and it's still expensive. (We also have additional costs related to tutoring and therapy for our child with special needs, but that's situation specific and hopefully most people will not have to go through it. And the public school is doing a less-than-mediocre job educating the SN kid, so that increases our costs filling in the gaps, too.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YES, most people will likely see some savings once daycare has ended. NO, it will not be as much as you might hope. Kindergarten and early elementary are pretty cheap, but costs will creep up after that, culminating in the bloodletting that is college, for those who go that route.

+1

I naively thought I would get the $1500/kid/month back into my budget when my kids got out of daycare and went to public school. Ha! Between care for all the teacher workdays and vacations, after-school care, and summer camp (and not fancy summer camp, either, mostly parks and rec camp), it was maybe lower by half. My kids are in elementary school, and they do not do nearly as many activities as their friends - and no travel anything or expensive activities like horseback riding, and it's still expensive. (We also have additional costs related to tutoring and therapy for our child with special needs, but that's situation specific and hopefully most people will not have to go through it. And the public school is doing a less-than-mediocre job educating the SN kid, so that increases our costs filling in the gaps, too.)

If your costs are lower by a half it's a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Two kids, 8 and 12.

7k activities, 9k camp (sleep away for the older plus daycamp for the younger), 2500 aftercare (for the younger). 11K for 2 vacations this year, but that is a lot for us.

When we had kids is daycare it was about 16k/year each, only two years with both in care.

We do expensive activities because we like being able to support what they are interested in.

We do sleep away camp because our child loves it and it is really good for her and we plan to send the younger likely next year.

We spend more than some, less than others. No tutors but expect SAT prep someday. Both children are strong students.

[Anonymous]

When my oldest was a toddler we lived on a military base. I worked in the high school. Watching the kids and imagining - that outfit, that's only one outfit, they also have multiple pairs of shoes at home, light jackets, a parka, sweatshirts, athletic gear and camps, food....I almost had a panic attack. This experience dissuaded me from having three, though I did have another child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This area is extremely expensive and competitive. We have HS seniors. $1600 total for sat prep. $1500 for college applications ( including test scores) College trips. We did it cheap about $200 each one x 8 colleges. Kids cars. They have fender benders ( find a kid who hasn't ) wisdom teeth. Clothes and shoes. Health care. Counseling. Tutors. I guess it paid off in merit grant. But what if it hadn't?

- I never had a car
- I never visited any colleges
- I prepped myself for the SAT with books
- Wisdom teeth removal is a racket for dentists

This is all discretionary spending.

Okay, sure. But if we have the discretionary income, isn't it natural that we do things like this? I mean, kids really only NEED maybe three outfits a season, right? And man, they can wrap up in plastic instead of having a warm winter coat. They don't NEED beds, the floor will do! This isn't a thread about how much one can deprive their children of, simply people answering what having older kids looks like for them, cost wise. Of course that is going to look different for everyone, and family size and income naturally influences that.

yes it is natural. the huge difference is that, once your kids are in school, your discretionary income is much larger. daycare expenses are a huge fixed cost, and for most people, especially with multiple children, reduce discretionary income substantially. even if you choose to spend 100% of your discretionary income on your kids, it is still a different situation. you feel differently merely knowing that you can cancel classes, vacations etc.

This PP nailed it.

[Anonymous]

I love this particular DCUM question and followed it with great interest while my kids were in daycare. Now that they are out, I have found the answer thus far is that it is much cheaper. At the height of the daycare years, we were paying $2400/mo for 2 kids, which I realize is low. Between aftercare and summer camps, the amount is closer to $12k per year. I do believe we are in that "sweet spot" some posters have mentioned - kids are 7 and 9, so there hasn't been orthodontia yet and they are not majorly into any sports. I would say expenses outside of child care are at most $200 more now a month than they were in daycare/preschool. We did a modest amount of activities back then and they still do some now. Clothes are marginally more expensive. We've always traveled with them and those expenses haven't changed much (we've always wanted a suite - sleeping in the same room sucks!).

Having read so many of these threads now, I draw the following conclusions about those who say the years after daycare are more expensive -

1) They are including expenses that are not universal (like travel sports and horseback riding) or necessary to raising a child, but that they value enough to spend a lot of money on. Problem is that for comparison purposes, these expenses aren’t ones that all (or maybe even most) families will bear. I live in Takoma Park, and while I’m sure there are kids involved in these more expensive activities, it doesn’t seem to be the norm. So far, my kids are not interested enough in sports that I would try to justify this expense. On the other hand, we have a hefty travel budget because it’s something I really enjoy and I want my kids to experience. But neither of these expense categories is a necessary or universal expense of raising a kid.
2) They are competitive and have a little keeping-up-with-the-Jones mentality. Like the pp who doesn’t want to disadvantage her children by leaving them not knowing how to play golf. Or the ones who will spend large amounts on test and college prep to get into a selective college. These expenses are kid-related, but they may not jibe with your personal child-rearing philosophy.
3) They include expenses that aren’t day-to-day care expenses (which is usually what the daycare crowd is comparing to when they ask about post-daycare finances). For example, including college savings. Just because you start to save more for college after you’re done with daycare doesn’t mean that the child is more expensive – just means you didn’t have the cashflow to fully save and pay for daycare at the same time.

I think it’s 100% doable to spend less after daycare than during, but that many families don’t. For those families that spend more after daycare, it’s because they want to give their kid as many “advantages” as possible. But that doesn’t make those greater costs a foregone conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is just one poster of a young kid who is generating all of the "I was poor, went to Harvard, will not buy Monclear" rhetoric. Shit changes as they get older and not all of it is within your control. The posters of young kids who "don't get why it's more expensive" need to stop lecturing me about something you know nothing about.

There's more than one. But go ahead and continue to believe that trips to Iceland and golf lessons are *esssentials*.

Well if you're a parent who want to go to Iceland and has no one to leave their kids with, it's pretty essential to bring them along, yes? And 4-5 people on a trip costs a lot more than 1-2. That's the point. Kids are an additional expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is just one poster of a young kid who is generating all of the "I was poor, went to Harvard, will not buy Monclear" rhetoric. Shit changes as they get older and not all of it is within your control. The posters of young kids who "don't get why it's more expensive" need to stop lecturing me about something you know nothing about.

There's more than one. But go ahead and continue to believe that trips to Iceland and golf lessons are *esssentials*.

Well if you're a parent who want to go to Iceland and has no one to leave their kids with, it's pretty essential to bring them along, yes? And 4-5 people on a trip costs a lot more than 1-2. That's the point. Kids are an additional expense.

It's not essential to go to Iceland, therefore bringing your three children to Iceland is not an essential childcare expense. Additional =/= essential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YES, most people will likely see some savings once daycare has ended. NO, it will not be as much as you might hope. Kindergarten and early elementary are pretty cheap, but costs will creep up after that, culminating in the bloodletting that is college, for those who go that route.

+1

I naively thought I would get the $1500/kid/month back into my budget when my kids got out of daycare and went to public school. Ha! Between care for all the teacher workdays and vacations, after-school care, and summer camp (and not fancy summer camp, either, mostly parks and rec camp), it was maybe lower by half. My kids are in elementary school, and they do not do nearly as many activities as their friends - and no travel anything or expensive activities like horseback riding, and it's still expensive. (We also have additional costs related to tutoring and therapy for our child with special needs, but that's situation specific and hopefully most people will not have to go through it. And the public school is doing a less-than-mediocre job educating the SN kid, so that increases our costs filling in the gaps, too.)

If your costs are lower by a half it's a big deal.

Yeah did you think all those costs would just vanish once daycare was over? Kids are expensive, duh.

[Anonymous]

Of course it's not essential. None of the stuff mentioned in here is, including the oft repeated $2000 Nantucket daycare. There are cheaper day cares if you don't care about the nice extras. Most people do want the "nice to have" stuff like family trips to Europe and that is the point of most PPs.

[Anonymous]

Wow. That escalated quickly.

I guess it's either: 1. don't care about your kids at all and do nothing for them, versus 2. Spoil your kids rotten complete with silver spoons.

Would it be fair to say that, on average, most people spend about 50-75% as much once they're out of daycare? So no, it's not a huge windfall, but it would be atypical to spend more?
I'm not saying that anyone is "lying" but the fact of the matter is that the expenses for older kids involve a lot more transactions. Instead of writing one check for $3-4k per month for daycare, you're paying a bunch of different bills, extra food, more expensive clothes, etc. So I think it just feels like a lot more money because you're constantly spending it, but it doesn't total the amount that people pay for daycare and other baby/toddler items.