Top private (Sidwell, GDS) versus top public (JKLM) for early years: what are the differences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why are DCUM people so crazy? I send my daughter to an EOTP Title I school (and planning to stay). My husband and I are both elite-college educated, well employed and I'm an Exeter grad. Is raising a child these days all about shaving for percentages? There are a lot of merits to private schools and public schools. Weigh what's most important to you -- diversity, test scores, extras, college placement, etc. -- and what you can manage/afford and send your kid there. Most important, don't neglect the work you must do as parents to ensure your kids are well rounded, conscientious global citizens. No school can replace what you're giving them (or not) at home.

17:16 here: Agree completely, and our kids are also ethnically and economically diverse EOTP school now, and going to stay there until they graduate. I made that clear in my post. We were more conservative in terms of ES, and if a younger child has learning differences we would consider private for that child for that reason. There are plenty of kids in the school our kids are at now who have faced and are facing serious challenges, and our kids are friends with them, learning from them as well as with them, and some of our kids were "onlies" from our ES, so they have had to integrate themselves into a community of children whom I think are quite amazing, especially the ones who are struggling in a variety of ways. Have one in high school already, NOT worried about eating disorders, maybe we raised her immune but I think the environment has actually made the difference. Most telling observation from one of my girls was that the kids at this school are "nicer" than those from her WOTP ES, who were mostly headed for private schools in the end. And from what I have seen of her friends, I agree with her.

No obsessions, just wanted to explain my background as well as I could, and I wholeheartedly agree with another poster that the rise in tuition means that the schools we all went to are now mostly populated by one percenters. And we will not join the Chevy Chase Club because I do not have an open mind about the crowd there or the utility of it. And we will not live in the heart of Spring Valley in one of those very large houses. And my children will not be going to the modern version of Ms. Shippen's, and my daughters will not be debutantes. And there is a lot to be said for physical labor. In addition to cleaning houses for a summer, I did physical work all through college within and for a community I cared deeply about. I don't expect my kids to do the same, but I do expect them to find paid employment over the summers as they get older. So I guess I do have some lines I have drawn in the sand.

I have heard horror stories from acquaintances whose kids are at these private schools now, and while I thought we had our fair share of miscreants back in the day who were never held responsible for actions that would have gotten others expelled, and those in a different social strata arrested, it seems to have gotten worse in some ways. For example, I assumed that at least with respect to the STA/NCS rape issues it would have gotten a whole lot better. And STA/NCS knocked the religion out of many of my sibs/cousins permanently, and I think it has the same effect now.

Finally, due to my bubble upbringing I had never thought about handbags at all until I read that thread, and while initially it was interesting from a sort of sociological perspective, I did end up honestly shocked by where it went, and these private school mothers were not joking. They were not all SAHMs, but the lawyers who worked hard for their handbags were no better in terms of judging and evaluating their fellow mothers based on what they carried on their arms. Sometimes the most superficial threads are the most enlightening. I did not know (or had forgotten) that purses can cost $3,000 or much, much, more, and that these otherwise intelligent articulate women would go into what I have come to call "Perfect Madness" mode. Good book. Loved the Nanny Diaries as well. Eyes WIDE OPEN people.

Hey Sociology Prof: Care to dissect the self-congratualtory nature of this one?

[Anonymous]

PS. FWIW, at the moment, all of my kids seem to be happy, and not on their way to burning out...

As I said originally, that was one of the global shifts I have had in my perspective - realizing that even though at the time I thought if I did not get into the specific HYP I wanted to go to I was screwed, and my life would be over in terms of professional potential....

I realize now I would not have been. And we have tried hard to start teaching our kids that lesson early. Helps that we met in college - another good reason to go, and that happy ending could be anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why are DCUM people so crazy? I send my daughter to an EOTP Title I school (and planning to stay). My husband and I are both elite-college educated, well employed and I'm an Exeter grad. Is raising a child these days all about shaving for percentages? There are a lot of merits to private schools and public schools. Weigh what's most important to you -- diversity, test scores, extras, college placement, etc. -- and what you can manage/afford and send your kid there. Most important, don't neglect the work you must do as parents to ensure your kids are well rounded, conscientious global citizens. No school can replace what you're giving them (or not) at home.

17:16 here: Agree completely, and our kids are also ethnically and economically diverse EOTP school now, and going to stay there until they graduate. I made that clear in my post. We were more conservative in terms of ES, and if a younger child has learning differences we would consider private for that child for that reason. There are plenty of kids in the school our kids are at now who have faced and are facing serious challenges, and our kids are friends with them, learning from them as well as with them, and some of our kids were "onlies" from our ES, so they have had to integrate themselves into a community of children whom I think are quite amazing, especially the ones who are struggling in a variety of ways. Have one in high school already, NOT worried about eating disorders, maybe we raised her immune but I think the environment has actually made the difference. Most telling observation from one of my girls was that the kids at this school are "nicer" than those from her WOTP ES, who were mostly headed for private schools in the end. And from what I have seen of her friends, I agree with her.

No obsessions, just wanted to explain my background as well as I could, and I wholeheartedly agree with another poster that the rise in tuition means that the schools we all went to are now mostly populated by one percenters. And we will not join the Chevy Chase Club because I do not have an open mind about the crowd there or the utility of it. And we will not live in the heart of Spring Valley in one of those very large houses. And my children will not be going to the modern version of Ms. Shippen's, and my daughters will not be debutantes. And there is a lot to be said for physical labor. In addition to cleaning houses for a summer, I did physical work all through college within and for a community I cared deeply about. I don't expect my kids to do the same, but I do expect them to find paid employment over the summers as they get older. So I guess I do have some lines I have drawn in the sand.

I have heard horror stories from acquaintances whose kids are at these private schools now, and while I thought we had our fair share of miscreants back in the day who were never held responsible for actions that would have gotten others expelled, and those in a different social strata arrested, it seems to have gotten worse in some ways. For example, I assumed that at least with respect to the STA/NCS rape issues it would have gotten a whole lot better. And STA/NCS knocked the religion out of many of my sibs/cousins permanently, and I think it has the same effect now.

Finally, due to my bubble upbringing I had never thought about handbags at all until I read that thread, and while initially it was interesting from a sort of sociological perspective, I did end up honestly shocked by where it went, and these private school mothers were not joking. They were not all SAHMs, but the lawyers who worked hard for their handbags were no better in terms of judging and evaluating their fellow mothers based on what they carried on their arms. Sometimes the most superficial threads are the most enlightening. I did not know (or had forgotten) that purses can cost $3,000 or much, much, more, and that these otherwise intelligent articulate women would go into what I have come to call "Perfect Madness" mode. Good book. Loved the Nanny Diaries as well. Eyes WIDE OPEN people.

Hey Sociology Prof: Care to dissect the self-congratualtory nature of this one?

not sociology prof, the much hated 17:19 here again - very simple - we tried to make the right choices and lucked out in terms of the school we landed at....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

I haven't read this whole thread, but I nearly pulled my three children out of private this year for financial reasons. Your post is interesting to me because I think the opposite is true. My children's small private school is a place where the teachers are all super engaged. From day one, my children were taught only one religious lesson: God love you, We love each other. The code of ethics that my children are learning at their school is so valuable to me. Their school is helping to create what kind of humans they will become.

Their school plays a pivotal role in developing their moral compass. The self-esteem has been bolstered by the school because it is so small, and they get so much individual attention, and because their teachers can really get to know them and their needs.

I haven't spent too much time on the other forum, but from what I've seen of this thread, it's pretty defensive and nasty.

OP, here's what I think. If you can afford it, go private. Your kids will get so much more personalized attention. It will be easier for you - the school returns calls immediately, etc. You can make dismissal changes on the fly, which is critical if you can work. The AfterCare options are usually wonderful.

Your children will get more than DOUBLE the number of specials: music, art, science, language. Tons more outdoor time. They don't teach to tests.

I could go on and on. If you can do it, do it.

gotta assume you are not referring to St. Alban's, NCS, Sidwell, or GDS (because it has no religion). These are the schools the OP put on the table. Would love to know the school you are talking about, in case I have to send a kid to private school........... would you mind just telling us the name of the school in this anonymous forum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good guess, LOL! Very close.

I, too, worry about happiness and, actually, about education -- in the sense of turning our kids onto the delights of reading, thinking, problem-solving, empathizing, figuring things out...

Not so much an issue (for the kids, at least) at the elementary school level -- though the instrumentalist of many parents is already apparent at that stage. But by HS, even (maybe especially) the kids who love to read and think are under tremendous pressure to just power through crushing workloads with no time to really reflect on what they're learning, much less to pursue interesting tangents. My own childhood and adolescence was filled with such opportunities and when I arrived at college I was like a kid in a candy store.

But had my HS education looked like the Big 3 experience today, I'd have been burnt out and/or needed a gap year

Please PP, tell me how I can give this to my kid. Go off the grid entirely?

I failed on that score. And, perhaps as a result, my answer is close to "go off the grid!"

In case it's any help, I think I know where I went wrong. I sought out for my DC the "challenging" school I never had. In retrospect, I see how much I benefited from the absence of externally-imposed challenges. Basically, I got/had to choose my own intellectual adventures, so to speak. And I lived in CA near a young university (a "first-rate second-rate school," according to one of my undergrad profs at what would no doubt be considered a first-rate first-rate school) which no doubt helped -- free to dirt-cheap access to libraries and classes, enough profs in the neighborhood for a good intellectually-inclined HS cohort and for encouragement/advice, but outnumbered enough by the dominant culture to be open to people from outside the U who shared their values/interests). But I know, because my parents and sibs still live in the area, that today my DC couldn't have the same childhood that I had there. What I don't know is whether those days are just gone or whether you could find the same environment in a different place today. I hope the latter, but am pretty sure it wouldn't be in or near a major US city on either coast (or Chicago for that matter).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

You are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey Sociology Prof: Care to dissect the self-congratualtory nature of this one?

Nah, I believe in the give them an example and then encourage them to try doing it for themselves approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

You are crazy.

Actually, if you're right, then arguably 17:16 is right. She's a product of the system she's condemning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

You are crazy.

Actually, if you're right, then arguably 17:16 is right. She's a product of the system she's condemning.

So am I and if she thinks sending a kid to private school will result in a child "without a moral compass" or "having had their self esteem shredded", she is nuts. These are things will can happen no matter the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

You are crazy.

Actually, if you're right, then arguably 17:16 is right. She's a product of the system she's condemning.

So am I and if she thinks sending a kid to private school will result in a child "without a moral compass" or "having had their self esteem shredded", she is nuts. These are things will can happen no matter the school.

These things can happen no matter the school and had nothing to do with whether one pays tuition or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey Sociology Prof: Care to dissect the self-congratualtory nature of this one?

Nah, I believe in the give them an example and then encourage them to try doing it for themselves approach.

Man I like you. Can I audit a course?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

You are crazy.

Actually, if you're right, then arguably 17:16 is right. She's a product of the system she's condemning.

So am I and if she thinks sending a kid to private school will result in a child "without a moral compass" or "having had their self esteem shredded", she is nuts. These are things will can happen no matter the school.

These things can happen no matter the school and had nothing to do with whether one pays tuition or not.

these things can happen no matter what. The question is where are they more likely to happen, and do you want to take the risk if you are not a one percenter of rich kids running roughshod over your child.... and do you want to expose them to the feelings of entitlement and superiority that seem so prevalent at these schools now...

IMO the private school parents today and the kids are a different crowd from the one that was in my DC private school when I was - I chose, and I was not alone, to leave NCS to go to GDS, which was still an underdog at that time, working out of the converted office building on Macarthur Blvd. I begged Earl Harrison, the headmaster at Sidwell, not to accept me because I wanted to go to GDS, and my parents would have forced me to go to Sidwell if they had accepted me, and he honored my request, God Bless him.

My parents thought I was ruining my life but they knew I was so unhappy that if they did not let me make a change I would ruin my own life in terms of grades and just absolute misery. GDS was so different from NCS. No cafeteteria thus an open campus by necessity, no regulation size gym, no sports teams to speak of. Completely different group of people who did not operate in my parents' social circle. First racially integrated school only established in 1953 and technically non-denominational. An intellectual paradise for me, and it saved me from NCS which IMO was toxic even then, graduates I keep in touch with have confirmed that things got worse in high school............ GDS now has all the money and the status of the other schools, and I do not want my kids there at all...

My kids are at Basis, which was Title I the first two years, and we had one there at the start, and they are happy. We took a huge risk and it has paid off in ways I could not possibly have imagined. I think the education is stellar for kids who are willing to work and are good at math and science. Children have solid groups of friends where the friendship was, like it was at GDS, begun because they were put with smart motivated kids. These kids have no clue what we have in our bank account, and most have never been to our house. No one seems to really care. They are teens and are focused on their teenage angst, whatever the source, and they are bonding so well that I have to monitor the time spent on google chat because these kids are solid with each other and can waste their time remotely without having to be in the same room or same neighborhood...

My kids are as off the grid as possible, zoned for Wilson but staying at Basis, and we live our lives off the grid so my kids don't interact with kids from the big 3 or 4 and don't feel inferior in any way. Basis is as close as we can get to my experience at GDS in terms of the intellectual opportunities, but the diversity is mind blowing. My kids have friends who have been through stuff that we could never "preach" to them about and get anywhere. And I am so happy about the friendships they have formed that are based on being intellectual equals, where color and SES status is totally irrelevant. May help that we are not white, but we could have afforded private school and our kids would have gotten in, but no one is ever going to ask my children for the (pick your minority) opinion on any issue. Our kids are happy.

Just from a non-white perspective but same SES strata and kids started off at JKLM. We were really happy with the "early years" - less happy once kids started peeling off to privates, and Basis has been a game changer for our family. We feel so grateful because we were really conflicted and confused about what to do. Right time, right place, Thanks be to God. We feel incredibly lucky and have no clue what we would have done had they not opened in 2012....

[Anonymous]

^ Thank you for this post. It is extremely helpful and provides an alternative to JKLM vs. private.

[Anonymous]

What is off the grid?

Btw another poster eschewing privates all the while detailing and name dropping as best possible her own list of privates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why are DCUM people so crazy? I send my daughter to an EOTP Title I school (and planning to stay). My husband and I are both elite-college educated, well employed and I'm an Exeter grad. Is raising a child these days all about shaving for percentages? There are a lot of merits to private schools and public schools. Weigh what's most important to you -- diversity, test scores, extras, college placement, etc. -- and what you can manage/afford and send your kid there. Most important, don't neglect the work you must do as parents to ensure your kids are well rounded, conscientious global citizens. No school can replace what you're giving them (or not) at home.

17:16 here: Agree completely, and our kids are also ethnically and economically diverse EOTP school now, and going to stay there until they graduate. I made that clear in my post. We were more conservative in terms of ES, and if a younger child has learning differences we would consider private for that child for that reason. There are plenty of kids in the school our kids are at now who have faced and are facing serious challenges, and our kids are friends with them, learning from them as well as with them, and some of our kids were "onlies" from our ES, so they have had to integrate themselves into a community of children whom I think are quite amazing, especially the ones who are struggling in a variety of ways. Have one in high school already, NOT worried about eating disorders, maybe we raised her immune but I think the environment has actually made the difference. Most telling observation from one of my girls was that the kids at this school are "nicer" than those from her WOTP ES, who were mostly headed for private schools in the end. And from what I have seen of her friends, I agree with her.

No obsessions, just wanted to explain my background as well as I could, and I wholeheartedly agree with another poster that the rise in tuition means that the schools we all went to are now mostly populated by one percenters. And we will not join the Chevy Chase Club because I do not have an open mind about the crowd there or the utility of it. And we will not live in the heart of Spring Valley in one of those very large houses. And my children will not be going to the modern version of Ms. Shippen's, and my daughters will not be debutantes. And there is a lot to be said for physical labor. In addition to cleaning houses for a summer, I did physical work all through college within and for a community I cared deeply about. I don't expect my kids to do the same, but I do expect them to find paid employment over the summers as they get older. So I guess I do have some lines I have drawn in the sand.

I have heard horror stories from acquaintances whose kids are at these private schools now, and while I thought we had our fair share of miscreants back in the day who were never held responsible for actions that would have gotten others expelled, and those in a different social strata arrested, it seems to have gotten worse in some ways. For example, I assumed that at least with respect to the STA/NCS rape issues it would have gotten a whole lot better. And STA/NCS knocked the religion out of many of my sibs/cousins permanently, and I think it has the same effect now.

Finally, due to my bubble upbringing I had never thought about handbags at all until I read that thread, and while initially it was interesting from a sort of sociological perspective, I did end up honestly shocked by where it went, and these private school mothers were not joking. They were not all SAHMs, but the lawyers who worked hard for their handbags were no better in terms of judging and evaluating their fellow mothers based on what they carried on their arms. Sometimes the most superficial threads are the most enlightening. I did not know (or had forgotten) that purses can cost $3,000 or much, much, more, and that these otherwise intelligent articulate women would go into what I have come to call "Perfect Madness" mode. Good book. Loved the Nanny Diaries as well. Eyes WIDE OPEN people.

Hey Sociology Prof: Care to dissect the self-congratualtory nature of this one?

LOL. Yep.