Honestly: is 41 too old to have a baby?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
I had my first when I was almost 41. I had a hard time dealing with the infant/early toddler years (not because of my age, but because of my lack of confidence and mental stability). I absolutely wanted to stick with one. By the time I decided I was ready for another, and really wanted a second, at 44.5, I was too old to conceive. My advice is if you're even thinking about 2, have the second very soon after the first. However, that being said, I believe that having 2 would be much more difficult, especially as one approaches their 50s. At least for me, my energy level began rapidly declining at 45. |
Anonymous
| Another point of view from someone raised by an "older parent". My dad was 42 when I was born in the 70s. My brother came along when dad was 45. He was an awesome very involved dad growing up, but definitely seemed "older". He was very old-fashioned and would sometimes embarrass me in school- not that that doesn't happen with younger parents. But- true story- dad was also a spend thrift. So, he walked into my class one time wearing throwback bell bottoms when they were totally not in style. I almost died. I was in like 5th grade at the time. Ironically, when I hit HS, bell bottoms were back in. So, I wore them during spirit week on 60s day and totally had EVERYONE begging to know where I got them and if they could borrow! Anyways, my dad has always been the "best" dad of my crew. Now that in my 30s, he's the best grandpa. But, clearly a grandpa nonetheless. Dementia has started to set in and he's really not the man who raised me any longer. He's in his late 70s now, and I'm dealing with issues related to his longterm care needs. That could happen with younger parents too. Also, late 70s is not "old old", so he could have early dementia. Anyways, in my mid 30s with two little ones and a hubby turning 40 this year, our lives are full spectrum- dealing with young kids and all that drama and the opposite scenario- elder care. So, I'm kinda stuck in the middle. I would take my dad any day just as he is- he's the most awesome man who raised me, but I wish he was a younger too. Especially on days when his memory is especially feeble. He couldn't find his glasses one day- he was wearing them. And he couldn't figure out why his phone wouldn't work- he was hold the tv remote to his year. At least we have some newfound humor! |
Anonymous
| PP you've got a great attitude and lucky kids |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
|
Anonymous
| I had twins at 41. Today they are 9 and very active. Just went skiing with them both last weekend. They are keeping up with me just fine. I still can out run and out walk them both. It Can be done! |
Anonymous
Nothing in life is guaranteed. My parents married at 18 and had me at 19. My Dad died from a heart attack at the age of 45 and he was perfectly healthy up to that point. So having kids young doesn't gurantee that you get to see your grandkids. My dad didnt. People age differently. My 85 year old grandmother can run circles around my 54 year old mother and she sometimes gives me a run for my money. OP - do what feels right for you. Good luck! 
|
Anonymous
She sounds like a terrific person. But would you really want this for your kids? Dealing with dementia in your 30s? |
Anonymous
|
For me, yes, 41 was far older than I wanted to be when I had children. However, if other women want to have children when they are that age, that is their business.
What does get me upset is when people have kids at such an age and then continually talk sadly about how they are the oldest mom, they are so tired, how all of their friends are able to go out and travel and do things that they can't easily do because of having young kids at home. This describes my SIL. In their late 30's, she and her husband decided to have another. They tried for a few years and ended adopting when they were in their early 40's. Now all we hear are comments about how lucky we are because our kids are older and in less than 10 years, our kids will be done with college. I want to ask her if she didn't think about all of this during those years when she was trying to conceive. So, I guess my advice would be do what feels right to you, but think long and hard about having a child at that age and how it will affect your life for the next 21 years. |
Anonymous
|
By the time you are in your 40s you have been an adult for over 20 years. In that time you have developed a life without kids. I think that some women in their 40s truly do not realize what having children really means, financially, emotionally, physically. Other parents are not going to complain to you (that would be just seen as complaining) Sometimes I think that they do not realize that they are "set in their ways" and find that the strain of having children, getting older and so on is much greater than they think. Very few women actually have children after age 40+ so there are not a lot of moms to compare.
Those who are already parents, haven't you looked at child free couples and thought "they don't get it?" |
Anonymous
 My wife had her 3rd at 41, and her second at 37. It was fine for a while, but now that they're in MS and HS, we're HATING LIFE!!!. We're in our 50's and we should be free to travel and pick up and go as we please, but no, everything revolves around there school, sports, and social life. I wish I could give them away....I kid. Take it for FWIW, HAVE all YOUR KIDS WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG!!! BTW, our first is 32...lol...huge gap..
|
Anonymous
|
My brother is 9 years younger than me and I think my parents were too old. At the time I was ecstatic that we were actually going to have a live living doll, and I doted on him a lot.
From what I noticed, the never attended his pta meetings, any school sport activities, he never played sport or did any extracurricular that would have involved parent driving or taking him to such an event. I was in my teen years the mini mum who was constantly on baby sit duty. Got upset about this several times and was just told I was immature. Looking back I think it was a combination of them not being interested and being tired. I do remember going to the park with my dad and older sibling when I was about 5, but my dad never did that with my younger brother. |
Anonymous
|
I had two babies after age 40. I think it's fine, but of course I would.
If I had to do it over again, I would have met my husband 10 years earlier, and had my kids in my early 30s. I would have had more energy, which I have less and less of now. What's right for you is what's right. If you're settled in your life and feel a child would disrupt it, then don't have a child. It's a lifelong commitment, so be sure you really want to go ahead with it. |
Anonymous
Why did you wait so long to have #2 and #3? |
Anonymous
We had #1 when we were in college, and put a growing family on hold wanting to get our careers off the ground. After many years passed we decided one kid was enough. Once he was older and we moved into a 6 bedroom house, hubby decided that he wanted to hear the pitter patter of lil feet running around.  So we started trying, my OB at that time told me I would never have any kids due to fibroids and I should have a hysterectomy. Well we changed docs, kept trying, and to the surprise of our currend doc had this beautiful miracle baby. Not wanting to have an only child, we tried again in a couple years, got pregnant and miscarried. This didn't stop us so we tried again and had #3. Don't get me wrong, I love them to death, I just I wish I had the energy when I was in my 30's. I'm always tired, can't get enough rest, find time to exercise, no social life, no me time - it's all about the kids.
|