Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having seven kids is an imposition on other people. Everywhere you go, your family takes up too much space. Yes -- too much space. You go to a restaurant and you need them to put three table together just for your one family. You go to the pool or beach and you take up too much real estate and smaller families can't find space. You take up too much space walking down the street.

When people say things like "wow, how do you do it?" or "gosh, so many kids!" That is actually them being polite. They are suppressing what they actually want to say, which is that they think it was dumb and selfish of you to have that many kids and then to expect the whole world to accommodate your huge family. It's not 1950 anymore. None of your kids is dying of typhus and you didn't need to create a workforce to maintain the family farm.

You better find a way to deal with the comments and the looks because you will be getting them until all your kids are grown and gone.

I think having 7 kids is insane but why are your above scenarios any different than two two-kid families being together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having seven kids is an imposition on other people. Everywhere you go, your family takes up too much space. Yes -- too much space. You go to a restaurant and you need them to put three table together just for your one family. You go to the pool or beach and you take up too much real estate and smaller families can't find space. You take up too much space walking down the street.

When people say things like "wow, how do you do it?" or "gosh, so many kids!" That is actually them being polite. They are suppressing what they actually want to say, which is that they think it was dumb and selfish of you to have that many kids and then to expect the whole world to accommodate your huge family. It's not 1950 anymore. None of your kids is dying of typhus and you didn't need to create a workforce to maintain the family farm.

You better find a way to deal with the comments and the looks because you will be getting them until all your kids are grown and gone.

Come on that’s silly. Two families of 3 kids each would take up just as much space at the beach. In fact, more. And you wouldn’t be saying anything about that.

Np. The point being made is whereas two or more families could be serviced, only one is.

But that’s…not a point at all? What difference does it make if one family or two sits down to eat? Does the restaurant clock how many families it serves? This is a weird argument to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.

Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?

What?
I have four kids and my in-laws live with us. All eight of us have enough to eat at every meal. Usually I make a side in the crockpot, we have bread, and my 11 year old son makes a salad. Then I cook some kind of meat in the oven or on the grill.

I do three loads of laundry a day. Kids and my in-laws fold their own mostly, but they don’t wash it. It’s too much to schedule it.
We have two dishwashers that we run every day.

Everyone gets to their stuff. My daughters do dance, which is pretty intense, but we do it.

My husband and I are both doctors. I have a small outpatient clinic with a friend from residency. I work about 20 hours/wk.

You have four adults living in your house and two dishwashers in your kitchen and you can’t imagine why people think this set up requires a lot outside the norm? I guess critical thinking wasn’t required in med school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.

Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?

What?
I have four kids and my in-laws live with us. All eight of us have enough to eat at every meal. Usually I make a side in the crockpot, we have bread, and my 11 year old son makes a salad. Then I cook some kind of meat in the oven or on the grill.

I do three loads of laundry a day. Kids and my in-laws fold their own mostly, but they don’t wash it. It’s too much to schedule it.
We have two dishwashers that we run every day.

Everyone gets to their stuff. My daughters do dance, which is pretty intense, but we do it.

My husband and I are both doctors. I have a small outpatient clinic with a friend from residency. I work about 20 hours/wk.

You have four adults living in your house and two dishwashers in your kitchen and you can’t imagine why people think this set up requires a lot outside the norm? I guess critical thinking wasn’t required in med school.

Pp here. I’m not the OP. I don’t have seven kids…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry about all of us. We are just in awe at how you can handle such a big beautiful family and I loose my sh!t sometimes with two!

You’re doing great! Don’t second guess us!
Happy Summer!

You might be easily impressed. Unless she adopted most of those kids, I am not in awe. It screams look at me I need attention and affirmation. Not impressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry about all of us. We are just in awe at how you can handle such a big beautiful family and I loose my sh!t sometimes with two!

You’re doing great! Don’t second guess us!
Happy Summer!

You might be easily impressed. Unless she adopted most of those kids, I am not in awe. It screams look at me I need attention and affirmation. Not impressed.

Interesting take.

People who choose to have more than two kids (or one kid? Or three?) are doing this for attention and affirmation? “It screams look at me?” Huh, that didn’t occur to me.

I have two kids and I think people who large families scream “I’m busy, I’m tired, it’s expensive, and also fun.”

[Anonymous]

OP, of course people notice. You're an oddity. You knew that,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have 2x and 3x as many kids as others troll.

There have been a spate of these bait posts. I'd add the maternity leave for childless women and the speed limit ones to that list.

[Anonymous]

I noticed OP never returned. Definitely a troll.

[Anonymous]

I really want the social security that I've paid into for 40 years to still be around when I need it, so keep it up OP. I want your taxpayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

And this is my beef with large families. If you can pay for them, sure. But invariably, they are on multiple types of public assistance, whether that be provided by the government or private organizations.

And no, I'm not saying that it a family can't afford to pay for braces, summer camp, college, etc. they shouldn't have kids, not am I saying that public assistance or scholarships should be eliminated. But if you can't see the difference between getting some help with 1-2 kids and having 7, knowing they will all be on the dole, I really can't help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

As someone who raised 6 kids on two blue-collar parent wages-NOT TRUE! Not even remotely close.

Don't get me started on the financial aid thing. It's like a myth, like a narwhal or bigfoot.

We were nowhere near the threshold for Medicaid. Again, this is two modest incomes. I guess if I had quit, we might have qualified, but then we couldn't eat or live anywhere so...anyhow, we had/have FEP BCBS, which we pay for and all the copays and coinsurance.

Here's the way to do braces-dental school! One kid needed minor course of braces, but one needed extensive work. The cost was about half of a regular ortho, and they did interest-free payment plans.

No sleepaway camps-we didn't want that anyways, and preferred to go camping as a family. The city we lived in had day camps for a reasonable cost so they did theater camps, ect.

Anyhow, now that most of them are adults, I am SO GLAD they are all here and we've had a great life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

As someone who raised 6 kids on two blue-collar parent wages-NOT TRUE! Not even remotely close.

Don't get me started on the financial aid thing. It's like a myth, like a narwhal or bigfoot.

We were nowhere near the threshold for Medicaid. Again, this is two modest incomes. I guess if I had quit, we might have qualified, but then we couldn't eat or live anywhere so...anyhow, we had/have FEP BCBS, which we pay for and all the copays and coinsurance.

Here's the way to do braces-dental school! One kid needed minor course of braces, but one needed extensive work. The cost was about half of a regular ortho, and they did interest-free payment plans.

No sleepaway camps-we didn't want that anyways, and preferred to go camping as a family. The city we lived in had day camps for a reasonable cost so they did theater camps, ect.

Anyhow, now that most of them are adults, I am SO GLAD they are all here and we've had a great life!

Narwhals are real.

[Anonymous]

Sorry if people stare. I am impressed. I’m in the suburbs of DC so naturally I think bigger families gravitate here. Our homes all have 5 bedrooms and often another in the basement too. Every single house on my culdesac has 3 kids. 2 houses have 4. The house one street over has 7 and I’ve heard of a family with 9 in our HOA (How?!?). All of these families seem so functional and nice. Growing up my mom’s extended family (her aunt and uncles each had 5-8 kids) had lots of kids. And soooo many of them were dysfunctional and alcoholics. That’s what scares people off from having big families. And the money too.

I think people stare at anything over 3. 3 kids seems so common and did give us the “big family feel” dh and I wanted. Our kids will have no cousins but have 4 very involved grandparents.

I think a big family is nice. Enjoy your family.