Parents have $0 saved for college, won't qualify for financial aid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, your parents are being jerks. Doesn't mean they don't love you. Doesn't mean they are not great parents. But all of us are jerks sometimes. And that's what your parents are here. Forgive them for it down the road and don't do the same to your kids.

You will have to go the state school route and hopefully get into UVA, W&M, or Tech. You also need to suck it up and keep more of an open mind about the south and west. Forget Texas and UNC -- we are talking elite schools here -- but Ole Miss gives great merit, as does Arizona (though less than they used to). When you get in with low cost, then they might cave in and pay for the rest. Hopefully, they are bluffing about not paying anything.

If they are not bluffing, my advice would be not to go to college and to work, get independence as an adult in a couple years, and then you will qualify for financial aid...

Her parents were low income and she has siblings. They’re not jerks, they just have to be really sure their retirement is fully funded so they are not a burden in old age. You really do not know the whole story, stop making this kid feel worse than she already does.

I feel for the OP but I also think the system we built is stupid. We expect parents to pay tens of thousands (often equally 200k+) for college while they are supposed to be saving for retirement. And many of us are about to be booted out of our jobs because of ageism and tech. We don't know when they started making the money they did. I know I didn't start making better money until my 40s and, even then, it has really just been the last 3 years where my salary went up a lot to where I KNOW my kids won't get financial aid. Which means I'm also just at the point where I can really start putting money away for retirement too.

So yes, a lot of parents are willing to risk their financial future for their kids but it doesn't make it the right call for everyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, my parents were the same, adjusted for inflation. My mom didn't go to college (her parents didn't think college was for women) and my dad paid for a state flagship with his summer earnings. He told me I could pay for college with my summer job just like he did. I tried to show him that there was no way and that math doesn't work and he shrugged. They also didn't tell me they wouldn't help me go to college until March of my senior year. By then I was already accepted to a T20 with a merit scholarship, but it wasn't enough for me to afford it on my own. My in state options were too expensive for me without parental help too. I ended up at my tier 4 safety school on a large scholarship. My parents did have to help a little freshman year, but my dad refused to help after that so I had to aggressively apply for more scholarships and tearfully plead my case at the financial aid office. I ended up at a top grad school option and am successful so it is fine, but I would have had more options and less stress if they'd supported me.

I will say my parents were just really selfish. The same year they refused to help with my college they took the whole family for a 10 day ski vacation at Telluride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, your parents are being jerks. Doesn't mean they don't love you. Doesn't mean they are not great parents. But all of us are jerks sometimes. And that's what your parents are here. Forgive them for it down the road and don't do the same to your kids.

You will have to go the state school route and hopefully get into UVA, W&M, or Tech. You also need to suck it up and keep more of an open mind about the south and west. Forget Texas and UNC -- we are talking elite schools here -- but Ole Miss gives great merit, as does Arizona (though less than they used to). When you get in with low cost, then they might cave in and pay for the rest. Hopefully, they are bluffing about not paying anything.

If they are not bluffing, my advice would be not to go to college and to work, get independence as an adult in a couple years, and then you will qualify for financial aid...

Her parents were low income and she has siblings. They’re not jerks, they just have to be really sure their retirement is fully funded so they are not a burden in old age. You really do not know the whole story, stop making this kid feel worse than she already does.

I feel for the OP but I also think the system we built is stupid. We expect parents to pay tens of thousands (often equally 200k+) for college while they are supposed to be saving for retirement. And many of us are about to be booted out of our jobs because of ageism and tech. We don't know when they started making the money they did. I know I didn't start making better money until my 40s and, even then, it has really just been the last 3 years where my salary went up a lot to where I KNOW my kids won't get financial aid. Which means I'm also just at the point where I can really start putting money away for retirement too.

So yes, a lot of parents are willing to risk their financial future for their kids but it doesn't make it the right call for everyone.

NP- I don't see the big issue. Most daycares are more than college and you expect new parents to be able to fund that. Parents have 18 years to save up for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, your parents are being jerks. Doesn't mean they don't love you. Doesn't mean they are not great parents. But all of us are jerks sometimes. And that's what your parents are here. Forgive them for it down the road and don't do the same to your kids.

You will have to go the state school route and hopefully get into UVA, W&M, or Tech. You also need to suck it up and keep more of an open mind about the south and west. Forget Texas and UNC -- we are talking elite schools here -- but Ole Miss gives great merit, as does Arizona (though less than they used to). When you get in with low cost, then they might cave in and pay for the rest. Hopefully, they are bluffing about not paying anything.

If they are not bluffing, my advice would be not to go to college and to work, get independence as an adult in a couple years, and then you will qualify for financial aid...

Her parents were low income and she has siblings. They’re not jerks, they just have to be really sure their retirement is fully funded so they are not a burden in old age. You really do not know the whole story, stop making this kid feel worse than she already does.

I feel for the OP but I also think the system we built is stupid. We expect parents to pay tens of thousands (often equally 200k+) for college while they are supposed to be saving for retirement. And many of us are about to be booted out of our jobs because of ageism and tech. We don't know when they started making the money they did. I know I didn't start making better money until my 40s and, even then, it has really just been the last 3 years where my salary went up a lot to where I KNOW my kids won't get financial aid. Which means I'm also just at the point where I can really start putting money away for retirement too.

So yes, a lot of parents are willing to risk their financial future for their kids but it doesn't make it the right call for everyone.

NP- I don't see the big issue. Most daycares are more than college and you expect new parents to be able to fund that. Parents have 18 years to save up for college.

Go over to the special needs forum where people are discussing programs for a sweet, but illiterate 6th grader, who’s already had years for expensive tutoring. None of these programs are cheap. Yes, people have 18 years, but some families have more expenses than others.

[Anonymous]

And they are 18. The system treats them as adults when it is convenient and dependents otherwise.

And daycare wasn’t what college is now. At worst 15 years ago I was $3600/month for two kids. I would be thrilled to pay that much for one kid per month for college but even instates are often costing more all in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think op is arrogant at all. I think it’s sad that a kid prioritized their education far more than the parents did. The parents with this income refusing to help pay for college should be neglectful. Good luck OP. Open up to some southern colleges and then try to go to med school a place you prefer more.

Oh they definitely prioritize education: they get mad if I get an A- on a test. Which clearly won't even matter if I'll wind up at CC anyways.

Farthest south that I'd be happy with going is Chapel Hill, which I think in a normal situation would be a great target. But there's no way given the current state of the country I'd be willing to go to Alabama or Florida or Texas.

College counselor here. As has been stated above- You are in a tough spot. Most parents making what yours do want to help as much as possible and have saved something for their kids. I am sorry this happened to you. That said, you do not have the luxury to be selective about where you apply. There have been many helpful suggestions about Southern schools that will provide a full ride. You must prioritize the schools that will give you the most money. Period. The pre-med issue is a nonissue. You need straight A's in whatever pre-med program you go to to get into med school. Top of your class at Alabama vs Cornell is the same thing, especially with great mcats. In fact, the med schools might prefer a star from a state school. But I digress. FOLLOW THE MONEY. Explain your situation to your school counselor, emphasizing your parents are giving zero help. Then, watch your tone when you discuss this with adults. I know this sucks but at times you seem bitter and arrogant and I know you don't want that. Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what race?

I'm mixed white/black but I look more white than black and I don't have much I could talk about in one of those "lived experience" essays

You could write about your situation and the perspective it's given you. Ron Lieber, a financial columnist for the NYT, publishes a few college essays about money each year, linked here for inspiration:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/16/your-money/college-essays-money.html?unlocked_article_code=1.904.iaFo.LnA6e1BIHd3L&smid=url-share
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/18/your-money/college-essays-on-money.html?unlocked_article_code=1.904.AXVa.wD4PetxDuetS&smid=url-share
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/28/your-money/pictures-of-themselves-the-2020-college-essays-on-money.html?unlocked_article_code=1.904.mLV0.Kd9THXb1nGh2&smid=url-share
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/14/your-money/in-college-essays-about-money-echoes-of-parents-attitudes.html?unlocked_article_code=1.904.W_UJ.RBL_T5uuMBSB&smid=url-share

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do begin with the end in mind. Can you get any job shadowing or intern experiences? Any work connections from a friend of a friend? A school helps give you a network for jobs prestige won't pay your bills unless it gets you a better job.

I plan to major in pre-med, pysch, or neuro so I'm shadowing a few doctors this summer

0 work connections that are in any way related to what I want to do

You should rethink ROTC. It will pay for your school, all of it, including med school- if you get it. The military is a very special place to learn and practice medicine and you will gain experience and skills not possible in civilian sector.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the eyeroll for "southern schools?"

Exactly

[Anonymous]

You don't say what year in high school you are, but especially right now if you are a freshman or sophomore you need to focus on two things:
1. Getting the best possible grades
2. Doing the best you can on the PSAT and SAT/ACT
The better your stats, the better your odds of getting significant merit money.

Next, if you truly are a star in science and I do mean STAR, consider entering the Regeneron Science contest. https://www.societyforscience.org/ It's the old Westinghouse/Intel contest. Your odds of winning are very small, but it's a great experience. If you do win, you'll get enough money to pay for a good state school--top prize is $250,000. Moreover, there are a few colleges that give free rides to the winners."Even" making it into the top 300 can net some merit aid at some schools.

Get involved in this will be VERY time consuming. The odds of winning are miniscule.But participation in and of itself can help you network with scientists who may be able to help you network into getting merit scholarships.

Check iinto some of the free summer science programs in your state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do community college and then transfer to a 4 year institution. Apply for scholarships then.

You also have to deal with the cards you are dealt. The most important thing is to get a degree, you may Need to look at different options. Go visit schools in the South. You may like them.

Good luck.

This or ROTC.

Of the various services, AFROTC probably has the least amount of rigidity and what not. FWIW, AFROTC prefers to spend their scholarship funding on Nursing students and Engineering/CS students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much of this depends on whether your parents are willing to help pay or not. If so, you all could easily cash flow W&M, no need for community college. If not, you are almost definitely looking at community college or a much lower ranked school that will offer a lot of money for high stats (there are plenty, and can even be good experiences).

They tell me it's because they can't afford it, but I'm pretty sure it's because they're not willing + resentful that their parents made them pay their own way to college, but they both got really good in-state deals

I would recommend an in-state option. You are fortunate to have good in-state options in VA.

[Anonymous]

I resent that my parents had me take out loans to go to college when I really was not ready and the college/major I went to did not help my career prospects much.

For that reason it is important to get my kids through college without debt. They didn’t ask to be born. It is my responsibility. If I couldn’t afford it, I would encourage them to work and/or attend CC.

I don’t get people who resent how they had to struggle but don’t make it better for their own kids in spite of having the ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much of this depends on whether your parents are willing to help pay or not. If so, you all could easily cash flow W&M, no need for community college. If not, you are almost definitely looking at community college or a much lower ranked school that will offer a lot of money for high stats (there are plenty, and can even be good experiences).

They tell me it's because they can't afford it, but I'm pretty sure it's because they're not willing + resentful that their parents made them pay their own way to college, but they both got really good in-state deals

I would recommend an in-state option. You are fortunate to have good in-state options in VA.

+1 some of the schools give merit aid to help bring down the cost. One of my kids could have gone to UMW for $15k/yr. With summer earnings, PT job, reasonable loans, that is manageable.

VCU has some full ride and full tuition scholarships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do community college and then transfer to a 4 year institution. Apply for scholarships then.

You also have to deal with the cards you are dealt. The most important thing is to get a degree, you may Need to look at different options. Go visit schools in the South. You may like them.

Good luck.

This or ROTC.

Of the various services, AFROTC probably has the least amount of rigidity and what not. FWIW, AFROTC prefers to spend their scholarship funding on Nursing students and Engineering/CS students.

The Medical Corps of any branch isn’t very rigid - unless you want it to be (attached to Special Forces, etc.). Military doctors are doing their medical profession 95% of the time. There’s some regular military testing, re-qualifications, and training, but it isn’t frequent. The military even has its own medical school here in Bethesda (USUHS). Thought you aren’t limited to that medical school. If you can get an ROTC scholarship DO IT. You get undergrad payed for, plus a monthly stipend. Then when you graduate and commission, if you get into medical school, they will pay for that too PLUS pay you a full time active duty 2LT salary and BHA while you go to school. You continue to get promoted while in school, and will be a Captain when you graduate med school. It would foolish to not seriously consider.