S/O What is the unobjectionable meal to serve to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the time, if I am only cooking for a few people and it is very casual -

Italian -
- Homemade Focaccia and olive tapenade
- Tomato Mozzarella Basil salad
- Corkscrew pasta with sautéed veggies and home made Alfredo sauce/marinara
- Chicken in lemon and rosemary.

Depending on who is coming, I can add bacon to the pasta, or include a grilled eggplant instead of chicken etc. I also switch out the pasta to a chickpea pasta if someone eats gluten free food.


Indian -
- Spinach chaat or Paneer tikka or Chicken kebab
- Mixed vegetable rice pilaf
- Moong daal
- Fried okra, onion and tomato sabji
- Chicken curry or fish curry
- Garlic naan

I can make a cauliflower, potato and peas curry in place of chicken curry if a vegetarian is coming to dinner.

Thai -
- Fish cakes
- Mixed mushroom salad
- Panang curry with veggies and chicken or just veggies
- Pumpkin and cashews in red curry
- Rice

I can switch out the fish cakes with chives dumpling if a vegetarian guest comes

Mexican
- Fajita bar or mexican bowl
with - sautéed onions, squash, peppers, corn, chicken, fish, coriander lemon rice, salsa, chopped cilantro, lemons, mango salsa, sour cream, homemade taco gravy, guac.

Please explain how any of that is casual and why a dinner with "just a few guests" needs to have multiple separate entrees (e.g., 2 curries in the Thai menu, 3 in the Indian, and arguably 2 entrees in the Italian as well)?

This sounds nice, but this is an unreasonable level at which to set the bar for "unobjectionable."

No, this is not really unreasonable level of casual entertaining for us or our circles. If we have unexpected guests come over, we add another entree and an appetizer or two to our usual daily meal for them. Not only it helps to stretch the meal but it is more hospitable. Normally our meals with guests will start with drinks and appetizers. While people are chitchatting and hanging out we can easily add an entree, salad, sides. There is always a gap between drinks/appetizers and entrees and that is ample time to make something more. Also, we are a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on food and hospitality. So, even when casual friends are visiting us to spend time with us, we will glam up the food and become creative.

Finally, I think that in my culture, we are socialized to entertain, food prep, cook daily etc, especially if kids or other family members are living with us. Most of us can cook from scratch and daily cooking is a way of life.

If we invite people to our home in a planned manner for any meal, we will have several appetizers and several entrees. Invited friends do not get crap food in the name of "casual". No one wants to eat that kind of dry toast meal and most people are eating quite well in their own homes, so I would be embarrassed to offer them anything less than that and vice versa.

You’re SO much better than everyone else.

DP. It sounds like this PP is Indian. It really is a different culture than mainstream American/DCUM culture as far as entertaining and hospitality go. My parents are Indian immigrants and they cook like this even for small casual get-together with their Indian friends. We would all celebrate Thanksgiving together (still do, sometimes!), and the host would have all the regular Thanksgiving dishes, plus roasted salmon, prime rib, lasagna, and some vegetarian and non-vegetarian Indian curries for good measure, plus 4-5 different desserts.

It would truly be embarrassing and out of the ordinary (relative to their peers) for my parents and their friends to serve the types of meals described here - one protein, one carb, one vegetable, plus cheese and crackers as an appetizer (no shade to this! It’s how I cook!). PP is just explaining the cultural difference.

Damn right! Eating delicious food is a universal pleasure. And sharing good food with your loved ones and guests is a joyful and memorable activity.

Frankly, we entertain a lot. Not only Indians, but many non-Indians too. And it is common for our grown up kids to also invite their Indian-American and non-Indian friends to our parties because of the sheer amount and variety of food available.

But, I have never seen any non-Indian hold themselves back and stick to choosing one carb, one protein and one vegetable from all the choices that I serve. If eating this way was the normal eating habit, they should restrict themselves to eating that way even when they come to my house, right? So, the conclusion I draw from this is that EVERYONE - Indians, non-Indians, mainstream Americans - love, Love, LOVE a generous food laden table when they are invited to a party because they enjoy it and they feel special and welcome.

In reality, the problem is not about food, or the number of entrees, or the cuisine, or the spice level etc. The problem is that while people enjoy the food and hospitality, they are stressed about reciprocating on the same level.

While one can argue that this stress stems from the affordability of food, I suspect that in a rich area like DMV this is not the main reason. The reason that people are discussing this on this thread is because they do not want to entertain and that is due to two reasons.

1st - reciprocity is not something that people are taught in this country in the mainstream culture of big cities because it is an individualistic society and people look out for themselves. People are scared that if they spend money on someone else, it is like they have been made a fool of and the other person will neither reciprocate nor they will they recover the money or effort that they have spent on that person. This is the biggest reason that people start such weird threads like this one. Most people don't want to reciprocate when they are called for a party. And because subconsciously they do realize that good manners dictate that they should reciprocate, they will do mental gymnastics to justify why they don't reciprocate or why serving "simple" fare is normal.

2nd reason is - that domestic work like cleaning the house, cooking food, having a well running home is really looked down upon in this society. As a result, most people cannot cook and clean efficiently in their daily life. So, growna$$ men and women don't know how to organize a party, how to clean, cook, and entertain. People are severely lacking in domestic skills and it is not a part of their daily routine. So reciprocating becomes a burden because in reality entertaining is never ever effortless. You do have to clean, cook, serve etc.

So, what is the problem? If people don't want to entertain then they don't have to entertain, right? The problem is that in muilticultural areas of big cities, there are many ethnic, immigrant, minority, non-mainstream groups and their style of entertaining is now very visible and most people are being exposed to it. The problem is the FOMO as well as the fear that they are failing some type of universal expectation of adulting and social behavior. As one of the PPs wrote upthread - "You’re SO much better than everyone else. " This pretty much sums up the feeling of inadequacy that entertaining brings people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Air and a WASPy gin and tonic.

Right? Why pretend we’re gathered here to eat. We’re here to booze and have some laughs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the time, if I am only cooking for a few people and it is very casual -

Italian -
- Homemade Focaccia and olive tapenade
- Tomato Mozzarella Basil salad
- Corkscrew pasta with sautéed veggies and home made Alfredo sauce/marinara
- Chicken in lemon and rosemary.

Depending on who is coming, I can add bacon to the pasta, or include a grilled eggplant instead of chicken etc. I also switch out the pasta to a chickpea pasta if someone eats gluten free food.


Indian -
- Spinach chaat or Paneer tikka or Chicken kebab
- Mixed vegetable rice pilaf
- Moong daal
- Fried okra, onion and tomato sabji
- Chicken curry or fish curry
- Garlic naan

I can make a cauliflower, potato and peas curry in place of chicken curry if a vegetarian is coming to dinner.

Thai -
- Fish cakes
- Mixed mushroom salad
- Panang curry with veggies and chicken or just veggies
- Pumpkin and cashews in red curry
- Rice

I can switch out the fish cakes with chives dumpling if a vegetarian guest comes

Mexican
- Fajita bar or mexican bowl
with - sautéed onions, squash, peppers, corn, chicken, fish, coriander lemon rice, salsa, chopped cilantro, lemons, mango salsa, sour cream, homemade taco gravy, guac.

Please explain how any of that is casual and why a dinner with "just a few guests" needs to have multiple separate entrees (e.g., 2 curries in the Thai menu, 3 in the Indian, and arguably 2 entrees in the Italian as well)?

This sounds nice, but this is an unreasonable level at which to set the bar for "unobjectionable."

No, this is not really unreasonable level of casual entertaining for us or our circles. If we have unexpected guests come over, we add another entree and an appetizer or two to our usual daily meal for them. Not only it helps to stretch the meal but it is more hospitable. Normally our meals with guests will start with drinks and appetizers. While people are chitchatting and hanging out we can easily add an entree, salad, sides. There is always a gap between drinks/appetizers and entrees and that is ample time to make something more. Also, we are a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on food and hospitality. So, even when casual friends are visiting us to spend time with us, we will glam up the food and become creative.

Finally, I think that in my culture, we are socialized to entertain, food prep, cook daily etc, especially if kids or other family members are living with us. Most of us can cook from scratch and daily cooking is a way of life.

If we invite people to our home in a planned manner for any meal, we will have several appetizers and several entrees. Invited friends do not get crap food in the name of "casual". No one wants to eat that kind of dry toast meal and most people are eating quite well in their own homes, so I would be embarrassed to offer them anything less than that and vice versa.

You’re SO much better than everyone else.

DP. It sounds like this PP is Indian. It really is a different culture than mainstream American/DCUM culture as far as entertaining and hospitality go. My parents are Indian immigrants and they cook like this even for small casual get-together with their Indian friends. We would all celebrate Thanksgiving together (still do, sometimes!), and the host would have all the regular Thanksgiving dishes, plus roasted salmon, prime rib, lasagna, and some vegetarian and non-vegetarian Indian curries for good measure, plus 4-5 different desserts.

It would truly be embarrassing and out of the ordinary (relative to their peers) for my parents and their friends to serve the types of meals described here - one protein, one carb, one vegetable, plus cheese and crackers as an appetizer (no shade to this! It’s how I cook!). PP is just explaining the cultural difference.

Damn right! Eating delicious food is a universal pleasure. And sharing good food with your loved ones and guests is a joyful and memorable activity.

Frankly, we entertain a lot. Not only Indians, but many non-Indians too. And it is common for our grown up kids to also invite their Indian-American and non-Indian friends to our parties because of the sheer amount and variety of food available.

But, I have never seen any non-Indian hold themselves back and stick to choosing one carb, one protein and one vegetable from all the choices that I serve. If eating this way was the normal eating habit, they should restrict themselves to eating that way even when they come to my house, right? So, the conclusion I draw from this is that EVERYONE - Indians, non-Indians, mainstream Americans - love, Love, LOVE a generous food laden table when they are invited to a party because they enjoy it and they feel special and welcome.

In reality, the problem is not about food, or the number of entrees, or the cuisine, or the spice level etc. The problem is that while people enjoy the food and hospitality, they are stressed about reciprocating on the same level.

While one can argue that this stress stems from the affordability of food, I suspect that in a rich area like DMV this is not the main reason. The reason that people are discussing this on this thread is because they do not want to entertain and that is due to two reasons.

1st - reciprocity is not something that people are taught in this country in the mainstream culture of big cities because it is an individualistic society and people look out for themselves. People are scared that if they spend money on someone else, it is like they have been made a fool of and the other person will neither reciprocate nor they will they recover the money or effort that they have spent on that person. This is the biggest reason that people start such weird threads like this one. Most people don't want to reciprocate when they are called for a party. And because subconsciously they do realize that good manners dictate that they should reciprocate, they will do mental gymnastics to justify why they don't reciprocate or why serving "simple" fare is normal.

2nd reason is - that domestic work like cleaning the house, cooking food, having a well running home is really looked down upon in this society. As a result, most people cannot cook and clean efficiently in their daily life. So, growna$$ men and women don't know how to organize a party, how to clean, cook, and entertain. People are severely lacking in domestic skills and it is not a part of their daily routine. So reciprocating becomes a burden because in reality entertaining is never ever effortless. You do have to clean, cook, serve etc.

So, what is the problem? If people don't want to entertain then they don't have to entertain, right? The problem is that in muilticultural areas of big cities, there are many ethnic, immigrant, minority, non-mainstream groups and their style of entertaining is now very visible and most people are being exposed to it. The problem is the FOMO as well as the fear that they are failing some type of universal expectation of adulting and social behavior. As one of the PPs wrote upthread - "You’re SO much better than everyone else. " This pretty much sums up the feeling of inadequacy that entertaining brings people.

You could have articulated the difference with Indian culture without making negative assertions (which you present as fact, but are assumptions/opinions) about why this thread exists, and judging others to have FOMO, inadequacy and the like. However, you didn't - and in articulation all those assumptions, you prove the quoted poster's point - you DO in fact think you're better than everyone else. So, while you may be an excellent host, you're not a gracious person at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the time, if I am only cooking for a few people and it is very casual -

Italian -
- Homemade Focaccia and olive tapenade
- Tomato Mozzarella Basil salad
- Corkscrew pasta with sautéed veggies and home made Alfredo sauce/marinara
- Chicken in lemon and rosemary.

Depending on who is coming, I can add bacon to the pasta, or include a grilled eggplant instead of chicken etc. I also switch out the pasta to a chickpea pasta if someone eats gluten free food.


Indian -
- Spinach chaat or Paneer tikka or Chicken kebab
- Mixed vegetable rice pilaf
- Moong daal
- Fried okra, onion and tomato sabji
- Chicken curry or fish curry
- Garlic naan

I can make a cauliflower, potato and peas curry in place of chicken curry if a vegetarian is coming to dinner.

Thai -
- Fish cakes
- Mixed mushroom salad
- Panang curry with veggies and chicken or just veggies
- Pumpkin and cashews in red curry
- Rice

I can switch out the fish cakes with chives dumpling if a vegetarian guest comes

Mexican
- Fajita bar or mexican bowl
with - sautéed onions, squash, peppers, corn, chicken, fish, coriander lemon rice, salsa, chopped cilantro, lemons, mango salsa, sour cream, homemade taco gravy, guac.

Please explain how any of that is casual and why a dinner with "just a few guests" needs to have multiple separate entrees (e.g., 2 curries in the Thai menu, 3 in the Indian, and arguably 2 entrees in the Italian as well)?

This sounds nice, but this is an unreasonable level at which to set the bar for "unobjectionable."

No, this is not really unreasonable level of casual entertaining for us or our circles. If we have unexpected guests come over, we add another entree and an appetizer or two to our usual daily meal for them. Not only it helps to stretch the meal but it is more hospitable. Normally our meals with guests will start with drinks and appetizers. While people are chitchatting and hanging out we can easily add an entree, salad, sides. There is always a gap between drinks/appetizers and entrees and that is ample time to make something more. Also, we are a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on food and hospitality. So, even when casual friends are visiting us to spend time with us, we will glam up the food and become creative.

Finally, I think that in my culture, we are socialized to entertain, food prep, cook daily etc, especially if kids or other family members are living with us. Most of us can cook from scratch and daily cooking is a way of life.

If we invite people to our home in a planned manner for any meal, we will have several appetizers and several entrees. Invited friends do not get crap food in the name of "casual". No one wants to eat that kind of dry toast meal and most people are eating quite well in their own homes, so I would be embarrassed to offer them anything less than that and vice versa.

You’re SO much better than everyone else.

DP. It sounds like this PP is Indian. It really is a different culture than mainstream American/DCUM culture as far as entertaining and hospitality go. My parents are Indian immigrants and they cook like this even for small casual get-together with their Indian friends. We would all celebrate Thanksgiving together (still do, sometimes!), and the host would have all the regular Thanksgiving dishes, plus roasted salmon, prime rib, lasagna, and some vegetarian and non-vegetarian Indian curries for good measure, plus 4-5 different desserts.

It would truly be embarrassing and out of the ordinary (relative to their peers) for my parents and their friends to serve the types of meals described here - one protein, one carb, one vegetable, plus cheese and crackers as an appetizer (no shade to this! It’s how I cook!). PP is just explaining the cultural difference.

Damn right! Eating delicious food is a universal pleasure. And sharing good food with your loved ones and guests is a joyful and memorable activity.

Frankly, we entertain a lot. Not only Indians, but many non-Indians too. And it is common for our grown up kids to also invite their Indian-American and non-Indian friends to our parties because of the sheer amount and variety of food available.

But, I have never seen any non-Indian hold themselves back and stick to choosing one carb, one protein and one vegetable from all the choices that I serve. If eating this way was the normal eating habit, they should restrict themselves to eating that way even when they come to my house, right? So, the conclusion I draw from this is that EVERYONE - Indians, non-Indians, mainstream Americans - love, Love, LOVE a generous food laden table when they are invited to a party because they enjoy it and they feel special and welcome.

In reality, the problem is not about food, or the number of entrees, or the cuisine, or the spice level etc. The problem is that while people enjoy the food and hospitality, they are stressed about reciprocating on the same level.

While one can argue that this stress stems from the affordability of food, I suspect that in a rich area like DMV this is not the main reason. The reason that people are discussing this on this thread is because they do not want to entertain and that is due to two reasons.

1st - reciprocity is not something that people are taught in this country in the mainstream culture of big cities because it is an individualistic society and people look out for themselves. People are scared that if they spend money on someone else, it is like they have been made a fool of and the other person will neither reciprocate nor they will they recover the money or effort that they have spent on that person. This is the biggest reason that people start such weird threads like this one. Most people don't want to reciprocate when they are called for a party. And because subconsciously they do realize that good manners dictate that they should reciprocate, they will do mental gymnastics to justify why they don't reciprocate or why serving "simple" fare is normal.

2nd reason is - that domestic work like cleaning the house, cooking food, having a well running home is really looked down upon in this society. As a result, most people cannot cook and clean efficiently in their daily life. So, growna$$ men and women don't know how to organize a party, how to clean, cook, and entertain. People are severely lacking in domestic skills and it is not a part of their daily routine. So reciprocating becomes a burden because in reality entertaining is never ever effortless. You do have to clean, cook, serve etc.

So, what is the problem? If people don't want to entertain then they don't have to entertain, right? The problem is that in muilticultural areas of big cities, there are many ethnic, immigrant, minority, non-mainstream groups and their style of entertaining is now very visible and most people are being exposed to it. The problem is the FOMO as well as the fear that they are failing some type of universal expectation of adulting and social behavior. As one of the PPs wrote upthread - "You’re SO much better than everyone else. " This pretty much sums up the feeling of inadequacy that entertaining brings people.

You could have articulated the difference with Indian culture without making negative assertions (which you present as fact, but are assumptions/opinions) about why this thread exists, and judging others to have FOMO, inadequacy and the like. However, you didn't - and in articulation all those assumptions, you prove the quoted poster's point - you DO in fact think you're better than everyone else. So, while you may be an excellent host, you're not a gracious person at all.

PP with Indian parents again. Maybe she could have articulated it in a different way, but some of this is true in my experience (as far as in-home entertaining goes). I grew up in CCMD, went to very white schools, and am in a very white profession. Most of my friends are UMC white people. But I have some lifelong friends of Indian heritage (children of my parents' friends) that I grew up with. And there is definitely a significant cultural difference between native American white people and immigrant communities when it comes to entertaining, both in my parents' generation and in mine. I'm a millennial, FWIW.

My white American friends don't regularly have dinner parties where they host and cook food. Sometimes potluck-style Friendsgivings and the like, but not a full sit-down meal that they shopped for, prepped, and cooked. I see, both in real life, and on on DCUM all the time, many people (typically white Americans) find cooking/hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 10 or accommodating last-minute guests for dinner to be a big source of stress. My parents and their friends (and I would assume PP's circle) regularly host 30-40 (sometimes more) people in their homes, cook decently involved menus in quantities that ensure ample leftovers, and would consider the types of situations complained about on DCUM to be basic and easy. I, and my Indian friends who grew up here watching our parents entertain, regularly do host dinner parties, even if they're not as elaborate. I live in a NYC apartment with a small kitchen and still have 10-15 people over for dinner pretty often.

I do think it's just a matter of what you're used to, and I think many immigrant/minority cultures do just have this innate sense of hospitality and willingness to entertain (and put in the work to do so) in their homes. As PP said, hosting does involve a skill set of planning, cooking, and cleaning up specifically for a party (as opposed to just basic cooking and cleaning for yourself or your family). And many native American white people just culturally do not have this or model it for their kids - see the chicken salad thread where someone claimed that inviting a coworker over for lunch is "intimate." I'm definitely not saying that white people don't reciprocate. My friends are great, and a few do like to cook/will invite me over for a meal. It's just that the style of reciprocation generally leans more toward taking someone out to eat, or hosting drinks, something like that. I just think it's an interesting cultural difference.

[Anonymous]

Indian PP who is the host extraordinaire;
Do both men and women cook and especially clean before/after the guests?

[Anonymous]

PP, you’ve convinced me to try harder. I tend to feel overwhelmed and then default to not hosting and get pizza with my immediate family. I have a handful of good recipes. I should use them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Indian PP who is the host extraordinaire;
Do both men and women cook and especially clean before/after the guests?

I can only speak for my household. My DH is a phenomenal cook, so for parties we figure out a menu (and I maintain an entertainment spreadsheet so that we are not repetitive), and we divide and conquer. My teens also help in food prep, cooking, cleaning etc. If they stick around for the party(rarely nowadays), they will do all the running around, being helpful, serving, bussing the dirty dishes, running the dishwasher, refilling drinks etc. DH handles the entire post party cleanup because he has more energy than I have.

For larger parties - there is now a good supply of independent restaurant servers, bartender, cleaners, cooks etc in DMV area, who offer their services on hourly rates and who work desi parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you’ve convinced me to try harder. I tend to feel overwhelmed and then default to not hosting and get pizza with my immediate family. I have a handful of good recipes. I should use them.

Hosting is stressful. The trick is to persist despite the stress. You do it several times and you will figure out how to do it more efficiently.

The only trick to hosting is that you stay confident in the evening you are orchestrating. Ample food and drinks, comfortable seating, pleasant and clean space, some nice ice-breakers (or activities) and having a flow to the party is the key. If your guests feel welcome by you and you are attentive to them, your hosting will be a success.

If you are a hosting newbie - have an end time to the party. Shorter parties are more enjoyable to many people and easier to host. For example, it is a-ok to invite people over for just cocktails and appetizers from 5 pm - 7 pm, before you all go out together for a movie or a play or dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When it’s my turn to cook for everyone at our multigenerational beach week, I’ve learned to do everything “deconstructed.” So chicken gyros turn into a platter of grilled chicken, bowls of individual chopped veggies (one bowl of tomatoes, one bowl of cucumbers, etc), a bowl of tzatziki sauce, a bowl of feta, a platter of pita bread, and a bottle of ketchup. If we had vegetarians, I’d add a bowl of white beans. Everyone seems to be able to create a plate of appetizing food from that spread.

One of these things is not like the other.

Absolutely. Why ketchup for that menu?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off on the Chicken Salad thread and every other thread where someone has pronounced someone's menu to be nasty or gross or "too heavy" or "too carby" or "not filling enough" or whatever.

Assuming no one invited has identified a food allergy, intolerance, or religious/ethical issue, what do people who object to menus think is a safe menu? I challenge you to post it, and then let other people pick it apart.

I'm not even going to try because any menu I've ever asked about, has been insulted, so I know I can't come up with something.

Pizza, wings, coke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something where you have options. You could easily do a sandwich spread where you can make your own sandwich if you need to have someone over for lunch, which I think is very odd when it’s a coworker and not a family member who you know well. But besides that, if you’re stuck with only one option, and for some reason, you can’t eat it, like my coworkers wife would never know that I have a red onion allergy and would be in their bathroom having diarrhea immediately, if they were just serving gazpacho, I would be screwed

I hate sandwiches.

I need this unpacked. Why in the world do you hate sandwiches? When I'm at an office lunch, and sandwiches are served, I usually go for the ones that are veggie heavy and eat it without the bread. But I also love turkey or ham with mustard and tomatoes! Yum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something where you have options. You could easily do a sandwich spread where you can make your own sandwich if you need to have someone over for lunch, which I think is very odd when it’s a coworker and not a family member who you know well. But besides that, if you’re stuck with only one option, and for some reason, you can’t eat it, like my coworkers wife would never know that I have a red onion allergy and would be in their bathroom having diarrhea immediately, if they were just serving gazpacho, I would be screwed

I hate sandwiches.

I need this unpacked. Why in the world do you hate sandwiches? When I'm at an office lunch, and sandwiches are served, I usually go for the ones that are veggie heavy and eat it without the bread. But I also love turkey or ham with mustard and tomatoes! Yum.

The pro-sandwich lobby is at it again. Sandwiches are at the root of every social problem in America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the time, if I am only cooking for a few people and it is very casual -

Italian -
- Homemade Focaccia and olive tapenade
- Tomato Mozzarella Basil salad
- Corkscrew pasta with sautéed veggies and home made Alfredo sauce/marinara
- Chicken in lemon and rosemary.

Depending on who is coming, I can add bacon to the pasta, or include a grilled eggplant instead of chicken etc. I also switch out the pasta to a chickpea pasta if someone eats gluten free food.


Indian -
- Spinach chaat or Paneer tikka or Chicken kebab
- Mixed vegetable rice pilaf
- Moong daal
- Fried okra, onion and tomato sabji
- Chicken curry or fish curry
- Garlic naan

I can make a cauliflower, potato and peas curry in place of chicken curry if a vegetarian is coming to dinner.

Thai -
- Fish cakes
- Mixed mushroom salad
- Panang curry with veggies and chicken or just veggies
- Pumpkin and cashews in red curry
- Rice

I can switch out the fish cakes with chives dumpling if a vegetarian guest comes

Mexican
- Fajita bar or mexican bowl
with - sautéed onions, squash, peppers, corn, chicken, fish, coriander lemon rice, salsa, chopped cilantro, lemons, mango salsa, sour cream, homemade taco gravy, guac.

Please explain how any of that is casual and why a dinner with "just a few guests" needs to have multiple separate entrees (e.g., 2 curries in the Thai menu, 3 in the Indian, and arguably 2 entrees in the Italian as well)?

This sounds nice, but this is an unreasonable level at which to set the bar for "unobjectionable."

No, this is not really unreasonable level of casual entertaining for us or our circles. If we have unexpected guests come over, we add another entree and an appetizer or two to our usual daily meal for them. Not only it helps to stretch the meal but it is more hospitable. Normally our meals with guests will start with drinks and appetizers. While people are chitchatting and hanging out we can easily add an entree, salad, sides. There is always a gap between drinks/appetizers and entrees and that is ample time to make something more. Also, we are a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on food and hospitality. So, even when casual friends are visiting us to spend time with us, we will glam up the food and become creative.

Finally, I think that in my culture, we are socialized to entertain, food prep, cook daily etc, especially if kids or other family members are living with us. Most of us can cook from scratch and daily cooking is a way of life.

If we invite people to our home in a planned manner for any meal, we will have several appetizers and several entrees. Invited friends do not get crap food in the name of "casual". No one wants to eat that kind of dry toast meal and most people are eating quite well in their own homes, so I would be embarrassed to offer them anything less than that and vice versa.

You’re SO much better than everyone else.

DP. It sounds like this PP is Indian. It really is a different culture than mainstream American/DCUM culture as far as entertaining and hospitality go. My parents are Indian immigrants and they cook like this even for small casual get-together with their Indian friends. We would all celebrate Thanksgiving together (still do, sometimes!), and the host would have all the regular Thanksgiving dishes, plus roasted salmon, prime rib, lasagna, and some vegetarian and non-vegetarian Indian curries for good measure, plus 4-5 different desserts.

It would truly be embarrassing and out of the ordinary (relative to their peers) for my parents and their friends to serve the types of meals described here - one protein, one carb, one vegetable, plus cheese and crackers as an appetizer (no shade to this! It’s how I cook!). PP is just explaining the cultural difference.

Damn right! Eating delicious food is a universal pleasure. And sharing good food with your loved ones and guests is a joyful and memorable activity.

Frankly, we entertain a lot. Not only Indians, but many non-Indians too. And it is common for our grown up kids to also invite their Indian-American and non-Indian friends to our parties because of the sheer amount and variety of food available.

But, I have never seen any non-Indian hold themselves back and stick to choosing one carb, one protein and one vegetable from all the choices that I serve. If eating this way was the normal eating habit, they should restrict themselves to eating that way even when they come to my house, right? So, the conclusion I draw from this is that EVERYONE - Indians, non-Indians, mainstream Americans - love, Love, LOVE a generous food laden table when they are invited to a party because they enjoy it and they feel special and welcome.

In reality, the problem is not about food, or the number of entrees, or the cuisine, or the spice level etc. The problem is that while people enjoy the food and hospitality, they are stressed about reciprocating on the same level.

While one can argue that this stress stems from the affordability of food, I suspect that in a rich area like DMV this is not the main reason. The reason that people are discussing this on this thread is because they do not want to entertain and that is due to two reasons.

1st - reciprocity is not something that people are taught in this country in the mainstream culture of big cities because it is an individualistic society and people look out for themselves. People are scared that if they spend money on someone else, it is like they have been made a fool of and the other person will neither reciprocate nor they will they recover the money or effort that they have spent on that person. This is the biggest reason that people start such weird threads like this one. Most people don't want to reciprocate when they are called for a party. And because subconsciously they do realize that good manners dictate that they should reciprocate, they will do mental gymnastics to justify why they don't reciprocate or why serving "simple" fare is normal.

2nd reason is - that domestic work like cleaning the house, cooking food, having a well running home is really looked down upon in this society. As a result, most people cannot cook and clean efficiently in their daily life. So, growna$$ men and women don't know how to organize a party, how to clean, cook, and entertain. People are severely lacking in domestic skills and it is not a part of their daily routine. So reciprocating becomes a burden because in reality entertaining is never ever effortless. You do have to clean, cook, serve etc.

So, what is the problem? If people don't want to entertain then they don't have to entertain, right? The problem is that in muilticultural areas of big cities, there are many ethnic, immigrant, minority, non-mainstream groups and their style of entertaining is now very visible and most people are being exposed to it. The problem is the FOMO as well as the fear that they are failing some type of universal expectation of adulting and social behavior. As one of the PPs wrote upthread - "You’re SO much better than everyone else. " This pretty much sums up the feeling of inadequacy that entertaining brings people.

I want to be invited to your parties!! I love dinner parties with a ton to choose from!

[Anonymous]

I think I’m gonna put out multiple charcuterie boards, some rice crackers and an assortment of seltzer waters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something where you have options. You could easily do a sandwich spread where you can make your own sandwich if you need to have someone over for lunch, which I think is very odd when it’s a coworker and not a family member who you know well. But besides that, if you’re stuck with only one option, and for some reason, you can’t eat it, like my coworkers wife would never know that I have a red onion allergy and would be in their bathroom having diarrhea immediately, if they were just serving gazpacho, I would be screwed

I hate sandwiches.

I need this unpacked. Why in the world do you hate sandwiches? When I'm at an office lunch, and sandwiches are served, I usually go for the ones that are veggie heavy and eat it without the bread. But I also love turkey or ham with mustard and tomatoes! Yum.

I second this. I think sandwiches can be very creative as well as very la-di-dah! Ok, sure I don't want a sandwich that is two pieces of bread and a slice of cheese or similar variations of school lunch. But, wonderful brioche (or multigrain toast) with creative fillings, served with delicious sides of spicy, sweet potato fries or matchsticks of carrots and jicama in a mash of lemon-garlicky baba ghanoush or crispy movie theatre potato chips! Oh wow, wow, wow! Chase that with a small ramekin of Mac and cheese with caramelized onions and crispy bacon or some spiced up gazpacho. What's not to like?


And don't forget - no fancy tea party is complete without those dainty sandwiches with very humble fillings - cucumber sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, smoked salmon sandwiches.

Even Elvis had a favorite sandwich. Peanut, jelly and banana sandwich which was deep fried and served with a dusting of powdered sugar and a pinch of salt.