Reply to S/O What is the unobjectionable meal to serve to guests

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most of the time, if I am only cooking for a few people and it is very casual -

Italian -
- Homemade Focaccia and olive tapenade  
- Tomato Mozzarella Basil salad
- Corkscrew pasta with sautéed veggies and home made Alfredo sauce/marinara 
- Chicken in lemon and rosemary.

Depending on who is coming, I can add bacon to the pasta, or include a grilled eggplant instead of chicken etc.  I also switch out the pasta to a chickpea pasta if someone eats gluten free food.

Indian -
- Spinach chaat  or Paneer tikka or Chicken kebab
- Mixed vegetable rice pilaf
- Moong daal
- Fried okra, onion and tomato sabji
- Chicken curry or fish curry
- Garlic naan

I can make a cauliflower, potato and peas curry in place of chicken curry if a vegetarian is coming to dinner.

Thai -
- Fish cakes
- Mixed mushroom salad
- Panang curry with veggies and chicken or just veggies
- Pumpkin and cashews in red curry
- Rice

I can switch out the fish cakes with chives dumpling if a vegetarian guest comes

Mexican
- Fajita bar or mexican bowl 
with - sautéed onions, squash, peppers, corn, chicken, fish, coriander lemon rice, salsa, chopped cilantro, lemons,  mango salsa,  sour cream, homemade taco gravy, guac.
[/quote]

Please explain how any of that is casual and why a dinner with "just a few guests" needs to have multiple separate entrees (e.g., 2 curries in the Thai menu, 3 in the Indian, and arguably 2 entrees in the Italian as well)?

[b]This sounds nice, but this is an unreasonable level at which to set the bar for "unobjectionable."[/b] [/quote]

No, this is not really unreasonable level of casual entertaining for us or our circles.   If we have unexpected guests come over, we add another entree and an appetizer or two to our usual daily meal for them.  Not only it helps to stretch the meal but it is more hospitable.  Normally our meals with guests will start with drinks and appetizers.  While people are chitchatting and hanging out we can easily add an entree, salad, sides.  There is always a gap between drinks/appetizers and entrees and that is ample time to make something more. Also, we are a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on food and hospitality. So, even when casual friends are visiting us to spend time with us, we will glam up the food and become creative.

Finally, I think that in my culture, we are socialized to entertain, food prep, cook daily etc, especially if kids or other family members are living with us. Most of us can cook from scratch and daily cooking is a way of life.

If we invite people to our home in a planned manner for any meal, we will have several appetizers and several entrees.  Invited friends do not get crap food in the name of "casual".  No one wants to eat that kind of dry toast meal and most people are eating quite well in their own homes, so I would be embarrassed to offer them anything less than that and vice versa.   [/quote]

You’re SO much better than everyone else.

:roll: [/quote]

DP. It sounds like this PP is Indian. It really is a different culture than mainstream American/DCUM culture as far as entertaining and hospitality go. My parents are Indian immigrants and they cook like this even for small casual get-together with their Indian friends. We would all celebrate Thanksgiving together (still do, sometimes!), and the host would have all the regular Thanksgiving dishes, plus roasted salmon, prime rib, lasagna, and some vegetarian and non-vegetarian Indian curries for good measure, plus 4-5 different desserts.

It would truly be embarrassing and out of the ordinary (relative to their peers) for my parents and their friends to serve the types of meals described here - one protein, one carb, one vegetable, plus cheese and crackers as an appetizer (no shade to this! It’s how I cook!). PP is just explaining the cultural difference.[/quote]

Damn right! Eating delicious food is a universal pleasure. And sharing good food with your loved ones and guests is a joyful and memorable activity.

Frankly, we entertain a lot. Not only Indians, but many non-Indians too.  And it is common for our grown up kids to also invite their Indian-American and non-Indian friends to our parties because of the sheer amount and variety of food available.

But, I have never seen any non-Indian hold themselves back and stick to choosing one carb, one protein and one vegetable from all the choices that I serve.  If eating this way was the normal eating habit, they should restrict themselves to eating that way even when they come to my house, right?    So, the conclusion I draw from this is that EVERYONE - Indians, non-Indians, mainstream Americans - love, Love, LOVE a generous food laden table when they are invited to a party because they enjoy it and they feel special and welcome.

In reality, the problem is not about food, or the number of entrees,  or the cuisine, or the spice level etc.  The problem is that while people enjoy the food and hospitality, they are stressed about reciprocating on the same level.

While one can argue that this stress stems from the  affordability  of food, I suspect that in a rich  area like DMV this is not the main reason.  The reason that people are discussing this on this thread is because they do not want to entertain and that is due to two reasons.

1st - reciprocity is not something that people are taught in this country in the mainstream culture of big cities because it is an individualistic society and people look out for themselves.    People are scared that if they spend money on someone else, it is like they have been made a fool of and the other person will neither reciprocate nor they will they recover the money or effort that they have spent on that person.   This is the biggest reason that people start such weird threads like this one.  Most people don't want to reciprocate when they are called for a party. And because subconsciously they do realize that good manners dictate that  they should reciprocate, they will do mental gymnastics to justify why they don't reciprocate or why serving "simple" fare is normal.

2nd reason is - that domestic work like cleaning the house, cooking food, having a well running home is really looked down upon in this society.  As a result, most people cannot cook and clean efficiently in their daily life.  So, growna$$ men and women don't know how to organize a party, how to clean, cook, and entertain.   People are severely lacking in domestic skills and it is not a part of their daily routine.  So reciprocating becomes a burden because in reality entertaining is never ever effortless. You do have to clean, cook, serve etc.

So, what is the problem?  If people don't want to entertain then they don't have to entertain, right? The problem is that in muilticultural areas of big cities, there are many ethnic, immigrant, minority, non-mainstream groups and their style of entertaining is now very visible and most people are being exposed to it.  The problem is the FOMO as well as the fear that they are failing some type of universal expectation of adulting and social behavior.    As  one of the PPs wrote upthread  - "You’re SO much better than everyone else. :roll:"   This pretty much sums up the feeling of inadequacy that entertaining brings people. [/quote]

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