Lack of independent play is creating mental health crisis among kids today -- and overprotective parenting is to blame

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Most everyone who is replying here realizes that this would be beneficial for their child yet is coming up with excuses as to why they can't or won't do it. Kinda sad, really.

The first step to making this happen here is to drastically reduce screen time. That isn't easy but it then forces their hand. For our children, they will play some inside but there is only so much of that they will do until they go outside to play. Access to screens just short-circuits this dynamic. Also, we make regular visits to some of the bigger playground parks - there are always kids and they love these trips. Our kids are all under 12 and we've been doing this their whole lives so YMMV.

Do you work?

Yes, I do. Spouse works as well and we also own a small business.

What do you do that you don't have any time to take your kids to a playground or let them play outside?

When do you you have time to take kids to the park if you work? Are you part time?

I work full-time. Spouse works 3 10 hour days and the business is some weekends, mostly. The kids play outside after school and we go to a playground a couple or few times a week, some of those being on weekends. We are no screens Sunday evening until Friday evening("movie night") but we've done this since day one. If you are trying to start this from scratch w/ a 7-12 yo, it's going to be harder.

At the end of the day, you have time for that which you give priority to make time for. In addition to sports/EC's we've made this a priority so the time is there.

Right this afternoon, at this very moment, they decided they wanted to rake leaves in the front yard so they'd have a pile to jump in so that's today's spontaneous unstructured play. If there was a screen as an option, that would never happen.

DP. I work full-time (from home 4 out of 5 days a week) from 7:30 to 3:30. I'm available to my kids pretty much every afternoon. The previous PP really can't conceive that working parents can find time to take their kids to the playground?? YIKES!

Can you not conceive that many if not most parents who both work full-time simply don’t have time to get to the playground on a weekday afternoon?

And saying working parents do not have the right priorities is more than a little condescending.

Choices. Smaller, less expensive home. Cheaper car(s). Affordable vacations. Then choose at least one of your jobs so that you don’t work 9-6 five days a week. Yes, you may make less money. That’s OK, because see above.

You’re welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were 7 and 4 I let them walk around the block and some woman brought them home and gave me a lecture about how it wasn't safe because they could get kidnapped. I shouldn't have let this make me skittish but it did.

Four? Oh, come on.

[Anonymous]

I remember once taking my 3 young children to the mall. Some crazy homeless woman started following us, shouting obscenities at my 4 year old who looked at me, confused. We left the perfectly nice playground area to go home, as it was evident that exactly zero consequences would follow this lunatic who was terrorizing children. That was the moment I realized that the shift in society was complete: a vocal minority has managed to sanctify the oppressed/marginalized beyond criticism permanently, so that the vast majority of normal people are now involuntary serfs to the kingdom of whoever is currently craziest. We moved to a very affluent neighborhood with secluded playgrounds and that pretty much solved the issue, the kids play independently and no one is shouting abuse at pedestrians.

[Anonymous]

My 9/year old son just had his first weekend of completely unstructured play. We live in a neighborhood with very few kids, and our son goes to a school outside of our assigned one.

His friend invited him over to play for the afternoon. They spent the whole day riding their bikes around the neighborhood, gathering up other friends from school, doing god knows what, outside all day long. He had so much fun that he went back the next day and did it again.

I have never seen my kid so happy, and so exhausted. I would almost consider moving to that neighborhood but the houses are way too big for our little family of 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9/year old son just had his first weekend of completely unstructured play. We live in a neighborhood with very few kids, and our son goes to a school outside of our assigned one.

His friend invited him over to play for the afternoon. They spent the whole day riding their bikes around the neighborhood, gathering up other friends from school, doing god knows what, outside all day long. He had so much fun that he went back the next day and did it again.

I have never seen my kid so happy, and so exhausted. I would almost consider moving to that neighborhood but the houses are way too big for our little family of 3.

Thats great for your son! I don't think a big house would stop me. Unless of course finances are an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with this - but I think the problem is both overbearing parents AND parents constantly turning to screen time

Parents are turning to screen time because it’s impossible to do the adult life stuff and be your kids playmate. But you can’t just send them out, even though that’s what’s best for them.

It’s all interrelated

That and the fact that all these over-worked, undersupported parents still insist on having 3 kids in close succession. Of course that’s hard!

Three close in succession kids can play together. An only child is probably more likely to want a parent to play with them.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps lack of independent play goes hand in hand with a crazy mother who's bringing a blender to Thanksgiving to make special protein pancakes for her child..... I don't think my mom ever ask me once what I ate at Thanksgiving. I sat at the kids table with my cousins and we messed around. Ate some turkey and colored on the paper tablecloth. Then we got up and played outside for 2 hours. My mom certainly wasn't following me around making blender pancakes and offering me pumpkin bread because I didn't like Grandma's mashed potatoes.

[Anonymous]

My kids spend hours playing with dolls and rocket launchers, and riding bikes in the backyard. Hope that counts because I will admit that I'm too afraid to let them roam the neighborhood independently like I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids spend hours playing with dolls and rocket launchers, and riding bikes in the backyard. Hope that counts because I will admit that I'm too afraid to let them roam the neighborhood independently like I did.

I don't think it's about roaming the neighborhood so much as independent play. My kids hate going outside in the summer unless it's to the pool, and I don't blame them. They just play in the basement by themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps lack of independent play goes hand in hand with a crazy mother who's bringing a blender to Thanksgiving to make special protein pancakes for her child..... I don't think my mom ever ask me once what I ate at Thanksgiving. I sat at the kids table with my cousins and we messed around. Ate some turkey and colored on the paper tablecloth. Then we got up and played outside for 2 hours. My mom certainly wasn't following me around making blender pancakes and offering me pumpkin bread because I didn't like Grandma's mashed potatoes.

To be fair, if your kid has an allergy or is low-weight or has food issues then you have to bring your own food. It sucks, but its either that or we dont go because my family wont use butter or milk substitutes for anything. And I tried trusting them before and they said oh yeah, we just used a little- that wont matter right? Because they have your mentality, which is self-centered and based on their own experiences but its okay because not everyone has to GET everything in order for others to exist.
I also plan on a playground trip for 30-45 minutes on the way so that he has that cup filled for the 2-4 hours of prepping the table, eating, clearing the table, prepping dessert and if we are lucky, a walk in between the main and dessert courses. I wish he could play but the cousins are glued to their devices and there are no other kids. Again, I dont have to GET why my stepsister allows her kids to bring devices to family events but thats what they do, so I learned to not count on play for my child while at family events.
Times are different, how parents adapt changes as well. I also had an idyllic experience with holidays and lots of cousins.

[Anonymous]

The problem is

- social media + phones = toxic. Especially for children.

[Anonymous]

Parents are afraid to give their kids/teens freedom. I'm sure it has alot to do with safety, but its also "well meaning," people who will say crap if kids are aloud out. I see this all the time with kids and teens. Especially teens, ppl will complain that they're on devices, holed up in their rooms too much, but when they try to socialize with friends, outside in person, everyone automatically assumes they're trouble makers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Most everyone who is replying here realizes that this would be beneficial for their child yet is coming up with excuses as to why they can't or won't do it. Kinda sad, really.

The first step to making this happen here is to drastically reduce screen time. That isn't easy but it then forces their hand. For our children, they will play some inside but there is only so much of that they will do until they go outside to play. Access to screens just short-circuits this dynamic. Also, we make regular visits to some of the bigger playground parks - there are always kids and they love these trips. Our kids are all under 12 and we've been doing this their whole lives so YMMV.

Do you work?

Yes, I do. Spouse works as well and we also own a small business.

What do you do that you don't have any time to take your kids to a playground or let them play outside?

When do you you have time to take kids to the park if you work? Are you part time?

I work full-time. Spouse works 3 10 hour days and the business is some weekends, mostly. The kids play outside after school and we go to a playground a couple or few times a week, some of those being on weekends. We are no screens Sunday evening until Friday evening("movie night") but we've done this since day one. If you are trying to start this from scratch w/ a 7-12 yo, it's going to be harder.

At the end of the day, you have time for that which you give priority to make time for. In addition to sports/EC's we've made this a priority so the time is there.

Right this afternoon, at this very moment, they decided they wanted to rake leaves in the front yard so they'd have a pile to jump in so that's today's spontaneous unstructured play. If there was a screen as an option, that would never happen.

DP. I work full-time (from home 4 out of 5 days a week) from 7:30 to 3:30. I'm available to my kids pretty much every afternoon. The previous PP really can't conceive that working parents can find time to take their kids to the playground?? YIKES!

Can you not conceive that many if not most parents who both work full-time simply don’t have time to get to the playground on a weekday afternoon?

And saying working parents do not have the right priorities is more than a little condescending.

Choices. Smaller, less expensive home. Cheaper car(s). Affordable vacations. Then choose at least one of your jobs so that you don’t work 9-6 five days a week. Yes, you may make less money. That’s OK, because see above.

You’re welcome.

All the things you mentioned are not at all consistent with leveling-up. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents are afraid to give their kids/teens freedom. I'm sure it has alot to do with safety, but its also "well meaning," people who will say crap if kids are aloud out. I see this all the time with kids and teens. Especially teens, ppl will complain that they're on devices, holed up in their rooms too much, but when they try to socialize with friends, outside in person, everyone automatically assumes they're trouble makers

And yet, parents give their kids virtually unlimited "freedom" to wander anywhere on the internet. The internet is NOT the kind of freedom teens need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are afraid to give their kids/teens freedom. I'm sure it has alot to do with safety, but its also "well meaning," people who will say crap if kids are aloud out. I see this all the time with kids and teens. Especially teens, ppl will complain that they're on devices, holed up in their rooms too much, but when they try to socialize with friends, outside in person, everyone automatically assumes they're trouble makers

And yet, parents give their kids virtually unlimited "freedom" to wander anywhere on the internet. The internet is NOT the kind of freedom teens need.

I agree with you, absolutely not. I was just speaking to why kids don't have as much physical freedom anymore.