toxic rumor child wants to leave

[Anonymous]

I went to a college where, to my devastation, about half a dozen of my bullies also went. It was hardcore bullying, from 1st through 12th grades. From emotional, to physical. Teachers and admin and parents were involved, kids got suspended, my parents hired a lawyer, it was hardcore.

And when I walked into a class and saw 4 kids who'd tortured me, my heart sank. I booked it out of there the second we were excused, and ran to call my mom. She told me college is big (I wasn't at a big school, but college is always bigger than high school) and I needed to make friends with other kids and let them see what a great person I was. I still got teased by those four and they said horrible things about me to everyone in that class. But I seemed .. perfectly nice. Because I was. So the other kids didn't really put a lot of stock into what my bullies said. One of them was especially vicious one day, and so as he went to sit down I kicked his chair out from under him, letting him fall hard to the floor - something he'd done to me countless times. He shut up after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a college where, to my devastation, about half a dozen of my bullies also went. It was hardcore bullying, from 1st through 12th grades. From emotional, to physical. Teachers and admin and parents were involved, kids got suspended, my parents hired a lawyer, it was hardcore.

And when I walked into a class and saw 4 kids who'd tortured me, my heart sank. I booked it out of there the second we were excused, and ran to call my mom. She told me college is big (I wasn't at a big school, but college is always bigger than high school) and I needed to make friends with other kids and let them see what a great person I was. I still got teased by those four and they said horrible things about me to everyone in that class. But I seemed .. perfectly nice. Because I was. So the other kids didn't really put a lot of stock into what my bullies said. One of them was especially vicious one day, and so as he went to sit down I kicked his chair out from under him, letting him fall hard to the floor - something he'd done to me countless times. He shut up after that.

Moral of your story is to resort to bullying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how did your DS find out that the rumor had followed him to campus?

It is a pretty small campus and people have told him and are avoiding him because of it.

OP you are going to have to provide a couple more details. What is the nature of the rumor, and what is so awful about it that people are actively avoiding him? You are leaving open some pretty big questions here.

And why is this person still pursuing the rumor? Is this person the alleged victim? Was there ever any adjudication? Can you just give us a little more to go on here?

[Anonymous]

It seems like most posters just want you to spill the tea about the rumor....

OP, I was subject to rumors in college that still bothers me to this day. I've talked to a therapist about it and recommend that for your son. It's great he's talking to you about it. My parents never knew. I kept most if it inside.

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP I'm sorry. My friend's kid had some mental health issues in high school and took some time at the hospital to get better. He wasn't violent or anything, just needed help. Well, the rumors started that he tried to kill himself. Which then became he tried to kill his family and then himself. It was awful. They thought he would get a break when he went away to college. Nope, by the powers of social media, friends of friends were told and the whispers started all over again. That nearly led to his suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like most posters just want you to spill the tea about the rumor....

OP, I was subject to rumors in college that still bothers me to this day. I've talked to a therapist about it and recommend that for your son. It's great he's talking to you about it. My parents never knew. I kept most if it inside.

It's just hard to know what to advise without having more info about the rumor itself. If the rumor is that OP's kid cheated on tests, that seems like one that's easy to get around. Cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend - just, be a decent person, that one should be over fast. Raped someone while she was passed out - that one is harder to get past, and might need a different sort of approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like most posters just want you to spill the tea about the rumor....

OP, I was subject to rumors in college that still bothers me to this day. I've talked to a therapist about it and recommend that for your son. It's great he's talking to you about it. My parents never knew. I kept most if it inside.

It's just hard to know what to advise without having more info about the rumor itself. If the rumor is that OP's kid cheated on tests, that seems like one that's easy to get around. Cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend - just, be a decent person, that one should be over fast. Raped someone while she was passed out - that one is harder to get past, and might need a different sort of approach.

Neither of those would lead to him being a pariah in college. Seems like the accusation has to do with some form of violence, either carried out or planned. If he is being shunned by both males and females, it could be sexual assault or planned a school shooting. College age men are not going to care that you shat your pants once or got caught fapping in class. In fact, they’d think that was hilarious. But, they are going to steer clear of someone they have been told is a danger to others.

[Anonymous]

OP please ignore the trolls

So sorry he is going through this.

Support is key.

I am hoping he is at a large school and a counselor can help. UGH kids are so mean.

[Anonymous]

College lfe is too short. If he can transfer, transfer. Pick a school far away. Is there an app where you can check if college admitted other students from his high school?

[Anonymous]

This is a big city but a small town, OP. If you are from the DMV and the rumor is so egregious then chances are someone here will recognize it and use it further against your son/family.

My advice is to ask that this thread be removed.

Then bring your son home for a gap year. Have him attend community college while he regroups and applies to different schools. Also the advice from a PP is a good one. Have him erase his entire SM presence and not post.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a big city but a small town, OP. If you are from the DMV and the rumor is so egregious then chances are someone here will recognize it and use it further against your son/family.

My advice is to ask that this thread be removed.

Then bring your son home for a gap year. Have him attend community college while he regroups and applies to different schools. Also the advice from a PP is a good one. Have him erase his entire SM presence and not post.

Good luck and best wishes.

+1

[Anonymous]

Have to say my gut tells me to just stay there and rise above. If he ends up leaving college because of it, that just makes the situation worse in the rumor mill. People will forget but he just has to forge ahead and be the good guy that he is and then no one will remember the scuttle butt from the first few weeks of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to say my gut tells me to just stay there and rise above. If he ends up leaving college because of it, that just makes the situation worse in the rumor mill. People will forget but he just has to forge ahead and be the good guy that he is and then no one will remember the scuttle butt from the first few weeks of college.

+1

Don’t let the terrorists win OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a big city but a small town, OP. If you are from the DMV and the rumor is so egregious then chances are someone here will recognize it and use it further against your son/family.

My advice is to ask that this thread be removed.

Then bring your son home for a gap year. Have him attend community college while he regroups and applies to different schools. Also the advice from a PP is a good one. Have him erase his entire SM presence and not post.

Good luck and best wishes.

OMG. OP hasn't even said WHAT the rumor was. Why on earth should she ask the thread to be removed when a bunch of trolls are making assumptions about what her kid did.

What OP SHOULD have done was asked this EXACT same question about her daughter and see how completely different the replies would be.

No wonder OP's son feels that his life is ruined - if ADULTS on this forum are trying to make a stranger's kid's life hell, imagine what his fellow students are doing to him?

I hope your son works things out, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a big city but a small town, OP. If you are from the DMV and the rumor is so egregious then chances are someone here will recognize it and use it further against your son/family.

My advice is to ask that this thread be removed.

Then bring your son home for a gap year. Have him attend community college while he regroups and applies to different schools. Also the advice from a PP is a good one. Have him erase his entire SM presence and not post.

Good luck and best wishes.

OMG. OP hasn't even said WHAT the rumor was. Why on earth should she ask the thread to be removed when a bunch of trolls are making assumptions about what her kid did.

What OP SHOULD have done was asked this EXACT same question about her daughter and see how completely different the replies would be.

No wonder OP's son feels that his life is ruined - if ADULTS on this forum are trying to make a stranger's kid's life hell, imagine what his fellow students are doing to him?

I hope your son works things out, OP.

I actually agree with the PP because personally there was a similar issue with a friends daughter that even if vaguely described pretty much everyone at the school would know it was her. People are mean and like to perpetuate drama. Especially on this board.